The Most Effective Response To A Narcissist's False Accusations

The narcissist got upset with me after misconstruing something i said in text. When i tried to explain my meaning, he said he knew that’s not what i meant and he basically knows my intentions and understands how i form my thoughts into words because I’m always passive aggressive. This is a brick wall that i finally walked away from, just yesterday. Even with all your incredible info and explanations of narcissists, his amazing inability to accept that i know what i meant makes me feel like I’m crazy.

Silence, wont talk. Make excuses why can't talk now. Avoidance, stonewalling, gets up & leaves. Little conversation on things we HAVE to talk about...bills, etc. Zero intimacy. Says wants to b together. Im not perfect, I want to do better but wont talk, how can I? I try & it goes in circles.😢

Wut does one do when spouse wont talk cuz "you twist what ever I say, there's no use talking". "You're always right, you dont care how I feel".

He treats me like I'm the enemy & like I'm an irritant. As long as I agree, go along, express same opinions etc. He has NEVER initiated a convo about us or wut i cud improve on or wut we can do together just the 2 of us. Suggestions?

You are so spot on! Listen to this man! The scary thing is there are so many of these oxygen thieves out there!

I told my narcissistic husband of 25 years to move out. I feel so much better about health wise and just life in general. I loved him but couldn’t put up with all the BS. I got myself back, my family back, and my old friends. Minus and old relationship that I had before my husband came along. He is also a narcissistic person so not going there! Done with these idiots totally. Life is enjoyable again.

Really wish i found you 2 years earlier....

Thank you, Sir. Excellent presentation.

Very wise and helpful words. I am struggling keeping a marriage together with a mega hot-tempered and abusive wife, and am hoping that I can find sound strategies to diffuse that anger, because she is actually a very wonderful woman when she is not upset. I recently tried to adhere to similar advice, from the Bible in Proverbs 15:1, which says " A Soft Answer turns away anger, but harsh words only stir up Wrath," but to my dismay, it didn't work. She was going to blow up regardless of what I had to say or how I said it.

I'm a public street performer. In addition to his other torments and flying monkeys for 2 yrs he told.everyone that I am a pedophile and tried to trash my rep and get someone else to assault me. It's all behind me now but that accusation even posted on Facebook until I got it taken down, I ll never forgive.

Calm confidence is my magic power. I work at perfecting it daily. Thank you

Very good explained. You explained from the other side. Usually when i read about narcissists traits, it' s often that narcissists don't apology, they say you are to sensitive, they deny they are guilty and so on. But you also tell that narcissists do accusing others, they want others to apology, they projects their own feeling on others. It's terrible. It feels like terror, mental abuse. They know more about your feeling than you. If you defend yourself and tell them that they are wrong, they still stand for what they say. After all, they know more about what you feel and thinks than yourself. Is that kind of a god complex?

Very good video Dr. Carter. I learned then practiced (therapist & support group) a lot of what you explain here. If you are suffering, put the effort into your own well being and the rewards will be there for you. I speak from experience.

"Your plan is going to fail".

An excellant and informative video! Thank you so much. You confirmed my situation perfectly! Great advice!❤

“I can’t believe this person is treating me this way”… “well, believe it”, you say 😂

Sometimes narcissists should be kept out of some theraputic situations,like psychiatric units,group therapies because trauma caused by narcissists gets triggered by narcissism and the majority gets no help because of the narcissists behavior and they suck the oxygen out of the room.Why not create psych care without them?

my ex boss

How do I distinguish myself and detach myself from these dysfunctions? I have real problem letting go, emotionally. I distance myself physically, but that’s not enough.

Gus! 😀

I don’t know how to even get my head around how many accusations and accounts he brings up. I can’t say anything even though I don’t want to talk. Thank you for all of your time. I know you saved people’s lives.❤

The danger in thinking "accusations are confessions" or in giving examples of what a narcissist might say is it can be used as a gaslighting technique.
Statements like "You're lying, aren't you" or "You're family members are nuts" is that it could be true. Then you have a person who "is lying" turning around and saying, "That's what narcissists say, so you're the narcissist!"

Me three. A false accusation destroyed my life. More than once.😊

To quote Monty Python: "Run Away!"

If youre watching this youre relationship is toxic. Run

Everything you're saying could potentially be said by the narcissist to someone confronting or accusing them

I proudly met the 1st narcissist of my life at 24 (I didn't know the name of the disease back then), the 2nd at 42, and the 3rd at 46. I also know another person who was my mom's narcissist. I'm 48 now, so I've seen four narcissists in 48 years, in average one every 12 years 😅 And now I realize how lucky I was that my parents were faaaaar from being narcissistic.

These people should spend time in prison. I wonder how many suicides they cause. Vicious mental cruelty is the worst evil

Thank you so much for these skills. I am the president of our HOA and we have one person who has many of these narcissistic traits. I am using most of these and they are helpful.

This is amazing. What an awesome perspective! If you are not allowed to be your own person. Is separation next? Getting pretty intense...

Excellent! All are good, but this one is in the top 10!!

sigh.......17 years of no boundaries no respect no consideration of my feelings or emotions. I don't even know who I am anymore

I been living with one for more than 40 years and I learned to play at the same level and he knows

Your videos are so great! Thank you! It is a great feeling to hear someone say it out loud so concisely! Can't thank you enough, so validating!!!

I truly feel that the high percentage of narcs existing in humanity is why we can never have world peace, especially if we have big govts FULL of these people.

You can beat a narcissist in the horrible things they do. So don't try. If people want to believe lies then that's on them. Narcissist are mean vindictive lieing cheating manipulative demons and if you think you can beat that I have some ocean front property in Arizona for you. It wouldn't matter if 11 thousand angels came down and swore what a decent person I am people will believe them or the narcissist there's isn't much you can do. Try and find happiness away from the hell you hsve been drawn into.

Spot in Dr C! Thank you

💯✅

No response is a response! Do not engage in conversation. I recently felt ambushed by a NPD , who tried to engage me in a conversation of her agenda , a narrative that she made up to make herself look like a victim. My response was “ no, I am not interested in having any conversation”, “ No, not interested” . I punctuated it by rolling up my car window and calmly left the driveway. I felt empowered and I have to thank my friend, Nancy, who introduced me to these informative videos , educating me about NPD . Thank you !

I meet them occupationally. They usually prepare what they want to say and intend to waste as much of my time as possible - but everybody has a limit to their endurance, so I just listen... and listen... and listen until their script has run out.

Then I say
"Go on"
or
"That was a lot for me to take in, can you run through it again from the beginning"
and if they are shouting
"I'm a bit hard of hearing. You'll have to speak up"
... and I summarise but make sure to get every salient point wrong.
... or I say
"You walk with me" and walk purposefully off... to nowhere relevant,
or "Bear with me"... and start taking notes on my phone... making lots of corrections and asking lots of questions.

So when they are exhausted, I say
"I'll see if I can find someone who knows something about this"
or
"Thank you for.sharing. There is nothing I can do".

The basis of their game is to presume that I am stupid and will tire... so I just play along, with utmost politeness. They never discover the ruse because it proves their preconceptions about me.

I see this as the water off a duck's back response. Yeah, that works pretty good when it's sprinkling outside, but not very well against a fire hose. That might work for glancing contact with a narc, but if you're in deep enough or long enough, you're getting the fire hose. You're living a nightmare of getting hit with the fire hose. The only effective response is to get away from the inferno of misery.

My Exwife and her sister stole from my mother when she was in a comma, using check-fraud. She called 911, when I asked her to talk to her sister about cutting cocaine, and watching our son. At that point, I did not know how deep into drugs they were. She made it difficult for me, because in order to deflect police harassment, I had to point the finger back at their criminal activity, then I'd be a single father. today, my X-wife, works with New Jersey Law Enforcement. Yup, the former narcissist criminal decides whom gets arrested, while there are 11 children fatherless because of their drug dealings, and two adult siblings dead, and their adult friend died, a woman was raped by a man with aids, after he used their cocaine, etc, etc. Yup...she works with law enforcement now...in regards to the fatherless children, she made the comment, "I didnt ask him to have 11 kids". narcissism, level 10.

In my experience, boundaries are just a challenge for a narc. No contact works best, if you can.

Thank you for some of the most substantive and useful information. Ill be watching more of these.

All my fault, he is always right, the greatest man ever been born.

I lost my job and what I thought were my friends 9 years ago after I started a relationship with a narcissist. He accused me of heinous things to my superiors. I was in the health field and feared legal problems. People Ithought were my friends talked terribly about me. The anxiety of being at work was totally unbearable. I still haven't recovered. And I have a lot fewer friends. I guess they really weren't friends. And when my mother died earlier this year, I found out the terrible things she had been saying to my siblings, aunts and cousins. She and my siblings are narcissists. I found out the day we made funeral arrangements. The accusations of stealing $30,000 and having my bills paid by my mother were false but I couldnt convince them. Since then, I have had other family members and friends tell me they were sorry that i was treated that way. They knew i had it tough growing up in a narcissistic household, but i was just hearing this. I am trying to still deal with all this. I want to be abke to mourn my mother, but i am so mad at my mother, bother and sister. Plus I am still in that bad relationship and working on getting out. Your videos Dr. Carter give me hope, understanding and strength. I want to be free and healthy.

NO CONTACT!

Thank you. I’ve been married 35 and a half years… he often said, I married you because you are a Christian, and you can’t leave me…
Out of the blue - usually NO red flags at all - he just grabbed my bad arm so hard and I thought, oh no, here we go again… but I had my heavy handbag in my right hand and I hit him with it! He let go.
He kept saying, you hit me! You hit me!
He had no insight that I was scared to death because he had such a hold on my arm.
I said you were holding onto my arm and bending it back, look at the bruises already.
He said, I didn’t do that, you must be mad!!
Then he said, I didn’t know I married a crazy woman!
Thank God I’ve started sharing with others!!

Great content! Thank you.