How to Rebuild Trust After Infidelity: Become Reliable

Thank you so much for these videos. They have helped my spouse and I so much. They help me communicate to him how to get through this horrific time.

Im an unfaithful. It is probbaly too late for me, I just pray that I get the chance to show her I have changed.

Thank you! Me and my boyfriend are going thru this because we were going thru a rough time in our relationship and found out he was talking to a girl during that time. He was honest and upfront and he tries everyday to be better but I don’t know how to really let him. It’s like no matter how many times he tells me he loves me, etc. I don’t believe it’s like ik what he is saying is true but at the same time i’m constantly doubting it and he ask me what i need from him so he can make the change but i don’t even know what will help. this is my first time ever going thru a situation like this or even close to this because i never worried about it or thought i had to but since then i find myself wondering what if he isn’t the one? does he really care about me and love? i think he doesn’t because of what happened and because i don’t have enough self love for myself so then i think well maybe we just have to break up and think about what it would be like finding someone new because since i don’t believe him i think it’s pointless. i feel guilty for it because i love him but since it happened i can’t go back to just trusting him. it’s really hard for me and i need some advice on how i can fix it from my side to help.

Thank you I needed to watch this to start the recovery process. I am the betrayed and send this to the unfaithful.

Being reliable and consistent and responsible speaks to stability. Stability is a facet to a sense of safety and security. This so goes in tandem with honesty, transparency, and an approachable attitude. Huge!

Cheating is the ultimate betrayal; it shows you are both unreliable and untrustworthy to the deepest core of a human being.
There is absolutely nothing after such an incident a person could ever offer me, that would make me even consider it.

If I met, you and we became friends and one day I call and ask you to hang out and I show up and everything is great and then out of nowhere I pull out a knife when you're not looking and stab you a couple of times. Would you still want to be friends with me? Something tells me you wouldn't and chances are good that there is no way you're buying me another knife for a special occasion and then turning your back around me ever again right. And I certainly would never expect you to. To me it's no different.

Can you honestly tell me if I did such a thing for no reason other than I simply felt like it that you would ever truly feel comfortable or safe alone with me again? I just don't buy it.

I want to make it work with my boyfriend who cheated on me because he was very unhappy in the relationship, and never communicated it to me. His fears of us arguing or me getting defensive as I usually would. He couldn’t communicate his feelings of suffocation in the relationship because he also had an abusive childhood and learned to keep shut when others get angry. It’s been a month since he confessed and showed remorse but I’m not sure how to ever trust him or even sure if I can stick it out and be with him, though he’s putting in the work and telling me he will never do it again after realizing the pain he’s caused. He already cheated on me and that’s all that’s on my mind.. even if we can both put in the work and heal, he was still capable and willing to cheat in the past. Any advice?

Thanks so much. Unbelievably helpful

Brilliant...." words aren't enough "

As a betrayed who is trying to work out things with my fiancee, I must say you guys have already given us so much great advise, this is another great example! I believe that an unfaithful partner might be overwhelmed with the emotional chaos that comes along with an affair and might out of helplessness not be able to see how important reliability and transparency are for both of us to recover and heal. I know I feel so much safer and calm if I know about my spouses plans, even if sometimes things happen and change...

Bars not a place for an unfaithful period, alcohol is normalized and many unfaithfuls are alcoholics

I would like you to make a video about separation anxiety when the unfaithful goes on trips, It completely kills me I experience a such strong physical reaction I feel like just dying, I can’t even look at my kids I stay away from my family.

This is dead on.

All her cheating but says is..." I have to do what he says now".... lol

Shidddd. This therapist i had said that.
Why ask her for her phone?

In my opinion you will never get the trust back to its original form. Once you have accepted they are capable of infidelity that kind of trust is gone. If you want to work it out and move past it together, then you have to accept that partner has been unfaithful and has the ability to make that choice again. We as the betrayed know that, and accept it or not. I did not accept it. My wife was unfaithful, so to me she was not the person for me. Some may disagree with my decision, maybe God disagrees, but it's my life and I deserved better.

Well said! I agree 💯% with everything here, because I’ve been betrayed myself and I know what I would have liked most of all. Honesty is everything to me now. I really hope betrayers will watch this and get a clue.

This guy is good

We are headed for therapy together. He never cheated. He stalked me, and did literally everything but hit me when I left. I did go back on the basis he has been in therapy for a year. We have a looong list of random betrayals. I’m not sure most times if this is good to try. He does want very much to grow.

As an unfaithful, I agree with everything that was said. I have gotten defensive when my wife said she could not trust, when in reality she is right. It's so easy to deceive ourselves sometimes. I cannot be trusted, therefore I have to show myself as reliable to build trust. I needed to hear this

Currently pregnant and hospitalized, even tho my fiancé has been by my side through everything, he decided to cheat on me. Probably being the most painful feeling I’ve ever felt, because I can’t show much emotion because it will stress the baby. My fiancé is remorseful and hurt by his actions, but I don’t know how I’ll be able to trust and love him Again

I saw an old video today which mentioned you were writing a book. Did you ever finish it, and if so, where is it available?

This hit home. Thank you.

Hi, i have been watching heaps of these, and they are all so relevant, but im in QLD Australia and is there any relationship people here who you would reccomend. On line as i am in country town, ive looked at a couple but noone seems to go as deep as your counselling. I need to be healed deeply, so does my partner. You have no idea how much tbis has helped me, THANKYOU, FOR BEING BRAVE ENOUGH TO PUT THIS OUT THERE. YOUR WIFE IS AMAZING AS WELL.

I lost my husband as he wasn't able to understand and apply this concepts. I was the crazy one asking for stupid this, the one that couldn't get over it and blindly trust again even when he proved over and over he was not reliable exactly as you explained in the video. I had to ask him to leave for good.

How can my exboyfriend trust me again

More excellent points and applicable advice. I really need to remember the points about NOT taking offense to critical comments and lack of trust from my betrayed spouse…I wouldn’t trust me either, and with so many horror stories of guys giving up, relapsing, or faking recovery in her woman’s groups, I can totally understand her skepticism…reliable…that’s what I can commit to while working my recovery. Thank you Sam!

Thank you for this message. You have validated all my feelings and concerns about my husband. Your message hit home for me.

Excellent video. Thank u. But I also think respect is earned too. I can't give respect to someone if they aren't doing things worthy of respect

So true! Thank you so much Samuel for all the good you have done and continue to do 🙂. May ALLAH swt (I am muslim) bless you and your loved ones and give you more and more opportunities to help others.

I’m an unfaithful and this hit so hard right in my heart. Thank you God for this channel.

Well done

Wow good timing. The biggest obstacle for me is trying and wanting to trust my wife so we can just move on. And then I catch her in a couple lies today. Just stupid lies. Yep, immediately back to zero. And she doesn’t understand why. Why can the betrayed see how important truth and no deception is but the unfaithful squanders progress on stupid deceptions that can be easily verified. BIG SIGH!

Much love! This is a wonderful video. Thank you

What if your partner is a recovering addict ? & they been cheating because they were “ high / numb about caring about their partner “ how do you recover from someone who has been emotionally cheating on you for a while? They say it’s different with addicts I really be trying to understand but it’s very difficult..

I used to give my wife so much crap about how much I did for her, she's extremely sensitive relying on anyone these days.

Thanks for this. Appreciate so much you speaking, having been the betrayer. So so powerful. Thank u Jesus for the truth. Keep speaking it. There is so much freedom in the truth.

Thank you so much for this message. I wish my unfaithful spouse would be like this now and when the infidelity came out. It would have healed so much hurt. When there is defensiveness and self righteousness it only heaps more pain on top of the wounds that are there already.

I fear trusting her again...
My gut says, it will only bring suffering...
..I am certain...

I've watched several videos on this topic from your channel and the common factor is couples that chose to stay together. Can you make a video for the betrayed trying to trust in new relationships? This has been a huge struggle for me. Thanks! Love the channel.