How to Write an Undeniable 8/10 Screenplay - Screenwriting Tips

PURE GOLD.

I stumbled onto your channel for the first time today and am on my third video of yours. This channel is so helpful in understanding revisions and the reasons behind them. I’m working on my first script so thank you for passing along your knowledge!

Try to make every word earn its keep is very hard.

I'm a total beginner.. this is GOLD. So glad I came accross this! Thanks!

Too wordy. Write this instead: A terminally ill man must escape the Christian States of America's ruthless enforcers to avoid a nightmarish extended life program.

mine is: A female disabled veteran is dumped on a housing estate where she has to fight cross border gangs to survive!

I will absolutely seek assistance on my “treatmentese”.

Oh my gosh sir. “Treatment-ese”. It is true that finding a language for a thing is the way to master it. Treatmentese. Oh my. That, is good.

Hey write a 10/10 script odds of anyone seeing it without being an insider, same as winning the Powerball. Take a 50 yr old disabled veteran who wrote a 92 page PG Christmas movie with a story that has never been done, with a part two built into it, odds of it ever leaving the drawer in his puppet workshop 1 in 292 million, same as Powerball. ITS BS, and has turned me off watching anything anymore.

This is phenomenal. And I definitely write way too much.

You're talking about undeniable and over here thinking in terms of essential.

I’m huge on characters have personality or feelings in a screenplay. I believe great dialogue needs to show personality or feelings or say something about the characters. If that’s not in a script then it takes me out of it.

"A cult look to match a cult personality."

You said that this is golden, but isn't this as unfilmable as the "illusion of a better life"? This is the first frame she is in, how can you expect a director to convey a whole personality in that short a time?

I don't mean to be picky but if sh'e's an assassin of some kind wouldn't she have brought a weapon? Seems odd that she would go to see a target and THEN look around for a weapon. I would have preferred something like he knocks the gun out of her hand and THEN she has to improvise.

Writer: makes a change that pushes the paragraph to a fourth line

Me (a semi-beginner): "Nnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

First off i just wanna say, great content. I appreciate you taking the time to share with us your methods and thought process. It's difficult to find a channel where they show how to shape up a screenplay. I hope you can take this comment as constructive criticism.
In the case of this screenplay, i don't think the problems are related to the descriptions of Actions or the Dialogue. He can write. It's the Story and the World building.

There are different levels of World Building. I don't need to know about the Christian States of America in this opening sequence, but i do need to learn about this world from the things related to these two characters.
From the video i can't tell if this is the whole scene but here are a couple things that need to be addressed:
- Why is she Advocate 17:4?
- Why are his Visions dangerous?

Is 17:4 related to the passage in the Bible, John 17:4 "I have brought you glory on Earth by completing the work you gave me to do"? If so, how does this define her as a character? Why this passage?
Then, it's important to establish why his Visions are a threat to this world. It will tell us a bit more about the world itself.

I don't know how much longer this scene plays out for but he is already overpowered and none of this has been addressed.
Also, this is supposed to depict a dystopian future, but it feels more like Jason Bourne than The Handmaid's Tale. Where are the religious undertones? Like someone said in the comments this feels like the opening scene from Blade Runner 2049.

You mentioned the line "a cult look to go with a cult personality". Where? Where's the cult personality? Let her talk for a bit so we can see it. They just get into a fight.

I suggest dropping this Action approach for a more Thriller approach. Let him run and hide while she "hunts him" and tells the audience why his Visions are a threat. Let her show us that overly religious behavior reminiscent of this Christian dystopian future. Maybe throw in there a line where she uses the bible verse that makes her Advocate 17:4.

If this screenplay is still not getting that 8 out of 10 Blacklist score, consider that the problem is the storytelling and not the writing.

Only the mechanics can be taught. Ideas that work well cannot be taught.

You look like Tucker Carlson. Great content tho!

Hello, What screen writing software are you using here? Thanks

man i have a long way to go.. im probably on a 2/10 right about now. :(

Is it possible for me to be able to recieve help from you, like this?

I'm interested in describing an empty void of nothingness.

I am so pleased I saw this as a post on LinkedIn. This is exactly how I instinctively write. If one cannot see it or hear it on the screen then I don't write it in the screenplay. Dominic describes perfectly what is and is not required.

Brilliant stuff - screewriting gold

I'm sorry but someone has to say it, this is just a worst version of Blade Runner 2049 opening scene.

What exactly is this " nightmarish extended life program"?

I get the impression from the log line that the terminally ill man wants to end his life but he's not able to because the Christian's aren't allowing him to. Is this what it's about?

This is excellent instruction that's difficult to find on-line. I crave it. I could watch you do an entire screenplay 10 pages at a time.