How To Be Assertive Without Being Aggressive - Esther Perel

Men especially younger men need more than no aggression within them....

Way too complicated rambling. Didn't really answer the question.

I didn’t know that this was intended for men but good video, thanks

I look to Esther for wisdom about men and women. But I respectfully disagree with what she says here.

Or at least I would say that what she proposes is very difficult to achieve 'on the street'.

Men and women find it hard to treat each other as individuals , because both genders have had many difficult experiences in their past.

In addition to this they have biologically programmed tendancies in how they treat each other.

And in addition to that we all have political views about each other.

So it can be quite difficult to penetrate what is often a well established trauma script on one or often, both sides.

I'm not saying don't try. Do try. Don't give up. But don't expect good intentions , diligent and skillful effort to be a magic bullet.

A big part of being as man (I expect woman too!) is realising you are not going to be rewarded externally. It's about carrying on because of the beauty of carrying good intention with courage and skill.

I would like to say that will be noticed but be prepared for it to be not noticed and do it anyway.👍

Remarkable work. I came across a book with similar subject matter that was a total eye-opener. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

quite beautiful but impossible if your partner cannot see the difference between assertiveness and aggression due to past trauma and lac of trust! Wish there was a way for this too.

You want to truth? None of this means anything if you choose the wrong woman.

Esther truly is a gem

Wow! Love it! Thank you.

This was extremely helpful. Thank you

Could someone check my hypothetical text to my manager about me taking on a shift? I've been underestimated before, and I want to express my confident wish to take a chance on a shift. BUT, I need someone to check it first to make sure it's assertive yet not rude. I can't write it until someone agrees to check. Otherwise, I risk time posting here.

There's SO much better info out there on answering this question LOL this was sadly awful hahah

👍👏👏

I think the problem is that assertiveness is your intention, while coming off as aggressive is an outsider's perception.
You can set your level of assertiveness, but you can't control other people's reaction to it.
It also matters a lot what you want to assert.

I like this face

🤓

But then how to deal with family, where agressiveness is the main language?

Those are great words, but applying it isn’t so simple. It all hinges on who you are communicating with and what their motives are.

This seems cliche I don’t like it

I bet you are single..

so well said.

Why are you womansplaning my body to me?

To be confident you have to follow your dreams and your heart, to succeed at your own challenges and accept your unique individuality first. Wishing everyone who's here to better themselves the best!

great explanation 👌

Thank you Esther!!!!!! I’m so glad you addressed this, your advice is well needed in our culture today! 💕

This is awesome

Can you make a video how to be appropriate

😋

I can't say I disagree with the thoughts regarding this. " Assertiveness is dialogue, aggressiveness is debate...". Well summarized.

However, I feel the focus of the answer revolved (too much?) around (changing) societal roles of men and women, and the answer assumes that communication between two or more parties/persons is based on goodwill and mutual positive interest (which was pehaps what the person posing the question implied).

I would say that both assertiveness AND/OR aggressiveness can be required depending on the circumstances you find yourself in. I can only agree that communicating from a place of confidence without rejecting/diminishing/blocking out the other is the ideal. However, sometimes the other may deliberately and skillfully try to undermine you, and dialiing up a degree of aggressiveness can be the only form of communication that the receiver will acknowledge.

Additionally, I'd say it is difficult to divorce certain traits and behaviours that belong within perceived assertiveness and/or aggressiveness. Perceived being the key word, in conjunction with cirucumstance/environment.

Thank you.

Thank you, Esther!

I don't know about all that because you can be assertive & aggressive at the same time, think of military drill instructors.

Gosh I lover her accent!!!

Nice job Esther! It all makes so much sense.

You get your value from your presence....love this

wow!Esther, you really helped us differentiate between being assertive and aggressive. You explained it beautifully and the different perspectives of the emotional presence men can have today.

You have Hava Dr low
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Maybe , your perception of what is aggressive is a greater question.
For example, I have been told I look intimidating when in fact, all I was doing is concentrating on the conversation. Assessing it, listening intently.
It offends some.

Welcome dialogue, got it!

Very useful .
Thank you , young lady .

Omg i really love your accent

How to deal with a bipolar partner who don’t accept he/she is bipolar

The point she made at the end was very interesting but four minutes of not answering the question is such a long time.

Very timely to me right now right here. Thank you

I LOVE YOU ESTER!!! Jesus ... As a men I started having this challenge and uncertainty once I started being more assertive, I thought I am being aggressive or dominant and always started questioning myself and then maybe become defensive BECAUSE I was questioning that and it wasn't clear ... You solved my confusion, nowfollows the work 😄 One step closer though ✌

I've always believed that being confrontational was honesty at its primal state. But now at almost 40 this is the one thing hurting my relationships; and I found that the root of my issue is fear of rejection. Basically, self-sabotage. Assertiveness is having a dialogue and Aggressiveness is having a debate; is what I took from this video. Thank you, Esther. I really want to change this.

This woman takes care of many and makes me wonder if anyone is taking care of her.