Surviving Infidelity: 6 Things I Wish I'd Known

My wife had an affair for 2.5 years. I found out 5 weeks ago. She won't tell me a thing, she blames me for the affair nonstop. She will not do EMS online or in person. I see no path except divorce. We have been married 33.5 years. NO HOPE!!!!!!!!!!!

Both spouses need not only couples counseling to work on the marriage but each need an individual therapist or counselor or group to work through individual issues.

What if they refuse to admit to the infidelity. I know it was an affair but he refuses to admit it

My wife would spend nights on the couch talking to her "Boyfriend", while I laid in bed at night. She said I almost caught her a few times. I knew something was going on, but I was so depressed that I didn't bother to ask. I wish I would have gone with my gut and confronted her. How I found out was she came to me one day and asked if she could sleep with a guy she had been "Talking" to. I lost it. I'm 5 weeks into D-day and I'm still dumbfounded how she could do this after 18 years of marriage.

Mine didn't learn anything as he just kept doing it

How can the unfaithful always say they never thought they would get caught? Theres like a 90% chance of getting caught at some point so does the unfaithful choose not to see that? I dont get it

Thank you, Wayne. This is very good information. Basically, until the unfaithful can truly feel for the Betrayed, it will be very difficult to make good progress. In the meantime, the Betrayed can still work on some things.

being narrow mined & NOT want to lesson and read to educate my self

I just love everything that you said here

Would love to know your story. Were you and your wife able to save your marriage and how?

Trickle truth keeps you stuck, prolongs the agony and healing process and makes it much, much harder to trust again.

Learned something important, the difference between the two loves, and also what it is about the illegal love that tempts spouses.

Good morning thank you so much god bless you

I show the same love to my now Ex wife. I offered counseling after her affair and to rebuild but she didn't want to. She said she couldn't fall back in love with me again and for that she was sorry. I didn't show her what she truly meant to me enough and as often as I should have and I had other faults and had realized my part and failures after the fact. But after what she done to me I still show her I care and love her tremendously but her heart is hardened and I guess I'm hanging on to something that may never be again.

This one really hit home
Sadly the intrusive thoughts are the ultimate worst. May God help us all heal from this terrible thing we call infidelity...

My situation is so different. No one seems to be able to deal with it or even believe it. I was the unfaithful and my husband actually understands why I did it. And he’s having an easier time forgiving me than I am forgiving myself. I’m the one stuck with my guilt and shame. My husband wants us both to move on in happiness. We are doing so well because, yes I strayed, but he admits he kind of stopped liking me. He purposely pushed me away to protect his own pain. I just need to forgive myself so my husband and I can stop wasting any more time on the destructive past. We aren’t trying to bury it and not deal but for us, we succeed and have good days when we leave it in the rear view mirror.