How To Stop Being Defensive - Fight or Flight Response

green state?

F.E.A.R
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

It’s perspective and you can’t control someone else’s perspective. You cant control their experience so you cant control their perspective. This is great for real negatives, but my experience seems more perceived than real threats.

Anyone fighting their sinuses right now

Great video. I’ve often taken things too personal. I would love to not get defensive at all.

Solution: discern and block attacker = problem solved. First step is to set bounderies and dont interract with narcissists lol. Thanks for the video :)

This information is golden! Thanks doc

Thanks man this video really helps, especially the breathing tip.

I'm on the verge of losing one of my friends because of my defensiveness, and I don't want that to happen.

I'm starting to work on it, so I don't lose that friendship.


I been watching other videos that also been helping. This one helped as well so thank you.

Thank you so much for posting this. I’m slowly realizing how defensive and negative I have been for so long. I got diagnosed with PTSD and nearly gave up because it just seemed so hopeless. I got saved in March and have a long way to go, videos like this help so much

Makes sense to me. But then again, it is all about me, isn’t it?

Im literally so upset and crying💀

You are Inspiration my friend

He looks like the grown up version of Juni from Spy Kids.

I’m extremely defensive and it’s hurting everyone around me. I know about the breathing exercises but the problem I have it before I can think about them my fight of flight reaction has already kicked in. How do I fix this?

So... experience of being hurt by police is not real? Lol. Mk.

So... when I'm right 1 in 3 times with THEM, and they've assaulted me twice and once by sheriff, does it still fit your acronym??

Good commentary. Loved hearing your reference to metacognition. People also need to learn about meta-awareness...aware of being aware and noticing what we notice. Thank you. 🙏🏻

I wanna say it so bad

This was helpful

That exercise helped i will do it it from now

I am not a 100 dollar bill to be liked by everyone I didn’t come to this world to fulfill your expectations

This is so helpful! Thank you!

What if someone is defensive even when you say or ask for something good or nice and they flip it into something bad. I feel hopeless. The fight explodes because of unhelpfulness with rudeccommentscand sarcastic things

I was the scapegoat of my narcissist family. So it’s hard not to be defensive or try to prove something sometimes but I have been working on myself a lot! Thanks for the video 💯🙏🏽

I had four angry men shouting at me :P it's funny now

This is horrible and has never helped me in any situation.

Wow amazing! Helped me so much

Your hair is dynamite! 👍👍

Better every day 💙

This has changed my life. Thank you ❤️

This was very helpful because I never knew how much I struggled with this and for a long time, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal because I was stupidly comparing my reactions to my partner’s pain that I was causing them.
Thank you Dr. P!

Thanks, I've noticed I'm defensive a lot and am pretty ashamed of it now that I realized it on my own

This video is… like… the answer to so many of my problems. Haha! Maybe if I listen to it on repeat I can brainwash myself into thinking this way in the heat of the moment! That’s the problem with me. When the tension is high I react completely differently than when it isn’t. And sometimes I kneejerk get offended at things that later I’m like “that was clearly a joke” or “I wish I hadn’t reacted to that with negative assumptions”. It seems like this stuff flies out the window when I get upset. Maybe the key is to meditate more so that I more readily think of taking calm breaths or of being more charitable toward others.

As someone who get bullied in school, I often get into defensive state. It's already passed years ago, but I'm still get into that defensive state.

Him yelling "Don't be Defensive!"
Me "Man, I don't know who you think you're yellin at like that!"

I see what you did there you lil sneaky sneak.

I always learn a lot from the information you share. I’m interested to learn about improving communication with my partner who is immediately defensive in any conversation with slightly differing opinions. Assuming nefarious intent when I state an opinion or confuse a question with interrogation. It’s exhausting and Limits me to shallow small talk . Is there anything I can do? Can I change my behaviour to support a nonjudgmental platform?

I learned this exact breathing technique in therapy yrs ago. I really works.

Really having a tough time when my partner criticize me about something, this can make me REALLY REALLY Really mad, a moment of wanting to rage with outbrust of anger, hope this technique can help me.

I started giggling before I finished my second exhale 😂
Feels gooooood 🤤🤤

Another thing is we must learn how to submit to people. There’s something that pops into my mind whenever I’m about to fight the defensive emotion. Something makes me see it like am about to submit to the person and due this my defensive emotion gets even more stubborn. I’m ready to change things

Information about the person?
Could you explain more please

This is why I take every sarcastic comment seriously 😒

So good ❤️

Dr.Paul I too duck and move out of the way when I’m watching an intense movie scene lol

That was so helpful ! Thank you!! I’ll be using this technique tomorrow , metorecognition 😊

Even if this video is 4 years old, it’s still helping people like me get over the feeling of always being defensive. Thank you so much! The last part of the video was def valuable to me

Apparently I’ve been struggling with being defensive for a lot longer than I’ve been aware of it. Unfortunately for me that nature is now leaking into other areas of my life and I have no idea on how to stop it when it’s become apart of my personality. Being defensive has led me to have a pessimistic, negative tone when I used to come off very friendly and bubbly to new people. Now everyone I meet just wants to stay away from me until I have this under control :(

I think the most permanent way to change ultra defensiveness is to come to a real understanding that your perception is messed up and broken. You are not responding correctly to anything because you have a constant angry lens over your mind that you have to find away to get rid of it without killing yourself. This may take some intense therapy and uprooting and forgiveness.

what about people that are defensive and have explosive rage episodes anytime you ask simple questions like... " Hey babe what time is it?" lol. There mind is actually broken. they perceive everything as a threat or an attack. Give me some answers for that.