1 Hour Of The Dumbest Stories On Reddit (r/AskReddit)

That essay on a soldier named "rhetoric " killed me lol

Can confirm avocado hand is real, my mom did it lol

People got upset with me for my disbelief of teenage to young adult girl’s believing a Turkey was “pregnant” when cooked.

Who tf says "chestal"?

good boy

In 8th grade we had a list of words and we had to write the definitions. One boy got every single definition wrong. When the teacher questioned him he just replied that they were HIS definitions of the words and sat looking puzzled. This guy wasn’t a wise ass or troublemaker in any way and was being totally serious. The teacher told him he couldn’t make up his own language and the guy was legitimately stunned.

Good boy

He broke up with me after four years but still wanted to be friends, got a new girlfriend the day after the breakup, showed her off to everyone and gave her our old couple rings, asked me to come to his room while his gf was not there, and then complained I don't cook for him anymore. Wtf?

"Two weeks later she came back with her cat" - I'd honestly just take the cat

good boy

The student who wrote a paper on legalizing weed should have used legalized it sean paul ..

We had been high school sweethearts in NYC but she had cheated on me with a cool dancer guy because I was by comparison a dweeb who wrote poetry and rode his bike to our dinner dates. but I convinced myself it was a one time thing and had forgiven her. She was older so she spent a lot of time with her college friends and playing online video games. We were supposed to go out for dinner but it was the same ol story for a Friday. I was feeling distant and forgotten so I told her, "we've got nothing in common, no common ground to start from, and we're falling apart." She was dumbfounded and put down her VR headset and controller. I took the moment and continued "The world has come between us, our lives have come between us, still I know you just don't care."
AND SHE SAID, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?"
I said, "I think I remember the film
And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it"
And she said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got"
..... I threw her out a window

Suicide by snake that's a new one

The "turning off 10 years of marriage" one hit hard. My ex-wife said that to me in a text the day she got served the divorce papers.

good boy

If i ever burned my hand as a kid nana would always put butter on it. Apparently it draws out the heat? Well it always worked the swelling and heat would always go down quickly.

Good boy

I took my cheating gf back and she's now my wife of 12 years...she chested cause her ex latterly threatened her to have her arrested and deported ( Vietnamese) cause he let her use his credit card snd then claimed the charges as fraud..she left me for 3 months..she texted me Christmas eve and then called..idk why I answered ..but she was crying...he got drunk smoked cracked and hit her apparently... I rode down to her apartment...heard them arguing from the hall...I kocked on the door....he yelled fuck off..my wife tried to unlock the door snd I heard her grab her snd she screamed I went to open the door and only the chain lock was still done so I broke it open and literally dragged him out down 2 flights of stairs by his ear and threw him head first into his corvette... I stayed with my wife that night and slept on the sofa.. she told me the next day what he did and that she never wanted to leave me but felt so scared. ..this was in DC..the bastard lived In NJ... and he was true to his word..he claimed fraud and that my wife used his credit card without permission...BUT it got dropped criminally dude to how ridiculous that sounded since he was there with her and just handed her the card to use while shopping for her.. so we went Home...had to go back 4 more times cause he sued civil court...he NEVER showed...and called in a reschedule...even the judge got fed up and saw what this was..he was suing for 27k ...EVERYTHING he ever bought for her ...jewelry, dinners, paid rent..even though he lived there on and off too... finally ended after bout a year. Guys really can suck. He was a spoiled rich prick who thought he owned her. I could have killed him...it's been 15 years now and I still get pissed over it 😤

Window: 🥲

Good boi

Some idiot went to our local hospital, ripped the soap dispenser off the bathroom wall and ran off with it. He was back at the hospital later that day because apparently that stuff is not good to drink.

Good Boy!

My ex dumped me on the anniversary of my gram's death but offered to wait til the next day. I kid you not. "I was going to end things with you but it's your gram's anniversary and I don't want to hurt you and maybe we can fix things if you just agree to do exactly as I tell you." This is after he spent months being verbally,emotionally and mentally abusive towards me. I told him the sword was already on my neck so I told him,"Go ahead and dump me."

I don't know how some of these stories make it past the compiler's mental filters. 30% fake stories at minimum. My favorite is the one where the older brother started the chainsaw and thought he cut his foot off but it was just 4-5 toes. The EMT had to sneak up on the running chainsaw that the brothers didn't know how to turn off. OP obviously knows nothing about chainsaws to add to his fake story. Yes, the chainsaw motor will run but the dangerous chain wrapping around the bar only moves if you hold the trigger in. The second you let the trigger go the chain stops. So sneaking up on a "running" chainsaw is about as dangerous as turning off a box fan.

In high school, in jrotc, the instructor asked "what does r.o.t.c mean ? A girl said raggedy old tacky clothes! That became an answer option on future test

Oh God theres a name for it. I've done the stupid avocado hand thing a couple times. Learned to not do that again pretty quickly

Good boy!
Did I just watch a 1-hour compilation of stupid people? Yes, yes I did. Do I regret it? NO. Not at all.

Apparently I’m old af cuz I didn’t know you had to plug in a microscope. When I was in school they weren’t electric 😂

Damn, my abusive ex used at least half of these lines, wish I left the first time I thought I should

I wish people would listen to the things they say,how in the hell did you think she would just allow you to give her permission,oh and by the way it's 2021 and unless you want to be labeled as sexist I suggest you pull yourselves into the present and stop taking advice from encel,your asking virgins who have never dated to give you ideas on how to keep a woman,would you let someone operàte on you who as never been to med school?

You know those funnel donation things at zoos etc? Like where you put a coin on it and it funnels down to the center? Today I saw a stupid person reach in there, steal coins, and use it on a souvenir thing... ugh.

I don’t really like hotdogs, enjoy, little floofer

“I’m gonna take your laptop and ur kids will live in poverty”
Buys a new laptop and logs into account
“Keep it.”

Prepare to lose brain cells fellow Comment Viewer! Just remember that it is okay to be toxic to these bastards

"I'm the only one that wants you." 😆

"your exams discriminate against students that don't have brains"

My god... throwing the pissbag with the catheter still in. I can’t imagine the pain

The jobless battle objectively carve because galley bacteriologically join anenst a colorful deal. homeless, ceaseless tip

Good boy.

The tangy lion beautifully connect because shield endoscopically suspect modulo a innate anthony. average, public alloy

The jaded wire phenomenologically lighten because north america worryingly knot notwithstanding a defiant dinghy. dysfunctional, beautiful secure

Aight I'm gonna go to sleep to this.