Dating Strategy to Help You Manage your Moods, Expectations, and BPD

i hope i can fix my relationship with him anymore. i have BPD and i dont have intentions to hurt him anyway,

Hi! I came back to the dating scene after some time and i met this guy on a dating app that i really like. I kind of already did most of the mistakes u mentioned and he reacted very much okay, but the thing is that he goes away (maybe doesn't, he may be lying ofc) and as i thought he started getting colder i first started asking him many many questions about his plans with me, then i said my goodbyes, ignored him for awhile and fonally accused him of making up a false scenario and abusing drugs. Today i apologized for my behavior and told him it was my own triggered mind that caused me to act so irrationally. He said that he will need some time to process what happened and then tell me if he is okay with keeping in touch. So my question is - do u think i already made it a lost cause or is it a chance for this whole thing to actually work out?

Absolute worst on holidays Dr
Thank you for video

This is the most helpful video I’ve found on BPD. I’ve struggled with it my whole life and I just want to thank you for posting this.

I can't help but wonder about how to navigate feeling triggered during the small talk. Sometimes it's not the BPD voice telling me about the person's thoughts or interests in me, rather it's me reading into their responses or challenging them. It's like what happens months into the relationship but it can happen initially too.

Dating is a complicated maze for anyone dating someone with BPD. It totally gutted my desire to seek intimacy with a woman.

I mentally can't do small talk. I won't even be focused on the person..... I'll just be focused on how effective my small talk is and get stuck in my head and not present. I've tried. It doesn't work. Small talk is neither "easy" nor "breezy." Its complicated and stressful.

Great info! Thank you! Curious..is there a really general timeline for the chapters? I understand it won't be the same across the board.

Thank u so much doctor!!!

Is there a guide on how to keep a job with BPD or stay in school with BPD?

I just can't wrap my head around that people have different tastes, so rejection stings like crazy.

I think the worst having BPD as a guy is that many of the traits of the disorder turns women completly off.
I am the quiet BPD, so I rarely act up, but I am so fucking sensitive and scared shitless to show negative emotions.

just wanted to say and i hope you see this but you are a living angel i literally was in such a down depressive moment and literally wanted to give up and then watching your vids give me so much hope, i don't really have family that talks ab growing up or anything so i've had to figure it and i don't really have a father figure that's present and you have helped me so much i hope you know you change lives on the daily. i'm 21 and diagnosed w bpd, did, panic disorder and so on but i get in the head space a lot that i j need to learn to accept the fact that i won't b able to have a relationship in this life but i watch your videos and they give me so much comfort and hope and it's really something i've needed. god really answered my prayers when i came along your channel. i hope you know the amounts of ppl u convince to keep going. really can't thank you enough but thank you

Having been in a relationship with a person with unacknowledged BPD for several years, I can see the benefit to some of this advice. I do take some issue with chapter 2, where the BPD person is encouraged to look for flaws in the other person. In my experience, the BPD has absolutely NO problem doing that! She's constantly examining me for any possible hint that I'm not totally committed to her and excruciatingly honest and open. Her jealousy knows no bounds, and the mere presense of another person can trigger wild accusations of infidelity. I've lost track of how many lovers and secret relationships I've supposedly had! I know that this behavior is common to most BPD people because I've done a lot of research!

I am so happy to find your channel . My life it’s getting easier and better day by day . I am very thankful . I didn’t realize that I was BPD till now age of 40 and it all makes so much sense to me now .

It's kind of hypocritical that you said you shouldn't expect them to change but we're supposed to change our bpd which is part of our personality?

I watch this video over and over again. I almost know them by heart by now.

And voices, I hate my voices. They seems so real.

Hi Dr fox, first of all. I think your awesome for us with BPD .but I have a question, when you're favorite person dies. What happens to us? You are left alone, with no one. I cant find another security and lovable person in my life. No one who understands me.

Thank you this a great reminder and very grounding.

Someone with BPD should never be encouraged to enter a romantic relationship. In fact, they should be prevented by any means possible. Think of the victims, and there will be victims.

Great insights! Thank you! I was going thru the book backwards 😅

I love small talk?

“Let’s get physical”
You are the dad i think we all wish we had Dr Fox 😂😂 thank you for such amazing content!!

Oh my god that was a bomb! Ohkayy im working on it

I'm 30 years old and only realised this year that I have quiet bpd so I was never fully self aware even though I knew something was wrong. I did all of the don'ts that you've listed. 😂😂

I need you as my therapist

Thank you. For real. Seems like you really understand more than even Sam vankin. He’s knowledgeable but he doesn’t get it

Let´s hear more about this "over-sexualized".

How I wish I'd watched this 20 years ago! Never to late to change.

the hardest part of this for me is rectifying that’s I’m supposed to date someone completely the opposite of myself but somehow still expect that person to love me.

So fucking glad this exists. Thank you so much.

I don't have BPD myself, but I just wanted to say I think everyone, and especially people with a history of trauma in their childhood or early life, should listen to your book of love. Great resource! Thankyou!

Bro ppl can’t even make friends

As a man what my biggest challenge when it comes to dating is the black & white thinking that ensues after a "rejection". I blame it mostly on myself and believe I need to change my personality to become attractive enough.

I know it's not true on one level since I have had successful realtiopnships in the past, but my emotional brain seems to have forgotten that.

What about relationships that are already formed out of order, too fast or too intensely? Can I fix that relationship and make it healthy?

Broken nothing fits

I dont have BPD at all but i am an over sharer. This is helpful for everyone!

I feel so fucking exposed by this video. It's like someone finally understood me for the first time. But it makes my BPD want to fight someone. Lol.

I've been seeing this guy for a bit now and he said to me like... I want to do more things together and just spend time together. I understood what he meant... But this just reaffirms that I needed to be slowed down in that moment. Big ooph.

I'm sold. I definitely need to check out your book finally. I think this could be honestly life changing for me as I'm about to start my DBT therapy tommorrow.

I'm scared but I'm optimistic about my future potential. ❤️❤️

Can I see the codependency video

Yes please do a video on codependency and BPD

Thank you very much sir

Hey Dr. Fox! You mentioned a lot about core contents in your videos. Is there a resources you have that shows this list of core contents?

Is there range of BPD? Could people have mild BPD compared to a person with a severe case?I feel like I may have experienced one of the worst cases and I haven't seen anyone on the internet give examples of what can happen to u if you live with a person who has this

This makes me wonder...Do BPDs choose their partners for the right reasons or to fill the emptiness? And therefore, do they hold on to them for the right reasons or just out of fear?

This is great and so helpful!!! I was curious if you have any suggestions/tips regarding how to stay in "Chapter 1" in the realm of texting. I find it incredibly challenging to manage texting with a new person because of all the potential for miscommunication, as well as the fact that it feels the nature of texting forces communication out of the Chapter 1 stage too soon. For example, someone would get my number and check in now and then, or share some music, or send cute emojis which all feels approproprietly easy breezy. But perhaps they don't respond sometime when I felt we were connecting, or they ask me out spontaneously on the day they want to see me, and that feels nice but also triggers me because I can't drop everything to see them but would like to see them in general. I don't have enough information yet, to know if they are just shy or if they are selfish and demanding, for example. So, then I'm faced with a conundrum of feeling like I have to explain a complex emotional experience, on text no less, such as why I can't drop everything to see them, what my boundaries are, how I do or don't expect to be treated (ie: "It's hard for me to have a spontaneous plan because I get anxious, I'd love to see you next week though for coffee".. ) without also sounding TMI about why I'm saying it, OR omitting my emotional experience and sounding uninterested or vague and sending the wrong message.

In short, it's just a lot of instant triggers that make those stakes seem really high way too soon. The only way I see out of this is clear communication, so I don't feel so horribly anxious and confused, but that goes right back to the conundrum of "too much too soon" and having some big conversation about expectations and emotions with someone I hardly know, when I don't feel comfortable with that yet. I want to be respected but I don't want to jump the gun out of Chapter 1 (hey, that rhymes!) and get overly demanding or serious because I'm scared. Yet, if I avoid saying how I authentically feel too soon, I sense that I could become a doormat and condone behavior I dislike. (Which has happened many times). Yet, I know it's also not up to the other person to act a certain way just for me to not have anxiety, so it's so hard for me to know what my responsibility is and what is something to bring to their attention like if they are truly being sort of rude or if it's merely the nature of texting. (Compared to this, I would LOVE to sit and have idle, slightly awkward chit chat in person! :/) I hope maybe you or someone can offer some clarity with this. Thank you!

Wow I had a wild thought pop up when you said "it's not your job to heal them/save them...". A voice inside me said "well then why am I with them?" That just really put things into perspective for me about a lot of my unconscious motivations in dating.

I think this is the same with friendships?

This is the most beautiful of many ..I love this..thank you..❤️🌷

Thank you for being so helpful. Also, thank you for speaking so clearly and professionally and not using big words to try to "appear intelligent". Communicating with big words is super ineffective imo. 😊✌🙏