Why have we stigmatized and marginalised the stay-at-home mom? | Ben Young | TEDxOxbridge

I am an ex business analyst, now a stay-at-home mom😂

I think that was a really good talk. I live in a state where 99% of families with kids choose to have both parents working. Most of them seem okay with the 1% of families who choose to have one parent stay at home. However, you do run into folks who think it's insane for a parent to choose to be the primary caregiver. They're often very rude. Yet, I've always figured, to each their own. I don't want to make choices for them and I don't want them making choices for me.

Can you really call someone a mom when they are not taking the role of being one , people forget being a mom means nurturing ,caring , and loving your children and neing with them through every mile stone of their lives. When you work and your children are neing taken care ny someone else youre not actually being a mom someone else is and while you should be disciplining them to be good people someone else is. Same with a working wife who is not physically present in her husbands life ,a wife is affectionate,loving ,nurturing to her husband but is unable to do so because she comes home too tired to be woth their husband, this is not marriage at all is just a description of what you're supposed to be nut not the role should be taking which is different

Population decline has entered the chat. Over the next 30 years, we are going to find out the hard way that having children IS a job that “generates economic value.” Stay at home mom vs. working mom is a silly distraction from the reality that all parents are being exploited. We are raising our countries’ future workers, taxpayers and soldiers with no compensation.

With a shrinking population, corporations will have a hard time expanding and delivering value to shareholders. Nations will have a hard time projecting military power. Employers will have to compete for workers and colleges will have to compete for students. Say goodbye to returns on real estate investing - land only increases in value because the population is always increasing.

Japan has already experienced this reality, and China is now going through the same thing.

Being a stay at home mom has allowed me to use economy of scale and have three kids instead of the one or two I would have had as a full time worker. My labor will generate value for the wider economy and help support entitlements like social security. However, I have only been punished economically for doing this. It’s impossible to afford a house on one income in my area, so my three children are sharing a room.

I fully support all the women who are choosing to opt out of having kids and go on strike. Our society is organized around greed and selfishness, and frankly it doesn’t deserve parents and our thankless, unpaid labor.

BE THE GOLD THAT YOU ARE! Yes to all of your good will!

Yr a man shu up. Yr opinion on women is invalid

Terrific!

Homemaking is a big job in and of itself. You're devoting your day to ensuring everything works. You're making sure the house is clean. You're making sure food is on the table. You're making sure repairs are done. You're making sure your kids establish a healthy relationship with you. You're making sure your hardworking partner has an easier time when he/she returns home from work. Your partner should be making sure you're happy too. Whatever skills you want to cultivate, your partner should allow that, provided it doesn't hinder the workflow at home. I love working but if my partner was paid enough to keep uncomfortable and we had kids in their early years, I'd happily stay at home.

Listening to this amazing guy, while cooking, cleaning, helping my husband with a presentation for work(engineer), making appointments for well check ups for the family. Hopefully I'll be in bed 10min before midnight, no naps, no breaks, no 30min lunch. And yet some family members decided they are superior than me because now I'm JUST A LAZY stay at home mom. I graduated from college but I love to be around my kids

I consider myself a contributing member of a cooperative. Someone earns the paycheck and never has to worry about what's for dinner, when can I get the oil changed in the car, etc. etc. etc. so they can take a better job.

My husband only wants to go to work and that's it he says I should do everything and anything at home because my job is so easy and I'm so lazy

I wish there are more men like him..where men becomes weak women has to go out and work.. specially in developing and underdeveloped nations

I just googled "stay at home moms are" and the first suggestion was "happier" interesting

My wife gets upset when people ask her what she does because she feels judged for quitting her job to focus on the family. I’m like, who cares what they think? Just tell them you retired early and are doing what you love. Besides, in what way is it better to work for some stranger’s company to make them happy and successful instead of working to make your own family happy and successful? Most people who have “jobs” hate their job and are hoping to retire early to do what you’re already doing.

Stay-at-home Mom here!! “A good woman should be who and what she wants.”

Women hate women, that's why... The women haters will blame it on patriarchy, of course.

I have a belief that people who despise and belittle the work of a housewife are people who simply didn't have a mother or just didn't have a good mother when they were children

Welcome to a time in our society where childcare costs $15/hr and Panda Express is hiring at $15/hr. Guess who's staying home with the toddler.

I’m a scientist and that 1 year I was a stay at home mum was the most exhausting, stressful and emotional year of my life . Never again. Much respect to those who do this for years !!

Just like stay at home moms you have never faced real trouble in life. I suggest you take your scrawny academic body and try coal mining, construction, brick laying or roofing for a year and see how they compare. Then come back and say something, Until then your a little simp not worth listening to.

Uuuugh yeah really. It is NOT lazy to stay home with your kids. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done!

Women chase their career then get upset when their children are abused by total strangers…

Women do it to each other in search of worth... putting down others who have chosen a different path than them...

But even before recent times men still had the audacity to say “what do you do all day?” And “women’s work is easy.” I think now that so many women are putting their hands up when it comes to motherhood more people are starting to realize how much work it is. I think it’s unfortunate that we learn nothing about it in school, because at the end of the day parenthood is the most important job. Society doesn’t go on without it.

I would rather call it a homemaker. Youre not just there for your children, also to take care of your husband.

Extremely thought provoking and relatable

Currently a SAHM, and I love getting to spend time with my young children. I have moments where I miss having a job and coworkers, doing something outside of the house, but those are just moments. I know my children won’t be little forever and I am blessed to be able get this time with them.

Wait wait. Why is it that you think the middle is a sign of what's right. What sounds extreme may sound extreme from your position but is actually quite good

This stigmatization of motherhood has done all kinds of damage to my generation

Mom had to work, she was tired and didn't have much time for being a wife and mother. Scene screws up kids, bigtime.

Feminism did that.

Decent talk, but the worship of the centre is foolish. If you follow your ideas to their logical conclusions, you're rarely going to end up with a moderate opinion. You can end up with an average of views in the center, but if your views tend to be apathetic, you're probably an NPC. And that's okay.

Women can only choose to be stay at home mother if they have a partner that supports that and provides or enough resources to do so by themselves

I am guilty in my younger years of thinking its more important to be working an hourly wage than focusing on raising the next generation of the human race. Motherhood is absolutelt the most single important job, especially in the first 5 to 10 years

Thank you so much, at times I find myself pretending to want to go back to work. Just to get valued as a women. When in reality I love caring for my husband and children, being there for every moment. Preparing a nice warm meal, they will enjoy when they return home. Not to our house….our home.

I needed to hear this. I’m very pregnant and just left work to finish out the pregnancy and raise the baby until we are settled. I even planned on returning to work when feasible. I’ve never been without a job since 15 and I’m now almost 27. But the guilt from people telling me I’m not doing enough, or I’m using my husband, etc is so strong it’s been affecting my mental health while I navigate how to process this. My husband is completely supportive especially since I cover all my bills still. I’m also taking sign language course right now to become a translator. It’s amazing that people judge this so harshly including stay at home dads but wouldn’t hesitate to choose this if they had this option themselves. It’s hard when it’s family and people you thought you were your friends. But I have to learn and I think others do too that our worth isnt based on our performance.

Stay home mom is the easiest job on the planet. Sadly I wasn’t born a female. Me taking care of kids is the easiest job no one is changing my opinion.

Don't be a mom unless you can afford it (meaning you don't need government assistance) and power to you, raise that baby right!
But if you CAN'T afford to raise a child appropriately, without assistance, then please do society a favor and don't have children.
I think SAHM deserve a critical, speculative eye. After all, they are raising the next generation and I worry folks my age aren't up to such a feat.

"No side has a monopoly on being absurd." - Ben Young

Epic quote.

I’m a SAHM in college. I feel trapped, but wouldn’t trade this time with my babies for the world. It kills me to know I’ll always be behind in my career because of gaps in my resume, but who can afford daycare? I’d work just to put the kids in daycare with no money even for gas. I love this time with my babies, but I’ll always have a gap in my resume, a gap in my social life, and a gap in who I am as a person.

Thank you so much for this talk! In my heart I want to keep raising my son and have one more but my husband keeps pushing me to “work” and he feels like I’m not fully contributing. He has called me lazy before and then he takes it back. I like to use the word Dharma here - or calling - some of us feel called to raising our own children. Shouldn’t it be ok if we don’t want to have someone else raise them?

Well said Ben Young. You are an inspiration keep it up. “Gratefulness is a trait of a real man” thank you for the wisdom and principle 💪 ♥️

Feminists have created the hatred at “stay at home mom”, the world needs full times Moms and we owe them respect.

As a stay at home mum thank you 🙏

Dude could have made a whole other video on what goes into the day-to-day of being a SAHM. Lazy? Please, they're busy from the moment they get up until they put their heads down on the pillow... and not even then.

This guy is so refreshing. Thanks for being you

I was a SAHM in the 80s and 90s, and I had no regrets. I saw so many women buying into the “Have it all” mentality. I was a young mom, so I also had a light at the end - I was in my early forties and done raising kids, so I had my opportunity to do what I wanted. I also ended up getting divorced because my ex had no, respect for my role as a wife and mother. When I rejoined the workforce I became a daycare provider. I watched families struggle, and I saw firsthand how daycare affects tiny children. I was glad I stayed home. I later worked part time as a nanny. It was crazy watching that family on a treadmill. That had a beautiful home and a stuff, but everyone was exhausted.

I don’t call myself a stay home mom, I called myself a woman of substance. Raising a human being is the hardest job ever. I used to work full time but decided to quit because I know how important for my children to have me on their side growing up. It was the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life and I am so grateful to my husband for supporting this difficult decision I did. My eldest daughter was done in college and have a very promising job, my son who is autistic, is now a 10th grader and a consistent honor student. I may not have financially compensated but seeing my husband and children happy and fulfilling their dreams are priceless. The time well spent to your children is the most rewarding feeling that money cannot buy.

I love being a stay at home wife and soon to be stay at home mom. I realigned my entire career so that I wouldn’t have to go back to an office again.

Why have children if they’re going to go to a daycare?