Patton Oswalt’s Toddler Blindsided Him with This Comment

Love it

She thought Rafiki was at Starbucks

I imagine she must really look up to him. and in a few years be eye level with him. then a few more years he'll look up to her.

Kid: "Daddy, why'd you let mommy OD on pills?"

In 1994 I went to the movies with my Dad and Sister, they saw the Lion King. I saw Speed. Looks like I was right.

My kid did something similar...the black man got in my face about it. i defused it by telling him that monkies are his favorite animal.

In every version of the Lion King that Disney has done, Rafiki the monkey has been voiced by a Black actor. I'm not saying Disney is racist for doing that, but I'm also "not not" saying that.

"The heroine takes care of the werewolf nightmares." Hahahaha! This guy is hilarious.

My 13 year old uncles thought it was the funniest thing in the world to show me extremely graphic horror movies to 3 year old me

In keeping with things on TV that can traumatize a child, when I was a kid in the early 80s, I would often get up early and watch TV. Usually it was Disney cartoons or "Just You and Me Kid", but sometime I would come across older shows like "Leave it to Beaver" or "Lassie". On one particular morning, my mom was making breakfast and all of a sudden she hears wimpering and comes out to the family room to find me sobbing into a teddy bear while watching Lassie where the plot of this episode involved a forest fire and Lassie helping to rescue someone. I was 3 or 4 at the time and the scenes of the fire roaring as trees were falling was too much for me as I thought Lassie was in danger (I was a dog lover even then). Thankfully I calmed down once I realized Lassie was safe at the end of the episode, but after that, my mom was like "Ok honey no more Lassie for a little bit." To this day I still can't stand to watch scenes in TV or movies where animals (particularly dogs) are in danger. Homeward Bound...Nope! Old Yeller...Hell no! The scene in Jaws where the dog is eaten off camera...gotta change the channel or fast forward whenever that's on.

Great stuff.

This is a perfect example of why I love Patton Oswalt so much. If you have no clue about cultural references, none of his act will make any sense to you. It's comedy that requires the listener to actually think and be aware of the world around us.

Patton Oswalt reminds me of Bill Shatner, but much more funny.

Is this comedians getting older, and telling bad dad stories, or is this the new PC comedy resulting from "being canceled". Either way it sucks--Patton used to slay at stand-up.

One time im a line at 6 flags my 5 yo daughter asks me if I remembered when the Jews stole our food. I said uh what??? She said agitated and yells the Jews, the big fat Jews. I'm like sweety please stop yelling Jews . Finally figured out she was talking about a Goose. It was a big fat Goose that ran off with our fries. She just shrugged and said yeah Goose with no idea why everyone was staring at us and judging.

I love Doc McStuffins!

That "School House Rock" video also freaked me out as a kid, but I had a horrible skeleton phobia I didn't get over until I was like eight.

At least he didn't tell her about how Mummy's were created. I remember going to a children Museum in kindergarten some stoner tour guide explaining how they use tools to pick your brain out through your nose. Ruined my entire week.

Nom nom

Can anyone point me to an example of this dude being funny?

“The heroin takes care of the wear wolf nightmares daddy.”
I died.

Weasel alert.

I love Payton oswalt

No. I don't remember the Wolfman remake. Just like nobody will remember you. The people that DO remember you... will remember you as a coward.

CREEP

Does anyone ever pay to see this dude 🤣

I bet patton oswalts daughter loves that he tells these stories

One of the funniest men alive

"my kid said" is garbage-level humor.

I can just imagine other comedians answering these questions
Daughter: Do you promise my skeleton isn't come out of my body?
Bob Saget: ...not soon.

Daughter: Do you promise my skeleton isn't come out of my body?
Gilbert Gottfried: YOU ARE NOT A SKELETON. ALSO- I NEED YOU TO PROMISE ME, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, YOU WON'T LOOK DOWN OR IN A -MIRROR-.

what the hell happened to patton? completely toothless set that amounted to "kids do the darndest things"

My mom tells the story that once, 2-3 year old me saw a car crash on tv, and became so terrifyingly convinced that my dad was going to get into one on the way home from work. I ran to him tearfully when he got home. I think that was when mom and dad started regulating what was on tv when I was around lol.

We have all had those moments.

Living on the fumes of his wife's exaggerated accomplishments.

I'll bet it's that Starbucks reserve in Los Feliz. I know that place.

“The heroin helps with the werewolf flashbacks”

Knew it had to be Lion King

Love the fact he can make fun of himself of how he screwed up.

Alternate title for this video: "ALICE OSWALT AND HER ADORABLE RACISM."

This reminds me of how my uncle/grandparents would let me watch movies like Child’s Play & Flowers in the Attic when I was 6 and I never batted an eye, but I watched Coraline ONCE when I was 9 and I had nightmares & panic attacks every night for a week 😂

Oh God!! I still flinch when I remember that I told a little girl about the sand man. That he will sprinkle magic sand in your eyes and give you sweet dreams. I traumatized this kid!! I had to hold her all night. She had her hands locked over her eyes. I gave up on telling my grandma’s bedtime stories after that 😓

Um... this isn't funny.

Just didn’t do it for me 🤷🏾‍♀️

Kid logic.

Its sad when the only relevance a comic has is to talk about their own kids. Sorry you have no life but I don't find an average day being a parent funny. Its pathetic material.

White liberals are the real racists.

I feel he is probably the best nerdiest dad ever!

Bad idea, bro. The puppy scene in Apocalypse Now is brutal

The ewoks gave me nightmares as a 5-6yr old. (the ROTJ 'real' ones not the cartoon, although I avoided that too after seeing the film) and I knew a kid who was traumatised by E.T. and wouldn't watch it even in her 20s. We both loved scarier stuff, though. Also I remember my dad being shocked that we weren't scared of The Mask movie, because he thought it should have been rated higher than a PG because it would've freaked him out at the same age (~12). But that might be more about the technological advances than anything else
I guess you never really know how somethings gonna hit you/your subconscious