Relationship OCD? 10 Tips for ROCD

My life is ruined

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend from 1 year but i have so many doubts about us. I always end us thinking he’s not the one for me, i can get a better guy , he’s not meeting my expectations etc. He has changed a lot and tries to understand me but i ALWAYS end up thinking i can get better treatment, this is not a relationship i always wanted. Though he is also becoming a better version of himself but idk it would be a great day with him and i would suddenly start to question my relationship. This is so frustrating plus he has changes A LOT for me and then too im having more doubts than ever. I would create scenarios that if this gonna happen im gonna end the relationship.
Please tell me is this ROCD or im in a wrong relationship?

What if both partners have CPTSD from previous abusive relationships/childhood abuse and trigger each other SO easily that it leads to fighting with instances of verbal abuse, and then one doesn’t trust the other as a result? Even with apologies and effort to change it is still so difficult to trust. Is there hope for that kind of situation? Especially if neither partner can afford therapy?

🙏🏻

I have rocd is it possible to have a full recovery?? I am 18 I can't live like this my whole life

Few month ago my wife share me about her Ex BF. So i constantly ask her every single day what have you done, how serious that relationship. How was the dating situation? Both of you were so close?
So when she told me al those thing. Its stuck in my mind. Now every single moment i keep thinking about that. I keep imagin how she touch his hand or hug or talk sweetly.
Now i make my wife everyday cry regarding this issue. She tried to Council me that past is past. Now i love you so much. I but didn’t melt. I start hate her now. Even Hate to touch her. Feel like someone already touch you so i can't.

Problem is always try to forgot all those thing throw all out of my mind and start love her. but i really can't. Completely no sympathy for her.

Besides, i can't focus work, no future career thoughts. Stomach and chest pain.

I don’t know what disorder i have. Weather its.. OCD? delusion jealously disorder? Or anxiety disorder?

Hi Paige, thank you for your video. It's very insightful. I'm feeling stomach contractions for the past week now as I prepare to go on a second date with this person whom i had a great date with last week. Any remedies for the stomach contractions please?

My FOCD came up when me and my boyfriend had an argument, I started to become really guilty and my mind yelled at me and called me names like “I’m a cheater.” After that stage it progressed onto “do I really love him?”, “should I break up?” Etc, and those thoughts made me really upset because it felt like it was in my head and not what my heart wanted. Now I don’t feel happy, I don’t feel love or anything and it bothers me so much. I’ve been feeling this way for 3 months and I’m so lost and still upset. I also got upset when I realised I didn’t miss him and when I miss him I usually cry but I don’t anymore and that bothers me. I don’t get butterflies anymore and that bothers me. My mind won’t shut up at all. It’s all draining me.

those who seek out these types of videos are most likely to not have rocd. Think about it for a moment. It is like chain smokers going to tobacco company research and ads to confirm that smoking is not unhealthy, instead of thinking for themselves for a moment and confronting the inconvenient truth. No, you likely are not having rocd. And those rocd 'therapists' (I have not seen any of them with any credentials, not even a university degree or anything) of course are telling you that you have rocd. It is their only source of income lol

Thank you for the specific examples. It normalizes the experience. As a therapist, I struggle with ROCD and it affects my relationships. I like the things you said. Thank you

I have an amazing partner whom I love the way I can't even explain. This is my first and want to be last romantic relationship. I have a childhood trauma because I was abandoned by my co-called father. Those intrusive thoughts are driving me insane and make me so doubtful towards my boyfriend even though he has never given me any reason to. I'm like what if I get cheated on? What if he finds someone else? and so on. I came to conclusion that it all comes from my childhood trauma and leads to ROCD. Any advices I can take? I just want peace of mind, why is it so difficult for people like me :(

We will do this guys, trust in love and everything will be fine ❣️

I'm in a relationship with the most wonderful person. He's everything i asked for. But ive been noticing that I've been distant and I'm being attacked by thoughts of do i even love him? Does he deserve me? This is so boring etc. But when these thoughts go away i feel so appreciated with him. But i ruminate on our previous fights. I just am attacked by these thoughts that I don't love him. Idk what to do

What about constantly questioning ‘is this God’s will’ ‘what if this anxiety means God wants us to break up’
What about ‘finding the one’ urge?

I live with this and it feels like there is someone in my mind that’s not me and I feel like I’m constantly fighting with it. I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years and have felt like this for a year. I know it’s relationship ocd because any intrusive thought I get I get so overwhelmed it feels like I’m going to explode. I sometimes can find little things that can make it go away for an extended period of time. But I have never been in healthier relationship and I’m just so scared because I love her to death and I feel like my minds fighting me and I can’t comprehend it.

Hi there, I have ROCD and I found this video really helpful. By any chance , do you deliver 1 to 1 sessions ?

Can ROCD be comorbid or confused with Avoidant Attachment? Thanks for this.

I feel like I have ROCD but there’s also a few valid reasons I don’t want to be with him.

I’m a 6ft tall woman and he’s shorter than me which I don’t like. He’s slept with a man and lied to me about it in our past, which we’ve healed from, but I still have a hard time accepting that.
He left across country to go live in his converted ambulance and the only way we can be physically together now is if I join him because he won’t compromise on it. And I don’t want to sacrifice my life and stability to live on the road full time at 33 when I’m trying to establish myself.
I’m obsessive with my choice if I should go all in or end it for good. I’ve broken up with him many times and he always comes back to ask to try again and I fold because I love him.

Lmao I get all of the thoughts and then to make it worse I get the thought of what if it’s just my I tuition and not ocd and I’m just not listening to it and can never fully enjoy and relax in my relationships especially the ones I care abt the most

Thank you for the video. I appreciate it , it has been very helpful. On of the most frustration elements of my ROCD has been feelings of numbness (like in the example) and disinterest. It comes and goes, but often I get in an obsessive checking of emotions and scanning various emotional responses. I was wondering if there was recommended treatment or practices for ROCD of this variety. Thank you.

I got one question… I dont ask myself „does this feel right ?“… It dont feel right … Is there a difference ?

Thank you.
It's been 7 years of a great relationship, I love him so much. Through these years I had some doubts and insecurities bc we started dating so young ("maybe I want other experiences? Maybe it's better to be single? Maybe I want to be single to decide my life without thinking about another person? Maybe I would try casual sex...hm... But he's more conservative than me and he would never accept something like this and I don't want to lose him. Ok, then"), but it was normal. Just some doubts bc we are young and our commitment is strong since I was 18.

I decided that I loved him so much and it's way more worth it to keep my relationship bc he makes me happier than ever. I believe he's the love of my life deeply.

Last year he proposed and I wasn't prepared yet. I accepted, but felt some pressure. My parents disagree too, their reaction became a trauma.

After that I started to feel anxiety and to remember every single doubt I had these last years. I started to believe I was living a lie, that I actually don't love him anymore. That I'm in denial.

I cry a lot, bc I know that's not true. I didn't want this to be true, bc he's so important to me. Our relationship is so important to me.
Now I know I love him. I'm sure of that, but my mind isn't satisfied.

"Ok, you love him, but sometimes we love, but want to leave anyway. Maybe you want to be alone. Maybe you need to have those experiences you thought that you would never have bc of your relationship. Oh, you don't think you really want those experiences? Are you sure? How come if you thought you wanted and that you would sacrifice that to stay with him? And now you want to tell me you don't think you really want this? That it was just a fantasy that you misunderstood as a real desire? You create a lot of excuses. You want to leave him, you are in denial, your relationship will never be the same.
You think that's all a lie bc you've always been happy and never regretted? Well, maybe you were already in denial all these years. You think you were happy, you remember yourself feeling happy and confident about him, but ... Was it really like this? Are you sure?"

IT'S LIKE HELL. I'm so afraid I'll never feel the same anymore.
I started therapy bc I was suspecting of OCD (I had HOCD when I was a teenager) and I was afraid I might lose him bc of this. Without a real reason, just my mind.
But it was so hard, bc my mind was telling me that if I started therapy, I would confirm that I don't want anymore. That I'm in denial.
It never happened, it's been 4 months and I'm way better, but I'm not healed yet.

Oh, my mother has OCD. And I have almost all these compulsions.

I am in this state for 8 months and I am exhausted I feel horrible I love my partner so much but I feel like my feelings Has dissappered

Wow thanks!!! I didn’t understand everything but recognizing a lot.. ❤

The last times I have thoughts like: when I leave my boyfriend, then I will be happy again and after leaving feel so much better. … And sometimes I start to believe that thoughts. Because I changed a lot in my life like change job etc.. but never ‘really’ changed boyfriend.. so thinking like: that change would be need to feel that happiness what I’m looking for.

I’m 14 years together now. And doubt are coming back a lot times again…. In the past I break up sometimes.. but was not really what I wanted.. and very quick back together. But when I am with him, I feel so bad sometimes. And when he’s gone for work for few days, then I realize sometimes how much I love him and so glad we are still together !!.. so confusing sometimes.. the one moment I realize how much I love him. Other moment I think I feel bad because of him...

Im not diagnosed with ocd but i have this sudden big anxiety if i Love my partner, because of my previous relationship. You say here about focusing on the other persons flaws or how they can hurt us but what if i focus on my flaws and im terrified of hurting them? Is it the same? is it rocd or maybe something completely different?

Hi Dr,
I have been suffering from this from past one year with my fiance but only recently I got diagnosed. My fear is that she will cheat on me or talk to guys behind my back and compulsion is calling her, confronting her and seeking reassurance. I have stopped the compulsion to a large extent. But the thoughts still keep coming, I hope it will go away too. I have no history of cheating with this person and our relation suffered a lot because of it.

this was really helpful, thank you!

In Rob's example he was already in a relationship, already committed to that person for 2 years… I can't get even remotely close to that that I immediately panic and feel lots and lots of anxiety covering my feelings… I feel like this is the worst thing that could happen to me, it will never make me able to feel love

Ma'am i am in relationship from almost 3 months it was going all happy and good and suddenly ive started to question everything abt my partner and relationship im stuck on those thoughts i question my love and feel unworthy of him . I had this friend that i cut cords with i was so close to him and leaving him happened recently before getting in relationship so i have a little compassion for him but ik i dont want to get back to same old thing i left him for a reason which was valid still these thoughts make me question :- do i really love my partner why am i feeling bad for someone im no more in touch with . I thought of leaving my partner that means I don't love him .
My bf does everything possible makes me feel loved in all ways and reassures me still i am like this .

People who are in a happy,healthy relationship but you have OCD and get intrusive thoughts about somebody else and those are uncontrollable and they trick you into thinking that you're unloyal or are betraying and then get anxiety and think they're butterflies that you're feeling for other person. Lemme give you a quick reassurance that butterflies make you feel giddy while anxiety makes you stressed and sad and yk what I mean? Just let go and know that those INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DON'T DEFINE YOU!!!!!!!!!! Listen to this one subliminal about controlling your mind,pray and believe that you'll get there!
Love to you, bro/sis.
Akky❤️

What are 'generally' some of the root anxiety traumas that cause rocd?

Hello , miss. Thank you so much for that video. I have recently went to a therapist to get myself diagnosed saying I have characteristics of ocd , although I won't need medications. I did it, because I wanna change for my new girlfriend. I feel numbness , like Rob and just wanted to say that I found this video very useful and I'd show it to her.

Please add Spanish subtitles✨🙌🏽 to share it

I struggle with multiple mental disorders. ADHD, ASD, and OCD. I have problems with just about everything in my life, and recently I noticed that I was having thoughts and feelings about my partner that were contingent with ROCD, and those suspicions have been confirmed, and remedied. Thank you for this video.

I’ve struggled with OCD for years and was diagnosed last year. It’s mostly internal compulsions but it changes obviously like for most people who suffer. I’ve been in a relationship with my gf for over a year now and over the summer, things took a turn and I’ve started to experience ROCD and it’s had an effect on my relationship. Obviously I want things to work out. I take medication but how come they’re still here. I take 200mg of Zoloft. Why am I still suffering?

i often have only negative thoughts. i can be imagining a scenario of me and my boyfriend and end up finding ways it could go wrong (we're laughing at a post on his phone and i find out he's cheating) thoughts of that kind and it's really draining because he has proven himself to me yet these thoughts ruin my mood which i end up reflecting on him
i feel stuck and hurt because at times i cant control them

I believe my husband may have this. We separated in May after 23 years of marriage when all of the sudden he started questioning our compatibility and whether or not we are "right" for each other. This came after an emotional affair that he had with someone who has very different morals and values than I do. The EA has ended however, he continues to ruminate almost everyday on whether or not we should stay married. How do I know if this is ROCD? Also it's good to note that he has a family history of OCD. Thank you for this video - it's the best one I have seen on this topic.

But how can you know the difference between these being valid thoughts and just what ifs that are you trying to scare yourself out of the relationship

Thank you so much, I really needed this. As soon as my boyfriend brought up engagement , I started to “pick him apart” and I feel like I’m on this pendulum of confidence and doubt. I feel this urgency to know what I need to do right at the moment. This helped me so much!

Hi, I-m20 and recently my boyfriend of 4.5 years left me saying that he was a bit tired of seeing me never happy and he needed time alone. All these years i lived with ROCD and I tried to stay strong even if they exhausted me. now I can see more clearly that the problem is this and all his consequences. But know it-s like a persecution because I’m sad that he left me and i hope that there will be a future for us but the ROCD does not leve me experience my feeling both for sadness and hope. I can-t even trust my hope because ROCD keeps telling me that Im not attracted and so one. I just hope that I will overcome these horrible years. Thank you for your video

But does r ocd also apply to friendships aswell not just dating someone

Thank you for this video, the thoughts and constant rumination has been causing me so much distress. It has helped me to identify with my therapist and accept that I have OCD which includes ROCD. I will subscribe to your channel

thank you so much for this Paige. your counsel has been so valuable for me as i’ve struggled through different forms of ocd these past years. there may be a relationship blooming for me right now, which is already such a crazy and new experience. i had BAD ocd yesterday because i had been smitten with this person ever since i met them, we talked nonstop, even have two more dates planned—but then i started getting doubts like, “am i really attracted to them? what if i’m not?” and i was compulsively checking to see if i was and was in so much turmoil because i couldn’t make those happy butterflies come back. your video has helped me realize i need to ignore my ocd and proceed. thanks!

This was so helpful ! Thank you for putting words to what I feel and sharing information and advice on how to keep moving.

Thank you so much, i cannot thank you enough for this info,
This is what i exactly needed.
I wish i can feel happiness again

I really like the level of empathy I feel from watching this video. I am in this same hell as others who watch this. Recovery would feel so beautiful.
Thank You ❤

I spent well time with my girlfriend for almost 4-5 months. but then suddenly these type of thoughts started to appear.i know it's wrong to compare your partner in your mind. To look on negative sides, will i ever get back to old me. Please Help Ma'am

Thank you so much for this!! 💙

i needed this. Thank you

by my experince live with OCD and motoric tourette always hard challenge, i live with stress emotion people around me high amount of emotion they not aware to this they never did. i was teaching myself emotions brain body work without aware to logic. emotions dont understand nothing only logic can think different. i think brain is always awareness when emotions goes hard its make the hard for think aware i know :( but i always work on remember emotions is old brain dont understand nothing. thank you <3 i like to hear you