Emotionally Unavailable Parents Impact on Our Mental Health

Yep. Sums up my parents very well 💔

Adult, and Im not healed yet. But I am doing better when I realised I have to be my own loving parent. It also helps when I view myself as a armoured warrior. My armour is thick.

My issue is when something tough is going on why don people say we are here for you’ then they ignore you when you need them during hard times. This really hurts me bad.

Growing with emotionally unavailable parents will turn you in to one. Especially the anger part.

Even though I’m 21 (22 in the next few days) I still experience this a lot with my parents which I feel a lot contributes to my mental health (the others being hormones and sleep) and it would make me feel alone sometimes which would cause my mind to overthink think and visualise minor embarrassing situations into more serious ones. Videos like this do help so I have now subscribed

Thank you Dr.Macheline Maalauf
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Omg..my mom is emotionally unavailable. 😟

I was this child and now I’m the emotionally unavailable parent and it hurts me bc I’m unable to connect.

This is why I won't have children. I'm emotionally unavailable to most people. Even my partner sometimes.

Yupp 😢

This is a very impressive and well spoken, informative video. It reminds me of the work of Dr Jonice Webb, but targeted at a younger audience. Good work Micheline.

So helpful 🥺

Both of my parents are emotionally unavailable, but I’ve never had depression, anxiety, I’ve never had any attachment issues, or issues making friends, I was never really a people pleaser. I understood that all I have to do is be myself and good people will naturally gravitate towards me. I feel like I have good balanced control over my emotions. All my friends are really mature and are often older than me and it really helps me mentally to have good friends to guide me.

It's not you.

Society and churches allow emotionally unavailable to get married and become parents unfortuately maybe because people have the freedom to choose .

How unfair life can be!

My mother puts higher value in her own Christian beliefs and views, and it's not easy for her to meet me at my level as I can be highly emotional sometimes. A lot of her intentions do come from a good place and I know she cares for my well-being, but at the same time, I recognize that she's always felt unavailable to me growing up. Obviously I know that she loves me, but sometimes, even at 31 years old, receiving that love still doesn't feel like enough. It makes me feel frustrated... granted, my frustrations now don't feel like something that's impossible for me to deal with as I'm able to hold space for compassion and love. I just wish my relationship with my mom at least wasn't so back-and-forth sometimes.

Wow.

It's so hard being on the autism spectrum and then have a horrible childhood as you mentioned so you've aways been a fighter or emotionally detached for survival, yet society punishes you for it especially if you're a woman. If only people could see how hard life was for you.

You are helping so many people.
My heart is broken because my parent are just as you described.

Hugs

My sister always bullies me or takes control of situations without acknowledging my feelings. When I tell my parents they say "just go with the flow and keep the peace."

By far the best video that explains what it is, the symptoms and how to work through some of it. I keep rewatching to remind myself. Thank you❤

i didn't realize my parents were emotionally unavailable until i had kids of my own. By then, my mom had been passed away for years and my dad remarried another toxic manipulator.

My older sister and i turned out very different. She is deeply troubled, a perpetual victim who takes her problems out on everyone else via pure rage.

She's in her mid 40s and still acts like a kid with ODD. She has raised trainwreck children who are terrified of her, but can't escape the trauma bond. i feel terrible, but eventually had to cut her off for my own sanity and the safety of my children.

i always knew i wanted to be a mom - not just for the baby stage. I wanted to raise future adult humans and shower them with love and affection. This deep desire was unexplainable because my own parents were not affectionate at all, and low key hated me. But i just always loved snuggling babies, hanging out with kids, babysitting my nieces, cousins' kids etc.

i understand a lot of people's concerns about not wanting to pass along their trauma. Of course i can't say yet what kind of adults my children will become. But right now, I'm confident their cups are full emotionally. Their teachers rave about how sweet, curious and brilliant they are. My youngest is nearly 3 and still loves to be held and cuddled. The preschool teachers love to cuddle him too.

It can sometimes be a struggle to re-parent myself alongside my own children. But it's also incredibly rewarding and healing to see them flourish, to see their genuine thirst for knowledge, not clouded by anxiety, guilt spiral and fear of punishment/ humiliation.

My parents and sister were my first bullies. I will be my kids' advocate and warrior.

You put words to my pain! Thank you!

My experience has helped me be a better parent and not make my mothers mistakes

What do you think about the concept we should never complain about anything? Do you agree with this, or is it toxic positivity?

I sadly relate to all of this because my mom is Narcisstic and emotionally unavailable

You are the best ❤

not me crying the whole 13 mins

My mother was DA and probably slightly narcissistic and my father was DA and highly narcissistic. We all put my mother on a pedestal as she was the only one that gave out any positive emotion at all. But even so she was still mostly emotionally absent and toxically positive. No complaining. Just get on with it. A ‘nice’ charade. Problem is I’m 51 now & have my own children and she lives nearby. I hardly ever see her because the older I get the less I can stand to. But every birthday my children have she INSISTS on coming over. I have 3 children. I say yes sure of course. But the closer to the day it gets the angrier and more stressed I get. I don’t want her there. I want to celebrate my children’s bday by ourselves. Then I feel guilty because she is so “nice”. And I can’t say no. But I want her out of my life and our lives.

this is painful to hear as it was true for me - i called my dad out on his behaviour today

It's hard because most of the things you listed for the parent side, is who I grew up to be as an adult and I'm terrified I'll continue the cycle. I have zero idea how to handle negative feelings, mine or anyone elses, or even how to label them. I just get mad bc I'm confused. This is the most helpful video in realizing if I want things to be different, I need help. I have to put in the work to fix myself, as hard as that is to even type. I have to do it for my baby and his future. Thank you for making this video.

What guidance can you offer to the emotionally unavailable parent?

Both of my parents beat me while growing up. My abuse was because they had high expectations from me. For me to come first or second in class. I was in fourth grade when I came fourth in class and I was crying in class while other kids laughed at me for they barely passed. I got beaten that day. Many such examples, both my mo and dad used me as a punching bag and every success I got was never enough for them.
I was 7 years old when I licked something that I wasnt supposed to eat, thinking I would pass in sleep.
My teenage years were worse because they didnt teach me anything about the changes in my body or when my grades started to fall because of depression.
Feeling of not being enough creeps me forever.

You sound like an expert therapist/counselor. Very good information and it resonates with me.

Now don't stop; love the little sketches. Gotta say though, I'm getting the impression of a frustrated thespian ...

I try, yeah I fucking try talking to my parents about my feelings! However they don’t care, they do not care! I’m going through internal conflict with my art and self worth and I tried talking to my mom and she is just indifferent. My dad does help me by giving me motivation but that’s it, he doesn’t sit down and talk about it

I'm going to write a book. The mental, emotional and physical abuse was not my fault. And the truth needs to be told. Not to mention the girlfriend of my sperm donor with her jealousy, anger and sick twisted blame/shame game. And my egg donor always on the phone talking to her so-called friends talking behind everyone's back including their children. Sick, sadistic people. They love to blame others for their actions. Time is up. My children and my grandchild will NOT be involved with you mentally ill abusive beings.

Bar none, this was one of the best presentations on emotionally unavailable parents.

Good work!!!

Thank you🤍

This is a brilliant video. I wasn't going to click on it as you look young to understand these topics but you absolutely do. I am going through this healing process currently and it can get v overwhelming and I can feel despairing at times, so it was v helpful to have these explained clearly with some steps to take. I've subscribed for further videos, thank you.

'Just put it out of your mind!'' was the only lesson I git in Emotional Maturity from my father.! Good advice except the body keeps the score...And I was to blame for breaking down.
I give my mother videos describing reasons why I went nuts and she just dismisses them by saying she ' does not agree'. Like you can just Not Agree with cancer and it says Oh- Ok! I'm outta here!!

A bit to painful to listen all the way to the end of this very good video

Dang you really get it 100%. I have never heard anyone get this so well

Each parental behaviour mentioned was my childhood. I dissolve into laughter when therapists ask whether my parents said, 'I love you' or hugged you or gave compliments....(but for as long as I can remember my Dad has been held on a pedestal out in the community). And as a child and even now, my Mum would rather do housework then parent or attend to our emotional needs. I grew up feeling flawed and unloved which still manifests in depression and anxiety no matter how much self-love I express.

i don't remember being hugged as a child and that hurts

Did our parents ever feel really sad and depressed themselves, i wonder?

This checked all the boxes. Hearing it helps. Thank you.

I can’t believe that I relate to all of these

Could you also do a video on building meaningful relationships with available people please. Often we don’t realise the people we are trying to build relationships with are unavailable until sometime down the line; they show no tell red flags for quite sometime. I’m also someone who has good boundaries & don’t suffer fools. From your POV what is acceptable behaviour that you’d give a second chance as opposed to one’s you wouldn’t etc. Many thanks.

What great videos; thank you! I live in the UK 🇬🇧 Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 to be exact. Could you be so kind as to do a segment on intellectualism as a defence mechanism to avoid difficult emotions. I notice I’m doing this more since my beloved Labrador passed past last August. I’m grieving I’m going through it acknowledging how I’m feeling etc, but how he passed was traumatic. But I’m finding as I’m writing the letter to vet (who did let us down) I’m going through research papers etc to back up my letter. I guess my reasoning is if it went to court it’s all about facts, I hope this makes sense. Many thanks.