MOTHER↔️DAUGHTER Emotional Incest (Ask A Shrink)

My mom would literally tell people my favorite color was red and I liked hearts… so my room was decorated with red heart everything! She even dressed me up as her for Halloween one year! Not to mention would tell me every time she was intimate with anybody even as young as the age of eight I remember her telling me something like that!

The X wife did this to our daughter.

OMG!!!

I saw the X wife’s behavior as extremely strange.

I think my experience with emotional incest is different because my mother raised me as her daughter and wanted the mini-me relationship, but I'm transmasc and so endeavored to fit the masculine role in her life. Its so confusing.


I'm hoping this time I really have it in me to stay no-contact

My mum used to say we were like a pair of lovers and that we would be together until one of us dies. If she couldn't raise me as she wanted I was dead to her. When I got taken into care she disowned me.

My life

You are talented in describing.

Yes its sick. Those women are defective.

My mother told me that my dreams are wrong and I am a failure (I haven't had a family yet and all my peers did, having kids is everything to her bc she wants to brag about her accomplishment of becoming a grandmother lol). If she can't present and brag about anything I do to her environment she bashes it. It's all about what other think, how they feel about my actions. Every accomplishment that someone will praise me for, she will claim, stating that as a good mother she raised that. I can't even be praised for a tasty dish I cook, it's all about her and how she cooks better. It's crazy.

Yes. This happened. But my boyfriend did not flirt with my mom and so she got mad. I look like my mother but unfortunately to her, I am forever 27 years younger than she is. Besides, I wonder if I look like her just because she made me to become her shadow. If I was TRUE me, how would I look like? I’ll figure it out.

Exactly what happened to me.

Imagine having a mother that was so threatened by you that she deliberately allowed your first boyfriend to be the worst kind of man imaginable… like you can’t even begin how awful this guy actually was. After him, I didn’t date anyone till I was in my 20’s 😐

Thank you. This is truly helping me unpack and understand so much about my childhood experiences as well as the very confusing relationship dynamic I feel with my mom.

You've just described my relationship with my mom. Even my Dad to an extent. Thanks for the validation 🙏

My question is why are they so nice to their son? How come they don’t force the son to be what they want?

This exactly what I was going through or am going through because I haven’t had the chance to move out . I’m 26 years old .

In my case my mother rejected me, she wanted nothing to do with me growing up. She's only interested in using me as a therapist, her needs are the most important thing and she explodes if it isn't. I'm not allowed to have my own personality, my own emotions (if I'm happy she'll tear me down, if I'm sad or angry then I'm selfish or being demonic), I can't have my own taste in men (if it doesn't align with her taste in men then she says there's something wrong with me), and the biggest sin I can commit in her eyes is have boundaries. If I try and set any boundaries then I'm committing witchcraft (in her words) and being selfish. I tried confronting about her using me as a pseudo husband and she exploded, saying that's just how family's are, and started accusing me of trying to be a homewrecker.

I was so repulsed by my mother, I’m nothing like her.
When I was 15, preyed to never be like her.
I was just there make her look good to her husband

My mother literally said last night that "We are the same person" and is trying to guilt me into moving back to her town. We are not the same person. I'm afraid of having a child and dealing with her as a grandmother

Amazing channel, Brad! 👏👏👏 Keep up the good work.

Listening to this is very triggering

Yuck this is my mother and I have zero contact she was so sufficating and now ✂️ off she so toxic

Spot on,Narrccissits Mothers care about how everything looks,She is devoid of Motherly love and compassion for her daughter......

How about the sabotage that comes from the controlling jealous. Are you getting good at something? Does this interest make you happy.
She shut that shit DOWN.

My mom was the trouble maker in her family so she molded (shamed and reprimanded) me into a perfectly behaved (only) child. She loved all the praise she got for me being such a “good” kid. The child she couldn’t be. I had no wants and needs according to her. But I wasn’t under her control as much in my teens so she just gave up. She was never home, totally neglected me.

The other day I got rejected by a boy I liked very much because of my looks. I wrote to my mom an angry message telling her that if it wasn't for her obsession with looks I wouldn't be hurt so much. She tried to call me. I told her I didn't want to talk to anyone. She kept calling me saying "please talk to me". It's like she put her needs above mine. I told her I wasn't ready to comfort her and deal with her emotions since I didn't know how to handle my own. I think she took it pretty hard. She keeps telling me she loves me but I feel like she doesn't really love ME but what I can give her: emotional support, reason to be proud, a friend, someone to go shopping with etc. It hurts very much to realize you're not really loved despite how much she tells me that she does. I'm a love addict because of that, I have huge intimacy issues because of the way my mom touched and kissed me without my consent when I was a teenager. I freeze when me touch me because I fear they just want to use me to satisfy their needs. She also liked combing my hair, dressing me up because it's so cute to have that kind of relationship.

My mother denied me growing up. She got aggressive when I chose a boyfriend myself - she would always suggest guys who flattered her, the postman or the guy at the gas station, it was often so illogical that it was ridiculous. She dictated my looks during my teenage years and despised my choice in clothing when I was a student. She shamed me for making myself pretty or for succeeding in areas she wasn’t interested in or not good at. She would suggest kindly to drive me to a job interview when I had no car and then berate me in the car until I cried and then I had to go into that interview shaken and ashamed for looking red eyed. She shamed me and smeared my name in the family because I made my own choices and she berated me as a burden while I was seriously sick (heart was too slow) and insisted it probably being my own fault. And this is just an excerpt of a long list. Until this day I’m somehow tense with new women I meet who are actually really nice. I find it hard to trust that they can care about me.

Just one of the many variations on narcissism. When it's your parents, it's the worst, because you can't escape, and they mess you up with their unremitting games and invalidation. I just got done talking to my narc mom, and it ended when I ended all the trash talk she spewed about my sister. It's so sick

What I learnt growing up: I am responsible for my mother's happiness (she told me that and I learnt it). I CANNOT be artistic as my mother is and there is no money in art (I am a very creative person). I CANNOT be musical as my sibling was (I am very musical). I MUST be intellectual as my father was and there is money in that and it is all about not appearing dumb. I had to remain small and docile and I must please and appease everyone else. My feelings DO NOT matter and if I have or show any form of anger against anyone let alone any member of my family I will be shamed, yelled at to the point where I fear for my life, sometimes physically attacked by my sibling. My mother expects me to have the same perceptions and feelings as her. Particularly when it comes to her relationship with her husband (my father). They have a very toxic relationship and I wished they got divorced but they never did. My mother complained to me mercilessly about my father (I don't feel anything toward him as essentially he wasn't there much and when he was I had to walk on egg shells). Blah blah blah. I am in the process of re parenting myself.

Thank you so much. I needed this video

Thank you

Emotional incest was how I grew up with my Mom. It was ok for her to have sex with my Dad with the door open but for me the daughter, sex was forbidden. I was not to ever be in a sexual relationship or ever get married. I even had my personal diary about how I lost my virginity gone through and read in detail by my mother and brother together when I left home. At 42, I have finally found the strength with the support of my husband and kids to go no contact. I managed to escape but the yucky, icky abuse of my childhood has permanently scarred me. My hope is for everyone in these toxic relationships to know their self worth and get out sooner than I did. I also want to add that there is a strong cultural aspect to this. This behavior is very prevalent in Eastern cultures where kids become property and female virginity is held in the highest esteem.

This was my entire life! I knew as a kid something was off, and then when I grew up and got a psych degree she hated it.

This was spot on

Another aspect of this that wasn't mentioned is when the daughter's personality is much different. Therefore she can't become mother's mini-me even if she wanted to. For starters, I looked more like my dad in colouring (he was the loser #1 scapegoat). She thought of herself as vivacious and extrovert whereas I am an introvert who to her was destined to be a wallflower and not good for much besides being her listening post. Total mindF having to be cast into this role. I bet this dynamic is quite common rather than mothers and mini-mes.

My mother used to literally say "You are the idealized version of me" on top of comments from other family members about how I was just a clone of my mom. These comments used to make me feel literally nauseated from the weight of expectations - I realized that I honestly had no idea who I was. She also encouraged me to beautify myself through calorie counting by 10 and doing beauty routines with me by the time I was 6. It was so damaging to my self-esteem. There was one time I was so neurotically fixated on correcting an unruly wave in my hair that I cut the entire lock of hair down to my scalp, childishly thinking it would correct my hair. I tried to hide the bald spot by wearing a hat, but when my mom finally saw what I had done she screamed at me in the middle of the walmart parking lot "WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?!" My mom used to publicly berate me and other family members, often ruining family outings and parties. I didn't realize how toxic her emotional smothering was until I was in my mid-20s!!

My story, including fawn response. It is extremely confusing since neither projection of the narcissistic mother is true. You are neither her (cherished) mini-me, an extension of herself, nor her competitor. The jealousy dynamic I found pretty hard to grasp since even I, her victim, didn't suspect a mother could even think this way. Since my father is her enabler and I don't have any siblings, I had no protection at all. Today, I would compare my so called childhood and adolescence to being held hostage and being (mentally) enslaved.

In my case, my mom was mostly checked out when I was a kid because she was too busy trying to please an abusive husband (my step father). But a lot of the enmeshment issues came to the surface after she divorced him when I was an adult, and then especially when I had kids and even more when I started working for her. Can you talk about how these dynamics might play out when the child is an adult? As parents get older, should there be a shift to more of an equal friendship, or should the parent continue to prioritize the child's emotional needs? My own kids are now reaching adulthood, and I've not had a healthy role model for this process. I've prioritized their needs as my children. As they're becoming adults, should I allow the relationship to shift so it's a bit more equally balanced? As my own mom is aging, I expect her to need more in a way that is more typical as opposed to her dysfunctional neediness from the past. How do I determine what are appropriate boundaries with her to protect myself from her dysfunctional neediness while meeting her legitimate needs of becoming older?

Great video, can you do Father - Son next?

What about the mother who NEEDS to be the daughters best friend?