Why We Go Cold On Our Partners

Just watched this again after 2 years, maybe I'm not a hurt child but 62 year old post menopausal woman who has "gone off" sex. Like you get to a stage where something you spent a lot of time doing in your youth no longer appeals to you, maybe its not worth the effort anymore. It doesn't mean you don't love your partner, finding and defining your boundaries can be liberating.

Because all this is about reproduction and comes the day when time for this is over.

Very interesting video, thank you.

Falling in like is more important than falling in love with someone. Be a best friend and don't gauge your partner on your expectations.

Because we communicate again & again & again..
Please stop drinking so much
Please stop over-spending on nonsense
Please take a shower & wash your stinking body before you get into bed
Please stop disrespecting me
Please do your part in the house
Please do your part with the kids
Please stop complaining to your friends and family about me when we have a fight
etc...
My ex was shocked when I left him. "I had no idea you were THAT unhappy!"
You have got to be kidding me.

many partners that you will have are not aware... or going to tell you they are ... Socialpathic ...

Missing the point!?!...God created Sex - for procreation!!.. woman have babies, their mothers , aunts , sisters and friends " helps her to Raise the child " it takes a village!!.. meanwhile the men are out hunting or farming - to support their families!!.. that was pre modern age . But now purpose have changed, bcoz couples are prioritising careers over starting a family!?.. they spend way too much time " focused on each other, so ( boredom sets in ) and familiarity breed's contempt - after 6 months!?!... however" if She gets " knocked up " from the get-go " then the ( new born ) becomes the Focus - Thus the ( partnership) endures -much longer.

I've been married 40 years and this is 100% spot on.....marriage is a work in progress

Theres so many things in this life to love, or to be inlove to. But to deeply lovenpeople, to prioritize them, etc..

Is it okay if I stay passionate for now about something (any interest) or someone (learning about people, not cheating), then when I feel exhausted, I'll go home to my main priority, love, person, and that's the freedom I want. No one ever understood that. I didn't want to always be inlove, I want a bestfriend, a partner, but most of all, a home to go home to with all stimuli that distracts me in life. My feelings won't really change but they arent alwaus passionate, if I could say..

I won't always feel the same for people ai love but i love them

NGL, I can't bring myself to care anymore

Our partners are mental and emotional midgets who know nothing of the world, nothing of us and nothing of themselves. They can keep enjoying their social media misery, I am out.

Its just an illusion compelling you to breed

I have never gone cold on my partner. I adore him more and more as time passes.

Quit complicated explication with no solutions... not useful!

I checked out before the ink was dry on the marriage certificate because he just won't GIVE ME SOME SPACE AND SOME QUIET. Day and night, blabbety blabbety blah blah blah. It never ends!

Perfect explanation!

I’ve been in a relationship with this man for a few years but I emotionally checked out years ago. Partly because there is no intimacy and when I tried to talk to him about it beginning in March 2019, he refused to talk about it. He is a good man and he is very kind to me. In my view, he is more of a companion and roommate then a boyfriend. So I know about this “emotional frost” that is mentioned here.

Was kinda listerning BUT THE RED NOSE TOOK MY MIND OFF THE PRESENTATION.

Or you just get bored. That’s how it always works for me. Plus you have to give up things to be committed and sooner or later they may beckon. I like not having to consult and don’t suffer from loneliness. This leads to withdrawal and denial of the only good things a relationship offers and by that time it’s run its course. Cynical maybe, but probably true for most.

Here's the hot tip...stay single! I have been so for 10yrs and love my own company, my decisions and my freedom to pursue all the goals that I set for myself, as my own best friend. I dont feel the need for romantic company at all and in fact feel sorry for those who dont yet realise that they too can go it solo and feel 100% blessed. Life's great! Dont let anyone else ruin it for you is my motto 👍😊

Oxytocin. You secrely are all just like me, drug addicts.

This important subject is also covered in John Gray's book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Well worth reading and rereading

BECAUSE I'M NOT WANTED - THAT'S WHY!

You can brainwash yourself. You can decide that you are going to love this person and just do it (people do this all the time and fall "in love"with someone they've never even met). By doing this you can train yourself to overlook and forget these little slights and just stay in love with your spouse. But, you both have to do it otherwise it doesn't work.

Familiarity breeds contempt
True unconditional love is a unicorn
Most people stay because it’s easier

Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

❤

OMG Twelve weeks of therapy and 18 months of weekly one hour sessions didn't give me as much useful information as this 6 minute video. I shall show this to her in the morning in the hope she can understand and forgive.
If not, then at least I think I'm beginning to understand anyway...

This was me, pushing my partner away, hurting him and now I realise what I've lost. I lost the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, my best friend and it kills me inside..no amount of saying sorry could take back the hurt I caused.😔😔

This is your best video ever! And all the others are already so great! I have never realised how childish this thoughts and feelings are! You are revolutionary correct!👊

Every time I try to articulate what I feel has been grieving me about my partner, I just turn out to be the selfish villain. So I just gave up mostly, hence the distance. Screw that.

My first love was perfect in every way. She was tough, beautiful, clever and extremely loyal. My parents were against this relationship because she was Muslim. In the endcwe broke up because I was 18 and had to do what my parents said. I had several relationships that felt empty because none of these women understood me. Now I am married 10 years and I really love her very much. But I still think almost every day of my first love. She is a lawyer and leader in her profession and still looks like one hell of a women with almost 40. But she's married and has children like i do. We met at the school reunion three weeks ago and we talked 2 hours non stop. I realised that I miss talking to her for over 20 years. I miss her as a friend. Sex is not important anymore. But she refused to stay in contact to "protect her family". I let her pass.
The conclusion: You need a partner that you can talk to and that understands you. You can have sex with many but these 10 minutes are not all.

Thank you❤🌹

boo

Yah my girl disrespected me a couple times…thats all it took. She just dreamed up negative fake scenarios…and then acted out her feelings of these fake scenarios in real like…I loved her so freakin much..and now after what she put me through I don’t feel anything about her…she’s just vaporized…and I’m fine…it’s pretty amazing how my feelings for her changed

A very subtle ongoing complex low-level resentment can be responsible … based on perceived or actual slights or unresolved problems.
Another sign of this is feeling anger and saying nasty things during an ‘argument over nothing.’
Ie. … there’s a reason.

I was never allowed to have a voice or opinion in 25 years he didn't want an equal partner he didn't value me as a person he wanted a well trained circus animal that did as they were told no questions asked and on demand and when I got sick of it and went cold years ago he complained that I've changed....
No he changed me into someone I didn't know or like I'm back and I'm to hot to handle and not in a way that he would like for me to be. He's done dominating, controlling and using me. And NO I'm not going to give him the easy way out and leave I'm making him as miserable as he's always made me.

This generation of fucktards wouldn't even know what a real relationship is 😂😂😂

Someone goes cold after only a few dates. What's a relationship? Haha

I hate my parents they ruined me

Isn’’t it great when someone loves you for you and when famillarity is actually something sweet and makes us happy and want to stay together for positive reasons ….😊familiarity surely comes from the word family ❤and family i love….

I’ve never met the right person is how I see it no I’ve never met the right person I’m not confused one bit which has made me very cynical in my day reality of every day life..

Why do people stay in dysfunctional relationships?

That story is fucked up that makes me want to leave her

I hope this helps : so how does it feel to be on the receiving end of this coldness?

My wife has suddenly gone cold on me after 16yrs of happy marriage.

I'm not abusive, aggressive, in our relationship I encourage her to talk. But she chooses not to. She has affirmed that I have not done anything TOO her, and done nothing to upset her (conscious mind).

Yet it has been 4 mths, she has kissed me, hugged me, or initiated touch, and obviously no sex.

So how does it feel?
I am in so much pain that I wake up with such agonising grief, worse than when a family member died. I regularly find my mind cycling through the 5 stages of grief.

I feel so hurt that my mind keeps providing disquieting detailed thoughts of committing suicide.

I would not do that, as I feel that, although it would end my pain. I could not do something so selfish, that would hurt her more.

So that's what it's like to be on the receiving end.

I am a Christian, and I believe marriage isn't about emotions but it is a contracted promise witnessed by others. An equally entered into arrangement, like any other binding agreement.

So I am under Moral, scriptural, and contractual obligation to continue to be kind loving and tender to my wife. To make my ACTIONS manifest a behaviour and result, despite what my emotions want me to behave in the opposite.

Ephesians 5:28+29:
"In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself,  for no man ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cherishes it, just as the Christ does the congregation."


What disappoints me, is that my wife will not put forth the same effort in making CHOICES AND in her actions toward me.

If she was to make choices in her actions, maybe to hold my hand in example, it would show loyalty despite her trauma.

Therefore making it easier for me to fulfil my obligation of compassionate and loving tenderness.

I have been clinically depressed in the first 5yrs of our marriage.
(I'm no longer a sufferer)
So I know how it feels to feel nothing. Neither positive or negative emotions.

When I was sick, I knew In my mind I loved her. That she deserved for my love to be manifest. So I gave out what in the moment I couldn't feel. I would assure her of my love, despite feeling nothing.
Through my conscious choices I made my actions do the right thing for her.

Now she is the one who is suffering and is sick. But is hurts and saddens me that she appears to be unwilling to put forth the same effort as I did for her in the past.

I don't know if this is because of a difference between men and women, where we get our motivating power.

But now you know how it feels to be the receiving party.

I hope this helps someone else.

If you need or have a partner you are already losing in life. Sorry to say.

Romantic love is made up. We don't need anyone, just family. If family isn't around, get a dog or a cat and talk to them and love them until they leave this earth.

Have you ever ran across funny as couples, who don't know what to do with their life. I do all the time, that if one noticing them, they have one boring life. See boring come from the mental stimulation, but if one don't have thoughts to keep moving on in life. They become to be the new crash dummy looking for destructive ways to massage their lost way. They walk through life blind as a bat, hoping to crash into something that make them both get a thrill that their boring asses can talk about until they find another bate to play with to keep them holding on to each other lost ass life.