How To Deal With Toxic & Emotionally Abusive Parents | Shaykh Omar Suleiman | Faith IQ

What about physical sexual and phycological abuse and torture? Does your god protect them? No he watches

The thing is, my mom has all the traits of a narcissistic parent and if I were to discuss it with her as my sister has, she would use it against me and gaslight and all the things a narcissistic parent does so I am struggling to be respectful without tolerating her abuse

I cannot believe the pain that is inflicted upon me of abuse mentally and physically. Difficult to explain and everyone just assumes youll have to just put up with it. When it sucks all the life out of me.

Where Can we ask questions ?

I was forced to marry my cousin and couldnt get divorce..my mother called me worth not even the shoes of my husband. She was too afraid of divorce because of what her mother in law will say. So I suffered. My mother said that i will not smell jannah if i get a khulaa. I was forced to stay in a marriage i dont agree with.

Abusive peoole should not get married or have children. People that lack empathy are the worst

Sadly too many Muslim parents dont realize this and use the deen to become dictators to their kids. One additional thing that makes it all the worse is that even though Our prophet teaches us to play a different role at different ages (I cant remember what exactly they were) but one of them is friend at adulthood. Sadly too many Muslim parent treat their 25 year old the same way they would an 11 year old and wonder why they hold resentment against them

It is said that every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child. Of course horrible kids to good parents exist but some people are simply unfit to be parents and the kids deserve better.

For y'all out here, learning and feeling these things still or maybe again, power to you. Here are some resources for you that help with inner peace, the starting place of all walks of life:

1. On children by Kahlil Gibran, because it is beautiful and so are you
2. Adult children of emotionally immature parents by Dr Lindsay Gibson PHD, get knowledgeable to help with that step back
3. The body keeps the score, Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk, learn what happens when you dont deal with it and what you can do about it
4. If you prefer short and sharp words, Dr Alice Miller in the drama of the gifted child (nothing to do with being dramatic or being gifted)
5. Now the work begins for you - the presence process by Michael Brown
6. Yoga, dance, physical sports, anything that moves your body from your bedroom, backyard to school
7. Get financial advice, help and an independent income stream
8. Get a therapist if you need support
9. Step back with healthy boundaries, which may include as needed contact rather than obedience and duty (relationship vs relatedness, super important to learn the difference)

If I think of more, I will add.

Finally, each and every one of you is pure love. This is not your fault, you are not to blame. I love you, and I see you, this will all pass, hang in there. All your thoughts are your own, they don't broadcast and they can't be read, speak loudly there, and speak kindly to yourself. Everything you do matters, so don't discount the steps, small or big. One day, compassion for these abusers will come but don't force it, first you must be safe and willing. Peace to you all.

Parents always think their children are their servants. No matter how much you do for them they are never happy. And the worst thing is they compare b/t siblings according to their wealth and gender.

No child wanna hate his own parent.. But he also has feelings 😢

Everytime the conversations will means nothing because they were not listening.. And the emotional damage become more and more severe.. Eventually the children learns to keep it to himself rather than expressing anything to the parents.. And the parents will say the children are ungrateful and a failure.. Sad story of mine 😔

Pls pray for me cuz my father is abuses me a my sisters and mother he’s a psycho

Coming From someone who actually tried to point out his mom's abuse an hour ago, I'm telling you: it brought even more abuse and denial, I'm still going to try though , it worth multiple trials still.

Please pleaaaaaaaaaaase give your guest the space to finish his idea
Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase

Maybe address manipulative parents.

Pointless video.
Did nothing to help me learn how to deal with it.

I don't even want to be a parent now as I'm scared I could become an emotionally abusive parent. Hope there is a Muslim man for me that is fine not having a kid as many Muslim men want kids 😅🥲

What if they don’t recognize and they think they don’t need counseling or therapy then what ?!!!! It’s just a cycle at this point .

We had no non judgmental aunt or uncles to turn too,one uncle was a molester himself on drugs or alcohol too scared to approach fufu n others were too critical so we suffered silently inside taking all the stress

Oh please, if you're looking for actual help on how to deal with your abusive parents, do not listen to any of this stuff. I myself am going through a very confusing and painful journey of discovery about my childhood abuse, and one of the things that I have already found is that if you feel or believe that your parents somehow abused you, then they probably did, and you are right to follow your suspicions. And chances are, it's a lot worse than you imagined, because the truth is too painful to be fully felt and known.

I am so fed up with these conservative and religious types urging everyone to be the better person, rise above and make nice with their abusive parents. As is pointed out in other comments, it is nearly impossible to get these abusive parents to listen to their kids and admit they did wrong, let alone make an honest apology and change their behaviour. You did not ask to be born, you do not owe your parents anything and you don't have to put up with their toxic bullshit just because they had some sex and brought you here. How about you listen to yourself and your true feelings for once?

My father ignored me for 30 years. I saw him less than 10 times my whole life. Never provide me even with basic needs; education, food, not even a piece of cloth. He abuse me when I was a baby because I was crying non stop. He beat me when I was a little child, because I was asking for food. Emotionally, I was affected. His absence affect my cognitive growth. It took me years to make myself feel ok with not having a father. It took me years to accept that I have nobody to rely on and I have to be fully independent at a very young age. My question is, are these not an emotional abuse? If I choose to ignore my father and continue living my life as I always do (fatherless), is this considered disobedience?

respectfully this is so not useful in the majority of the cases because a parent that has reached the level of abusing their child and thinking there's nothing wrong about their behavior or them doing it for educational purposes is hopeless there obviously isn't any hope for communication to solve this because it's often denied or they end up taking over the whole conversation

my question is are we gonna be punished for not fixing other people's life problems?
my parents expects me to solve their life problems and my brother's issues, stuff like he's not praying, he is being disrespectful to us, your brothers are more like enemies help them love each other, finance problems, marriage problems, parenthood related stuff, their dreams and goals.... am i as a daughter obliged to fix their problems ? like they arent harmful they are asking for my help but i have my own life problems i have my own sins my own short-comes i genuinly cant handle those expectations and responsiblities and i also dont want to fall into عقوق الوالديين or the disobedience of parents, please if someone can help answer my question

I cannot listen to this without crying a waterfall. I'm tired but hopeful for the future when justice will be brought to us (in the hereafter). May Allah grant us sabr and jannah 🥲

I don't understand i don't have anybody to talk to, my problem is that my parents doesn't care about me like if something hapenns and i stopped communicating them they won't even try to fix or ask what's wrong. Instead they doesn't communicate until i start what do i do i can't bear anymore. Yes i have made mistakes and i asked for for forgiveness and I'm guilty about it im not even in peace in my family can someone relate please give me advice!!!

💔💔

My father is an extremely verbally abusive and a narcissistic man to me, my brother and my mum. He talks behind people’s back a lot and curses at everything and everyone. Much of it comes from his awful upbringing and nature of his own parents, regardless of living in Europe for so long, he has not changed his mentality. However he still loves us and buys us everything, is not an alcoholic, a drug addict, or a pervert and prays too. He does not beat me but both my parents sometimes beat my brother. They use his autism to an advantage and a way to to shame and degrade him more. For the last few years, my mum is changed as well and influenced by him. She’s too traditional to walk away from her toxic marriage and deals with all the issues the wrong ways. My mum also is a very cunning and manipulative lady that is very clever with her words and she never listens to me or lets me say my side. Never. If she was wise and strong enough from the beginning she would’ve not let herself and her children suffer in this environment. My mum keeps telling me leave the house and never come back if I don’t like what they are doing to me. Bearing in mind they were the one that forced me to stay and not allow me to move out for university. When my dad swears at her and yells at her, when he’s complaining about how awful his kids are and the fact that my mum is to be blamed, she takes the anger out on us and completely makes the situation worse. The emotional pain and depression sometimes it’s unbearable. I know soul is never burdened with more that it cannot bear- that is what is keeping me alive. Unfortunately I wasn’t blessed with the best grades in school and that is one of the biggest issues in which my parents use to verbally abuse me. I have always tried very hard and prioritised my studies. They compare me to other children so so much who are more academically blessed and ‘better looking than me.’ Calling me ugly, fat, loser, failure, worthless and even telling me to die sometimes. I have my own motives, my own goals and my own achievements in life. I’m not a replication of someone else or want to me. It’s my own life. It hurts so bad when you try your best and yet still not get the result you want. They say that there’s nothing good about me, no grades, no beauty, absolutely nothing. They cry to others about me being a horrible daughter however, nobody sees my tears, my effort and my pain. They humiliate me in front of others and other people loose all their respect for me, which kills me totally, without knowing my side. In the past I have told a few people about my issues which made me loose faith in trust as even after me repeatedly telling them, they told my parents, even after knowing it’ll make matters worse for me. People are so horrible. Sometimes you just need someone to listen and be there for a person, it’s not always thinking your being being considerate, when your not. I try to be as respectful as I can and not argue back but sometimes it completely tears you. Words can hurt so much. Of course I’m not claiming to be perfect and I may have something I’ve done wrong too. I’m also a human being. But some affectionate words would mean so much and a much nicer way of saying rather than screaming, yelling or swearing. In a way they have killed the feeling of care or going above and beyond for my parents. I’ve tried seeking help and contacted the social services twice, however it made matters so so much worse for me. If anything they use this as a tool to us it against me, without trying to understand why I did what I did and my intentions. It wasn’t to punish them or take my anger out on them, only to help the situation and gain professional help. More importantly to help me and my suicidal thoughts. I’ve learnt then the hard way that local authorities and some children don’t speak the same language. When they buy me some things they use it against me too- if anything the value of it completely goes away. With anger and deep sadness I have to admit, my parents don’t deserve children. According to my parents they haven’t done anything wrong and their behaviour is justified as some people have it much worse and my dad still got beaten when he was a child, therefore I should be grateful I don’t. Sometimes it does make me feel guilty for feeling this way as several people are suffering with torture, rape, famine etc. I want to be a mother someday and show my parents that you don’t have to completely shatter someone’s youth to make children disciplined. It can be done with love, patience and care too. Of course parents are allowed to have correct children when they are wrong, but you can do that without verbal abuse. I have applied to far away universities to get some peace but my parents did what whatever they could to make sure that doesn’t happen and threatened to disown me. They even said that if you do apply far, your not seeing our faces again. My brothers only has me to be there for them and I don’t know what they’ll do without me.

Auntie can't help .little boy being emotionally abused becus she has been frozen out of his life by toxic parenting. I would see it and say something ..narcissistic step father .evil.

The truth is, most parents are too filled with pride to admit they are being unreasonable children are forced to love them through the disrespect😢

Both of my parents were extremely abusive towards me and less than 2% of the people I know thought I had a right to be angry about it. I got banned from religious groups cause religious leaders thought I lied about it.

😢😢😢..

Like brother Suleiman said ask the question why do you struggle to respect your parents.

Every obligation in the Quran ur parents are the most obliged to practice.

If I have to go through abuse to be saved from hell then be it. May Allah protect me from hell.

Until the family members seek help there’s nothing to honor nor anything that can be done. Mistreatment doesn’t deserve honor, and honor to me is my time, energy, love and presence.

This all sounds great but the practicability is limited given lack of understanding overall, major personality flaws such are narcissism and inability to LEARN how to communicate normally… because they’ve never done it before and are only used to commanding and not listening

I’m a retired 75 years old. We have two divorced daughters who are abusing us. We want to sit with you and explain our position. Please tell us how to meet you?.

My father is emotionally and mentally abusive and when I try to defend myself or speak back my mother tells me I can't cause Islam tells us to be respectful no matter what they do ....I'm so lost there is no way a religion of peace would let someone abuse me .I never thought I could hate my father but I do and now I feel guilty about it.even if I try to distance myself my mother says it's wrong and that I'm selfish she says she she faced this abuse her whole life and now I should too.

It's a door for reward from Allah, so exercise sabr, verily the reward of patience is unlimited

i don't like this format. this guy is more into presenting himself then letting the shaykh share his thoughts on this important topic, and its quite disrespectful that this guy didn't say salaam aleikum at the end to sh Omar.

This is like a mirror of my childhood, fast forward 15 years in the future and I have no contact with my family and could care less what happens to them.

Quran is pretty clear treat your parents in the best way as they did with you or even don't say uff . How can you love parents who kill there children or leave them in bins.

I played your video in front of my abusive mother- she immediately played a video about losing weight to taunt me.

Impossible with a narcissist parents

Stop cutting him off

Immigrants Ignorants are the biggest problems in the , for the Muslim community.

I took my mother to see a sheikh and she counted all the ways she 'cares'. She said she cooked she cleaned and made me look bad. In fact she is a narcissist and constantly cleans to the point where I haven't finished eating and she will try to take my plate away from me. It's over cleaning to make me look bad

I don't know I feel like I have huge burden on my heart,
I'm really tired I'm really tired
Because it's so tough I don't understand how to deal with it
I'm a normal human being I can be obedient for the whole year while being emotionally abused but one day I scream on my mom and this one day killed me and then she calls me hypocrite saying " always talking about islam and this is her reality I can't even pray namaz I feel like lier a hypocrite I don't know
I just want Allah to take my soul back I can't survive like this

Finally those kind of topics start to coming up. Most of the time old sheiks talking only about how kids must obey, obey and obey their parents. But less they talk about that kids have rights too and most of the parents don't even care about that.