It's better for WOMEN to be ADORERS: understanding the balance of attraction

Woww… this video deserves a million plus views. Seriously insightful

Do these roles ever change within the relationship?

Aww… this makes a lot of sense. No wonder my man expresses how he loves how much I love him. Feels so good on this side.

I've also definitely left relationships for not being valued and adored enough. I think there is a balance you need to have. No one wants to be overly adored and smothered, but also not made to feel like they don't matter to their partner.

I can't believe he said "My Dude".. I don't often see people of intelligence use these types of phrases. But, personally, I never did like the phrases "my dude" or "my guy" . I'm old fashioned and would say bro.

Doctor, first of all thank you for the video. I wanted to ask a question so that hopefully you could clarify for me. In the concept of the man needing to be the adored and the woman the adorer, how would a man have a relationship with someone if the women he does not like all adore him and all the women he is interested in do not adore him?

If this works for some couples, all the power to them. But from my personal experience, the healthiest and most lasting relationships I've seen are the ones were the man likes the woman more. I have seen so many women adore and put their husbands and boyfriends on a pedestal while they take them for granted / don't respect them / leave them. I think men like having a woman they see as a prize, someone they have to work hard for and invest into; otherwise, they are easy to get bored and leave. I just wanted to add this in case you have been the adorer before and it led to heartbreak, go for a man that adores you instead. You deserve it.

Great video!

How's your marriage

Just don't like your girlfriend ... Ok... Doesn't seem like it's worth being with a woman I don't like

The most stable relationships are the ones where man loves more than woman. Everything esle is theory

this is def an interesting pov to me bc i grew up hearing the opposite for women. i think most men, if not all, tend to take a woman for granted when she is the adorer. although i see how that can go both ways, i believe that women have more empathy and compassion and therefore, are more appreciative of the adorer. many women also say that it is a man's nature to chase and endorse the message that women are the 'prize.' i would still advise other women to be with a man that loves them a little bit more

As a woman, whose relationship recently failed due to that, I can't agree more. At the beginning of my relationship with my ex partner he was much more in his masculine energy, and I was looking up to him, and feeling deeply in love. The moment the tables turned, it was nice to be treated like a princess for a couple of months, but more than an year into that dynamics, it only escalated further to a point in which he didn't allow me to make any romantic gestures and to feel stuff. That was the point in which I felt trapped and wanted to escape, and I ended up initiating our separation. Back then I didn't realize that this was the primary reason, but now I am completely sure in that.

However, just an interesting thought that I had while watching is that in my opinion truly the most healthy relationships would be the ones, in which there isn't too much of a difference between the two partners, and yet the woman is allowed to be in the position of the adorer a bit more often. The reason is that if she is constantly in that position and there is a huge gap between her and her partner, this lack of balance can also lead to problems due to the fact that she wouldn't feel appreciated and taken care of. It is true that we women want to feel love and admiration for the men next to us, but we also appreciate it when men sometimes show a more softer and caring version. It just has to be in a good balance. 😊

Why can't both be adorers?

Please don't listen to this person. Please. This is a recipe for abuse and disappointment on both sides in the long run. A position of only authority get tiring, and there's a high possibility this will go to their head. A position of only submissiveness get's tiring and dives people to feelings of unworthiness. Balance is key: sometimes be the authority in certain areas, sometimes be pleasing in others. Always look for the other's best interest and make sure they are looking for yours. Please be a mate to your Significant Other. Don't listen to this guy.

In a relationship can one punctually switch roles to benefit or will the man need to venture outside of the relationship to get his adorer needs

Being adored feels hollow
But being the adorer leads to desperation

Feels like this guy thinks women should do everything. She needs to 100% respect her man. And also be the adorer. In other videos he says she be super helpful in all he has going on, not run her mouth, and be nasty sexual with him.

I’m not surprised this man is single.

Personally I think there is a reason tradition instructs men to adore their wives and wives to respect their husbands. I think both can and should do both to some degree, but it’s more important a woman respect her man and a man adore his woman.

So why exactly both cannot adore each other? You've never explained the reason behind this statement.

I think you don't understand women. Women love the men who love them, that's why many relationships are initiated by men. Relationship survive where a man loves a woman more. A bored woman is most likely to stay whereas when a man gets bored, they are out to the next woman. Women crave security, men crave adventure.

I prefer being the adored as the woman. In my previous relationships as the adorer, I have encountered disrespect and lack of affection from the man, especially when I overvalidate them. Currently, I'm in a relationship where we both adore each other, but my man adores me more and strives to please me, and he doesn't seem to get bored with it🤷‍♀️

Totally agreed. I was adored in my marriage and it failed because overtime I became less and less attracted.

Who’s to say a man can’t admire a woman for a certain set of things, while she looks up to him for a different set of things?

Sorry. But I do not agree with this. I have been on the side of both. My father always made me work for his approval. Left me feeling worthless, unlovable and caused me thousands of other issues.
My ex was the adorer. He put me on a pedestal causing me to lose respect for him. He was also too insecure about other men and took out his frustration on me.

Now I am in a situationship with a sweet guy whi adores me and lets me adore him. He is very masculine but with a gentle heart. He doesn't make me feel like i need to work hard for his attention nor does he make me feel smothered.

We both has equal mutual respect, attraction, affection for each other. And yes if things go wrong; both of us have an equal power to walk away.
Just like I have a spark in mye eys when I watch him, I feel lived when he has the ''I'm so lucky to have you " look in his eyes.

Women have to be the adored because we are emotional creatures gets our juices flowing

Counterpoint from a woman's perspective. And every woman I have ever presented this to heartily agrees:
"The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man."
- Germaine de Stael
4/22/1766

I wonder if the adored and adorer is also about anxious vs avoidant attachment. Most women are anxious attached so being an adorer is better in general. Personally, I’m an avoidant woman, I would never adore anyone, I’m more gravitated to people who adore me, but my first choice is to be alone, if someone adores me enough I will give it a go, but asking me to adore anyone that’s not a child or animal is honestly I just don’t want to and don’t think I can.

Thanks!

So how will the relationship sustain when the adorer needs that extra adoration during those times of weakness like after having a baby or 20 years down the line when she’s not fresh in the adorns eyes anymore. When the “adorer” can’t give that adoration like she used to because now she’s giving it to her children or they need to be cared for. This is when A LOT of men tend to stray because of this dynamic you are talking about. It’s a sacrifice to be the adored? 😂 This psychological tricks you try to push is just that “tricks” I hope no woman falls for. No healthy relationship is always going to be exciting. Even then it MEN who are out here cheating a majority of the time. If a man adores you he will think twice before throwing that away. Men have been trying to trick women into thinking they are the prize for too long and that why divorce rates are up and marriage rates are down. Get a clue. Go to therapy and heal your mother wonuds or whoever hurt you.

Well the bar is in hell for us laydays sooo we all lookin wayyy down … 😑

Watched multiple times and it still isn't clear why there can't be a mutual adoration between partners??
My best relationships have been with people who I adore and am adored by.
I find deep meaning and connection when it feels like a playful balance of giving, both people juggling the adorer role back and forth.

Ephesian 5:33 - Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even AS HIMSELF; and the wife see that she REVERENCE her husband.

It is NOT gender neutral. The man who adores the woman does NOT understand what a Man is. The woman who adores the man is IN ORDER and is in her PURPOSE for existing.

I guess I’m just gonna have to be adored 😒😒

Just wants to say I dun care how much money or how successful he is ! The guy I like is less rich and has less status than many other guys approaches me but he is still a great man !

So no not all women is after money and status and im also a 9/10 but im an artist I don’t want a man that makes money and status to have me I want to share my life with a man that also adores me and respects me …

Finally I don’t mind be the adorer but he must be adorer at times too otherwise I will feel like I’m pushing myself on him !!!!

And that is not love !!!

True. I have always been an adorer, but this never deprived me of the man's respect, attention nor love. My experience is that I had plenty of that because I adored them. The men I saw I could not adore, I have never been with. It turns me off. So, I agree with this.

Women need to like you more than you like them.

This makes complete sense to me. I have experienced the opposite and that didn't work out.

Smh, this is setting up for toxic relationship for reals.
Being the adored is why so many men FAIL in their first marriages, then repeat that same toxicity over and over again, until HE LEARNS to adores the wmn... not regarding her as just someone he happens to be with ... NOW. Smh.
Jesus.

and whats this looking up or down, in relationship to being adored.
Parent, adores a child... in that case are they looking DOWN OR UP on their child?
I would imagine theyre looking UP at their child, almost like pedestalizing them, which (if allowed to turn malignant) the child will eventually look DOWN on the parents.

Why cant 2 adult people choose to adore each other? Just for different things, time, reasonings?

When you talk to long term HAPPILY married people (20yrs plus) theyre admiration is for each other always levels out on the same plane.

This mess you're talking , is the catalyst of why most married wmn... leave.

Kind of sound like the anxious-avoidant trap, polarizing but not sustainable long term.

Wow this makes so much sense. I've experienced this personally where I would get turned off if I felt that I was being put on the pedestal. I couldn't understand it because it kind of goes against logic but the way you explain it makes a lot of sense, especially if you are a traditional woman who enjoys being in a traditional relationship where roles are clearly defined.

My dude?

What I've found about human civilization is that there's very little left when you wipe away the BS. Speaking is an oversensitive male, I can't see any point at all to a relationship. Not just lack of a net benefit, just literally no benefit at all. I have no desire for sex with people I'm not in love with

I understand your point, but you're oversimplifying it. We can each adore various aspects of each other. There has to be a balance between adoring and being adored. If men didn't adore women, we wouldn't chase them. If women didn't adore men, they wouldn't follow our lead. We each want a little mystery from the other. Neither of us should become lost in the other. We all know the golden rule: "It's better to give than to receive". That is especially true in relationships. If BOTH partners seek to give to the other, both get the joy of giving AND both get the joy of receiving. But men and women give in different ways....we're wired differently. Men can be the adored, but if they're too aloof and don't reciprocate, that can be frustrating to her. That gets back to the "bad boy" syndrome, which isn't healthy for either one. Equally bad is if she's so high up on that pedestal, she can become so self centered that she is toxic.

I love to be adored by a man I secretly adore but don’t express that much ❤

I adore your information, my dude.

I am a woman. I prefer to adore. I want to be appreciated for my contribution. Not be on a piedestal.

I noticed that I cannot love a man who I do not respect, sorry, look up to on the levels that are my priorities. He doesn't have to be good-looking or rich or have a status. A sense of humour is important. But for example, I will lose all attraction if he turns out to be a wimp...no I do not want to be responsible for making all the decisions..." wear trousers"...Behind every great man, there is a woman...I like that dynamic...

No

Agree with everything, except that the man being younger is no reason to be less adoring of him; it depends on his attitude, character and what he's achieving for himself in his life

Hi Doc. Question. If one becomes the adored, will I be correct if I say that they sacrifice their emotions so that the adorer can live out theirs?