When Does The Breakup Hit The Dumper?

I don’t k ow if I can believe that an avoidant can miss their bond with you. They’re constantly building a bond with someone new

After they try to replace you or experience intimacy with someone they think is better...they always return. Ignore their text or block them. Dont be an option. Be the mistake they never forget.

They cant act proper in a relationship and start getting an attitude

girlies, is it worth it, tho? when the avoidant person is actually "ready" to come back its bc they don't want to process anything; they just want to be in the "fantasy world". and if you take him back after all your suffering and inner work, what does that say about the relationship you are about to (re)build? idk, just a discussion. i agree with the video and everything, i think Chris knows his stuff. just saying, i feel like if we watched this entire video, what we really need to do is to focus on our self worth

I got dumped a little over a week ago out of the blue. Never even went through the phase of noticing something was off. Nor the part where I'm trying to fix the relationship... Why? Because unfortunately, I never noticed a problem. I never treated her wrong and always did my best to treat her with the utmost respect. I guess one could say that I'm in the grieving stage. The day before the breakup, a Saturday, was also the day our parents met for the first time (over brunch). We'd been together for 7 months or so and our parents just so happened to be in town at the same time (were both living away from home for college.) Brunch went well, the day went well, and we all went to dinner with friends and had a good meal and spent quality time together. It was a great day, I took her home around 11pm or so that night, all was well, told her goodnight and gave her a kiss like always and told her I'd see her tomorrow. Fast-forward 12hrs, its 11:30am, she shows up on my doorstep and slaps me with a "I think we should break-up." I was crushed, so flabbergasted. I was like "woah woah slow down, let's go for a walk," I had no idea what had just happened, I was just now experiencing my first ever real break-up. We took that walk, and she basically hit me with an ultimatum. Being that if I didn't lose focus of everything in my life and focus solely on God, that we couldn't continue to be together. She said that I wasn't putting God first. So, let's take a step back, I'm a believer in Christ. I talk to God every day and thank him for where im at as well as ask for direction. I'm a 22-year-old senior in college and wouldn't be where I'm at right now in life without him. However, there may be what some people consider a slight catch. See, I don't feel the need to go to church. I have my own relationship with God, and I love talking about him and sharing his word. I just don't feel the need to go to church. I've met many people outside of church that have a stronger connection than some that are in church. And see, she wants me to go to church Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, go to these crusades, the coffee shop bible study on Tuesdays... just 24/7 God. See, God gave me a vision, a vision where I can provide many many families with affordable housing. Put a roof over many heads with manufactured housing in real estate, and she can't see that. I've tried explaining that to her before, not knowing my relationship was on the line at the time, but I have. But like I said, she slapped me with an ultimatum, and I had to tell her that I was happy with where I was in life and with what I was doing, that I wasn't willing to throw it all away for a relationship. I don't know if this is a textbook break-up. If I'm a terrible person for continuing to pursue my goals. I just don't know. I'm sorry for typing all of this. It probably doesn't even make sense. I just needed to get it out to someone.

What if its your wife that left and hasnt spoken in 3 months

Please do anxious dumpers too - all your content seems to be focused on avoidants. But what about when an avoidant (me) gets dumped by an anxious (him)?

If I am the dumper, what can I do to speed it up?

The accuracy 😂

Sooo they don't come back?! Lol at the end of the video he says the dumper realizes its time to move on

Sounds like my Situation

very true

Just move on

They want to go ??
Open the door for them !!
If that's what they want give it to them !!

Brilliant video. Avoidant dumper here hurting bad 5 months later 😢 she moved on

You know what I will never understand? Is how you can go from talking to someone every single day, hanging out with them 3-4 times a week, them being your best friend, and the best sex both of you has ever had to blocking you. I ended things but I was hoping so some other things would change. He told me do what you have to do. But even as an avoidant how do they just turn off feelings? He was the one that 90% of the time reached out to me, he told me no one's ever cared for him like I do. He has a very rough past and childhood. But I'm over here sick to my stomach, on the verge of doing anything to talk to him and he is just going on with his life. I'm on day 8 of strict no contact, cuz even after he blocked me I reached out on Instagram. 8 days ago I deleted my Instagram cuz it was the only place I wasn't blocked and it was too much temptation. He said he blocked me not to hurt me but bcuz I said I ended things so it's just easier for him to block me. But I don't care what his attachment style how can he go without talking to me? Hanging out? Having incredible sex? How does a person just turn those feelings off? I wish I knew how so maybe I could do it. It makes me feel like everything he ever told me was a lie. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach and I can't get my breath back 😢

2.5 years later and I just realized. I’m heartbroken

What if your an anxious personality as the dumper?

I wonder does it ever, i had a gf of 4 years , she broke up with me, i went nc, maybe 6 months later i found out she had cheated and then dated that guy fully, i was in a club a month later and by chance met her and her guy , she looked amazing, happy, really nice vibe etc , i kept to myself and let them alone, but i saw she was happy and that was that, i never heard from her again, it didnt look like to me she was going to grieve me at all, which today is fine, years back my ego wudnt be happy lol

just get on with your life you really don't know to worry about them.

well I can say this if someone walk away from me for whatever the reason I will not have them back.

just let them go and don't worry about how they are feeling. If they have left you for someone else

you can fix the problem if you are not willing to talk about it.

ive always been a dumper, but i feel like being dumped. the grief always hits me immediately. i never had a nice feeling for dumping people. i cried when i decided to dump them. and i immediately force myself to process every subtle feeling after the breakup, analyze what the true causes were, and see it for what it is.

will this work if i ws toxic to him(it ws unintentionally and mostly cause i grew up in toxic household)

Is 3 months of for an anxious dumper alot or a fast grief?

Never

My ex gf came back after weeks of NC and tried to friendzone me. i guess that's her way of moving on because she's "friends" with most of her exes. (they don't talk anymore) i saw a pattern and i rejected the offer and i'm back on NC to heal. Fingers crossed NC does hit her eventually. She has a strong ego and independance.

I’m glad I reached the acceptance stage, and have moved on from the ex- beau and now focus on my husband. It is worth it. Thank God.

This happened with my ex and actually got her back in the acceptance stage married her now 10 years later going through it again im an axious pretty sure she an avoidance...first breakup it was about 3 months before she started coming back but I was already dating somone kinda so said no then she came back again and eventually I took her back after she stopped trying lol

I am the anxious who got dumped, and this video make me see the pov of my avoidant ex.

I wish I had seen this before, this is exactly what happened with my ex husband and me, I accepted him back after he left me with his avoidant attitude, he came back alone, I didn´t ask him to do so... Now he left again saying he was wrong to think we had hope, and I didn´t even do anything wrong, we didn´t even try to make it work. He came back just to say he was leaving again. I´m crushed, searching for videos to try and understand his behaviour. Now I understand it much better. I also realize he´s not worth my tears or my heart, but I will let all my emotions come out until I´m dried out and I can start picking up myself again. Thanks for sharing this <3
I now know I will never take him back (again).

When you stop give a f*** and do you!! . Why wouldhe randomly pop up when im moving on? It angers me. I have thrown the teddy bears we shared together i have out grown them , Im starting to do What I LOVE and Focus on me. We did a lot in 6 Months Even tho it was short We Shared Tons Of Memories Good And Bad.. It was real love. The way he left was so messed up I don’t want to relieve it and I don’t think he cares how he left me because he never came back or he’s waiting but idc how he left was so triggering to the point it’s worse than being slapped by my mom when I was younger. I thought he died in his branch. I texted his mom everyday. It was all over his military Facebook page that 7 people died. They didn’t show any pictures or names which made it worse for my anxiety and I thought it must’ve happened because he hasn’t been texting me back. He said he would call every Sunday and he didn’t. He just left I sent him letters and texts messages and I heard absolutely nothing after the first letter saying he would hug and kiss me when he got back and he knew New Years was my favorite holiday and he said we would cuddle and watch tv ever since nothing I even texted his dad I almost texted his sister this was after a week and 1/2 his Mom finally reached out on a Friday and told me she’s so sorry that he has not reached out and that he is okay my heart dropped because I knew then that he didn’t care about me. Because the amount of letters I sent I sent 4. I was devastated he wanted a picture of me I sent that too it was a good one of me in the Bahamas that he claims he through away which I doubt. Highly. She said if I had anything to give him that she would send it to him. But I said it’s okay I have a necklace for him because he really likes necklaces and a picture of me and a letter with perfume on it this was my 5th letter. By then I was tired. After he got out of basic he was so mean and cold hearted to me. He told me that he couldn’t walk and talk I congratulated him and I posted on my story I’m tired of people disrespecting me because people at work was mistreating me and my friends my mom and him. I was not having it that day. He literally told me sorry for being a dirt bag for loving my family when I said nothing along the lines of that which hurt me. I said k. He said to me. Don’t take this as me breaking up with you but you’re one of the things that I have to lose while I’m in college. I said k what’s the point then and he blocked me never heard ever since. I get college and relationships is a struggle. But doesn’t mean to just end it all. That’s a stupid mentality. Have that mentality you’d end up alone with no friends. I’m going to start changing my perspective on men in general and not being nice even with my other ex he didn’t have a lot of clothes my grandma and I went out and bought him clothes. I have a GOOD heart and I’m not afraid to show it but I’m going to stop with people who disrespect and treat me like crap and who are overly dramatic and think their issues are better than everyone else’s. 18 30 60 doesn’t matter how young you are it’s inhuman for a human being to act this way doesn’t matter what youre going through. but I’m still smiley and happy sometimes these videos lie IT NEVER HITS THEM the hard truth. ghosting or just not talking out of the blue is just disrespect but this situation theirs certain levels of disrespect that I will absolutely not tolerate he was my first love yea but karma is a bitch. I’m still gonna be happy as I can be.

3 different ways. 1. When he broke up and I didn’t cry or beg him to stay or breakup. I told him I’d leave last weekend. 2. When he got arrested for putting his hands on me. 3. When he came home from jail and saw that EVERYTHING that I bought for him or for the apt was gone. Yep…. I left him almost empty. Plus there’s a no contact order issued by the judge. So I’m sure he didn’t expect ANY of this. Oh well. I’ll never have anything to do with him. I gave him chance after chance and he made his decision and I made mine.

We never had the dyadic phase, he kept any feelings or anything he felt were problems to himself and let them grow and then when he had enough he broke up with me while crying and just started blurting random things out. Apparently as well after the break up, when we came back to talk because 90% of what he said I was just like wtf about, he told me some of the things that made him feel exasperated/unhappy and I take my share of the blame, maybe I wasn't listening hard enough or reading between the lines or looking at myself enough and thinking yeah actually that's a bad habit - but finding out he didn't communicate these things with me and basically was giving me little tests and when I responded in the way he didn't like he'd use that as confirmation of his feeling instead of talking to me. Like offering to pay for half a car with me, he wanted me to say no, I'm paying for everything for the car but I took up the offer because I knew he'd be driving it as well and I thought he was being kind and helpful. Do not offer things if you don't mean it.

Thank you so much coach I needed this video so bad ❤

This helped a ton. Thanks

He keeps having a friend check on me

Too many games people play! And then are able to rationalise in the manner you have specified! ''A new way to sell''! Would love to love and be loved by a genuine person! However, not interested in the games! Prefer to be by myself, if this is how it is to be! Thanks for your advise anyway!

I don't want my ex back, I'm just curious what he'll go through

I don't give a damn and I am the dumper and prefer to be the dumper then somebody to dump me the only thing I'm trying to get over is the disappointment in myself for holding on to God damn long and wasting my time and money that's it nothing more

Better question, what if you were already? Basically living separate lives but living in the home never really saw each other. Never hung out. Never went out. Never did anything together. You were just at one end and they were at another. When is that considered me considered as if you guys broke up a long time ago?

I have a question on this. What if I'm the one who broke up with him because well my situation is I had a hysterectomy and my value in his life was he wasn't dependable. I couldn't even get him to make me a pizza


I mean there was more to it. I've been telling him for months that things wouldn't change. Then we were going to have to go different directions. But basically he got mad at me because I asked him make a pizza and told me that me and my children were holding him down. He wants to do with guys his age do and then he hates me so I broke it off after 6 years of marriage

I'm a guy can I go to your link lol

Step one happened to me.and when she starts calling me by my name instead by babe can tell shes angry

I been in no contact for one month. My ex hasn’t contacted me. I don’t know if no contact works. I’m not sure if he’s coming back.

Lmao I hit this point for 4 seconds.

Then I helped my ex get set up safe on a dating website and helped him learn how to get back int9 the dating scene. Only immature and insecure dumpers get remorse.

All of this dumpers stages is not true.

My ex after a 3 year relationship and me being there for her and being a father figure to her kids and helping her with her home.
Breadcrumb me for a month and half giving false hope and using me like ATM.

Also I want to be honest I made mistakes in the relationship so there.

After 3 weeks of her cutting all communication with me she got into a relationship so no they don't feel anything anymore for the dumpee or go thru the stages they just move on.

This usually happens when they realize that the person they rejected you for isn't perfect. They see their TRUE colors, and 99.9% of the time they don't like the colors they're seeing. Once they realize that the grass isn't greener on the "new" side of the fence (distance, hair-trigger temper, physical confrontation with the new one's ex-, etc), is usually when they start to experience "dumpers remorse" and reality has not only put both feet in the door, it has entered the relationship room and it can't be avoided no matter what they may say, think, do or try to prove to anyone and everyone around them.

All facts