Dealing with Gender Dysphoria? | Coping Tips from Gender Therapist Part 3/3

So what if you do all this. You do the surgery, you do the hormones, you do it all. You pass 100% of the time as the gender you're trying to be. But you just feel like you're pretending. Like deep down youre just mocking people who actually are and were born in that gender and sex. But inside you're still dying. You're horrible dysphoric. What then?

rule 1 for me: don't be around people who make you feel dysphoric! this can be anyone who throws backhanded compliments, insults or belittles your humanity. find an LGBT or open ground of friends if you so can! you don't need to be around people who don't understand you!

i hate dysphoria 😭😭😭😪😪😪

Hi 👋 I just found your channel. I had a stroke almost 5 years ago now, and I've only just told my Dr, who is really hard to see that I'm a man in a female's body & because of my medical condition I will have to see specialists before I can even start on T. I was kinda disappointed when he said that. However, I can understand. What helps me is listening to my music & watching chilled out bush crafts on utube. 🏳️‍⚧️🇦🇺

I personally find dancing in the style of my preferred gender helpful 😊

Thank you Doctor you look beautiful 🥰

I have been underdressing for many years. I do find that it helps, but it is just a cope.

My tittys are too big to effectively bind. And even when bound they are still noticeable so binding generally makes it worse, but it does help on really bad days

As a transgirl Ill say that keeping up with body shaving is something TREMENDOUSLY important to do and keeping up with, cause dysphoria and depresion because of it gets you on a passive/lazy mood and that tends to snowball for you to dont do it and that makes you feel worse and the cycle repeats. Forcing yourself to keep up your body looking as likable for you as possible has an enourmous positive impact and I feel like that usually is not addressed enough for us transgirls, at least not that directly. Also doing something like wearing toenail polish on winter helps a lot and if you happen to have a day or more alone at home, make the most of it cause the privacy you have in those to be yourself is something youll rarely get on average and is also easy to forget the potential they have. Hope this works, at least, those are things I would tell to myself if I could hehe

i recently started wearing very colorful shirts cute pants and the underwear again to help ease the dysphoria without being obvious, it works out cause i used to dress in colorful stuff when i was a kid so its not super outside the norm for me, and the underwear is under the clothes so no real need to worry about any family making comments about it. i was very interested in starting hormones before i fully understood what dysphoria was. now that i understand it better, im longing for it.

I also like to paint my nails black and do black eyeliner without any other makeup to help ease my disphoria, ive been doing that since middle school without understanding why it made me feel so much more comfortable with myself. black is pretty neutral for nail colors, you wont get as much bullying from being a biological male and wearing black nail polish as you do when wearing pink or purple. you'll still get some comments but no ones gonna know for sure unless you tell them. id rather get called a goth or emo kid than the F word. maybe because the F word is biological sex based and "emo" or "goth" doesnt specifically point out my biology so i dont feel as much dysphoria from that comment.

my dad still says things like "are you wearing makeup??" whenever he sees me with eyeliner on tho, so sometimes i just do the nails, slightly feminine clothes and the underwear so im not making him feel uncomfortable to make myself comfortable.

oh yea and letting my nails be kinda long, i still try to take good care of them, file them down on the corners especially so they dont catch on my clothes and keep them clean, and ive liked having naturally longer nails since i was little so thats not a bother for people either. never understood why i like to keep them long but now that i do i dont trim them all the way down unless i really really need to cause of a broken nail usually, i really dont like having uneven nail lengths.

How do I stop getting jealous of cis women and cis women’s bodies? I hate being trans so much and it makes me think about suicide every day

Thanks for your videos, Dr. Z. I'm 67 now and have gender dysforia since I was a little boy. For years, I've been in denial but have deep down been on my mind. I finally talked to my doctor and am now taking Spironolactone. 2 days now, but I feel better now. I have told three close friends plus my doctor all women, and they all have been very supportive of me. I know I will lose a lot of friends over this, but I figure they don't live in my body. I do. Thanks again

Hi thanks for this info. I am a 55 year old transwomen who only can live in my preferred gender once and a while. My family (wife & kids know but don't like or support) so I live a double life when I am alone. My dysphoria when in male mode in not very high as I have lived a lot of life as a retired soldier fully embracing the overly masculine side, but a way I often remind myself in my headspace is that I self talk to myself as the girl I am in my head. I also maximize my time when available as a women or I wear articles of clothing under my masculine clothes. This helps me. Thanks again for your videos.

Dr Z -- Always gives useful advice and the best online gender therapist. Dr Z suggests you need a support group, even if it is Dr Z online. Number 2, if transitioning is for you, is to start hormones. Low doses of estrogen will not cause physical changes but will relieve dysphoria.Number 3 is to engage in any type of behaviour to express who you are, eg, like changing your title to Miss; wearing women's panties and stockings; hair removal; practice voice therapy; makeup. So there is lots to do!

I’m MtF and I changed my name to Sara even though I don’t pass, and it feels like such a relief to never have to deal with my deadname, never hear it, never see it in writing, and Zi get euphoria everytime I write my signature. Surprisingly, when I’m not passing, then I thought it might put me, or that it might cause me to get misgendered less, but actually people just think I’m a guy named Sara. So, I guess the moral of the story is that you can have a female name even if you live as a dude

I wasn't aware of the voice apps, thanks! I use affirmation audio/videos and meditations, and I recite them using my feminine voice

I wear undergarments, and paint my toes. It helps a fair bit, but by far the biggest help has been talking.

Started hrt 5 years ago. I had a beard and no female clothes. Took away all my depression and stress. As my body changed I cut my beard off and slowly started wearing female clothes. Did plan on transitioning my Dr just wanted me to try estrogen. I felt so good like the way I thought antidepressants should work but didn't for me. Went to jail for 3 months and didn't get my hrt there and they wouldn't let me shave. It was horrible because my gender dysphoria came back glad to be out and back on my estrogen and progesterone. My body dosent make testosterone so I never needed a blocker. Love the videos - Josie

Guys, I'm having a very hard time right now.
They're very many crazy parents that come to the school to talk to me about their kids in school.
They were mad that I had a drag queen storytime. And they're also mad that I provide child friendly pornography. How am I supposed to deal with my transition? When the parents of my class will not accept me for who I am? I really need help. These Republicans make me sad because I can't be the person I want. Sometimes. I think I may just identify as what I am which is a man. They say I can't be a woman that is so sexist. Republican women wish they were half the woman I am. But can you please help? How should I approach this? Thank you guys so much. I love you and have a great day

i wear panty hose also i paint my toenails i can get away with a little if she saw me fully dressed i would be in devorce court

I colour my nails, wear eyeshadow, makeup (try moisturizing tint!!) masccara (everyday) - lip stain and plumpers with lip-liner, hair extensions, total body shave, "TUCK"with two pairs, one thong / gaf, one body tummy control panties, nylons / panty hose (in the winter), woman's clothing only (jeans, slacks, shirts, socks, shoes) even rings, watch bands, bracelets, earrings of course, even my glasses are from the female section ,,,,, PINK!!! anything (phone, purse, anything I can get away with... Those who know me still call me "John".(not my real name)... but I'm trying to change that.
I do get some looks, and mostly (while wearing covid face masks) I am identified as Ma'am! which makes me feel my best - I LOVE it! Unfortunately I CAN NOT transition the way I want to,,, but I am going to look into estrogen HRT. (under cover). I'm also having electrolysis beard removal (laser did not work),,,,, Thank. you Dr. Z ! I love your channel and the help you are providing to us Trans people....

Starting hrt in just under 2 weeks, really happy to find this channel that helps with coping with dysphoria. It’s really helpful to watch your videos as it makes me feel better about myself as a person.

6 month on T guy here... My dose is SOOOO low bc I use testoesterone gel is not even noticable.
The only effect I had on T is mental. I am much more productive, my mental dysphoria is significantly less.
However sometimes I still need these videos

Thank you for very useful video. Yes, I was doing cross dressing since childhood and it was continued after marriage with the help of my wife. But recently when I took her to a psychiatrist for my Gender Diaspora assessment she was completely shocked and she is not ready for my trasition. But now I strongly agree with my inner voice and want be a complete female for rest of my life ❤️. Since 2 month I started wearing sports bra at work place as well as at home. Also wearing unisex earrings at work place. Started participation in LGBTQIA community, growing hairs and had discussed with dermatologist for facial and body hair removal. One step everyday will help us to reach our goal 😘.

What if ur just gender fluid and don’t want to transition

I'm nonbinary, and what I've found helps is wearing subtly nonbinary themed stuff like pins. It helps me feel like I can signal my identity to people.

I´m afab genderfluid and have thought about voice training for a few weeks now ecause I don´t wanna take hormones. Thank you so much for the reommended apps! I just tried one and it was great. I think for the long run it´s a good idea to get help from a professional but for now it helps me getting a better feeling for my voice. Seeing that I can reach "androgynous" and even "masculine" frequences was so... amazing 💓 Thank you so so much!

Also I just discovered binding tape (safe way to bind) again after forgetting about it because I didn´t have enough money to buy it and if I can I´m gonna buy some next month and try it out. Most of the time I wear a sports bra or no bra and even the spots bra is too much sometimes so I definitely could never wear a binder (+ it would be difficult to afford) and nowing that binding tape could help me out makes me hopeful.

Hanging out with people who are like me or support tremendously helps me with my dyshporia. But sometimes my frens are not there so i think I'll try the wearing things under my clothes so i can feel better.

I’m n enby who’s having my first big trouble with dysphoria and I just don’t want to be perceived rn because if they will I will be perceived as a woman. I don’t think I can stand that right now. It’s sickening.

Something that I find helps me with gender dysphoria as a trans guy is doing things that boys my age do. Stuff like playing video games or using the same jokes they use, usually small stuff since I don’t really like sports. Blending in with other boys helps me feel more like a cis boy, especially because I enjoy doing that kind of stuff. Obviously that doesn’t help my body dysphoria but in terms of social dysphoria it helps me.

I wish there was anything I could do. I have a good friend to talk to, and I recently went to the local support group. I still have to wait for HRT, and it may very well take a year or longer till I get it. I'm already out almost everywhere, though most people know me as non-binary and don't yet know that I'm a demi-man/non-binary man.

I'm wearing affirming clothes as much as I can afford, it's not exactly clothes that make me feel good-looking, but it's something. Binding isn't always really helping my dysphoria, as the pressure of the garment is a reminder that you "need something", I'm kinda sensitive to pressure and have back pain and it makes you sweat more and the sweat situation is making me more dysphoric.

I just... I feel so dysphoric about things like my body shape, how my skin feels, how I smell (I guess for this I can say that perfume/deodorant of your gender can help a bit, it's just not always great when you have sensory sensitivities), top and bottom dysphoria, and just... idk, I just feel like having a cycle of up and down hormones is so wrong, I just hate having female hormones in my body, I feel like they are making me feel wrong. It feels like nothing I can do right now would really have similar effects to HRT, which also change your brain chemistry and help your emotions and sensations be more in line with your gender identity.


It's just, it kinda makes me upset all the time. I used to be not in touch with my body, but since I tried to do so (since that is what psychology said would make things better) I got more and more upset and uncomfortable and now I can't turn it off. Things that would make me feel better like working on skills and doing exercise I just can't focus on because I get upset with gender dysphoria.


It's so hard to cope. I feel like all I'm doing is waiting and wasting my life away.

This lady recommends changing your body and behaviour in contrast to the gender God made you with. She needs to do some extra research for relieving the dysphoria on the psychic level rather than changing the natural order.

My dysphoria is worse than it's been even since before starting hrt. For some reason I all of a sudden started feeling very uncomfortable wearing wigs and with ppl using she/her pronouns for me. I hate it because I feel like a cross dresser.

My source of gender dysphoria is my facial hair(the freakin shadow mustache). Getting laser is kinda expensive so yeah... sucks.

pls get me another body

Her aesthetic is very unique. I don't know if it's the hair, the glasses, or the ear rings, but I'm mesmerized.

What the fuck am I supposed to do when Im a minor trans guy from a country where you have to be 18 to start hormones? Im so hopeless at the moment

Lovely video Dr. Z. I too struggle with dysphoria as of late quite a lot mostly about my body shape and hair ewww 😂 but I do find it relaxing to wear my lingerie everyday and research I research transgender books and videos of my soon to have surgery and that helps too thinking about the future and putting the past behind me

I've been struggling a lot w my dysphoria and I hope I can go on T someday. My college's LGBT center felt awkward too but I do have a few supportive friends. My family is also unsupportive and I kind of feel trapped at the moment. I just hope things can work out for me it's been tough.

Hello miss me being a trans woman it's hard talking to people because I'm suffering from adhd

What happens if I start HRT but stop for whatever reason is that dangerous?

I am super new to all of this (MtF) but this hit home, especially the "little things you can do to help fight dysphoria". I always loved cooking and baking and had shied away from it as part of my denial as it had been viewed as "too feminine for a boy" both at home when I was kid and later as an adult living in a really backwards area. I have been cooking and baking up a storm these last few days and I LOVE it! I do find that it helps a little bit

Hi Dr Z, I love your videos! I have a fairly unusual (honest) situation which I thought might help someone out there. I am amab with alopecia universalis. This was late onset; I quite literally lost all my body hair including my eyebrows, arms, legs, I will not go on. Initially this did a lot of damage to my self image (long story) however now I am actually grateful. The side effect of the codition is that I naturally have very soft skin and the dysphoria of my appearance changing radically from what I was used to now has morphed to help me exterbally look none binary and internally fits with a person I am much happier being. WIthout being able to hide my true self behind a beard and buzz cut hair, I had to come to terms with the person I actaully wanted to be. I guess nature gave me a gift of experiencing a radical change without medical intervention. What I can say from this is for me massive changes in appearance were hard initially but the results, however they came about, resulted in a good outcome at in the end Learning to come to terms with fundamental change helped me accept taking on new changes and challenges. As I say, a pretty unusual situation but I felt it was time I shared just in case these insights help someone out there.

Transition was never in the cards for me. I was stuck with a brain body mismatch (and yes CT scan confirmed it) so instead of building a persona I built a man, a twin brother who shares his body with me. As his body got bigger I stayed small inside him. He is my everything and we take care of each other. I know it's just a coping strategy but over the years the more real I make him the easier it becomes to live as a man.

She talked about hair removal but if you are FtM or FtNB like me it really helps me to grow out my hair. First of all it’s easier to deal with and second when I do feel more feminine sometimes I shave and when I don’t I let it grow back (I use any pronouns but prefer they/them btw)

DR Z PHD ¿why don't we have CC on your older videos?