Why I Thought I Couldn't Be Autistic | Neurodivergent Magic

I am just trying to find out what is going on for me so your channel is very helpful. I did not understand the breadth and width of my struggles until the pandemic: when everything shut down and we were forced into social isolation all I felt was PURE RELIEF. Why was everyone freaking out?! Not trying to downplay the terror of that time, but socially for me: I was totally at ease with no visitors, no in office meetings, no small talk with anyone, everything was suddenly so.... quiet. Not even a lot of traffic or people.  

Also, just like you, being with someone who is so able to just let me be myself has helped me endlessly to do just that: truly be me. Finally. My husband is the rock star of my life. (he happens to also be neurodivergent hahaha.)

So, I also never thought I had that many social issues (spoiler, I totally do. Like, I have always known that I don't need or want deep friendships amoung many other things). So now I am trying to figure it allllll out.
Thanks for your video!

It's very interesting that you mention bi polar. There's a lot of research saying that autism, bi polar and ADHD may have common genetic roots and that if you have one, you are more likely to have one of the others

First off, your husband is an awesome person! Second, I feel so relatable to everything you said. I lived in a house hold that didn’t believe in mental health or disabilities. A lot of mind over matter, you can do better & suck it up buttercup mentality shoved in my face from great parents 😂 I was finally diagnosed with ADHD none attentive at 37 but I still feel somethings off or missing. I have always asked myself why I can’t be a normal human being, why can’t I function like everyone else?!? Probably because I’m not like everyone else, I’m pretty sure I’m autistic, especially when everyone I meet says I’m one of a kind 😂 Everyone always tells me I have a quirky sense of humor, I see things in a different light & you’re such an odd ball but in a good way. I’m always pondering on what they see but deep down I know I’m way out of this world & in my own 😂 Even seeing therapist & psychiatrist are so draining socially & emotionally when discussing myself, half the time I don’t want to go because I hate talking about myself & feelings 😂 Can’t they see & understand how awkward our interactions are! My online aspie assessment even said 100% probability of being atypical! It’s just so hard to find the right help & get proper testing from trusted professionals.

I've been told I'm not autistic because I have CPTSD & thats the cause. Not sure I agree

Thank you so much for this video. You are wonderful. ❤

Is your husband really 'neurological'?

Thank you Beautiful! <3

I'm only on the first point and I already felt that. It's funny because while that therapist claimed to "just not see it in me", a psychiatrist I met with while going to PHP/IOP for unrelated reasons clocked me after a couple weeks (couldn't look her in the eye, constantly stimming, looping manner of speech where I didn't know how to end what I was saying).

I thought I couldn't be autistic too, but honestly after the experience of seeking more help, it's been determined that I probably hit the aspects complicating adult diagnosis—primarily masking. Even if you don't know that you're autistic, if you're The Weird Kid™, you learn to mask. And then I couldn't mask anymore.

And now that I know more I can't help but wonder why it wasn't clocked sooner… >_>

Edit: OOF. I feel the sneaky (and not-so-sneaky) social issues, too. God.

I'm not sure if you're aware. . But see you next Tuesday is code for CUNextTuesday !;;

Oh my god. The non-speaking episodes. I know a bit (I’m still learning) of ASL and sometimes I just want want to sign instead. BTW is being suddenly extremely hot out of nowhere an autism thing? Cause I’ll just be couch potatoing and then get heat flashes where I literally cannot cool down.

This is kind of where im at too. I think im close to your age, based on appearance. Ive been slowly slowly integrating the idea that i could be autistic for a while. Maybe five years or so. But most of that time I've been worried that im seeing things that arent there or trying to make excuses for my problems or trying to seem interesting by faking autism. But i think im just like actually autistic. It would explain so much. I'm careful who i say it to, because some people would think i was lying or jumping on some kind of internet bandwagon. Anyway, all of the things you said about yourself are also me. Me too. Same.

My problem was when thinking about autism, I always thought about the stereotype. "I cant be like that because I dont want to be like that, thus I dont want to look for a diagnosis and find excuses for myself to be someone I didnt want to be". It feels like making it Impossible for yourself to look will make it easier to ignore yourself and help you to cope more with reality but damn, if you find what you were looking for, its so helpful. Still dont know what I have, maybe borderline r some form of DID, autism or shizzotypal

Despite having already been diagnosed by my psychologist, I had a psychiatrist tell me I was too intelligent to be autistic. Too intelligent. I did too well on the battery of cognitive tests to be autistic.

One of the first psychiatrists I saw (after being formally diagnosed too) seemed skeptical of my autism UNTIL they "caught" me rocking back and forth slightly. After that the apparent doubt dissipated. 🙄🙄

I think we need to acknowledge it’s a disability if we want to get the accommodations that many of us need.

Well heeey this is the second video I've watched and just realized your channel is called neurodivergent magic and I also over think everything and can't help but to think I was drawn to your page by fate and it sounds crazy I guess but I love the word magic and everything it means sorry just want to put that out there the last video I watched I choose because of what the title said and completely bypassed the name of your channel til now 😂😊

Curious, what is the reason YOU NEED to have that diagnosis? If you already know you have some symptoms and you are aware, what extra benefits do you get from getting that diagnosis?

Lady you are not autistic nothing you said means you are autistic you are latterly normal autism is way more complicated then what you and others people hoe think redding something of the internet is the equivalent of what is in the medical books of a doctor university is is just unbelievable. Way do you people want these disorders so badly so that you can talk about it on the internet something that you know nothing about and don't know what it's like to have it no disorder is fun and nice to have where people in the real world treats you better NO! In the real world you are outcasted and treated as a reject. So no please no self diagnosing and no parroting symptoms of a disorder to be diagnosed with it👏

Thank you!

Out of a lot of other autistic YTs. You're the one I relate to the most in terms of how I reached to the conclusion I am indeed freaking autistic.

This is the video I have been looking for!!! Thank you so so much for sharing, Megan!!

I'm so happy to have just discovered your channel. I was diagnosed with "asperger's syndrome" (ASD) at age 43. I'm now 72. Looking forward to viewing your content.

Second reasons is SO relatable to me

you're so sweet. this has been a very important video for me. good luck! :)

Thanks for making your videos. I have watched parts of a lot of different videos about this topic over the years. Sometimes there is conflicting information that doesn't fit for me and that makes it confusing. I relate to your content. It feels validating, and your voice and videos are soothing. I am a middle aged elementary school teacher, married mother of 2. My son was diagnosed at 17 months aspergers, now called ASD. Recently, I have wondered if my daughter is ADHD making some things hard for her. She really struggles with executive functioning. I am seemingly functional so I feel like you said. No one can see what it feels like on the inside and its difficult to understand when life deals a bad hand and I have a meltdown once in a while. It makes me so ashamed inside but then some people are more accommodating than others through stressful life events. I also relate to the listless something is wrong feeling of being understimulated and the constant internal battle between inner child and parent. That is such a intuitive way to describe it. I have always thought it was the angel and devil on my shoulders but its not always easy to know who's who. Just really wanted to say thanks for being you and sharing with the world so I could see I am not alone.

Wooooww. I’ve never in my life related to someone’s experience so much ❤. I too have assumed I have BPD, I thought/ still potentially think I have PMDD but I have been suffering like this MY WHOLE LIFE. Extremely sensitive, everyone always told me I was over sensitive. In all ways I’m able to “function”, like I will put up with a crowd to hold face but I will be emotionally and mentally exhausted for days afterwards. I’ve been in a deep depression for many many years, accompanied by severe anxiety and every medication I take has fizzled out working. I feel like every diagnosis I pursue is missing something. Anyway- it’s only recently occurred to me that I may be autistic. Like maybe my depression is really just exhaustion from trying to exist in a world that doesn’t support people like me.

You are not neurodivergent. You are just full of yourself. If that makes you happy, that's fine. ;-)

Thank you for this, from my heart I say.

Very helpful, and I'm so sorry the professionals failed you so badly. I'm so glad videos like yours are around. The standard diagnostic criteria are only half a fit for me, but watching other autistic women talk about their experiences I recognise so much of myself. Thank you and keep up the good work.

At my school today i was doing group work in a group with two other people and one of them was trying to talk about the group work but i went non verbal and i couldn't respond and the other person didn't respond either an she was getting frustrated (understandably) but I couldn't make myself talk

This video is so so beautiful! That’s wonderful to have friends and people around us that can make us happy and help us through our own experiences with love and understanding 💙💙💙

My room is full of Dinasaures 😂

i love you

Thank you.

So happy to see how supportive your husband is. 🥰🥰

I feel seen and, yet, still confused about whether or not I am autistic.For reasons you’ve mentioned; how could I be? But I cannot deny that I experience many of the things people are talking about, to some degree. It just seems like it should be so much more, or more obvious. I know I should seek professional diagnosis but I am very bad at talking about myself 🤭.

This is so relatable. I am very temperature sensitive, which I put down to my chronic illness, Muckle-well syndrome. I put a lot of my social issues down to my hearing impairment and the fact that I'm an introvert and shy. I was told my lack of focus, inability to follow instructions and so forth was ADHD. While while true wasn't the only reason. The thing that annoys me is that even though I now have an Autism diagnosis, the phycologists who tested me made no mention of my obsession was mythology and magic.

In fact she was very dismissive right for the moment I mentioned it and completely failed to ask questions or find out more. She completely robbed me of the chance to explain that as a teenager I could name all the Egyptian gods, Greek gods, talk about Irish mythology, Ancient druids, witchcraft, African witch doctors, Native American beliefs, Aztecs, Mayans, Polynesian... you get the idea. I owned over a thousand books by the time I was in my 20's and what do I get? An obsession with scissors. She couldn't even get that right since I was obsessed with cutting things up, my walls were covered with pictures as a kid.

I'm so glad you shared this, I have been told I have GAD, and Depression. The more I look into autism (especially for women) I realize that I have a lot of the same traits. I would try to talk to my pych about it but she would just dismiss it or tell me she doesn't think that I am. I want to get tested, at least to see if I am, but I can't get a referral. So I'm glad you come on and share your experiences, I can write down what traits I might have and just give my psych that, maybe that would get the ball rolling.

Shout out to The Husband, this is s true mate!

ur husband is so great!!! my ex never understood what was happening, he tried to push my boundaries and demand me when i was recharging, i had to say to him that i never was taught how to show affection for example and ofc the relationship didnt worked bc we were so different (i had a lot of faults too, being bipolar untreated and recovering addict)

when i was a child my family was awful too, mom saying the r slur to me (i am still undiagnosed but still), she slapped me when i stimmed, made me feel horrible when i had meltdowns, and told me "only psychos have no friends", forced me to eat textures i didnt like, i had to mask all my symptoms, really traumatic experience

I had my specialist psychiatrist telling me "you can't be autistic if you desire social interactions. Autistic people like to be alone", telling me that if I were autistic I wouldn't understand my isolation, and worst of all he said "even if you were autistic there's no cure for it, so your diagnosis would be just a pointless cost for the National Health Services". It costed me 7 years of my life to pursue diagnosis without his support... and guess what: I AM autistic.
Because of him and because of some coping strategies I do have sometimes some 'imposter syndrome' episodes, but then I think back how my functioning affected me, the challenges, the difficulties, and the difference between something behavioural (as an introvert would be, for example) and something structural as a neurodiversity is

I’m an adhd-ER but sometimes I wonder…The diagnosis is less important than finding tools for a life with less spoons.
Social stuff is hard for me, although I am “well liked” I generally stay alone. Ugh.
I’ve tried making ND friends but I get talked over so badly or get annoyed. Or they seem bored with me. I am super self aware and seek the same in others but that’s hard to find in other NDs.
I’m really glad you found a loving hubby! The main thing that matters to me is to find peace, ease, and connection in this world.

i also have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and am now seeking a diagnosis of autism

No disrespect but what would the obsession with a diagnosis do for you? Especially if multiple professionals tell you you don't have it? Usually you would want this diagnosis to get proper therapy but it seems like you're not being impaired by this issue...

I just found out that I am autistic. I served in the military not knowing. The veterans hospital told me I am autistic.

thank you

A psychiatrist and a psychotherapist told me I'm not autistic enough for a diagnosis, nobody will diagnose a 1-2/10 (the latter took about 40 seconds to decide). My first outreach to an actual ASD diagnosis center happened about a month ago, and I get nervous with each passing day, because they had me fill out a 43-page diagnostic sheet that ended up being 65 pages printed, by the time I finished with it, I've had that much to say.

Whenever I watch a video about autism I freak out over the one thing that's just not me, as if the other fifteen things that I know apply to me wouldn't be enough, but I look at any behavioral pattern that isn't me as a reason for dismissal, because I don't know how much it weighs into the whole diagnosis, and that's one of my actual issues, my utter and complete inability to prioritize, to determine how much a part contributes to the whole, and my perfectionism is just that... I don't strive to be perfect, I'd be perfectly fine giving 95% instead of 100%, my issue is with determining that that thing I half-assed only contributes 5% to the whole picture, so I shouldn't bother fixing it.

And here I am having no idea how I ended up talking about this when my main topic was being stressed about issues I don't have, as if the other ones I have weren't enough...

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻❤❤❤❤🙏🏻😀🤗