CPTSD: Breaking The Toxic Shame/Procrastination Cycle With Self-Compassion

Once again, Heidi sees right through me...

You're an amazing lady Heidi thankyou so much love from Australia 💝🙏🏻🦘🪃

I’m finally going to watch this video. I’ve been putting it off for awhile now

A great video! Thank you.

Dear Heidi! Thank you so much for this video and your channel! It truly helps in healing ❤

great again Heidi x

Its even worse when you have no friends at all and your family doesnt understand your situation

Spiritual everyone chooses their life challenges to grow then to learn how to help others. Taking responsibility for yourself helps a person to learn to move forward.

Knowing that you aren't responsible for the actions of others, they choose their own actions and emotions.

You are in charge of you. If there is a pattern, look into why.

I had advanced CPTSD. I was never maladaptive. I was never procrastinating.

I needed comfort, fo which I wasn't problematic for others.
I am sure I was intense in my discomfort.


My family worked like a level 2 sociopath as that was the kind of guy I started dating when I did.

Sociopaths have a tear in their aetheral body, which separates their soul from their body as a protective mechanism.

My dad was a monster to me and his family cause his soul to rip off of his blood, which I found is what happened to me. He was not a sociopath. He did have brain damage.

Chinese medicine shows this within the medicines of Dragon Bone, oyster shell, and the grounding of the mineral hematite that the soul can rip off of the blood.

I desired comfort of love and only through love. I did think that everything was my fault, but that only caused me to work on improving myself because I took responsible for myself.

My health crashed from organ systems failing, as my adrenal gland were also off. I pushed everything into exercise.

When my health continued to fail, I dove into psychology and medicine as I didn't desire to have relationship and health issues.

Rholiola, Gotu Kola, and Siberian Ginseng helped individually to regulate my adrenal glands.

Sociopaths aren't good at providing love and comfort.
Being maladaptive doesn't help fix the issues. I asked for a lot of help.

Now I am happy to be able to give back to others.

This doesn’t factor in CONTEXT tho. And that’s why CBT isn’t working for me this time around. The search continues….

Examples of what healthy looks like is so helpful. I don't have a healthy personal framework to pull from. Thank you.

I find that society, and certain communities prioritize the “push through it” approach so that people with cptsd who may need that extra comfort to regulate just get told to “try harder” or they get tough love rather than comfort which often deepens the toxic shame. It’s so crucial to find safe people when you have cptsd but also so difficult!

this is a really good video , i maladaptive daydream since like 11 😞

Thank you for producing content in which you share such tremendous insights. You clearly know well the significant impact that validation and, at minimum, FEELING understood, connected and safe can have, which your channel exemplifies vastly, and I don't intend to contend with in the following statements, but rather will ultimately (hopefully) garner constructive feedback, or prompt some productive discussion in response to. So, regarding the topics highlighted herein, I "feel" that throughout my life I've lent substantial amounts and expressions of compassion to others, as well as myself. Most of my issues at this point, I feel, stem from how disproportionately I've extended support, care, concern, consideration and compassion to "others," namely so-called "friends" and "family" often attempted to be initiated via genuinely innocent inquiries in the interest of furnishing better understanding to facilitate a deeper connection, only to primarily be met with apathy, cruelty, caustic criticisms, being ignored entirely and/or unwarranted punishments, if not senseless acts of violence across the full spectrum of potential abuses in response. Not to toot my own horn, I've made ample mistakes but rarely have I failed to own, declare them to relevant parties and promptly apologize. Long story short, I'm writing to seek advice on how to cope with and proceed in a world where problems, shame, failures and shortcomings aren't recognized as inherent to our shared 'sentient' existence or perpetuated by the self, but are blatantly broadcast, enamored and rewarded abroad for any and every meager gain, by the warped social structures and value systems accepted and glorified by the majority surrounding you . . . which you oppose and in doing so ostracize yourself from? How in that reality can one escape the condition of 'anomie' or its "theoretically" inevitable fate? What exercise or mantra will alleviate the immense loneliness of seeking substance, instead of just substances, or striving for purpose, progress or depth in 'sees' that grow more and more shallow?

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This is great, but I have concerns. I'm a man, and from a working class background, and external resources and support are not a thing that I feel I should be seeking at all. My uncle was imprisoned in solitary confinement, he's tough as nails. My relatives were drafted in their home countries, you know why? Because WAR can break out at any moment. Even here in the comfortable west, we are not exactly stable. At what point do I justify reaching for support? Oh, I self-medicate. And I secretly take depression meds given by docs who don't know me. But I don't live on a planet where I can open up and share. Frankly that idea is ridiculous. My only other option is premature death, etc., but if anyone has a better idea, let's hear it. I'm down with self-support but I can't let it get me too soft. As for opening up and sharing, this is very unrealistic to me. Am I to be able to enjoy hugs while simultaneously being prepared to protect the home during break in? Sure. Let's say yes. But we all know that the hug will be diluted. Actually am I the only guy here under this video? Anyway, I love your invitation to try this and that, but it's extremely unrealistic for me. 👍 premature death it is then. Hey, it's worked for millennia. And to you who wants to say that change is possible, I reply with "I disagree, since the evidence shows otherwise. Pie in the sky."

Thanks!

You are a ray on sunshine

Thank you for this video. I appreciate it very much.

I have complex trauma. I have a core belief of being broken, so to counter balance this I perceive the world as broken - well, people in the world. But then I realized this gave way to permissive passive aggressive behavior. This led me to realize the pent up negative emotions trying to escape, so I started EMDR. I'm still very new to the process, but I have positive results. To balance out passive aggressive behavior I use empathy. Now I realize empathy is really all I need to cope. This life is difficult, for me, for you, and to be honest there are unfortunately people in worse conditions than myself. This empathy is a very useful coping mechanism. So if you are among those of us that experience great harm and suffering, or even just mental anguish please know that if I can do it, then so can you. But YOU have to be the one to get up, and get help. May the force be with you.

This was so so so helpful and impactful for me, thank you!!

Thank you so much

Thank you for this video Heidi, it's been a very difficult time for me to the point of feeling like I couldn't do this anymore.
Having a visual representation of my unknown functionning was a relief, I felt that I wasn't crazy.

Even though it will be hard, I will try my best.

My god, Heidi, get out of my head!!

This is me. I was diagnosed last year at the age of 53. It was an amazing eye opener when I was told, “nope, you’re not a loser and failure, but a victim of an emotionally abusive father and an emotionally neglectful mother. I was never told I love you, never hugged, never had my hand held, never supported, never asked how I was doing, etc. With therapy and medication, I just hope the rest of my life will be happier.

You are literally saving my life ,

first of all, she's very attractive, second of all wow she explains this so clearly, I feel like I suffered some kind of emotional abuse or neglect growing up because I don't realize that I need to reach out for support.

I don't think I have this but I'm dealing with similar issues and all I want to do is give up. I've never felt like I have it in me to fix anything.

Years ago...A Friend of mine that Channels, suggested a high school yearbook for healing. I would also suggest meditation as well to heal Toxic shame ..... the healing words of goth....

A close friend of mine has been struggling with this his entire life, but he has been unable (or unwilling) to try breaking the cycle again despite being acutely aware of his feelings and the challenges he faces. He's tried to climb up that spiral so many times with and without professional help and felt like he wasn't getting anywhere that somewhere along the way he just gave up. He started isolating more and more every time a relationship stressor came up and faded away from the vast majority of his own support network at this point; he really only continues living because the ones closest to him don't want him to go.

I don't think he's been diagnosed with CPTSD, but I've suspected he's had it for some time. He talks a lot about how there was nowhere he felt safe as a child except when he could lock himself in a closet. Now he has deep intimacy issues and comfort never reaches him--he has to be alone to calm down.

I'm at a loss of how to approach his pain, directly or indirectly, when he does tell me about it. He's so self aware of his feelings and coping mechanisms at this point that he uses them as a joke or redirection tactic, dismissing himself for being ridiculous. Anything he feels comes with immense shame.

I wish I could help him. He's kind, empathetic, smart, analytical, funny, considerate; a wonderful person that deserves more out of life than just slogging through to survive it. I know that he has to want it for himself, but he's said over and over that anything he wishes he had isn't worth the suffering he would have to endure to get it. And a lot of times... I see where he's coming from. He has to work so much harder and for so much longer than I would have to. So I never know what to say that could even begin to nudge him in the right direction.

"Problems become impossible to solve" -oof that hurts 😢❤

Where were you 10 years ago in my life. Dam! Thank you still Need to do work

I am dealing with literally every example you gave plus having to coparent with and pay support to an abusive ex 😭😭😭😭

Thank you its true it sums up what i have been feeling and thinking well worded

Thank you for your thoughtful, kind, and generous description of CPTSD and book recommendation, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker.

Thanks!

this was so helpful, thank you 🥺

Thank you for everything you do ❤

Thank you so much. This gave me such clarity. It is good to know that I am not alone.

Thank you. You gained a new subscriber. You’re changing lives.

yeah, you really have this down. This is 100% what happened to me and how I struggle now. Yes, I first created a secure income (disability), then a safe and secure home, and had the incredible luck to find a great family doctor. I have one family member that I trust, yes, truly only one. Im working on trying to make more friendships but I find it really difficult. Im going back to school, which helps. Yes, the more that I can notice my thoughts, feelings, and deal with them reasonably, the better I feel <3

Whats the military psycholigy of avòiding management expectatio n in cold war of shunk works. Pussies of the constition in such chess games.

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i came upon this video rather accidentally and as someone with CPTSD I'm sorry to say it, but I do not find most of the things helpful. Why is that?

1. Well, there are high-functioning people with CPTSD, peopel who don't drink or smoke or do drugs etc. , who are sporty and slim and take good care of their health etc. and such people DO realise they need comfort and they DO acknowledge that. Problem is, the exact fact of knowing and acknowledging it makes it WORSE in acute situations because it makes it even more clear and obvious for yourself that you ARE completely alone, that you do NOT have a social network or friends to rely on, so this makes it even worse, and it makes the inner stress reaction even worse because everything is even more hopeless knowing no one is there to rely on, and no one is there to help as the world does not care about you.

2. Same goes for relying in trusted people. Well what if their reaction on knowing about your CPTSD is not understanding and helpful but suddenly shunning you and treating you like you are disabled and stupid? I experienced that with a GP, one I was a patient of for 15 years, a man who was friendly, intelligent, senstive, who understood anyone with any problem and who was a great GP for me for many years, always taking me seriously.. I never told him about the CPTSD because I got diagnosed rather late, so when I had been his patient for 14 years already, he got aware of that diagnose. As soon as he heard it? He treated me differently. He took none of any physical symptoms I had serious anymore, looked at me with a pityful face and treated me like he was uncomfortable being around me. It went as far as that I went to him with a torn ligament and he even didn't take that serious and thought it was 'psychological again' - until I insisted on an ultrasound and x-ray and he said totally baffled : ' oh, well, there really IS a tear, I didn't think there was anything.' So no, telling people, even doctors, about it can cause the opposite of help and understandig so the intrinsic message is'keep it to yourself, people will NOT understand, they will even be counterproductive for anything you need or want to do'


3. not having a job as an example. Well, again, a highly functioning CPTSD person might not seem like they need any help to the outside world. You can be highly intelligent, eloquent etc. you might look fantastic in a way that people assume automatically you are from a wealthy and happy 'daddy's spoilt princess'-background, when it's the opposite. And well, if you apply for a job but due to having gone through extreme trauma at home your whole childhood and youth and despite all this you were able to somehow finish school and get a graduation - but a very BAD graduation with bad marks, you just barely made it? And you go and apply for a job then, looking great, being smart and self-confident and then handing in a sh / tty resume with sh /tty marks all over? NO ONE hires you, no one CARES if you had it hard and fought all through that, they just take someone else with better marks and a neat resume - every single time. We do not live in times of people really seeing you and giving you individual chances because they think and see you have potential, you just get sorted out like trash - and that is how you feel when it happens every single time. What you can do is try to somehow get by, with some jobs you can do, being self-employed and working homme office, (it's what I do, as an editor) in any possible way without being subjected to that kind of sorting process because you WILL fail there. Problem is, you do not have a tangible disability. People who have, or have anything 'fancy' these days as a diagnose, they will even have an advantage as companies like to have them in their staff agenda for promotional reasons and because it 'feels so good' to help bla bla. But a high-functioning, highly intelligent, normal looking or even sophisticated looking person with CPTSD? No one wants that, it's nothing you can put out and show people as a company, and employers simply don't know how they would deal with someone who was heavily abused by their own relatives as a child but is still so well- educated, so well spoken, so well-looking, and not looking like a victim. So people like that, like me, with CPTSD? DO NOT GET ANY CHANCES.

And that was just examples of someone who is, luckily still quite well-off, still struggling with many inner issues. But I managed to at least have a constant job, although small, and self-emploeyd and being really good at it, now for 7 years, I did manage to find a great husband, now being married for 18 years, so I speak from a point remembering how it was being totally alone, and getting no help from no one, no doctors, no officials, NO ONE. So, these quite 'simple' solutions here? They are not helpful if the start point is so very different from what you describe.

Thank you for sharing this great and need to know information

This is amazing for someone who just realized all this and has a pete walker book at hand. So good

I have never been diagnosed with C-PTSD, but with social anxiety. Even tho I don't 100% relate to this, I partially understand the amount of stress and strength someone with it struggles.

I've sometimes lost my hope at my worst times, it followed by anxiety and avoiding it throughout videogames. I hate to cry in front of my mom wherever those days occur, even tho she's the one who cares the most of me, I just can't, she's always stressed that I don't feel like adding up with my problems and I prefer to cope with hers instead.
Also, It's been years since I had very intimate friendships.

I struggle so much to understand how my mind works, that's why most of my time I spend it on watching videos of psychology.

For that, I hope whoever reads this, you will overcome it no matter how hard it looks. You've done more than anyone else, you are valuable and I support you deeply.❤

I stumbled on your channel, and on this video. Being 64 years old and looking into this “mirror” I feel both angry as hell and hurt somehow. I have suspicions about my life when I was a baby, a toddler but no one to ask about it. Anyway, I hope I can get myself to find a way out of this hole, put down the weed and learn to trust someone to the extent of saying what I feel to the core rather than just “being ok”, if that makes sense.
Thank you so much for taking what must be an amazingly complex subject and laying it out so we can absorb the ideas.