Foster care parent visits: Child doesn't want to go and no shows

I'm an adult and I hate visiting my bio parents

What an amazing lady. I remember when my mom would no show and my foster parents would make a big deal about how she’s a pos and everything in front of us. Tearing up now. My bio mom died in 2019. She wasn’t a good mom but we did love her. 😢

I wish i'd seen this when my own kids were smaller and dad wouldnt show up for visits, and later when they didnt want to go at all. Your insights reach far beyond just foster care!

ugh i cant imagine having to go through the process of convincing a kid to even consider going on the MANDATORY visit, they already don't wanna see their parent, and the parent doesn't even show up, likely solidifying some thoughts/feelings the kid had :/

As a professional with a Dr. Degree I want to point out, that visits are not an obligation for a child especially if there is a history of neglect, abuse etc.! As a foster parent you have to be first and foremost a safe space for the child and not sb who forces them to do something that might be damaging for their health or wellbeing. Please be mindful.

This is so important

If a child doesn't want to visit their parent(s) there's a reason for it. Don't force them.

Y force child to see parents if parents caused issue where they r in foster care

So, if I’m fostering kids, can I request siblings be kept together? It’s heartbreaking they are apart if they don’t have to be.

Thank you for taking care of these little ones.

i love how the baby is forced to be there even if they don't want to be but the parent can choose not to show up if they don't feel like it.

What is a visit center? And how do bio parents get the option to not visit? Does that affect their ability to get them back?

❤❤❤😢

interesting that for parent visits, the foster family is present during the visit. in the case of my little sister who is currently being cared for by a foster family, there is just the visiting family person and the social worker

when I first got taken away for my mom I didn't want to see her cause I was so hurt that she left us (after caring for us for 11 years) that I didn't want to see her. When they made us visit her masked and faked that I was happy to her and held all my pain in for the longest two hours of my life. I wish they didn't make me see her.

Your videos give me hope for current and future foster parents! Thank you!! ❤

In my experience, if the child refuses a planned visit with a parent and someone (the parent usually) calls the police, the police never seem to insist on the child having a visit. I’ve seen this many times. We all know that the child has good reasons to refuse, so I think we should support them in that. I’m not a foster parent. I’m a psychologist. I understand pressure for family visits and reunification is very strong. Foster parents may not be in a position to allow the child to refuse. They can still affirm the child not wanting to see the parent

Any suggestions for if the parents show but the visit doesn’t go well or the child is super triggered from it?

Sarcastic lol...
That's not my experience as a foster kid. I was basically told "get in the car we're going to visitation/therapy/court. No you don't have a choice." There were a few times I was physically put in the car and buckled in with child locks on while crying and screaming because I didn't want to be around my abuser.

you seem to have a lot of recommendation for younger kids do you have any tips for teens

It's worth noting that terrible things can happen in foster care, and the parents can be very afraid for their children.
Kids dissappear in the system sometimes.

I teared up at the thought of the parents not showing up for a visit.😢

Why did this make me tear up? Bravo to all the legit, great foster parents out there!

Are there ever circumstances where children with guardians in the hospital would be put into foster care? Are those kinds of situations handled differently?

What would you change? "her being there" 😂

mandatory visits were extremely triggering for me, so it’s nice to know adults are attempting to advocate

Pediatric area I worked at in a hospital...it was so sad to see these kids grow up in foster care.

I am a big supporter of you personally and of your videos

It's interesting how your foster parent advice is HEAVY on the communication and understanding from and of the child and adult perspectives and the ppl involved

for the love of your hair, STOP JUST THROWING IT INTO A BUN! also, youre too business-like with these, it dont feel genuine. i like your drive though. God Bless!

What IS a Casa ?

I seriously love your content as a foster parent. We haven't fostered for several yrs and might not ever again but love to watch your content and share it!

These videos are just everything ❤

"I dont wana go see my parents cause there abusive"

Foster mom: "it doesn't matter if there abuseivr you still hsve to see them"

With the fact that children are forced to visit parents who are more than likely known to be abusive and scary to the children just flabbergasts me! These children have been through enough they should not be forced to have to spend time with someone who has more than likely not only physically abuse them but possibly sexually emotionally it's territory

This will create.BPD in people. And then gaslighted into going. Wee Shame its so complex being a foster carer it must be hard following rules vs morally knowing you wanna do whats best for them mentally x

For me it was a constant combo of no-shows and child doesn't want to go. It was honestly very difficult and unfair to the children that the wants of the parents and workers seem to outweigh that of the children themselves. One child was having night terrors (among other issues) that did not stop until visits were cancelled. The children expressed to their worker that they didn't want to go, one child even had an extreme fear of the parent we were visiting. We still had to go, only for the parent to rarely show up and was usually intoxicated or inappropriate in some way when actually showing up.

This is very good information. You hear so many times as a foster parent's being so cruel and mean, but you have some very good ideas.

Thank you for sharing this, and being so kind about the child not wanting to go.

As a former foster kid, this brings back so many memories. My bio parent always showed, but as I got older, I started becoming less and less interested in seeing her. til finally my case worker asked me if I wanted to continue visits and at 14 I was allowed to discontinue them. And I was so much happier.

Bio parents were sporadic when our foster (eventually adopted) kids were little. Their foster home before us sent them to visits with a volunteer driver. If mom and/or dad didn’t show, they still had to stay at the CAS building for over 2 hours. Parents had separate but consecutive visits. The kids had to watch other kids visiting and playing with their parents. They were 4 and 5 😢

We were able to drive them ourselves so if either or both didn’t show, we went to the park or McDonalds. It was many months before Saturday mornings weren’t a huge trigger for them ❤

Awe this makes me cry……there are some really great people out there stepping up to the plates for these kids, many blessings on your house ❤

My favorite parts of your videos are moments where I find tips I can use with my own children (since I’m not a foster parent) and the “I wonder” is SO COOL. I can’t wait to try it with my own kids to see if it can help them feel like it’s a conversation instead of an accusation!!

CASA was HUGE for me when I was in the foster care system, I definitely recommend it for every child in the system

Niece is going thru this with her nieces. Mommy doesn't show up, but shows up - or not - at family functions. Mostly not. Makes me furious.

I wish I experienced this growing up, I probably wouldn’t of turned out like this if I had 😅

As a visit supervisor, unless the child is like a baby, if they say no, we will not force them in. We will not grab their hand or carry them inside. If they say now, they leave. It seems like a lot of commenters are misunderstanding this part. They have to legally show up to the visitation location but they do not have to have the visit

The vocal fry is strong today

I hated and I mean HATED seeing my birth family. I never forgot what they did to us kids and the pain they caused. We were often made to go see them and stay in contact. Thank god as an adult I could flat out refuse. Their funerals gave a much needed peace to all of us kids.

Your so pretty and so are your eyes!❤😊

We have special guardianship of our grandchildren.
We used to go through this all the time. Their mum would turn up once in every 10/12 visits.
There was always some excuse( usually the boyfriend she was with at the time), or she just wouldn't turn up.
It just got to the point that we didn't tell our grandchildren she was coming. If she turned up, it was a bonus.