RESPECT means DIFFERENT things to MEN and WOMEN, or: where have all the real men gone?

Sound very reasonable

I thinkk segregating basic human respect and dignity from admiration is a mistake. Because you cant respect someone without the basics. Also, you can absolutely respect down or those less accomplished.

You went to a shrink for like 12 years- You must be NUTS!

dang, do you have to say "f" her - why not "make love?" goodness grief. who the heck is your true audience? haha

Respect is to accept people for who they are, even if they are different or whether you may disagree with them.

One big problem here: this is a man explaining this issue. This is a man's perspective. It makes sense to me as a man. You will not find a single woman who can explain respect that makes any sense to a man. I've looked for female authors or speakers on this topic and they do it no justice.

Would a woman's sexuality and arousal be affected when she is intimate with a man she respects or do feelings of respect only negatively affect man's sexuality. And in the even that a woman is sexually active with a man, can she be inhibited and respectful at the same time

amazing video

Women want to be respected before sex and after sex, but not during sex.

You got this one right ! After listening to this, I feel that women wanted to be desired and needed more than respected... expecting a man to respect a woman, inherently distances him from her..

Do you have a book bc I would so read it

i was brainwashed into believing the way to respect a woman was to never have sexual feelings for them

Thank you

There is a push to eradicate authority and submission, like there's a push to eradicate gender.
Correlation?

The advice sounds reasonable.
But I think you're again making a point at the expense of distorting a word definition. I don't think you have to "turn off" respect in a bedroom. It's simply that "respect" is not applicable there, same as you don't have to NOT respect your sparring partner in a boxing match in order to punch them in the face.
Plus, about the bedroom, I don't think "respect" is the right word there. Taking initiative and being assertive doesn't mean you have to not respect the other party. That would require at least that the other party is against your behavior, which is not the case in the bedroom example.

If you are not in a covenant with the other person, you would be right.

huh, very interesting perspective. Will have to ponder. Good to point out that you can be neutral, and not giving respect per se is not the same as disrespecting someone. This is probably part of the trap that "nice guys" fall into, but also, I note that the general problem of nice guy behavior is not that you're being nice/considerate, the true problem is you're not being assertive/confident/masculine, and instead being a yesman and a doormat and acting like a simp

I think why women undertand the sense words ?🤦‍♂️

Hmm. Why not just say it? Women are expected to reflect men at twice their natural size. This is why high IQ women are more likely to be single for life.

Incredible. Thank you for the knowledge i think it will shift my relationship for the better.

I do believe what you have said is a little off the mark in regards to respect and sexuality. I think your definitions come from a “modern” and skewed meaning of these terms. I have friends who I respect enormously, but I see hem as being equal to me and not above or below me. They have gifts and talents that I admire and I have gifts and talents they admire, but none of us are putting each other on a pedestal or on a lower plane. Respect as well as sexuality have to be seen from the standpoint of the fact that God has created all of us with equal importance in His Eyes, though we are not the same or equal in our spiritual, mental and physical attributes and abilities. The reason I respect everyone is because we are all created in His Image and Likeness and therefore have an inherent dignity. Sexuality can be respected by seeing it as it is meant to be, a Gift, to be shared within marriage. Not a popular idea these days, but tru nonetheless. Part of being a real, masculine man is safeguarding a woman’s sexuality as well as her physical self.

I've been in women-dominated circles and I'm always shocked how disrespectful women are to each other. They talk over each other, constantly talk behind each other back, no one holds anyone accountable, and it somehow works among them, and they see no issue with that at all. Acting like that among men would cause constant physical fights.

It also builds in him an expectation she has to continue to meet. What if she doesnt. He looses that adoration.

yes... very insightful, and I think you nailed a primary problem men have...
good guys have 'respect' for women, and are considered 'boring'
bad boys don't respect women and given them the opportunity to adore / emotional connection/ getting what they want.

"Consideration", that is indeed the best word. Damn good point Doc. Thank you for that much needed clarification. Brilliant insight. Powerful commentary.

From what I gathered respect means 1: I look up to you meaning you're my crush but I'm not your crush 2: I defer to you allowing you to make the plans and decisions meaning I'm not a leader and 3: If I respect you then I don't have the ravenous enthralling and impulsive feeling that accompanies sexual attraction

This has given me a hetter view of the man who is test-specting me 😆 showing respect for me. I cant help loving this guy, he is so beautiful, and he's the 'boy next door'. He made a big effort to meet me, became physical, then full stop with the respect line...what's a girl to do to get a bit of physical intimacy???? 😅

There is a place for everything in a relationship, I respect my man, otherwise , I would not even consider being with him, and yes he pursues me, but so do I, pursue him. I think there has to be a fine balance, that most people are oblivious to, most unfortunately. Relationships are complicated, and the little things matter, especially respecting your man, or treating your girlfriend lovingly, without overdoing it. Women, or at least normal women, usually like their men to have that rough edge, that keeps you in your place. That is very healthy, and sexy.

wow, respect in a mans mind makes him a 'sexless' simp

Women live in a La La Land

That's why they need to share a bed. Once a week.

I've watched many of your vids and I like most of them, but I like this one a bunch! The nuance btwn respect, neutral, and disrespect is crucial ! Cheers

A man doesn’t have to ‘turn off’ their respect for their woman in the bedroom - indeed ‘respecting’ her as in -listening to what she wants - will only increase the play. Without respect - we become mere objects for the other’s minimal pleasure.

I struggled with understanding this episode. It was a lot to process that I could benefit from a supplemental episode. Did anyone else experience this? Doc, please consoling a follow up episode. Thank you

Thanks!

Yep. The reality is women never know what they want minute to minute. Eventually any man gives up and moves on looking for a woman that does know what she wants and it never happens.

They dont know what they want they want us to know what they want when we figure out what they want then they'll tell us thats not what they want. Love them dearly little crazy devious Creatures Women

As a 37 year old man, I was taught to respect women, but looking back, I realize what old boomers meant by respect.

They meant to leave women alone and don’t bother them with my presence, and they meant to give women credit and appreciation when they don’t really deserve it at all.

Women need to give a bit more hint for guys they like, so we can make the move easier.

Amazing analysis.

Glad to hear that men have walked away from these charlatans.
Leave them to their cats and box wine, for as long as the women can afford themselves.

Nothing is less attractive than adults who cannot think and act on their own. My college professors pretty much all said "I know you were taught up until high school to ask permission for everything, including being allowed to use the restroom. But if you're going to do that with me, I'm going to answer "idk, can you?" to the question "can I use the restroom". You're all adults now, learn to adults".

This is true, for women respect= taking into consideration, treating seriously the issues she brings up, if you can disrespect me enough in bed I can respect you outside of it kind of (plus if you're considerate of my needs outside of it and I can trust you) but do not skip the consent part because if you even only attempt you break the trust and all fun game is broken, and game over (its not about asking to have it clear on paper tho, you have to make me want it, all tricks allowed kind of but I am deciding if I want it and you have to know for sure, like if you do it right I'll let you know but you need to leave space, kind of, to know), apparently it is rocket science to most guys, maybe because of these different definitions of respect, if understood that way its really doing bad job for women to teach boys respect aka obedience omg, this should be really two different words, good video

Respecting is knowing and acting in accordance with the way the man or woman expresses love. Men want to feel empowered by a relationship and to be loved for their strengths. This does not mean that women have to be fawning sycophants. Women want to be loved for their weaknesses and vulnerabilities, but that doesn't mean we are weak.
To understand why men feel this way, you need to go to the mother-son relationship. At some point, usually around 8 years old, boys discover that one person in the mother-son relationship has all the power--and it's not him. This is when the boy vows never to be in that position with a woman again--ever. This is the birth of male ego, which can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how the power struggle with mother went, whether it was resolved amicably & humanely--or not. I guess the nightmare mother was portrayed in "The Graduate," Dustin Hoffman's mother standing outside the bathroom listening to make sure he wasn't masturbating. Wait a minute, there was another nightmare mother in that movie, Mrs. Robinson, using sex to control. A big red flag for men. Sex and seduction to control is something men hate, and you can see the reason for this when you look at their part in conception. Maybe millions of sperm are released, but only one (usually) might live to meet the egg. So it's a struggle. First the sperm are attacked by the murderous, acidic environment of the vagina, which kills off most of the sperm instantly. After that, the sperm have to journey up a long and dark cavern of the womb while racing against other sperm, and then navigate their way into fallopian tubes, all in the dark, to try to find the egg. So this struggle is imprinted in men's emotions, psyche, and their bodies, in their hormones. Men do not want to feel like the losing sperm. This is why men love sports so much, because all sports are male fertility rituals. The symbolism is obvious. Take baseball, for example, the batter stands holding erect the biggest phallic symbol, at a little painted tunnel, symbolizing the vagina, which leads into the diamond, a symbol of the uterus. The ball is the sperm. And you can find similar symbolism in all sports, probably except tennis. So respecting a man doesn't have to mean obedience, or being lead around, or not being able to think. It means mostly not being overbearing, of being interested in his ideas and struggles, of believing he can accomplish things. It means you don't act like you're his mother. He's spent a lot of emotional energy escaping her power.
So women want to be loved for our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Why is that? Well, what happens to women at conception. Women get to carry, and then care for 24/7, for years and years, probably the most pathetic and vulnerable creature on the planet, the human baby. So if women didn't love vulnerability, then the human race would not have survived. So that's what we want to be loved for. But men emphatically don't want to be loved for their vulnerabilities.
So these conflicting ways of experiencing love is what adds most of the conflict between men and women. Men want to be loved for their strengths, so they think that women want the same thing, and that women will be happy to go it alone in life, or be independent. Women want to be loved for their weaknesses & vulnerabilities, and so think that men probably want the same thing, too, when men absolutely hate being mothered and controlled. Nor do they want a woman who wants to save them, or who makes everything easy for them. They might take advantage of a woman like that, either sexually or financially or professionally, while secretly hating the woman who thinks she's doing everything right.

Treat someone how you want to be treated

I don't agree with these definitions at all. "Not possible to respect downwards"? Can a boss not respect his workers? Can a father not respect a child? Can we not respect beggars? Respect has to do with recognition of the other person and that persons bondaries. Period. What psychhack talks about when he describes what respect is for a man, he means admiration. In this video his downright WRONG, I believe. And maybe he relieves something about himself, maybe he don't respect poor and miserabla people?

Thanks!

Very well said. Thank you.