The Trauma of Infidelity Will Make You Do What You Never Thought You Would Do

Your videos are always so helpful, I have been gaining a lot of knowledge and understanding from them. The only thing I don’t know how to manage is the verbal abuse from the betrayed. I know the anger and rage needs to be expressed but when will the verbal abuse stop? It was an issue prior to the affair and now it is the worst it’s ever been because of my actions. If the betrayer is accepting responsibility, trying and doing the work and trying to rebuild. When does the verbal abuse stop?

Sounds grwat until the narcasistic psycosis leaves you broke ,betrayed,or worse. HERresponsibility peeiod. Getting an understanding is awesome but no excise

Easy to say when you're the cheater. It's not so easy when you are the cheated on.

given up

A boat full of emotions making you feel to leave while living in the cruel world where the betrayer just wants to enjoy giving more and more pain. 😢 10 years of the love just thrown away by a one day stranger.

I’m about to take the harboring hope course. I fear this betrayal will hurt forever. I’m living in HELL

23 years later and i still have intrusive thoughts.

5 years later and right after she had completely changed for the better for us but the trauma feels worse than the first few years after finding out. Don’t know why but I’m trying.

I’m in a new relationship and I have been experiencing terrible hyper-vigilance and intrusive thoughts about infidelity and betrayal. It’s soul crushing because he isn’t my ex- this is supposed to be about us building something new. But here I am feeling so stuck in past trauma

That last part hit home so much. I feel like it’s a huge barrier and sends me pushing myself away

I made him leave , and no contact, that alcoholic, narcissistic , player, 3.5 months later, I have anxiety and depression, etc.. :(

Of course a cheater would minimize trauma. As a man who’s in fact the betrayed it’s really hard to listen to you bro

My H has been fully committed to my healing. He is doing everything in his power now. The first 5 days were really rough. A lot of arguing, blaming etc. Then he just ignored me and acted with no remorse. Until we talked he didn't blame me, he took full responsibility and apologized. Here's my question.... what about hysterical bonding? After 5 days of being so angry and hating him...I now just want to be near him and have sex etc. Is this normal? I guess he was allowing me to be angry the first 5 days.

This describes 2 people who are both willing to do the work. It's not helpful where the betrayer makes little effort

I am ok , unless I get a reminder from a song or something someone might say. That brings the memory back .

Made me reject dating and intimate relationships all together.

My husband and I have been married almost 6 years. We have three young children and he works two jobs and I do in home daycare. We do not get much free time or time together and we definitely have let our relationship take a back seat. I found out this week that he slept with someone. A random person from a bar. He got wasted and left with her and they had sex. And I am devastated. I have never felt this type of pain. He is the nicest, kindest person and I’ve NEVER imagined this could happen. Ever. But now I don’t know what to do. He has moved into his parents for now. Our kid’s don’t know what’s happening but they know something is off. I am just unsure how to ever let it go.

I'm 2 weeks after discovery...I thought we got a game plan going but today I'm all distraught all over again. Crying, withdrawn, angry, hopeless..... normal? Are these swings normal? Just feeling alone...

You are a lucky man that Samantha is still with you..i have just had my partner do this to me you are right i lash out not in a physical way But I'm not the same as i was .he is trying and he is giving time he dose listen. . I will be honest when i see that selfish side come out i do cut him back down. (Words) because that is sets me off seeing the greedy side of him . Im still with him and will be if he keeps trying. Your videos did make him see what he has done thank you both for your story's

Was he the one who cheated? Where is Samantha to tell her story?

ive only gotten worse in the past few years, unfortunately. though im kinda envious of those who are able to recover and come out of this rebuilt, im still happy for them. however, i just want people to remember that, in reality, not all of us are so lucky so please still try to understand or show empathy to those of us who are changed forever.

I feel like if a person reacts badly to their trauma it should be expected. The other person did the nasty deed of cheating.

Hi

She slept with him many times and had an affair for 4 years. Now when he was blackmailing her , she was remorseful and repentance crept in and she disclosed me everything...What should I do ??

It’s different for everyone

I also wish I had a success story. But my ex didn’t want to work on fixing our marriage. He blindsided me when I came home from work one day by telling me he was in love with an old friend of his. He said he’d loved her for 40 years!!! We had been married for 38 years and together for 39 years. So he left me for the other woman and never looked back. The divorce was finalized 11 months later. Guess he’s happy now but I’m still shell shocked.

Another helpful video. Thank you, Samuel!

So true!

May i ask what if my wife no longer wants to fix it

It’s been 6 months since it happened
She came and took him away. Yes, a few days after we got back together. They don’t talk to each other at all since he came back, but I think about it everyday.
I can’t get over it.

I forgive but I don't forget.

I wish I had a success story but I don’t! He pushed me further away with how he handled the affair. The trauma I’ve experienced is like no other and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Thanks for the video because it sums how I feel up perfectly.

I feel like I'm drowning. And I know she does. I hate myself for hurting her... And one of the few things I pride myself on, is being a brutally honest person, and now she thinks I'm this awful person incapable of the truth.

Drowning victim is good analogy, and not to make light of this sometimes terrifying event... but as a person of faith, I never thought I would be so baptized. I am the betrayed, wildcat. The unfaithful hold a preserver if they commit to casting it rightly. Even if they don't there is LIVING WATER.

How long do I have to wait for her to come clean? Should i wait till we see a therapist in 2 weeks? I'm ready now to take the whole thing on at once as opposed to slowing being told about this and that over a period of time.....what if she's not completely truthful when coming clean? What do I do???

No it is not ten inches of water!!! It is the deepest water!! 😢😢😢

I get angry then blame myself I feel the fool and inadequate I want things to be better but it's hard to forget nor forgive

This is very dodge speak .... not really dealing with the core problems

I can’t believe this is happening to my marriage after 23 years and for the most part 19 years of us being best friends. Thank you for all your videos you are helping me cope to the best ability that I can. You are all such a blessing.

Best info

My husband has cheated with his ex over the 8 years we've been married. When I found out he apologized but he did it again . I forgave him the first time but now it's happened again. I don't trust him now that he's saying it's over for good.

Well he married the adultress that broke us up..Neither are remorseful for what they've done.

Most hurtfull,destructive experience ever,a rollacoaster of emotions.

There is no REAL GOOD payoff for infidelity. Thank you for teaching from the inside