How Intelligence Leads To Avoidance | Episode 003 Video Game Addiction

As a 27 year old man struggling in hus career psth this is a breath of fresh and articulated beautifully

they have a fixed mindset

1.growing mindset values hard work, a passion for learning and exploring your capabilities, which are at the time unknown, its about resilience and facing adversities despite failling

2.Fixed mindset thinks our skills are set in stone and out of out control, affirms that everything that doesnt come off naturally to you is because youre not talented nor capable/meant for that, limits yourself on what you can do and thinks hard work as a bad thing and sign to give up

I'm not even particularly intelligent and became an avoidant gamer.

Oh damn, that reframing of being inexperienced, it helps you overcome the Dunning-Kruger effect. Or at least it does in my mind, cos you can't define yourself as experienced until you've had LOTS of it. Wowzers, very insightful.

Had no idea I had this problem, feel like ive overcome it naturally but im almost certain this held me back for many years

This helped me realize I’m an anxious perfectionist today at 28 yr old because my dad called me “the perfect child” when I was 6-8 years old, due to how quiet, clean, and studious I was. I never lived up to that word “perfect” ever again and I’ve been trying to ever since. I hadn’t realized that connection until this video. My dad and I haven’t talked in many years.

Very helpful!

such a comedy

He genuinely described my life.

I said jokingly to the screen as Dr. K is talking "Stop talking about my personal life you asshole"
And my gf said "You mean 'I'm in this photo and I don't like it' "
Yup

Holy shit that's me, I only realised this recently. Till 12th grade I perceived myself as a studious and smart kid. So in my mind I was like, I can't play with these "bad boys", they don't study well and I do. They will drag me down.

It’s like he knows that I’m watching this at 1.75x and his pacing is recording his words to my memory? 😅

The thing is, I know I am bad at stuff and that I need to do it to learn it

But I really don't want to, especially with people looking at me failing

I got injured at 19 and am now 32... not trying to be rude but wow this is what people have been trying to compare me to? I only sat and played so many games because the healthcare system of america is so abysmal. Gamer kids please get out there in the world. Your posture will thank you if you correct it.

If you’re above average IQ, you’ll learn more than the average person per failure. This would mean that your learning curve is steeper than average. That’s at least what I intuit. I’m no gamer though.

I want to land mace hits on the enemies of the kings of France.

“The hardest thing for gamers to do is something when you’re being observed by other people and you feel incompetent”

As an aspiring content creator, I can tell you it’s been very difficult to get over.

My avoidance mostly comes from the fear of being bullied for my shortcomings. My Familiy - especially my father - tend to seemingly randomly bring up my mistakes up in conversations with people that do not belong to my close family. That triggers intense feelings of shame for me, I think they know this and use this to put me down in the most backhanded way possible.

Can I get some therapy/meditation guidance, ANYTHING, based on this? Please!

I remember crying a few times when I was learning how to drive because I kept messing up and felt like a failure.

nootropics bros nootropics

Mmm, yes. My life is awful because I'm too smart

damn, makes me look at my past relationships as inexperience. which I was, I'm okay with that.

Many of my friends who are smarter than the average don’t try by fear of failure. What a waste for them but also for the society

Also, who's there telling me I'm a smart kid when I struggle? I'm a smart kid until I struggle. Then I'm called "lazy."

This is so true. I kinda knew all of this, but i've never heard someone articulate it that clearly.

As someone who values both cognitive and emotional intelligence, I would like to emphasize the importance of developing emotional intelligence skills. While cognitive intelligence may help in problem-solving and learning new skills, emotional intelligence skills such as empathy, self-awareness, and social skills are critical for success in forming relationships and careers.

Regarding your argument that gamers struggle to do things outside of gaming due to being told they are smart, it is important to recognize that emotional intelligence also plays a role in behavior. The ability to manage one's emotions and understand the emotions of others is a critical aspect of emotional intelligence that can impact behavior and decision-making.

A major problem I see with your videos is that you fail to avoid making sweeping generalizations about a group of people based on one aspect of their identity or experience. Instead, we should consider all factors that contribute to behavior and decision-making, including both cognitive and emotional intelligence. I hope you see this feedback and take it constructively.

Damn, spot on!

Smartness is contextual.

There are two birds:
the bird that goes up to something novel to investigate; and the bird that stays away.

In the city, the bird that goes up to the novel item to investigate is smart! It could be food or a tool to help it survive.
But, in the country that same bird may likely come upon a trap that kills or poisons it.

So are you in the city or the country? The truely smart person IMO knows that knowing you don't know is the smartest answer.

The classic that started it all

This is such a good way to reframe the way we think.

In my personal experience a similar phenomenon takes place when a person is referred to as nice or a "gentle"man. I am a man and if it's situationally appropriate I am a monster but I would much rather not be wrathful

That is so me!

As a weeb who never got into gaming bc bad hand eye coordination I love this space

The Zen saying "no praise, no blame" really comes to mind here. Same dynamic happened in my life...hard.

I was called an idiot by all my peers. I think I'd rather have been called smart lol

This just explains perfectly what happened and still happens to me. I've started this behaviour and when I got to working all I did after work was chilling at home on the PC, browsing the internet and playing video games. Now, years later I want to break out of that cycle but I feel that resistance to start anything new because I might look like a moron.

Ah, the start of another round of "How do I dig myself out of mental rot??"

Wouldn't say I am smart but I don't like trying new things because I hate being mocked and the feeling of shame that comes over me.

This got too personal

i lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee this guy

when others call you smart, you make it a part of your identity
to retain the label of being a smart person, you'll avoid difficult things to avoid looking stupid/like a failure
you'll naturally fall behind cause you'll not do most things you need to do
it's not intelligence/smartness, but experience and competence that actually matter. you become competent when you keep practicing.
become tolerant to failure

This talk is similar to Carol Dweck's idea of the Growth mindset vs Fixed mindset

Fixed mindset results from being called 'smart' and learning to avoid situations of failure because you don't want situations that make you look stupid.

Growth mindset results from people complimenting you on your effort, EVEN IF you make mistakes. Phrases like "good work!" or "great effort!" encourage growth.

"Becoming is better than being" - Carol Dweck

Enjoy learning. If your frustrated with failure, you are robbing yourself with the ability to grow as a person. When you go at it with I want to learn and grow and adding you intelligence on top of it then you be surprised how far you will go.

ok, this is great, but it doesn't mean gamers, this happens to everyone who is called smart at a young age, not just people who play videogames at a young age or even at all. just saying that gamers have this problem is making your argument seem wrong.

Hes so cuteee