10 Struggles of Being the Borderline's Favourite Person

Help!

Master manipulative relationship, mental warfare, I'm free now. No more verbal abuse and "leave me alone I need space" or fake "I love yous" or rudeness. No. Done. Not for me.

A bpd relationship is what got me into mgtow, redpill, and eventually bpdfamily/understanding. She broke me and ive noticed from others especially women that since this relationship i never talk about myself or my day. Ever. I have no social media presence or profiles whatsoever and keep my life as secret as possible. It feels like im being interrogated and observed for flaws or weaknesses to exploit and manipulate rather then just innocent questions or inquiry. Pretty sure thats a symptom of bpd abuse.

A lot of stalkers in these comments trying to justify the weird behavior lmao nobody wants to be y'all favorite person. Get some self esteem about yourself & stop being delusional. It's not too late to stop & FINALLY grow up. How old are you ?

My bf has BPD, as his fav person it feels so stressed and exhausted because of clingines, his possesive, his sudden anger out of nowhere. He get jelous for someone who doesnt even exist. He ask me to removing my male friend from my contact and burst with anger if i dont do it quickly.
He wqnt to know like every minute what i do daily ....
Idk if i can be strong enough abt this

🎯 this one describes to perfection my experience with a lady friend that has BPD.

This video is not helpful in any way to fix a relationship.. it only helps to make more fights. And I would suggest couple therapy , not only the ‘bpd’ person that needs intense therapy. They can make agreements together in therapy.

I'm losing a lot of my friends each year because of bpd. I'm so tired and don't feel like making friends again

Thank you so much. So informative. Been there for a few years so so heartbreaking.

I met a young lady who has so many BPD traits but treats everyone as 1:1 favorites. She tried to have a fling with me during a promiscuous run of hers. She didn’t show up on first date. She was late for second date so I told her don’t even bother coming over, then blocked her ass. Now this Alpha girl would never let that fly. She called the next day telling me she was heading to my 20 acre property regardless what I wanted. She wanted to F. She pulled in the driveway which was flanked by a Japanese Tori and Buddhist bell. After getting out of her car, she approaches me a little shaken up and confused, stating she had a huge unsettling feeling when the car entered my land. I made some excuse like maybe it was some cow or something. What I was actually thinking was why the hell did my protective forces even allow this dark energy on my property.  

11 months earlier, a dark presence followed me 200 miles from Sacramento to my property in Nevada. It felt so real I could almost touch it. Its presence was unmistakable. Breaking up with the covert narcissist gf had really upset a powerful depressive vengeful being. a swarm of Spiritual beings descended on my property, and kicked the shit out of that dark cloud instantly.

So why did they let this evil doer pass through those gates. at the time I didn’t know what she was up to. I didn’t know she was mopping the streets up with sexual encounters. She made certain I was to believe she was an innocent, pure young lady.

But here she was standing on my property, not knowing she had just had a spiritual encounter with everything that’s good in this world.

Sorry. I can’t finish this post.

Im not that thank God

I am self-aware Quiet BPD. My favorite person is my primary doctor, but does he know he's my favorite person?

I have both ASD and a BPD diagnosis but I don't have these fears or experiences anymore (it took years of therapy and some pretty powerful medications). I do still have some anxieties but not to this extent. I can't imagine being that dramatic, was that what I to be like? God... That sounds terrible.
Edit: I have decided to send this to my fiance to ask if this has been his experience (he's always been honest with me and that's more important to me as an autistic person than the feeling of rejection is as someone with BPD) I just want to know if I have made as much progress as I think I have and if I haven't see what specific issues I need to address in therapy.

I had a friend of 3 years with BPD. Never EVER again. I have sympathy for those that have this condition, but for the sake of my own mental health I will never go near someone with BPD again.

Wow after 9 years, 6 years married... and every single word has never been truer. I was never able to pin point his issue. I knew he had some sort of abandonment issue. Watching these videos is very eye opening, also heartbreaking that this is the life I have been living. I went from a cheating narcissist that paid no attention to this.

This sounds a lot like covert narcissism and their chosen supply. I have trouble discerning the two personality disorders.

I wish I could take the fear of abandonment away and BPD away. I was what you describe as a FP. One day she up and left after I asked her to stop cheating and leave all exs out of picture. I truly loved her still do. Spot on about friend things. I could never say it’s ok or I’m fine if at work. I was accused of cheating while at work because I could not text her back. One time I forgot to text went to Rite Aid that was seen as a betrayal and failure to communicate. I’m struggling as I miss my ex as she turned into my best friend. However someone who loves doesn’t just ghost and leave.

I've had two overwhelmingly destructive relationships as an FP. You'd think id have learned the first time but when I see pain i want to nurture. Each time, by the time I realized what was happening I was in too deep. One woman was so jealous of my 6 year old daughter that behind my back she was mean to her. Plus, every birthday, mothers day, holiday, family picnic, school event it was inevitable I'd be in a psych er with her after calls of self harm. I was so ashamed when my daughter finally told me how she was being treated..I ended the relationship immediately. Then the drama ramped up. It was my psychiatrist who rescued me during that time. I will never be in a relationship with someone with BPD ever again. I cant cope with it.

What do i do 😰
I want to leave but I'm afraid

This is someone ive been dating online.
Idek their location to call a welfare check on them.

Theyre highly suspicious of me. They constantly accuse me of cheating and basically just being a horrible human being.
Its been months but they don't tell me even their last name
but at the same time they expect me to give them my all, they talk about marriage and making plans together and spiral into threatening their own lives when I do any little thing that doesnt meet their expectations.
One moment everything is perfect and we're happy, but the next minute before i know it, it will be chaos.
I wont even see it coming.
Breaking up, threatening to leave\take their lives, but overreacting if i stop replying, wanting to make up but breakup again. Like- 🤦‍♀️

I really do care for them. They've promised to change a million times, but it only gets worse.
And i get blamed, i get threatened, I get dragged into these life or death situations, where if i dont comply, it will be the end of the world.
I can't keep giving my all to someone who only wants to take, i dont even know their phone number! We use discord to call\video.
While they simply vanish whenever they want to and just go about their days and msg when they can without me making a scene out of it, im expected to be 24\7 msgng or calling them.
Or im expected to msg just minutes after they txt.
We have different time zones, they don't even let me sleep. But they have the whole evening for themselves afterwards and sleep until they are rested. They dont care or show empathy. If i have to sacrifice my health to tend to them, then thats perfect for them. And they think theyre entitled to that! They see no problems demanding that i dont sleep or that I simply wake up to talk to them for example. No matter how tired I am or how stressful my day was. I have my own problems, but even when im going through something, they always will have it worse, my focus has to be on them instead. They compare and diminish my problems without even letting me finish. They also often cut me off and just expect me to listen to them instead for hours sometimes! There's no mutual interest. Im just someone who they expect to be there and serve them. They don't care for who i am and if i tell them cause I want them to know me, they will hardly remember 1% of it. I cant take it anymore!


Theres nothing, no amount of effort i put into them that will avoid these things from happening! And they use their traumas to justify all those behaviours. I can never feel hurt or offended, i have to be this smiling emotionless lifeless doll around them and just care about them instead.

Im now highly anxious, having panic attacks thinking of what they may do if i finally stand up to their abusive behaviour. I don't ever want to date anymore omg

Help???

What happens when someone with BPD dates an avoidant 😳

From being a mental health professional I really do feel for those with BPD irrespective of being put in the favourites category on more than one occasion; I think they can genuinely confuse being kind & considerate for meaning something 'other'. Of course you get the varieties of BPD with NPD as well whom I have little sympathy for. I was unfortunately stalked by someone with a dual condition & it's left so many mental scars I question my own sanity at times. I wander why they picked me; I know logically but emotionally it's hard to deal with.

I've been dating this guy for 2 months after a couple of years break from dating and going to therapy for my severe anxiety (abusive childhood, narc dad, alcoholic mum). So I thought I'm strong enough to open up again, and I met this man, seemingly the most stable, caring, giving, well-mannered human being. He love-bombed me intensely, that was a bit unsettling but I brushed it off for a while. After 2 months I felt exactly the same as you described, Lise: exhausted, my whole life about him 24/7, on the edge, deprived of sleep (he simply would not let me, long conversations into the night, sex, let's watch a movie together etc.), constantly being accused of trying to breakup whenever I tried to pull away a bit to get a slip of a fresh air, manipulated, given the silent treatment, triangulated with his ex whom I still don't know if he was still in love with or just used her to make me jealous, etc. I gave up. Broke up with him just before xmas, which made me feel even a worse person, but he intended to introduce me to his family and I desparately wanted to avoid that. I still don't know what was wrong with him, narc, BPD, maybe both....or am I really such an unstable person, fearful of a "real " relationship that he accused me of? I'm totally confused.

I was with him and you can never make them happy..and every word she says is on 100%..I am sorry but
I can't give my sanity to them..
I need to love myself..

Thank you so much for this video, and others. As a FP of someone I suspect has BPD this is so very accurate - all of it. It's really helping me with the guilt I feel from walking away.

I think I've finally found what truly describes my ex.

I've been on a psychology, attachment style, and personality disorder deep dive for months (well years actually) trying to understand what the deal is in the relationship. If I'm "the" problem, or am I just a target, or simply still codependent and suffering from cptsd.

I've been focused on narcissism lately, while a lot of covert narcissist traits seem to apply to my ex. After watching the male BPD traits video on this channel and this video. This 1000% describes my ex.

1000%!!!

I thought males weren't likely to have bpd so I didn't look into it until I met a potential date that I got immediate weird vibes from in our very first texts. He posted a video about living with bpd and narcissism and I knew I had to learn more because he gave me that manipulative game player vibe that my ex did.

I've been in therapy off and on for years throughout my life. None of my therapists have ever mentioned me having a personality disorder.

I've been told I suffer from ptsd and I'm a bit codependent way back in my 20s. I'm 50 now and my current therapist says I'm actually pretty damn healthy considering what I've been through. She believes it's all the work I've done on myself over the years.

So this is pretty damn validating for me seeing this video about the bpd chosen one/favorite. I'm floored by how spot on this is!

My ex loves to tell me it's my fault and that I'm not doing enough. I'd be completely dumbfounded thinking to myself who the hell is he talking about? Surely can't be me because I both do, and put up with, A LOT. I'm very patient and tolerant. Supporting us and his kids from another relationship financially when he lost his job and his home. I'm self aware. Actively working on my self development and personal growth. I'm pretty emotionally mature for someone that suffered years of abuse as a child and early 20s. I'm willing to look at my crap. I'm a good communicator. I don't expect my partner to read my mind. I managed our own household plus my own business, my own expenses. I could go on and on. I can't believe how validating this is! I found my answer! He was so baffling! I couldn't figure him out. I could never do anything right and he was never happy unless I was completely catering to him like a mother to an infant. Even then he'd eventually find some fault. Ugh.

This is 💯 my ex!!! I can't wait to tell my therapist about this!

I so wish my ex would get help! I'd still be with him if he actually followed through and did the work. I'm not looking for perfection. I'm was just tired of the roller coaster and abuse and wanted a partner to grow and get healthier with. Not get dragged down into the mud.

... I'm sorry if i sound reductive but why does this just sound like women?

What I don't understand is if someone values you that much as a favorite person to the point that you know if you leave they're thrown into such a spin why do they lie and why do they cheat why do they risk losing the one thing that gives them so much happiness and support and love.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to want to be there and support and love someone when they tell you all these things that they can't be without you and they love you and they miss you all day long and then they hide things on their phone, there in communication with their exes, they don't see what they're doing is hurtful disrespectful but most of all it's actually going to cause them more pain in the end😢

I truly feel sorry for people in that scenario because they could have not just what they want but what they need to have a decent love life

struggles of not being able to spell

Holy fuck I’m certain I may have borderline personality disorder. They way I feel to a favorite person is literally accurate to the T

I’m watching this vid as a person with BPD to understand the way ppl surround me perceive me. I’m highly aware enough to recognize all the points mentioned. I don’t really want to keep living like this! I want to change! What should i do, really?

The most accurate video I have ever seen. I have BPD and I have done this cycle NUMEROUS times. It’s heart breaking and I’m trying really hard to break out of it and do better <3

What if the FP turns out to be a covert NPD?

My husband of 30 years was diagnosed with mixed personality disorder, borderline and anti-social. I was his favorite person, but it was a rollercoaster of hell. He was so dependent on me, and when I felt overwhelmed, he would accuse me of not loving him. While I may have been his favorite person, he was living a secret life, cheating on me. I didn't know he was, but I found out. When I told him that we were done, that he couldn't live both lives, one as my husband, and one as a single man, he told me that his private life was none of my business. I didn't hate him, but I was so drained that I needed to leave. He was suicidal in the past so I was really afraid for him. This time he wasn't just suicidal, but also homicidal. Law enforcement SWAT team protected me but he refused to surrender and ended his life. Now I feel guilty for finally feeling free.

I’m my sister’s favourite person. She invests a lot in me, does what she can to keep me there. The minute I can’t do as she asks there and then then that’s a major offence to her. She acts more like my mum than my sister. It’s lovely having this attention sometimes but other times it’s exhausting. She expects me to have total allegiance to her and her causes and if not well I’m in trouble. I love her she is my sister but you know I need her to back off sometimes

I’ve watched a couple of your BPD videos and haven’t heard you mention cheating yet. My BPD ex is by FAR the most promiscuous person I’ve ever met. Literally hundreds of people and every friend and acquaintance I’ve ever had has except one.

I’ve been in line at a drive thru fast food place, and she WILL NOT tell me what she wants. I asked, and pleaded with her to tell me what she wants. She can have anything on the menu and she wouldn’t say a word. So I only got something for myself and it caused one of the worst meltdowns of hers I’ve ever witnessed (which says a whole lot).

1. How long a BPD keep their favourite person in a single stretch ?
2. Can a BPD have multiple favourite person at a time ??

The grieving and immense feeling of loss is a normal feeling for difficult breakups, especially when the breakup wasn't your decision and your heart got broken. You don't need to be borderline to feel that.

is this seriously how i might make my FP feel?? Can i never be friends with him without hurting him? I don't wanna hurt him :((

None of my FPs ever knew I was their FP. I am always terrified of how intense and painful it feels when I feel like I’m going to lose my favourite person and I do everything I can to hide it because I don’t want to freak them out with my neediness. I tend to just silently go into meltdown, hurt myself, split on them until they get back to me/I realise they weren’t abandoning me and they are none the wiser. Many of us are aware of how our disorder can present and do our best to hide it. Having an FP and fear of abandonment is the most painful part of BPD, the pain I feel when I perceive abandonment feels like I’m dying and if I think they are leaving me the world feels empty.

Most bpds also suffer with npd and npd makes it even more difficult to stick it out with a bpd. Its very sad. I tried for 10yrs. And it sucked the life out of me emotionally physically and financially

Harsh.

As the recipient of this, I would love to hear about the destabilizing characteristics. This behavior can make the person on the receiving end act against their better judgment as a form of protecting themselves against the instability.

All people get messed up by some people with BPD so exaggeration is beyond all.
They are cool when getting the benefits but noone helps us when we feel down. F it

I had to walk out on the friendship when it was getting too much and unhealthy, it reached a point she was demanding I take her sides and loyalty despite her impulsiveness. She also refused to go back to therapy. Love and care for her and all but I needed to walk out… the friendship gave me an ick factor.
I want to be empathetic and supportive and I have been for 3 months , and it’s not like she doesn’t know she has bpd she is refusing help and I honestly do not see that as an excuse to justify such kind of behavior, she literally has no actual present problem but it’s like she is always victim. She is fixated on the past. Sorry I really can’t. I hope she finds a new favorite person for her sake, her benefit and my wellbeing. I had to be super blunt and tough on her and it did not feel good and I hate the guilt I feel but I know I did the right thing. I reached a point I may even literally raise a restraining order.

The irony of #10 is remarkable in that, the exact thing you describe the way the borderline feels after they lose the FP is so similar to how the discarded FP feels. I often tell people that I feel like my entire family (my ex fiancé and her kids that she had me help her raise for a year) died in a car accident or a plane crash. One day you are their everything, and literally the next you are nothing to them. It’s all so so so sick.

me listening to this crying and hyperventilating because i truly do feel so sorry i put my ex through and feel bad i put him through so much

As a person with bdp now I'm kinda seeing and thinking that this is what my favourite person is feeling and I feel guilty because I don't want them to feel that way. It makes me feel like they have even more reason to leave me because this is the way I act.

I understand the need to explain what a Borderline’s FP is so people have an awareness, but putting this video in the category of dealing with toxic friends and family is very hurtful. As a person who struggles with BPD, and has unintentionally had a “Favourite Person”, it does not mean I am a toxic person. Having a favourite person is just as difficult, if not more so, for me as it is for the FP. What you describe is mostly true. But it is not manipulative. It is not something we do with malicious intent, and most often, without awareness that this type of relationship is unhealthy. Instead of classifying us as toxic people, maybe a bit of compassion could be extended and focus on how to help us learn how to have healthy relationships, or at least help us to understand the impact we have on you and help us find support so we can address the trauma that creates this dynamic within us. We are doing the best we can. Usually, having a FP is really about caring deeply and/or holding love in our hearts for that person. The last thing we want to do is hurt them. The fear of rejection and abandonment is the hallmark struggle in people with BPD. And more often than not, this is a result of severe trauma. So classifying us as toxic is unfair and extremely hurtful. We don’t need to be vilified. We need help. Please reconsider classifying us as toxic. 💔🌹💔