Polyamory and emotional literacy | Kel Walters | TEDxUTA

This talk warms my heart. What an inspiring way to be. I am grateful for the honesty, simplicity and heartfelt description of the compersion experience in polyamorous relationships. Knowing that others are in it with this understanding, as well devoted to emotional intelligence and honesty can create a more likely space for understanding and acceptance in self and others. Taking on others as a part of yourself who you support in their personal growth. I appreciate the emphasis on the importance of being up front with others. This is where the act of living love deepens as a compassionate commitment. It's a more beautiful world when people have options and experience life in ways that bring them alive for feeling vibrant in their being. A powerful giving life expansive talk. It's understandable how much your presence is and remains so valuable Kel Walters in your passing. I wish I had the companionship of a person like you to have helped me see and understand this perspective without feeling it as a secretive game, something shameful, 'wrong', 'less than', 'not enough' or 'too much'. Just to feel the freedom in being seen, heard, presencing with acceptance, truly appreciating one another, while growing in contentment, joy and personal satisfaction. Thank You to those who contribute on this level to see one another with growing joy and compassion

I was with a woman who wanted to explore polyamory and i found the idea interesting, so i started seeing 2 women at the same time from the start, both of them knowing about the other. I've always had the intention of them meeting each other and potentially more than that. In no time she got jealous and told me she changed her mind and wanted to go more exclusive and saw me as a serious option for building a future together. We've talked more about it and it seemed she said things like "i know a few people who are polyamorous and none of them are where they want to be", so i thought she actually changed her mind. 4 month later she asked me what i thought about her having "relations" with two other people she met on a trip, without me getting involved. This time i got hurt and confused about the double standard/one way street and got tf out. We talked some more after breaking up and she wasn't consistent in what she said about her feelings towards others. At first it was 1 person she was attracted to, the second time it was two and the third time it was the two and a bunch more. I think she already did stuff since when i asked she bend her head when she said no and i think she had replaced me before it was over. Wouldn't surprise me if she had one of her "true loves" come over shortly after i pulled the plug.
That's my expience with polyamory in practice.

I see it as a way of making sure you get the the attention you so desperatly need, a way of creating an appearance of connection without true connection, a way of creating escapes to avoid pain while putting the risk of pain you don't want to experience onto others and of course creating a casino like constuction (the house always wins) of "love" to spread and lower your chances of ending up alone. Most of all i think it's more about lust than love, because love doesn't inherently require s*x. It's not for me, but hey, whatever floats your boat.....

monogamy works for some and not for others,

So Simple and so powerful <3 As my wife and i start down this journey, i'm glad that this was shared. It has shown me my own emotional literacy, and now i have a term for what i am building and dealing with.

Polyamory is wrong... you should not mix Latin and Greek roots. It's either polyphilia or multiamory

I was put onto a great new book called Polysecure. It's helped me so much

She had me until she said everything is okay,, that’s just not it

Emotional Damage!

Had to watch twice because I kept checking out the Formula SAE car on the stage. That thing is SWEET!

Very well done. 👏

give me stats on how many poly men are sharing multiple women vs poly women sharing multiple men and how many have kids??? just curious like you are curious about exploring every way that you can have orgasm except the one that you all forget which is giving yourself and your heart to the ONE you have chosen and receiving theirs in return -- you might want to try that

"Polyamory"? LOL! Yeah, right... excuse my cynicism but it just looks to me like yet another excuse to sleep with multiple partners.

How much you wanna bet her folks didnt have a happy relationship? In fact, I'd be surprised if her daddy was even around

Infantile narcissism wants to control mama. If someones' first move is to assure monogamy in a relationship, it is a parasite/host relationship that they are looking for, not a partner.

6 and 1/3rd years on, this talk is instructive, inspirational, and interesting.

helpful. thanks!

This was short and to the point but surprisingly actually very well thought and very powerful!

I agree - it is a bit ridiculous to feel you'll only ever love one person. Does that always make you poly? No, it doesn't. Your actions define commitment. Relationships are about emotional investment. The issues I see with poly is stability and financial resources. If we cannot provide adequate amounts of emotional resources to even ourselves, how can we bring more people to spread our resources thin?

Monogamous relationships facilitate security if you plan on having a family. That is the sole purpose, unless we live in tribes / small communities then this structure works best. If you don't plan on having children, poly would seemingly work much better. The main argument here is actually self awareness and emotional healing/well-being. It doesn't matter what style of relationship you're in - a vast majority of us don't have the emotional tools or motivation to actively heal our own negative patterns, let alone facilitate multiple relationships AND have financial resources to take care of a large family unit.

Studies have shown that serial monogamy is the most common human relationship pattern style. I could have said the same thing at a young age about being poly before I knew what emotional investment and commitment meant in a relationship. It is pretty presumtuous and believe that the reasons people cheat or have unsuccessful monogamous relationships is because you're always poly. There is a lot more at work, we tend to project our subconscious patterns onto others and make a big mess of it. Both styles are natural and normal, but I don't agree that being poly is "more ethical" in any way.

Hypothetically I can agree with how polyamory works, especially when people have separate partners and choose not to enmesh into triangulated situations. I am sure poly has existed much longer, but it feels like a new age cop out. There are plenty of people that exist who could facilitate relationships like this well, but definitely not the vast majority of people claiming to be poly. That is where it erks me.

Monogamous or not, the intergenerational trauma and childhood wounds are still present. If you have a lack of self awareness you will emotionally harm yourself and others in the process, even if you are honest. It takes more to be a healthy partner of any type. If you want to sleep with multiple people, be in an open relationship. Don't claim you have the tools to satisfy the emotional needs of many if you don't have the ability to do so.

LOL my my my. Lived it folks it is not worth the trouble. You want your drama 24/7? Go for it. You want STDs, go for it. You want a pissed off dude you dont even know breaking your windows in the middle of the night. go for it. Get into swinging it something you do together

sources: just trust me bro.

Bullsh**. I feel so disgusted.

I have come to realise, being friends with many polyamorous people, that some people do not seek or are incapable (pls don’t get mad) of emotional depth and these people fare far better in polyamorous relationships. Other people are better suited to mutualist relationships of deep healing and partnership and that is best served by a monogamous relationships. All depends on the individual. Of course, if you’re the latter, do not get into a relationship with the former and vice versa. We’re all different and need different things to feel fulfilled. The poly people I know have a different criteria for who they regard as friends or partners as myself. I think their criteria is shallow, they think my criteria is too emo and unrealistic. Lol.

We need to support polyamourous and non monogamous relationships rights. If not your plain polyphobic and non monogphobic.

Thank you. 💖🙏🏽

Some people just wanna see the world burn.

She wanted to be in a polyamory relationship, but I couldn't be. Wtf..

I want to bring some new things into our marriage. There has been infidelities. I know what we need but she is not with sharing. I'd like a female and she can have a male. We need to break tradition and allow our family to break away from the old. I love her enough to try new. I would accept no and never step out. I also know that bringing in a open minded roommate could allow for some more income and fun. When I met her I had three other women. I do love my wife and will make the necessary changes to keep her happy. Just saying.

Love is a verb rather than a noun. Love is something that an individual does and not something that an individual has.

The problem with using the term "positive feedback" is that in a physical/engineering sense positive feedback tends to oscillate out of control.

Good, but too short

I accidentally fell down a polyamory hole

I wonder how many are now still trying to defend sharing their body, mind, money, 24 hrs in a day, emotions and fluids with multiple people after covid. The most messed up people I've ever met were all poly. It's the most emotionally stunted & privileged mindset I've ever encountered.

All women who support this looks like her

"same time" breaks the fundamental laws of physics

I wish I had watched this video years ago. RIPower Kel. I just found out she passed and I am sad. Emotional literacy is so important. Kel was only 20 years old. A bright star whose light was obscured way too soon.

I have been a supporter of polyamory for a long time but always thought it wasn't for us. Almost 12 years into our marriage we discovered that it was indeed for us. It has been very fulfilling and I'd say has actually brought us closer

I’m monogamous but I’m really glad I’ve started to try and make an effort at understanding polyamory. The friend example was a great one in the vid!

polyamory is very good at creating very fake emotional literacy. To this day I personally haven't found a single example to prove me wrong and I'm looking quite a bit, yet all I see is a ton of people basically talking themselves into something they clearly don't fully enjoy or appreciate, but the allure of this wannabe sophisticated and different or more "emotionally literate" seems to be a powerful enough motivation and force to keep these people at it until it can't work anymore. Listen to the people in such relationships and you'll notice mostly what they talk about is their feelings of jealosy so you spend ages talking about it when the reality is quite brutally clear, no one is really fine with their partner going "open" and there are a ton of people who will disgree sure, but it is a test of time and some times like they say "you're so open-minded you're brains falls out" so I fear that this love for openmindedness actually blinds people to the actual reality and with it their actual feelings, but sure... lecture us on emotional literacy when all you might really need is a change of partner..

There is no end to human stupidity...

Does not work. Never will.

Lol why is it always women or gays who are vehemently pro polyamory? I wonder.

You have to the ability to be in love with many people, I for one perfer to cultivate and create an intimate relationship with one person. Do you know how much effort it is to be in a relationship? I dont the energy nor the time for more than one intimate relationship.

Only on this channel only.

Give 30m likes.

I wonder if she was murdered by one of her jealous partners? Makes you wonder...

The way she described the poliamory group sounded cultish.

To compare friendship with an intimate relationship is like comparing Pudding with a Salty Soup. 🤣

Sure the more I give love, I have more... But more than three partners and I justs can't keep up with how much I want to be with everyone. So infinite love doesn't mean infinite partners XP

Jaiï Bless

Right. Having tried polyamory.. I can tell you point blank it is about emotional selfishness and lack of self-awareness.