The Mistake of Forgiveness | When is it ok?

Even as a Christian, why do people miss this?
Luke 17:3-4
“Watch yourselves. IF your brother sins, rebuke him; AND IF he repents, forgive him. Even IF he sins against you seven times in a day, AND seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.””

This was not good advice. What about someone who hurt you who has died? They can't ask for your forgiveness. Forgiveness is always about your own freedom and peace of mind. You don't need to wait for someone to ask you to forgive them. My mother hurt me so badly and could've never brought herself to ask me to forgive her. She took all of that pain she caused me to the other side. Twenty years after her passing I was still suffering and my life in the toilet. It was only until I had no choice but to turn to God and forgave her that my life took on a new meaning. Forgiving is between you and God. I agree that you should keep your act of forgiveness to yourself. There have been people who have been hurt so terribly and have to go through an extensive grieving process, but eventually they have to forgive the act in order to save their own life. It's nice if someone asks for your forgiveness, that's really easy, but rarely does that happen. As the Rabbi said, every day you must give an absolution of forgiveness to anyone who has hurt you. This way you will be whole and free.

As a wee child an uncle did something wrong and I was going to tell my mother, but a thought came to me, that if I told, he'd go to jail and he would be killed, so I didn't tell. His behavior never changed and he ruined my life. I learned we are to forgive 7x70, if a person has no remorse and asks no forgiveness, staying silent is lethal. As children, we need to learn to fight, not be a passive victim .

REally only forgive myself for being fooled, or trusting the wrong person.
Or believing a woman.

Christian here and wholeheartedly agrees with this teaching! God only forgives when you turn to him with a repentant heart begging for forgiveness. Same for us between human and sincere asking should suffice!

I forgive for myself..
If i forgive from the heart i let go of the negativity i feel inside.
I free myself...i set myself free so i can feel light and love within.
Forgiveness is for myself.
Anybody can do what they want..
Hold grudges or not..
Everyone has a free choice..
❤❤❤

Forgiveness of sin is given by God. Forgiveness of wrong doing is coming from people. They are different.

If a person did something wrong, his soul was facing judgment and his body was facing punishment. Sin is on the side of soul judgment, forgiveness of sin is free for true repentance. Body punishment is nothing to do with the forgiveness of sin.

I thought about this topic many times and came to the same, identical conclusions. so, i completely agree

Thank you and God bless you rabbi.

عظيم

I don't think anyone truly forgives that's my answer especially when you don't see the justice 😮 prison justice is what would make me relieved big time but the crime of being drugged then raped I don't think you can ever forget it no women deserves to be treated like that ever what makes it worse is the bastard is still out there walking free 😮

Sorry, don’t agree. Forgiving in your heart but not letting know = keeping them hostage. Why do that? New beginnings are not available many times in life, unfortunately. It might work or it might not work, but it’s worth giving a try, especially with one’s family. Family is forever, but through the process we learn to build boundaries. So the difference is forgiving, but keeping healthy boundaries. It’s a process of a learning and making mistakes. But like everything with experience hopefully will learn to be better at forgiveness and at building boundaries.

If they want forgiveness yhey can ask me directly..and if i think it is sincere enough i might

Thank you Rabbi Friedman for explaining what I have always felt is the right way, but are often left feeling guilty about not being able to forgive in the new age--y way which is basically a wrong interpretation of "turn the other cheek". When I was young someone told me "compassion and forgiveness" and in some way it felt incomplete, so I added "but don't let them harm you" (well, back then maybe with more colorful language) . I always felt that by adding this I was short of being a truly moral person. Now it's all clear, and today I learn the truly moral person handles forgiveness appropriately and responsibly. Thank you for the lesson.

I’ve struggled many years with this issue, carried anger in my heart about a person I served under in the military, and cannot forgive him. I have watched this talk again over and over. How do I relieve myself from this weight I have carried since March 1990? When i have nightmares of what he did, when it wrecked my career, it was nothing but evil and was not the only instance? My suffering has not quit.

I have forgiven everything and everyone, but I will not enter such tainted water a second time, because I am not a sadomasochist.

I forgive very quickly, but it doesnt change the relationship (breaking it); he/ she must apologize, repair the wrong done and make amends and prove that it happened once and he regrets it very much, or... GO AWAY!!! (paradox- only good people are able to do it).

Yes- I have forgiven everyone (it does not mean that I will not help justice- especially when he/she/they can hurt other people. This is not revenge, but help justice without bad emotions).
This is a different level of consciousness- I do not feel hatred, nor envy, nor the need for revenge, etc., but I feel a strong need for justice.

"A pure heart holds no grudges"~ philosophy

Grandpa is wrong.

Book Called to Forgive by Reverend Anthony B. Thompson.

Thank u

Respect from down under ❤

Thank you

❤️

I remember having forgiven without being asked so many times and all the time I got hurt more and more.

It was a very good reminder for me today.

I do NOT forgive them, only SELECTIVELY. I forgive MYSELF first and FORMOST for the TRUTH of MY FEELINGS. CONDONING their behaviors is what forgiveness creates BIGGER DEMONS.

I resonate with your words Rabbi Manis Friedman. As not being Jewish, i would like to know... is these words how you feel it or is it something all Jewish people believe? I like to learn

Thank You very much dear Rabbi Friedman 🤍 Much love, lights and blessings 🤍 Moshiach now -Geula now 🐦‍🔥🙏🏻✡️🤍

G-d forgives. The Lost don't.

And may be we need to know also the difference between asking for forgiveness and asking for 'excuses validation '. Or at least I need to know it.
Toda Raba for your lesson.

There but for the grace of God go I. Judge Not….What if we choose the life ( the Job program) we will learn the most from. A dualistic world to allow you to experience both sides of the coin. Could you play Judas’s role?
To forgive is human to forget is divine.
The matrix exit is coming 🤔👍🦘

Amein Rabbi. One thing so many of my own brethren do not understand. Something that so many people in the west need to truly think of as it has been an abused misunderstood concept. Though forgiveness, on a soul level from one being to another, in essence is similar to a get out of jail free card, the misuse or misunderstanding of this concept can be deemed thereafter as a license to kill. One persons mercy of another persons wrong, should never be taken lightly to where the harmful person does not understand the weight of their actions. Though a person may be forgiven by another, does not mean an action has not caused an effect upon one or many others. Thus the reason and need of accounts and consequences. Some may be lessened by repentant people but should never be excused as insignificant which may mislead others to believe they carry no value or weight for their misdeed. Easy or free forgiveness without a consequence leads to misleading of the sense of its value and true harm caused. So thank you for bringing up this very much needed message especially to the western minded world that has misunderstood this very gracious concept of forgiveness. As you well said, we forgive others to not carry the baggage on ourselves or that it not hinder another persons own improvement. But should never be devalued to where they dot understand the weight of their actions.
Many blessings to you and yours Rabbi! Much love to you always for your awesome insights of heavenly wisdom!

Very good advice! ❤

TRUE.
I AGREE WITH YOU.

🌻Thank you!

For it have not committed crime but only unilateral with them, forgive the innocent they just want more.

I am truly grateful for this🙏🏻🕊

People need to actually DEFINE the act of forgiveness in concrete terms before actually trying to execute it. On average, I suspect most people believe it means that you let go of the idea that someone will face justice for offensive behavior. If someone offends me, forgiveness on my part would be meaningless and irresponsible without vindication or justice when I can clearly discern that the act was intentional and/or ongoing. I do believe it takes a little bit of your soul each time someone purposely offends and escapes punishment; it could also lead to being complicit in the potential violation of other victims when the perpetrators believe that nothing will be done to deter them.

Would when we ate the apple we would sin for ever only by believing in are are wrong from a theif

Very interesting.

I think of Corrie Ten Boom. For me she is the gold standard. She managed to forgive a nazi who Imprisoned her when he came to her and asked for forgiveness. I.take a while to get over things.😢

100% correct

💖

Forgiveness cannot be given when the crimes get repeated so many times. At that time it became UNFORGIVABLE. By Amelia

Yes, we should forgive those who ask, Yahweh waits for us to ask then He forgives.
If one who hurt us doesn't ask, we can choose to LET IT GO for ourselves 💕

this is the most clarity I have ever received on this topic. I learned something valuable today.... thank you

That is not called forgiveness!
It is called self-absolution!
To forgive violation- is self sucker!

I have watched a few videos of yours, and I thought you were a wise man, but then I watched two separate videos where you contradicted yourself. You told two stories, but they were different. Same story, but you changed it. I am not sure why, maybe because you looked at it differently from when you first told it and had a change in mind. Now, this confuses people. They look to you believing a wise man, but than something like this happens. Now I question your motives. Why would you change your story? This makes people confused. I am not going to say your wrong, and I do not know your heart. I can only say, I lost trust in your words because of it. I am sorry, maybe you had good intentions or you were enlightened, but then you should have cleared that up with your audience.

For the Narcissist and the religions they foster, Forgivness is a Blank Check; which they demand. In Judaism forgivness is something you work for and earn, to fix something that you broke.

Things can be removed from the table; however nothing is ever forgotten. Forgiveness is not forgetting; but rather the process of moving somthing off of the table.

G-d created anger and then placed it into my hand to draw my attention to a problem. I will hold that anger in my hands, that G-d placed there until the problem is resolved.

As Our Father in heaven said if you found that thought and you'll have it😊and I understand it.that I should be careful😊be cause not every people are not bad as it look like😊