the fear of relationships from an avoidant’s pov (aka me)

also side comment but i really want to be friends with everyone in this comment section wth how is everyone so generous and kind and similar to an unhealthy level 😭😭😭

spam musubi good

I relate so so much. Also like, I can’t see myself in a relationship? What kind of person am I in a relationship? Am I going to change? I think I’m scared of the change. I’m so used to my “lonely” life. But I desire love but I’m scared of the life changes. The older I get I feel like it’s more and more difficult to find the courage. Because I’m so inexperienced in everything that has to do with romantic relationships

This is painfully relatable. Thanks for making it

Im only 16 and this is how I feel I hope someday I can overcome it !!

Thank you so much for articulating all that and doing our therapy realizations for us 😭 I half kid, for real this has always been a big thing in my life but I never had the chance to understand it. Like my own therapy was abt other stuff 😂
Now I know where I stand, or at least where I come from! I’ve gotten better at all that, I even had my (catastrophic) 1st romantic relationship, panicking at each and every step like what you said, going from I like you to we hang out to we kiss to having him around in my space a lil bit (not even that much lmaooo) to we get a liiiiiil physically intimate step by step to being boyfriend-girlfriend, he actually made me ask him over the phone like « if ur done panicking » 😂😂😂💀 So yea he was perfect for me, accompanying me in my timeline, until he wasn’t and maybe we got a lil trauma bond over there lmao but boy I am grateful anyways
And I had sex before!! With bad experiences obviously, and like he helped me heal.

Since then (and after the heartbreak recovery), I been keepin healin and I find that the collective intelligence of the internet thanks to people like you Via help tremendously. Like at some point you can relate and explore your shit that way! And you are so genuine and positive I love you so much
I sent thiz vidéo to a bestie and I’ll talk about those realisations to other close friends, and I can become a better friend to them while identifying my weaknesses and improve. Thank you so much 💗

I relate so much :( I also want to date but fear vulnerability. I also choose to "runaway" instead of talking things through. I also realize that trying to date would probably help lessen my anxiety but i don't want to use people to treat my own trauma.... kind of in the same way not being single would make finances easier but i don't want to date someone just to use them for financial stability! And also I fear becoming financially dependent on someone else.

I struggle in a lot of similar aspects as well. One thing I constantly need to remind myself of is acceptance of myself and others for who we are. If I can't accept myself, how can I accept someone else? Confronting this is a super difficult task and maybe I'll never have a definitive appreciable answer but all I can do is try to improve and stay positive.
Best of luck on your journey!!!

1 more thing this also applies to trying something new say u just got out of a relationship that lasted so long ur scared of change..thats me right there. Im scared to try something new.

Bro really exposed my fear😅

this is exactly how i feel

I'm 31 now and a relationship virgin. Dates go nowhere and relationships fade away to nothing with nothing happening. At this point I feel like I'm becoming convinced I'm just not meant to love and be loved.

I relate to 97% of this 😅

I’m 19, never dated, never kissed, never held hands. I don’t think it’s ever gonna happen for me🥲

wow, this video was heavy, but also so relatable. literally everything you said in this video is the version of me ive been tucking behind my smile. im so glad to hear that im not the only one who has 1,000 thoughts at one time in this subject. thank you for your vulnerability! 🥲🥰🥰🥹

My main issue with dating is that I'm terrified of men. I would rather face an army of demons than to deal with a man, if I am being honest.

i relate to this so much , i just cry whenever i feel so overwhelmed by my emotions and jut minutes ago i was sad due to some stuff. this video made me feel a lil better rn

We gotta get used to these feelings. We just gotta try.

You're so adorable dear. I hope you find what your heart is looking for. Embrace change, keep healthy boundaries, take constructive steps, keep learning & unlearning certain things and never stop hoping & seeking what's good in people.

You're so adorable dear. I hope you find what your heart is looking for. Embrace change, keep healthy boundaries, take constructive steps, keep learning & unlearning certain things and never stop hoping & seeking what's good in people.

You're so adorable dear. I hope you find what your heart is looking for. Embrace change, keep healthy boundaries, take constructive steps, keep learning & unlearning certain things and never stop hoping & seeking what's good in people.

You're so adorable dear. I hope you find what your heart is looking for. Embrace change, keep healthy boundaries, take constructive steps, keep learning & unlearning certain things and never stop hoping & seeking what's good in people.

I can really relate to all your “romantic” thoughts and feelings and that’s crazy

I'm 35 years old & I am DONE. I am absolutely done with men & relationships. Being single is better. Thank you but no thank you.

whoa i feel sooooo seen

I just recently stopped going to therapy because I thought I knew myself and then I got a “new” diagnosis from my psychiatrist and it really opened my eyes. I’ve been avoiding watching this video because I knew I wasn’t ready to hear truths of how I really feel, I struggle with opening up and articulating my emotions but this is exactly how my brain works. After getting diagnosed I did not handle it well, and I thought that I was crazy but it all boils down to that we all feel this sense of longing and connection but it’s so important to remember that you should love yourself too before being quick to give someone else that love. You DESERVE love and if it’s not coming from an outside source you should be wanting to give it to yourself ❤ thank you for the lovely video

This is me to a T- thank you so much for laying out my life in a video 😭 Being a fearful avoidant is so weird, but at least I spend a lot of time to myself to work on stuff (skills, hobbies, hygiene, etc)

ok this hit hard because im currently avoiding my online friends. and I'm not even exaggerating to relate but 90% of the things you said are relatable. the 'not communicating' part is so true because i know that when things get rough between me and my friends, i just- instead of talking it out, i isolate myself which im doing right now. i know its not good but i cant bring myself to confront them because im scared of what if they say something mean and then the friendship is good to dead? like im so scared but at the same time i know that I'm the one who's making things complicated. another thing about that dating and love part is so relatable because im just- a very hopeless romantic at heart like i want that love in my life but at the same time, I'm not- like i avoid people so much and its not very ideal if im craving love in my life. its like- im swooning over the love i see in films or read in books and its so beautiful but at the same time, i cant see myself doing all these things. ugh its so frustrating but im glad and shocked to see your video on such a topic. love you <3

I FELT THIS IN MY HEART

really nice and reassuring that we're not alone! thanks of being vulnerable :)

I think the universe really led me to watch this video right now because I've also been thinking lately why I don't date or why is it that sometimes, I like people and they like me back but I always end up rejecting them. I guess it really boils down to my insecurities and fears and also my avoidant attachment style, which is pretty surprising to me because I tend to be clingy in person but hate communicating online. Idk if that makes sense. But yea, great video and I hope we can work things through and build a better version of ourselves soon! Much love 💗

thank you for putting into words how i feel because i truly have no idea how to explain it to my partner and now i can just be like, please just watch this i'm sorry i suck at being vulnerable and i can't say it out loud, i can't communicate about myself because these parts of me eat me alive and i'm embarrassed about them. so thank you <3

im anxious style and ngl i wna keep going out with people but after awhile I feel like omg am I bothering you and stop asking to hang out. there are some people who ask when I meet them in real life "oh why didn't you ask to hang I'm free so just ask" and then I start getting defensive and am like you should ask me then why am I always asking first. i want someone who is as clingy as me but also I don't come off that way and push people away. honestly is just a cycle lol

oml shes like a one to one of myself. except yk shes a girl. and shes Asian. and shes pretty. but apart rom that its like staring into a mirror. psychologically anyways

man this has been hitting more lately when I entered a talking stage with someone. I was so excited the first days, would dress up more, would look forward to more of him. but then when i would see him at school i would immediately avoid eye contact; wouldnt want anythign to do with him. i'm planning to tell him not to waste his time with me. i thought i could have gotten better at this but i guess not...

I love your vulnerability in this video. ✨ Thank you for sharing 🌼

OMG SAME

I have never related more than this… I have avoidant personally disorder and fear of relationships but at the same time I crave love and daydream about it constantly… But once I get there either my selfhate and anxiety keeps me from committing (sometimes I feel like I stop being with people to hurt myself {I‘m aware that this is very toxic and bad and I’m working on it})
And most of the time I seem to attract people that are so so clingy that I literally get burned out(basically I still need space but I attract people that are anxious when you are not around)

This video helped me not to feel so alone, Thank you

girl I cant avoid commenting but I do am facing the same problems now I am currently feeling very depressing wanting if at least 1 person would have sincerely asked whether I am okay . M family only care for my marks, basic helping hand and also as a future money transaction bank .Siblings- ,father-daughter and mother-daughter relationship is just a showcasing performance in my family.😶‍🌫😶‍🌫😶‍🌫😶‍🌫😶‍🌫
But I really hope to see a therapist but as in India here there is no emotional sickness. No one cares about it and if I ask to see a therapist they would be saying it is useless and is a waste of money ,it is better talking to your family. Otherwise the society would think you as a mentally disabled person and would destroy our name.😔😔😔😔😔😔

Thank you so much for sharing. Cause sometimes I feel like I am broken or something. That something is wrong with me and I can’t be loved. But watching your story, reading all of this comments made me feel seen. I am 28, and only at 27 realized why I never was in relationship. That all of it was just running away and me lying to myself. People say that you should learn to be alone first. But I was ok with that always. The fact was that I didn’t want someone else to be with me that close. Not physical intimacy, but the deep communication was the thing. Cause thoughts as “he will leave me, it’s not gonna work out, why waste time, I don’t want to be heartbroken” goes repeatedly in your mind. So started therapy a month ago too and understood even the reason why I have this type of attachment. Now I am feeling better, more balanced, in harmony. Not always,of course. Still don’t have a relationship, but at least I know what to do if I’ll meet someone. Just try, give it a chance,communicate, close your eyes and do it. And just go through that point where it ends. Who knows, maybe I’m wrong and it’s not gonna end as I thought. Better to live that moment in real life. It’s still scary, can’t even explain how much it is scary, but regrets are more scary for me now.

Its scary when im so relate with You like everything u said is true

As a relatable personality i could say: stop thinking too much, just do it, go with the flow, adapt and mimic. All these social skills doesn't appear naturally one day, it comes with experience good or bad. Sometimes there will be cringy moments, that is just how life goes, when it comes you will not be that scared, just accept it and go further. The trick is to find enough motivation to start moving, normally romantic feelings towards someone or other personal social needs are enough for that. STOP ANALYSING

I have never heard someone explain the way I feel so well.

Halfway through the video i almost forgot that you were talking about your experience bcos it's just exactly feels like me. My experiences are almost identical to yours. I remember I was in talking stage with this person and we both just stopped talking suddenly. They also had their issues and so did I. And just like you said, I remember feeling scared to talk to them. And yeah I also unfollowed them on ig 😭

i feel the same way but instead of fear getting hurt by someone, i fear that i might hurt someone in our relationship.

EVERYTHING EVERYTHING you have described said is 200% me. I have always felt guilty for never committing through with a guy who wants to know me, I either push them away or automatically withdraw from them the second I see a sign I don’t like. Making friends is the same way, I crave attention but I don’t want to be with someone so close cuz of the vulnerability, I don’t like my friends to my have friends but me (possessive I know) and that’s just how I am. I have had a lot of childhood traumas too and tell myself maybe I’m too old to use that as an excuse anymore and need to change, which I do try my best. But these traumas are real, they don’t just go away, I wish there was an easy way out of it, but for now, it’s just comforting to know that someone out there feels exactly how I feel and she couldn’t have said anything better from what I want to say but can’t