Forgiving Yourself For Past Mistakes: A 5-Step Process - Terri Cole

2 of my grown Children are dead from drugs. They got hurt because of mistakes I made. No matter what I did to make up for my 20’s for decades, it could not fix their pain. There is no fixing. What I did I am accountable for. There is no way out.

Thank you for your Extremely Helpful Videos. Presently I live in a Dorm-like Residence. There are Men and Women in my Residence. I have my own Bedroom and Bathroom. Inside my Bedroom, I keep a Locked Box which I keep Locked most of the time. Anytime I leave the Building I lock the Locked Box. Anytime I leave my Bedroom, I close the Door; however when I leave my Bedroom I do not always Lock my Bedroom Door. When I leave my Bedroom and am still in the Building, I do not always Lock the Locked Box in my Bedroom. Most other Residents regularly leave their Doors ajar. Usually there are People milling about the hallways and Common Areas of the Residence (including Security Personnel), and there's always at least one Person down the hallway at the Front Desk to make sure Strangers do not wander in off the Street; you have to know someone in the Building to be allowed in the Building. My Rent helps pay for the Building's Security Measures. I felt that I got along with everyone in the Building. Many times when I bought a Dessert from the Supermarket, I shared it with other Residents. And I thought my Safety and Security Measures were enough to Safeguard my Belongings. So I was surprised to find out that Someone Stole Money from my Locked Box. I was so upset, and essentially I have not been able to forgive myself for being so Trusting that I did not Lock Everything all the time. I should have Locked my Door AND my Locked Box every time I left my Bedroom. Lesson Learned.

Thank you for this video. I recently have been making a lot of positive changes in my life, and the sudden shift in energy has resurfaced the anxiety and depression that I had in the past. I spent all day thinking about what could have been, which has been preventing me from sleeping well. But your words have really comforted me. It's hard to make change, but I just need to be proud of myself for digging my way out of the hole.

As I paused the video & reflected, several pictures of regrets came into my head, especially some that seem often to pop up,out of nowhere. I tried to delve into the sources of the behavior, especially since most had a common thread. I then had flashes of several varied painful experiences, things others did to me or that affected me. These were very, very deep hurts. Feeling “less than,” for various reasons, kept popping up, & I also,realized that that is likely the source of my perfectionism, which is not a positive trait. A sentence sprang into my head as a result of these reflections, an explanation for my behaviors: “It was a way of protecting myself.” I feel such relief & peace & lightness, & I can’t thank you enough.

So, so helpful! Really enlightening. So is the guide! Thank you so much!

I made a silly mistake at work and there is lots of after maths to take care now. There is still some chance that it could be taken as less serious upon negotiations. However, it’s really painfully to think abt how closely I can make my works perfect without mistakes.

Thank you ❤

It so painful to think about the mistakes I have done

Thank you so much for this video. It's been really hard to forgive myself for something I did while I was still 16. I understand that we shouldn't simply let ourselves off the hook and commit the same bad behavior over and over again, but ruminating excessively won't help us solve the issue either. Hearing your perspective on the matter really helped me, I hope I can use your knowledge to grow as a person. ❤

i made mistake , told for my co worker and he told for my boss and i lost my job that i loved, i dont forgive myself

Feeling deep guilt and regret lead me into a years long abusive trauma bonded relationship that ended in my becoming completely disassociated. It’s taken a long time to figure out what happened and I’m still unpacking it all. Deep, painful regret and being constantly shamed isn’t something easily worked through.

I’m new here

I am afraid to make a choice now. I have made several big mistakes on my kids. I can't forgive myself.

My name is Michele and I cheated on my husband. I have a lot of past mistakes and still having a hard time forgiving myself

hi hello

Thanks.

This is the first video from Mrs Cole that I've ever sceen. And this video is a God send to me. When my mind flashes back to deep regret my inner voice usally follows by saying "I hate myself" It's horrible. Thank you so much Mrs Cole! I down loaded the guide and will begin working on this out tomorrow morning. I feel like I just stumbled across a life changer.

Thank you Cole, this is exactly what I need at this time in my life.

I do this every night and almost each day... its so hard....

I am feeling so hopeless and fatigue made a lot of mistakes in my past lost everything and hit Rock bottom.

Awesome

I normally dont think of past regrets but i recently had a dream about an ex i cheated on. Now im ruminating on the past because i loved him so much i was just to scared to get married at that time he was leaving for the militaryand i still had 2 years of high school. I have learned alot about this but i still cant get it out of my head and im even in a relationship where i have been with my husband for 13 years. This makes no sense. I did finally forgive myself for hurting someone. I thought about apologizing but i feel that would create another mess i do not want to get into so forgiving myself is the best i can do.

Hi Terri! Lovely video. I do have one question. What if, in step 5, there nothing that we can actually do to change or make the situation better?

Thank you Doctor.

So glad to have found your site and tips for letting go of regrets. I have one that haunts me alright! A financial decision made 15 years ago that continues to impact my life. Ugh. Will try your suggestions ❤

I had a narcissistic mother and I have a child with autism his dad is also narcissist we are divorced but every time I feel like I lose my patience with my son I feel so guilty about it. I don’t want to make him feel not loved or accepted as he is like my mother and other relatives made me feel when I grew up😢

Thanks💌

I've been in a real slump over the last weeks. Remembering something that I did 40 years ago that had a negative effect on my children. I suffered from Mental health issues , a husband having affairs, and I could go on. But because I'm not very bright I made bad decisions. It was only many years later that I became self aware. My consciousness was made aware of all the stupid things that I've done and said in my life. Your video has helped. I'm going through a lot right now of beating myself up. It all came to the surface when my eldest daughter mentioned some things that I acknowledged . I've found life very difficult, especially relationships. . .. Thank you.

I have been getting constant thoughts of killing myself as I hurt someone very badly. I apologized to them but he did not forgive me which is justified, why would he forgive me for hurting him so badly. I feel like ending my life!

I've been addicted to gambling for 3 years and got my self into debt again and again, got helped multiple times but do it again repeatdly everybody dissapointed in me but i can't be dead like this i have to fix my problem

I am a 68 year old man with autism - diagnosed at 60. Outstanding video with specific strategies and hope, in most of my life I have often and always been lectured on what to do with no strategies to change for the better. Grew up with perfectionism - mistakes discouraged. My biggest regrets - going through life with no awareness of my ASD and receiving very little effective help from therapists, coaches and others on how to make my life work. Often blamed and shamed for my failures in life. I would need a 3 hour rant in your office to unload the crap and start healing.

Thank you for this video and for your channel. I recently did something that hurt a new relationship I'm in and I had no idea at the time how hurtful it actually was and the position I put both of us in. Even though they're giving me another chance (which I am HIGHLY thankful for), I cannot and will not go back, because that pain I felt for me AND my partner was the worst feeling ever. It was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn about self-awareness.

Yes, I do this too!

There are so many things that I did in the past that I hadn’t understood were wrong or inappropriate because I was a child and didn’t fully grasp how someone could’ve gotten hurt or uncomfortable because of my childhood curiosity, or I did understand that they were wrong and don’t fully grasp how they could end up coming back to haunt me with regret in my later years due to believing that I was much more mature than I truly was. I’ve begun to do a lot of reflecting and have begun to see why the things I had done in the past were inappropriate or wrong and it’s sent me into a stage of self hate, regret and anxiety. I’ve been taking meaningful steps for years now to try and better myself and stand for the right thing, to make sure people don’t make the same mistakes that I did. I wanted to thank you for this video and helping me overcome my mistakes and my past, it has truly helped me in taking steps in moving forward in trying to become a better person

Thank you Terri! This really helped me today. I've been struggling and finally feel some relief after watching your video. Bless you.

Wow thank you for this! I’m so tired of putting myself in the box. Time to break free!!

Thank you Terry, just knowing I'm not alone is enough. I was able to speak to multiple people who support me. And now I want to let go and this video popped up! ❤

Hi, it’s Maiko. Nice to meet you guys from Japan. Coincidentally I came across this video today. This is what I wanted to hear. I have felt guilty/doubtful for months: For a relationship I released last year and my decision on it. Although it's been a while since I left there and thankfully I got so many things (new accomplishments, friends, hobbies and skills) after the experience, I still cannot help being reminded of memories with him by some triggers. Even though my body and mental condition was going to be broken if I continued, the idea of "what if I tried harder?" crashes me sometimes. Maybe it was just me who did not have the courage to move on in a true sense. Thank you for guiding me with the tender voice and not denying the state I am currently in. I will commit to myself and try to learn as a human being.

I dislike the analogy of making it okay to forgive others like a friend, a child when they mess up. That makes it okay to condone their behavior. You wouldn't forgive your child disrespecting you or throwing a tantrum. Forgiving others is weak.

I have a hard time forgiving myself for how I treated others in the past. If I forgiven myself it makes it seen okay for what I did.

Thank you. I desperately need this.

Thank you for making this video, I have learnt from my mistake and also I am trying to make it right with good intentions. & Being kind and having faith is the key. Also praying while you make everything right has worked for me.

The thing is I didn’t do the best I could I knew exactly what I was doing that’s the worst to me

Thank you so much, Madam.
What you are saying in this video helped me to take distance with a regret that I am maintaining for years (The regret to have sold my house).
I appreciate the way you deliver the message.
Thank you so much for your intelligent words and advices.

This was as usual great ! Thanks so much

First time listener.

Every time i make a mistake i feel bad and regret it. But mistakes happen and again and again :(

Hi Terri. My name is Aji, I am from Indonesia, I am struggling with letting go the past, either it was because of me or even other people

Shelby

I needed this video. Thankyou 🙏❤