FOMO (Fear of Missing Out and How to Cure It) Teal Swan

我完全就是这个情况，特别没边界总是迎合别人。要不然就是完全接受过度讨好，要不然就是因为被侵犯到边界而和人保持距离，不敢拒绝别人，又不想强迫自己。
我父母就是我不放弃自己就不会接受我的人，我觉得我周围也全是这样的人，我甚至不认为那种接受我边界的爱会存在，我以为任何人都是只想要他们想要的，总会有冲突，那他们如果爱我没有足够地觉得我的需求重要怎么办，那我还是不得不退让否则就没关系，就算说到追随热情，我听说的也是必须要做不喜欢的事，我遇到的也是这样的情况。
我因为反抗我父母一次，就被我父母找警察砸门，还被荡妇羞辱很多年，还一直担心要被父母抛弃。我也总是没有朋友，我觉得是我没有足够迎合他们，并且我从小就是有被抛弃创伤，让我更加互相依赖，我父母尤其母亲也从来不在意我的边界，经常把我东西扔掉或送人，基本我连选个冰淇淋口味或者衣服，只要不是她喜欢的都会遭到反对，更不要说我有什么需求，经常都是被忽略的，我基本上就从来没被尊重过个性。我经常也忽略自己的感受，但是在迎合别人的情况下后来朋友还很少，我就理解成那是因为我迎合不够，比如我初中的时候的朋友，因为我和她玩的时候没边界不被她喜欢，她就疏远我了，下一个朋友更是和别人说话忽略我，让我感觉很被抛弃以及无法独立，我高中的朋友我转学前她让我别转学，我转了，她后来就和我疏远了，我理解成是因为我不该转学其实内心还是认为她是对的，而没有意识到这不是爱，我还有一个以前的朋友，后来不咋联系了她就不联系我了，我理解成因为我没有迎合她而联系她，所以她生气了不会和我玩了。还有一个是最近上课的同学，有时候和我一起练习所学的东西，后来有段时间我拒绝了她几次，因为我有事，她就不理我了，我理解成因为我没有迎合她，拒绝了她就要离开我了，然后包括上其他课的时候那个老师很没边界随时打电话过来，我没接，她就说我冷暴力，然后我就想，人这么容易不高兴啊，看来我要小心不要不及时回消息否则关系就完了。
其实有时候别人很容易不高兴去评判别人，这个我可以理解不是真的爱和幼稚，但是如果说是因为没有迎合就不喜欢的话，我就总觉得是自己的错，让对方失望了。我在家一直是替罪羊，现在也是，因为没变成我妈妈想要的那个样子而很内疚，很不接受自己，因为这会让我失去我的父母，失去住所，失去价值，被所有人孤立。如果想不被人孤立我就不得不彻底否定掉自己，盲从权威。掩藏起别人不喜欢的部分并且在内心杀死那个部分，罪恶化孤立别人不喜欢我的部分，这导致我在群体中不断孤立自己，但是又把那个部分留下来甚至显示出来，以显示出我是替罪羊我是全家的垃圾桶来维持自己的生存，这种替罪羊行为也导致我不断孤立自己或者寻求一些惩罚或者伤害。并且完全否定掉自己的喜好和观点，放弃掉自己认为的价值，认为自己很弱没有判断力，从表扬中寻找价值，然后这样以后我就变得毫无价值感，拼命做我父母认为有价值的事来求得生存和价值感，我忽然在想我父母其实不关心我有没有价值感，只想牺牲我去实现他们的愿望罢了，既然如此我让他们给我价值感不是被剥削了吗，可是让我去遵从自己，对于一直被情感控制的我来说，确实难以想象。不过很多年过去现在已经好一些了。但是想起来，我对我以前的朋友，现在微信联系的老师，群体，父母，基本上都是很内疚，因为我觉得我没有完全失去自我地迎合他们，应该被抛弃，然后我也会孤立自己，因为我觉得我拒绝他们一次就应该被抛弃了，然后在这种内疚感之下，就变得回避不去找他们了，其实可能是这种回避导致了关系的疏离，然后我又更内疚更回避了。
对于“做自己也能找到喜欢自己的人”这样的信息，我曾经很感动也意识到了，但是不迎合也能找到喜欢欢迎自己的人这点，我好像刚刚认识到。

This is the first video I've watched of Teal where nothing she says applies to me. I feel so proud of myself LMAO

Thank you.

My friend is like this.

Growing up in a religious household, listening to our own personal enjoyment is seen as dangerous. It is equated to a criminal's enjoyment when doing crime or a narcissists enjoyment in being sadistic and there is deep fear instilled around 'thinking we're doing the right thing for us, when it turns out to be the worst thing and we're left to regret' so to avoid this black whole and possiblity in ending up a criminal or deeply damaged person, we should stick to a set of rules they define as the objective route to an objectively good life.

How do we deal with deep religious intellectual issues like that?

But thing is, you can't always do that thing later as you say. Humans age, we age and with aging options decrease so much that we are bo longer able to do anything to cope with regret. It becomes too late to try out things when our body no longer allows it. Sports, beauty, education are just one of those things we only get one chance to do, that is in younghood.

What are your tips for those who grew up poor and had to do without and now have FOMO with shopping? Ie food, and merchandise?

Another jewel!

Social Anxiety cures FOMO. I fear going out to social events. Rather than fear of missing out i have fear of going too.

1. Face the real root of the anxiety you are experiencing. What is this really about ?
2. Live from love and what you truly want instead of living from consequences.
3. Scarcity mentality. You feel opportunities won't come again. You don't feel you are empowered to create those experiences.
4. Recognise to what degree you are living your life out of obligation.
5. Find compatible people in your life.
6. Interact with and caretake your fear.
7. You have to meet your needs. You have to be the initiator and creator of the needs
8. You have to live your life according to what feels good rather than trying to come across as something to someone.
9. Slow down, don't multitask

Things that resonated with me:
It is primarily about what I won't get rather than what I want.
Social anxiety. Parents saw this child as a ball of clay. As a result: massive consequences/percieved consequences. Conflict with those that we can't afford to be in conflict with. Serious fear of disappointing others.

I have fomo but it's more about " I'm scared I won't get what I want in life"

You are amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom

Thank you Teal. This is such a helpful video for me. Much love 💙

Consciousness is capable of SO much more than you realize in your day-to-day life.
You have NO IDEA what you're missing out on.

Thank you our teacher

I'm watching this video for the 3rd time in last 3 years, and it still resonates so strongly. That also tells me that i've to continue to work on this problem more seriously. Thanks Teal. Lots of appreciation and gratitude🙏

A fascinating take for me on FOMO and it's origins. I could relate to a lot of it. Thank you Teal for the amazing content ♥

I have never in my life felt someone understood me and what I’m going through like this woman! Always saying exactly what in my heart

How you get this so spot on is beyond me. I never expected in a million years what the root of this would be 🫶

Every single sentence resonates. Each and every one. I am going to go back and take notes and thank Teal every step of the way.

I wanna do things that genuinely feel good to me instead of just doing things out of FOMO, but at the same time, I feel extremely lonely. So I thought about working on improving my social skills and alleviating my social anxiety but that act in itself doesn't feel good and it reinforces my FOMO, so I feel trapped. Man I hate this :(

I love you

I always go back to this video when I meet a new person and I see them going out and having fun. They don't have lives I would want to emulate and yet here I am feeling like trash. I feel like I would rather try to comply to their lifestyle as opposed to sticking to my own.

This video changed my life in the most amazing ways. Thank you, Teal 💚

Welp. You finally summarized me. Got some work to do now.

these earrings are soooo nice

I knew all these things already about myself but I didn't know they were this linked. It's much more clearer to me now.. thankyou teal swan

The best episode ever wow thank you this was awesome

If I could, I’d give you 1000likes. You really show your experience and understanding of the process. It really tells me you’ve experienced and grown as oppose to just talking something you read/saw. Thanks for sharing your growth! Have a great day

Might not just be a libra thing 🧘‍♀️

Even as a kid I had FOMO I remember staying up way later than usual during family functions because I didn’t want to miss anything. I remember hearing all the funny stories that would occur when I was gone...so I figured that if I wanted to have fun I have to be around people, and it’s only when I’m gone that people do that, so it was a picking and choosing between hearing the stories and being there but the stories not be as funny. Now that I’m older my FOMO is worse. If I see my friends hanging out without me it makes me want to cry, because I want to be there too. Like why can’t I be there? Did I do something wrong that means I don’t have the privilege to have fun and be happy with these people? Right now my friends are away on a school trip that I couldn’t go on, so I’m definitely getting FOMO. My friend tells me about what they do and i can think about is how they are having fun and enjoying themselves while I’m stuck at home and school without them.

Amazing video. As always Teal. I really like the contrasting example of how healthy relation should look like. Thx

Correct!

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

I recently got fed up with living a life full of obligation, and it did alleviate my FOMO immediately. This allowed me to room to figure what I really wanted to do with my precious spare time and be less resentful of my family and friends.

thank you!

We will want to meet their needs and accommodate them and If they love us back they are going to do the exact same

<3

daaaaaaaang. I just realized this is me.

So true! I’ve never looked at it that way. Very helpful thanks. 🙏

Step 1: Face the wound of not feeling wanted, included, and loved as you are as a person.
Can go deeper with The Completion Process
2: Live from love and what you truly want instead of avoiding consequences.
3: Create a life where you feel completely fulfilled, so you wouldn't feel like you were missing out.
4: Feel in control in the experiences you have. (Have experiences where you can get your needs met.)
5: Learn how to be afraid. Take care of your fear.
The Anatomy of Loneliness has a section for fear.
6: Meet your needs.
7: Chose to do things for the experience itself, (not for getting something out of the experience)
Learn to live your life according to what feels good, instead of trying to get people to percieve you in a certain way.
8: Let go of the idea that you can be everywhere, know everything, have everything all the time.
Slow down. Don't multitask. Realise that your focus is mostly on what you lack instead of what you have.
Practice more appeciation and gratitude.
Accept that everybody will always lack something. Just focus on the things that really bring you joy, and be completely present when you do them.
Fill your life with people who love that, who don't want you to conform to their idea of what they want you to be.

Teal is my go to therapist i swear to god

most relatable video of 2021