Why Narcissist APPEARS So STUPID (Borderlines and Psychopaths, too, sometimes!)

This made me feel like giving up.. …

Congratulations!

I have bpd and I still don't even know what it is except that it makes me volatile and it makes it hard to deal with people; I hope I'm not an idiot but I dare say that I am lmao my poor life choices and criminal history are evidence of that; I tried dbt but I don't know if it helped so it probably didn't; I wish that I just didn't have to deal with or be near people but I know that isn't possible so I don't really know what to do tbh and I'm not entirely sure that I could really do anything anyway. It's shit. I'd rather just be dead than have bpd and micropsychosis, it's such a shit combo, I kind of feel like I'm pretending to be a person most of the time and everything confuses me, then when I get stressed I hallucinate and it stresses me out more, and it's really hard to keep myself from getting angry or exasperated, and when it happens theres no stopping it until it just stops itself. I can get unnecessarily excessive when I feel attacked in any way, but the level of my excess is generally relative to the percieved attack if that makes any sense(although I personally feel that most times it takes a hell of a lot to really set me off; I really do try to keep calm and take circumstances into account but I don't know if that's how it is for people on the other side of the situation) Living was wasted on me; I wish I could get a refund. Isn't even entertaining, good, or decent.

So a pseudo narcisist can be a victim of a narcisist?

My borderline ex told me our son got his intelligence from her brother

Quick, but not definitive or comprehensive, and free [so don't complain] glossary of 10-Dollar words:
1. Perspicacity (n.), perspicacious (adj.): ability to understand something/somebody quickly and accurately.
2. Inane (adj.), inanity (n.): stupid or silly.
3. effete (adj.): weak.
4. ingrained (adj.): a habit or attitude that has existed for a long time and is therefore difficult to change [synonym: deep-rooted].
5. efficacy (n.): the ability to produce desired results [synonym: effectiveness]
6. confabulate (v.): to invent a story in your mind [related to confabulation (noun)].
7. Throes (n.; plural): violent pains, especially at the moment of death.
8. Conundrum (n.): a confusing problem or question that is very difficult to solve [synonym: riddle].
9. transcend (v.): to be or go beyond the usual limits of something [synonym: exceed].
10. Gullible (adj.) [synonym: naive]: too willing to believe or accept what other people tell you and therefore easily tricked.
11. Simpleton (n.): a person who is not very intelligent and can be tricked easily.
12. Reticence (n.): unwillingness to tell people about things [synonym: reserve, non-communicativeness].
13. Unmitigated (adj. used only in front of a noun): used to mean 'complete', usually when describing something bad [synonym: absolute].
14. multifarious (adj.): of different kinds, having great variety.
Note: two "more than 10-Dollar words" [had to look it up in my "big" dictionary] and the first one (no. 15) is probably my fav:
15. Reification (n.) [derivative words: reify (v.), reificatory (adj.)]: making something abstract more concrete or real [note: also look up a related word "deify"].
16. Nescience (n.), nescient (adj.): lacking knowledge, ignorant.

I don't know whether I'm a narcissist or whether my boss is a narcissist...Seriously...I know that my workplace is a toxic environment where it has become almost impossible to work..I'm trying to figure it out and help myself/ save myself because it influences my health..

This was a Master Class that effectively deflated the narcissist’s balloons. It will be a permanent reference on my shelf going forward and I will be sharing it with others. Thank you 🙏

wow....this so describes Trump to a T. He is definitely the poster child for this topic and condition.

Congratulations and thankyou Professor Sam!!
I love your videos, I’ve been listening for several years to others, came across your videos a few weeks ago.
I can not get enough of your content!!!!
Again, thankyou, and also for your sense of humor!

i congratulate you with a subscribe. Its not often i find the main source.

As an aside, you are funny. When you listen to the other podcasts the only ones that make any sense are those who repackage your research and your lectures and merely regurgitate them. My opinion , but true.

If someone plays dumb, then they are dumb. Because that's what they want to be, and other people believe that. And since it is unwise, it is stupid already..

You lnow what? That opened mouth stupid face is what ive seen exactly on my narc, sometimes she looked
So so stupid and retarded!

Congratulations.👍

To answer your question at the end is easy. Get jobs where you are left alone to abuse people: social workers, sales/marketing, things that most people don't want to do. There's no law against the things NPDs typically do, and no law that protects victims from NPD actions. And i dislike all these NPD videos that complain without coming up with the solution. Society protects them by securing physical power to govt alone, which protects the guilty and punishes the innocent if they revolt against abuse. In that way, society encourages them. The NPD knows they can do anything at all against people that don't scheme+plot in violation of conscience.

Congrats on your achievements doctor🎉

More supply. Congratz 😊

Thank you

You may have figured out who they really are in terms of them having a psychitric dianosis. but I don't think this says anything at all about who they really are or why they react / respond / abreact the way that they do. I hate psychiatry where it tries to put people in boxes and then a apply a one-size-fit-all 'treatment' response to each box -- this is insane / unproductive / is a recipe for such problems never to be fixed, to morph and to proloferate (see "Anatomy of an Epidemic" by Robert Whitaker) !!

Read books called, "Daughter Detox" / "Daughters of mothers who cannot love" !!

Narc 'wives' treat their 'husbands' the way they think (wrongly?)
that they need to be treated.
This confuses the hell out of any pretty normal man, who might experiment with responding in kind, only to find that doing so doesn't help in the slightest.

Or, maybe many so called narcs (or even women in general) really do want / need to be treated this way, whereas feminism says that this can't possibly be true -- again, confusion all round.

Actually, if agression is coupled with coveying total self-control / self-containment at the same time, a narc 'wife' will like this as it helps her to control parts of herself that she believes she can't control on their own. But I don't like adopting a bad boy persona (what she calls 'Sergeant Major) to achieve some kind of stability, so this doesn't work for me in a different way.

Narcissistic 'wives' look to their 'husbands' to fix all problems that they 'thiink' they can't (or don't want to / or shouldn't have to) fix on their own, or with any involvement / input from themselves whatsoever. Good men are always helping their wives whenever they can, as they can be very good at doing this, and so get great satisfaaction from doing so.

But, some types of problem, escpecially communication problems, seem / maybe are actually impossible to fix without good enough cooperation from the 'wife', so wherever she sees this request / demand for cooperation as unreasonable / or beyond her capacity to help without her suffering some kind of mental breakdown, she may start aggressively insisting that her 'husband' fixes, on his own, her problems and/or his arising problems (all one's that she claims incessantly "she can't cope with", "as she's already close to breaking point"), with the help of the little information she CAN share without having a mental breakdown, where some of what she CAN share then turns up in the form of non-verbal communication. even non-verbal comunication (or even in dramatisation of her emotional state only) that's hard to read, or hard not to read incorrectly, or any information that, from her point of view, is needfully 'encrypted' (out of her awareness) -- hence a typical 'husband' complaint of being asked to mind read, although when some men get ever-better at mind-reading, then what they think they're then picking up typically gets aggressively denied (and then projected?), so this kind of problem is too tough for most people.

But, note the following dialogue:
"Cut the anxiety, Lisa"
"I'm NOT anxious"
"I KNOW you're anxious, but I have no idea why"
She storms off in a silent huff.
We reconnect somehow not much later, where it's instantly 2-way lovey-dovey !!

My youngest son handles typical female insanity in his wife (and I'm not saying that many husbands aren't capable of insanity in similar or differring ways) by calmly and assertively repeating "I don't negotiate with terrorists'", which he claims always works, but never results in a permanent fix - so WTF is going on here?

I think that from now on, I'll try saying to my 'wife' that there's no quick fix to this kind of problem, or comunication problems, as these kinds of problem can only be fixed in a large number of small postive / constructive steps (maybe triggering little brief upsets that can be recovered from quickly and easily) over an hour, or day, or week, or month, etc., (with a sufficiency of short or long enough breaks) and zillions of relationships all of our planet are struggling in the same way because one partner or the other insists on a quick fix, or otherwise a downing of tools, or a tantrum / hard for anyone to quell hissy-fit -- wish me luck -- or advise me otherwise !!

When you think about it, it's basically like a form of stunted development. Like their awareness naturally managed to reach the bounds of themselves but, for the most part, stopped there. They got stuck in child mode and to be stuck in child mode into adulthood without learning important love and care traits the child rots.
"Children can be so cruel"

I have decided to live in a cabin in the wooded Island away from all people.

As Many many are narcissist...in most societies.....stipid minds..too many now a days are actors and pretend to be victims...I'm out of this stupid society

Hey Vakhin, I'm wondering if you could ever do a video explaining the psychology behind the men in Afghanistan? Why are they so gung ho in keeping women covered up and chained away?

You know what I noticed with psychopaths sometimes ? They suffer a lot dog-eat-dog-situations. I was wondering why that was but in fact is it the ego , no ? am I correct ? Also I am labeled as gifted , no mention of any IQ for me but my biological mother with BPD could not accept me when I was born , nowadays I see she is not very clever and even feel sorry for her. My biological father was a diagnosed psychopath , he was in prison.but he was ok however , never did horrible things , well not to my knowledge. he has a higher IQ too , I do believe there is a correlation between giftedness and psychopathy. But that psychopaths simply did not develop that fully. we endure the same issues. Boredom , frustration , isolation , not being understood , always a mind on the hunt ... I mean ... and yet doctors did say I could not be right , I am certain that I am;) , if I get some more insight on this we might know ... following your channel again after a couple of years prof Vaknin ! see ya...

Thank you

Me started as to read the world as pure and simple in early age. If some one will look as to be stupid that is because that one is stupid.
That is one of the most earliest warning signs that every living creature follows, odd is to avoid or as to get rid of.
The only ones missing this very importantl part of an healthy and long life is domesticated humans and their best friend domesticated dogs we will swagg or tails and approach ungarded as to figure out if there might be some goodies for us to get?

man ive never felt so attacked in my entire life haha, im a medical doctor btw and im undiagnosed. thanks for the insight. is there any form of effective therapy?

Oh my God!
Dear Sam, you are the very first person in this video to confirm my suspicion that what I experience, see and hear with someone is really in the category of stupidity.
I wasn't sure until now, only intuitively that it's not played, but that it's really so.

You are literally describing my personal experience.
He never learns from anything and mysteriously repeats the same mistakes over and over again.
And now I got it! - - “They are dissociative, so they don't learn well from past experiences.”

Thank you so so much Sam. It helped me a lot! ❤

Is there a holistic way to make the changes? Because I remember not being this way. I remember being a loving and caring person.
I react from the triggered trauma and am then afterward realise that I was triggered or manipulated into reacting a certain way. 🤔

This is brilliant. Thank you!

I arrived here trying to understand their Facebook comments. “Word salad” is too appetizing to describe it

Oh my lordy 😞 I am stuck in a Narcissistic Relationship... I do care for him deeply and it hurts worse because I know why he acts the way he does... its like a mental illness because he cant help it I guess. But I realized why I am having such a hard time to move on, its because my mother had a mental illness and him being this way triggered my loss and helplessness. I have grieved for a long time over the loss of this relationship that we are still in. SO, can you point me in the right direction to resolve MY issue 😞 ... Thanks Sam

Seriously? Borderline Personality disorder sufferers are STUPID? Your lack of compassion and understanding of the words someone else wrote, for you to learn from, is telling, as was your self aggrandising pat on the back intro.

Thank you for pinpointing the essence of such a human being. A wasted potential, indeed. I was just thinking about the intelligence of species. In the animal world, if an individual is not equipped for life, if it's stupid, it dies without exception. Nature has a way of cutting out loses. But humans do everything backwards. I'm thinking about the evolutionary implications of it. I've always sensed that narcissistic people beg for pity and mercy because deep inside they feel inadequate for life. It's still a wonder how their survival strategy stills fools a lot of us, unfortunately. In the end, it's an insight of what makes us humans after all,

I've been watching a lot of the boogie drama and for some reason this was recommended to me.

Congratulations Prof Vaknin !🎉

Can I just take a moment to congratulate you! Might fine work you do here. Glad the messages are getting out there. You are so interesting and funny. Love your videos ❤️

How will I ever feel grandiose after watching this? These comments are disrespectful (and kinda stupid). Excellent video, though. The truth hurts.

How to help someone like that???

OMG I have wondered this ALL my life!! How can they be so stupid and misread so much! It’s inane and impossible to fathom!

Yes they are self centered because at their core they never matured into an adult that accepts responsibility for growth. Humans learn by failing, failing is a gift if we accept our fault in it failing.

I think the narcissist by protecting weak self esteem with an overly inflated ego already thinks they are skilled in most things. Hard to go anywhere from there. They have issues working under others or accepting criticism of their ideas.

They avoid reality at all costs and lie constantly. Life is all about power and control not love and happiness so they are negative grumps.

I have a friend who i think matches the characteristics of a narcisist. He has difficulties in understanding the other point of view. Sometimes when we talk he just enters in a monologue with himself. Most of the times diverges from the subject. Is tottaly incapable of assuming when hes not right. He´s will tends to prevaill. Its not stupid. in fact is very pragmactic in the day by day things. Nothing prone to filosofical speculations. Tends to lack empathy for others but he´s very prone to cry in the movies. (probably because he identifies him self with the drama). On the other side he is no arrogant, do not think of himself as superior, somethimes he worries about people, can be very generous and he´s very active in humanitary movements. Can my friend be a narcisicist of some kind? or have borderline personality?

Can someone please inform me as to what day is Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day?

Thank you for being funny .After all your teaching me to understant this topic so grateful knowing nothing better than great laughter.I can identify with all that you teach.They really drain your energy.Laughter heals thank you Sir.

Totally understand everything you say .Thank you for teaching me Sir.

Fuc**ng GOLD!!

I wonder why Trump keeps coming to mind as I listen to this.