The Key Ingredient To Fostering Intimacy (That Most Of Us Miss)

I call it "friend grinding". Like "level grinding" but for friends.

If I'm not right for them and they're not right for me. It's time for me to move on find a new group.

I've got an exceptionally well with this. I know thousands of people here and my local area and other places in the world.

Stay fun, playful, be useful and emotionally available.

Most any group will accept you.

Do what makes you feel good.

Do it for educational value.

If you've learned everything you can. Time to move on to a new adventure of helping others while educating yourself.

I hope this information helps :-)

This way you can stay true and authentic to yourself and nobody will hate you for it but you came you gave. You moved on. Generally the door will always be there for you to be open because you are useful and give value without asking anything return.

so many people I know are too into impression management. I feel like that's the most some people will ever be able to do

this is a gold mine. thanks Heidi.

The reason I don’t do this is because most people do t want this kind of communication. It makes the feel unbalanced. People don’t open up.

Feels like I just went to couples therapy by myself. And it makes me feel like I want to share moments and be vulnerable with someone. Which then makes me feel very lonely.
All in all; quite a 🎢

25 minute video... ya maybe intimacy isnt my thing

Heidi, brilliant as usual.
Profound insight at the end about our society. I guess its been good that i don't have Instagram, Twitter, etc. Keep up the good work.

Excellent. Wow. I have 3 sunrooms, but so many tunnels - no one will ever know 😐

Wonderful video. RIGHT ON🎯

Danke!

It's hard to be intimate with a narcissist.

Not me watching despite having no one to be intimate with

I think you hit the nail on the head at the end there. We all have trouble being honest and we're very good at lying to ourselves and others. Of course there are layers to that. Layers of truth, layers of boxes we put ourselves in. There were a few moments when you mentioned a lasting relationship. I think if we're honest, a lot of us are scared, and for good reason, that over the long term compatibility changes. I heard one coach put it something like " the longer the relationship goes the more likely you'll run into even more incompatibility". Even if you were very good at relating at a that relational level together, which most aren't, it doesn't mean one of those incompatibilities won't show up over time and at some point it might even be irreconcilable after deep investment. That is life changing. And for most who are not relating at that level, they build on the foundational lie and then when the incompatibility becomes apparent or a new one shows up, it all crumbles.
it's very dynamic, and there's so much more here. I'm not convinced education would "help" relationships go "better". We might need to reconsider how we do our culture and society and thereby our relationships in light of being more relational.

You are the best at explaining this topic!

Excellent insight! This is really something I learned a lot from:)

I appreciate your insights and intelligence.

Brilliant, simy brilliant. I'm just learning to practice this in the last 7 years, it's a lot of work, but worth it. Where do you find more people like us trying to succeed w this work?

PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE; GOD FORGOT TO GIVE WOMEN A SEX DRIVE.

Being in a relationship is the fastest way to feel lonely.

Good information contained here….thank you🙏🏼.

Not asking questions can come from a negative experience with a caregiver who interrogated instead of encouraged sharing, so allowing someone to share what they want to share can be meant as an act of kindness and a desire to see their genuine self.

This is so good. Thank you Heidi.

You are really a master of emotional intelligence. Thanks for the video.

I hope she makes more videos like this. Like when she mentions how cptsd interferes with personal relationships. I think of my own anxious avoidant attachment disorders with people especially my mother. Who is a constant sense of distress in order to sabotage my set of boundaries, for her own sense of amusement and humiliation. Especially for a scapegoat who has sacrificed years of my life, energy, and finances to someone who is taking advantage. It takes over my sense of self. When she speaks about relationships I feel left out in such a big way for someone else’s enjoyment.

Smart lady ❤

This is by far your best video - more stuff on emotional intimacy would be great

This is the first time I've seen Heidi.

Heidi's definition of Intimacy is an excellent definition IMO. When challenged about my motives 15 years ago I arrived at the same definition, and have found it unsurpassed both as a direction to walk (or avoid) and as a measure of 'where are we right now?'

I'm so grateful to Heidi for having put time and thought into this. It becomes a very strong indication to me that I can trust what she is saying ....

Really great video, thank you for giving a structure to it.

Would be great with a few more practical examples of types of questions or ways of being curious. To help me better put this in to action

@15 minutes in: You are describing almost every date I have been on - where the guy talks non-stop about himself - bragging bragging bragging - or in a multitude of other ways, trying to impress me or trying to consume my mind with his agenda - while not one man - ever - has asked about me - not one man has ever asked anything about my childhood, my teen years, my relatives, my friends, my goals, my hopes, my feelings ... not one ... not ever ... which is why I'm still single. *

So I called a guy I dated - decades ago - we haven't seen or heard from one another in decades - but I called him - I told him he never asked any questions about me - and then we talked for three hours.

Being in a relationship with an autistic person, it's usually only level 1 from him. Not level 2 or level 3.

how did you get so bright about relationships? at home? in school? thru personal experiences? Maybe a combination of any two of those or all three? I like the way you think and express yourself. You're easy to follow.

Thank you! Thank you so much! I needed this, a clearly stated definition of intimacy, something I think I instinctively knew but could not describe and couldnt work towards as a result.

None of this works... women always end up leaving, even when you do open up, be vulnerable, show up and do the work of therapy for years. Too many women are emotionally unavailable themselves.

Great video Heidi! You're literally a life saver ❤

thank you 😊 very helpful 🙏🏻

This is a treasure trove of insights. A book I read recently was equally enriching. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

Utter nonsense.

Be brave to get into a great wide open ❤

I deeply appreciate how powerfully this video resonates with me. I've been very deeply studying compassionate communication techniques with a heightened curiosity in observing myself and others. A fear of spontaneous feelings... yeah, I've had that. I've been afraid of shame, judgment and inversely, self-judgment... been deeper into introspective journaling for a few years now. Since my mother passed away, I've been not only journaling but writing personal poetry about my feelings and the attributing life events.

I've noticed very clearly, a commonality in how we try to connect with impressing others, with some friends struggling to connect with their emotions for fear the emotions themselves could get them in relational trouble. Vulnerability has been a rare sight... I'd never consciously noticed this... I know I've had a difficult life with oddness and eccentricity I'd been conditioned into fearing.

I've since shared many of my personal journals with friends, family and the internet as a whole... and everything... everything I've done and experienced. This released me from a fear of judgment, knowing everyone's perspective is personal... remaining curious and graciously accepting all input.

This entire video's succinct 20 minutes near perfectly encompass my Covid and post-Covid journaling journey... and I thank you for reminding me how valuable this introspection has been. I now feel seen and affirmed. I feel believed in hearing all of this from someone else.

Comfort fosters authenticity and authenticity stems from open honesty and accountability.

Thank you. I am so appreciative for this, Heidi. <3

Thank You.

for many they seek intimacy and affirmation NOT from their mates/ friends but from social media, SM becomes the only relationship they need, but still allow lying to oneself and showing oneself as a "perfection model" SM builds and affirms your narcissism which destroys intimacy.

If a man cries, some women are repulsed by this and will never see him the same ever again. Women want an emotionally stable man because women are emotionally volatile and they need the security of someone who can keep it together when they can't.

Women can't handle the truth like a man can, so men have to withhold information or lie. Even if a woman says she can handle the truth.... she can't. If she asks if the dress makes her look fat and you tell the truth... you are screwed. If she asks if that woman is pretty, prettier, bigger, skinnier, etc... if you answer, you are screwed. You can tell a man the truth and he can deal with it and prefers it. A woman would rather be told a lie, but then she pitches a fit from hell if she catches you in a lie. You can't lie ... sometimes you can't tell the truth.... sometimes it doesn't matter what you say...

Women are emotionally tougher and more resilient than men. If a man feels attacked or threatened concerning emotionally sensitive feelings... that man will put up walls and may not ever let her back in.... because he just learned she is not safe to be vulnerable with. Women can be absolutely vicious toward each other... have a good cry and are more apt to open up again ... at least more so than a man. Women just don't understand men. Men can physically endure suffering and work hard all day when a woman can't, but men are emotionally weaker... as a general rule.

Simple hint, don’t foster, the authorities will use you and abuse you, without regard to the welfare of the child, even though they say differently

I liked the vid,but I need the girl friend first

I think there are more people that are acceptable for intimacy and relational curiosity, but there are too many avoidants out there that are in higher social hierarchy’s that make this stuff unpopular

Most people never get to relational? That’s super sad. No wonder no one ever wants to go further in relationships.