10 Strategies for Overcoming Childhood Neglect

Dr. Snipes, thank you for an insightful and compassionate discussion. I hadn't realized the full impact of childhood trauma and neglect that disrupted much of my adult life. I'm happy to BE learning self-compassion as I reconcile health challenges and rewiring unhealthy misconception s. Definitely a subscriber now! 🥲

That is really interesting. I have talked with a therapist quite a lot and have done mental health programs, but I feel like still learned something from watching this. One thing that clicked for me watching this is realizing how I never felt like I had any help, like no one cared about me. And that has made me feel like I can't have any assurance that things will work out for me. I was even getting to the point of thinking that it's a good thing that no one cares about me because then I could learn to look after myself. I have learned that it's important to be responsible for myself, but I still have those feelings that I would never get any help if I needed it, and that can create anxiety for me and paralyze me sometimes into shutting down and avoiding problems.

But I think that is really extreme thinking I picked up from my parents who have their own mental health problems. I think that if I became sick or needed help with something for some reason, that there would be someone available to help me to get through it. I would do the same for someone I cared about, so there should be someone who cares about me like that. That paralyzing anxiety I've had since childhood I think also made me believe that I am incapable of looking after myself and that I couldn't become a responsible self regulating adult. But that really was just an unhealthy mindset I learned from my parents. At every step of taking better care of myself and being more responsible I am always surprised that things just work out, as if it were some sort of miracle, rather than an outcome that is supposed to be the norm.

I didn’t even accept I was neglected until my 40’s when I had my first child. My emotional dependence on my mother was so powerful that I was unable to see it. The consequences for me is the inability to maintain enduring relationships 😞

Thankyou so much for this video. I developed BPD, and this information and suggestions are very useful to me. Thanks.

Thanks for this video. I am now married to someone that is just like my mom. Invalidates feelings, etc. understanding that this happening as it did when I was a child, gives me a very different perspective. I know now I have to find my nurturing parent in myself. It’s really hard, but this helps.

I'm impressed. You are a very knowledgeable therapist. Subscribed.

thank you from the bottom of my soul !!! took notes and will work on every bit of information

Just found Channel and subscribed

S o glad I just found this am writing down notes,this is sohelpful.

This is really good stuff

this is gold

Self medication is helpful. I feel normal. Mom and dad never gave advice. Mom knew I discarded her when I was 8 years old and just went with it. I was at a friend's bday party and it clicked, "I've never had a party and don't matter" Don't need anyone or anything. When I make a decision it is absolute.

I am age 63 now, still affected by childhood neglect and family who never gets together, we left each other alone all these years. The only time the six of us (kids) got together after we left home was when my mother died in 2017. Never again. This was very good, thank you, but it triggers up a lot of yucky feelings even to this day.

Regular practice of Mantra Meditation has so many benefits. In order to heal from a problem, it is best to focus on the solution. Cursing the darkness is of little value. A sublime spiritual solution is to sing the holy names of the Supreme Lord in a humble state of mind. A person who is singing or mantra meditating on the names of the Supreme Lord in this way has no aversion to anyone, even to his/her own offenders. This is the divine nature of someone who is in constant association with the Supreme Lord thru His Holy Names that are non-different from the Supreme Lord Himself.

Forgiveness means that you don't hang on to something that a person did that made you suffer. If we are quick to forgive, this is a quality of someone who sings the Holy Names of the Supreme Lord.

If you forgive, you are free from that anger. We need to be eager to forgive. It's a liberating reality for both ourselves and those who we forgive.

If you don't forgive someone, you are basically saying that you are a great person and should be given great respect. One can never find real lasting happiness and inner peace when one demands great respect from others.

If you can forgive all who have offended you, only then will you be able to approach the Supreme Lord and ask Him "Please forgive me for all my offenses." You know how sinful you have been. These forgiving others must go together with asking the Supreme Lord for forgiveness.

You must even forgive your offender for the horrible crime he committed against you. By holding on to the resentment and anger, you are still allowing him to control and contaminate you.

There is a beautiful story how Joy Mendoza forgave the seven men who raped her. It seems almost impossible to do this. Yet with the grace of the Lord it is possible to truly love others and see that they are suffering from great unhappiness. Why would I want them to suffer more?

This video is very helpful.

The bright side I've been in worse situations and came out like a Phoenix. I understand my Mom was under a tremendous amount of pressure and abuse from my psycho narcissistic "dad".
She was literally up against impossible odds dealing the equivalent of a colicky infant that was supposed to be her spouse. She was just as much a victim as her children, I forgave her long ago.

FF > I'm stuck with two siblings who just can't get it together. One unemployed for more than 3 years and the other is underemployed.

I realize the pony is dead. I'm just standing in a field of shit.

Thank you for this video . After much searching I found you. I couldn’t believe that this is not talked about more in depth by others.
I have been on a healing journey for over 25 years. I still struggle with the impact of not being physically and emotionally protected. When you finally said the words “ physically safety “ I was relieved. I experience poverty, neglect in every possible form and shape and although I understand that my mother was traumatized herself, but forgiving our parents doesn’t help to resolve the anguish and bodily terror that I feel when confronting the world and “ adults matters” as in some areas I feel incapacitated / not capable / damaged/ missing the “ how to.”

I took many notes, so that I can actually do some of the exercises you mentioned on this video - for example , I love to journal so I will journal about my needs back then, the grieve of what never was and my most pressing issue -the physical safety I didn’t get.

Please make more videos on how can we create safety as adults ?!!!

Thank you!

Thank you for sharing this knowledge. Learning about childhood emotional neglect from a tiktok video felt revelatory...I'm trying to learn all I can about its impacts and ways to overcome it now so I can stop feeling so bad all the time, and I appreciate that you put this out here to help others on the same journey.

I think neglect is a type of abuse

Hehehe I hugged and kissed myself, then did the dishes then high fived myself

Thank you so much! I'll be watching this video a lot to help me heal as it is dense and has a lot of really great information.

I’m so glad to have come across this video, it’s extremely validating. I have definitely been abandoning myself, and it’s time to take care of me. Thank you 💕

Before my mother passed away she asked me , finally, what went wrong. I told her about the abuse from my older brother and she said she failed as a mother. I said no, he failed as a brother but looking back I was too terrified to tell her. When I said something to my siblings they all said you can never tell mom and dad, that they couldn't handle it. Well, I had to deal with the trauma and it caused me to land in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer at the age of eight. I think trauma causes addiction. Thanks Doc.

Excellent presentation! Thank you so much!

I swear to God that i hate my fucking father so much that im destroying my fucking life just to get his attention

what i find particularly difficult as an adult is not feeling "Allowed" to have what i want. Therapists and gurus tell me all i have to do is ask, to receive but i have trouble conceptualizing the ideal. For exam[e, she would encourage singing cus she liked singing in the car, but when i was a 4 YO, asking for Piano lessons, i wasn't allowed. Years later I'm an excellent singer but i flunked piano lab in music school, Another time she bought me some darts, i got really good at it. because i felt i had permission. I want my childhood back, but i see it clearly now, it was the Roman Catholic church, (in my families case), and i cant blame them although i did for years...

How the hell did you know everything about me and my childhood?

I was a child from divorced parents. My mother had to bring up 3 kids. She worked 12 hours a day and also on Saturdays. We were alone. A lot. And than she became depression and panic attacks, as the middle child ( I was the elder of 2 daughters), I had to take care of my younger sister, of my mother. I was 12! We were not allowed to say no, my mom wanted me to read her mind … i love her but that was not funny and easy. As an adult I also have 3 kids, but I am a stay at home mom ( I think I try to heal my wounds this way), but I also get depression and panic attacks. I am now in therapy. I hope a find my way and a fulfilling relationship.

Thank you Dr S!
The damage of parental neglect and abuse is life altering n extremely difficult to heal from.
It requires daily discipline n a recovery team.
Ur lucky if uve survived the physical.
The damage is beyond bruises n stitches that eventually heal.
Parents should be held accountable in criminal Court.
I grew up w repulsive conditions while these people smile to The world that look like pillars in the community.

My goodness, the prototype of my parents

I have no idea what a good caregiver is & that's kind of scary. I don't know anyone who has had a good parent.

I experienced severe physical abuse along with neglect...my childhood was a traumatic nightmare...I forgave my parents yet at 61 still have PTSD and can get triggered when I see a child or animal neglected....it's a gut wrenching surge of emotions for me!!

Thank you so much for this great information.

I am in therapy and been workimg on this for a year now but every now and then there are days were the resentment gets back to me and makes so sad. At least now I allow myself to feel the pain, cry a bit and move on little by little. But it takes a lot of my energy not to want to abandon myself.

I hate that I have to parent myself as an adult. That i have to validate myself with touch to feel loved. That i have to look up ways to stand up for myself and that it had to be this way... I'm so tired of it and wasn't ready to enter the real world with so many childhood wounds. Not only that I'm the only one that really gets it.. communicating these wounds with others they count it off as insignificant

👋👍❤

@Doc Snipes - what about the effect of trauma on the brain development? How does childhood neglect affect the development of the brain? Can childhood development impair the ability to even seek help?

Assertiveness is huge for me. The moment someone gets abusive, I have to stop.

THANK YOU DR SNIPES, I'M SAVING THIS ON ALL MY PLAYLIST

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Cool

So would a child termed as "invisible child" suffer from chudhood emotional neglect ?

Thanks for the videos! Is inner child healing evidence-based? I would like to use this with clients.

Thanks for the road map, I have needed it for so long. Now finding the route in my own way

I don't need to lye in a pile of manuer to know it stinks lol

Thank you. This was exactly what I googled not too long ago, "how to overcome childhood emotional neglect"

I can't thank you enough for this. So clear and validating.

How can I replace messages that are so ingrained that they're a central part of my identity?

Thank you so much for this video. It is extremely helpful.

Thank you so much. 🙏 You really understand our pain. You've pointed out things I need to continually work on to be a better person. I know I'll battle with the trauma for the rest of my life, but now I have the tools to accept it and grow.

She is so great. I wish I had heard this years ago. Thank youy so much for putting the time into this.