Sabrina Benaim - Explaining My Depression to My Mother

You would think parents would be the one of the ppl in your life that would believe you.

this poem evokes some sort of emotion in me that i will never be able to explain. i cant help but come back.

came here from a really good fred again song lol

Wow, I wasn;t prepared for this one and that makes it even better. Thanks Sabrina

shut up

Actual. Frickin. Goosebumps. She is amazing.

I can’t fathom the amount of people who feel understood after she released this poem.

Wow.... that hits so hard😢

❤❤

Fred again made something beautiful out of it ❤

Crying....

Still coming back here for years now, when my depression takes the best of me and I feel like I can't put into words the storm of pain and sadness in me, but this woman makes me feel less alone and understood.

I really hope that one day I'll be able to come to this video and comment that i could overcome this and I'm better. Untill then, to anyone who comes here and feel what she felt, know that you are not alone, and u can get better, we can get better. One day we are not going to be afraid of living.

This poem explains how I felt when I was going through a bad depression. This is important and needs to be shared because I could never explain my feelings to my family. If people who struggle with depression showed this to their family, maybe their families' would get a glimpse into what they are struggling with.

I remember sending this to my mom 8-10 years ago when I first saw it because I was unable to get her to understand what my depression does to me. I’m 35 now and because she wrote this I’m still alive; because when the one person I needed to understand what their words kept doing to me was able to finally understand what I couldn’t say they changed. My mom changed. She still has a long way to go and so do I but she changed in all the ways I needed her too before I found a permanent solution to what still feels like a permanent problem.

First off don't tell me what to do in comments. If you don't want comments turn them off. Secondly you should move out of your mom's house because it's obvious that it's her fault.
Third great speech. Stop giving speeches it gets you worked up.
And finally coming from someone who has had depression. It's not easy but you're doing great, being able to give such a speech in front of a crowd your just cooking along at about 20% depression in my opinion. When you get to 80% you will just sit in a corner and cry. Best advice I can give is get away from mom. It's your life to live.

I'm not sure if anyone without depression can truly understand . we just need some mercy and compassion and at the same time we have to accept the fact that some people you love and people that truly love you might have to leave you and fully know that they don't want to but they don't don't want to.thats life and only lucky children have the bliss of ignorance that life certainly is not fair as the way humans define it

Fred again!

Imagine Fred Again remixing this

perfect. explanation. period.

Her voice is still echoing in my head, this was so intense, freaking moving

"it's not very fun, having fun when you don't really want to have fun!"

This is so relatable. Thank you.

I came here tho after listening to a song of Fred again - A party

Y she shaking so much?

fred again brought me here

I can relate to this

Wow this was amazing

amazing performance!

Fred again has made this even more powerful than I thought possible

I truly have never felt more understood

That's one of the greatest performances of our lifetimes. Wow.

LIKE

I have to thank this poem for sparking my interest in writing and poetry years ago, and I often find myself coming back to this same video when I feel I have lost myself, the replay button is my best friend with this video, because it reminds me that there is still me inside of me somewhere, even when the world has begged me to change.

This poem still rips me to shreds.

Bro was having a Spazzum while doing this :0

Beautiful ❤ what a writer.

I'm furious with the people who were whistling and clapping. It's the most inappropriate time ever, to cheer and clap.
I can't get over it.
Feel so much like her, she just wants to be heard, let her speak. Listen.

God love you. You are so brave and eloquent with how you speak. Thank you for this!

She's high on MDMA, look at her pupils.

Her description what major depressions and anxiety feel like reminds me of myself, but her looks, her mimics, her gestures and even her clothing style remind me of my friend Jule back from the late 90s, early 2000s. Even her voice sounds similiar. The resemblance is almost scary in some moments of this video. The fact that she doesn't resamble that friend of mine that much in other footage or in photos makes it even stranger.

holy fuck! the sheer talent of her mixed with all those emotions was unique and extremely moving.

I found this after the fred again song, so the entire time she was talking I was waiting for the beat to drop.

why the F they keep clapppiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng?!?!?!?!??!

here after the Fred again set at glasto which I thought was deep. This made me tear up way more :(

What a disrespectful audience, can't they just listen an appreciate the girl exposure?.. they have to clap and make noises of aprovation?... That's just feel overreacted.

I went to a rave once. I have social anxiety, depression, dissociative personality trait. I kept searching and trying to find anything that makes me feel alive. Nothing. For 24 years, nothing. I started abusing drugs and alcohol on a daily basis. After years drugs and alcohol stopped working. I have lots of loyal social friends that didnt leave me alone even in my weirdest days. I tried partying but that only made my anxiety and self hatred increase. Until I went to a rave. That’s the only time I feel alive, everybody is dancing and everybody seems to be in their own world. I felt invisible I can move how ever I want nobody seemed to care. I went to a rave and it was the best decision I ever made.

Who’s here because of Fred again?

Сабрина Бенаим - " Объяснение маме моей депрессии".
Окленд . Новая Зеландия. 2014г.
Мам, моя депрессия, как оборотень.
Иногда она словно маленький светлячок на лапе медведя,
Потом она сама становится медведем.
В этот момент я притворяюсь мертвецом,
Пока медведь меня не оставит.
Я называю недобрые дни "темным временем".
Мама подсказывает: "зажги свечи".
Когда я вижу горящую свечу, то представляю церковь,
Мерцание пламени.
Искры возвращают апогей моей юности.
Я стою рядом с ее открытым гробом;
В этот момент понимаю, что люди смертны.
Мам, я не боюсь темноты, и это тревожит.
Мама шепчет: " думаю, проблема в том,
Что тебе трудно вставать по утрам."
Я не могу, тоска держит меня в заложницах,
Она пробралась в мой дом, в мою душу.
Мама спрашивает: "Откуда взялась твоя печаль?"
Видимо, депрессия пригласила тревогу на вечеринку.

Они между собой кузины, приехавшие из разных городов.
Мам, я и есть вечеринка, только не хочу ею быть.
Мама в ответ: " Почему ты не хочешь сходить на настоящую вечеринку
И просто повидать друзей?"
Конечно, такие мысли появляются,
Но я не хочу никуда идти;
Я все-таки планирую, потому что идти куда-то нужно.
Иногда хочу пойти,
Но нельзя веселиться, когда не весело.
Видишь ли, мам, каждую ночь
Бессонница душит меня в своих объятиях,
Бросает тело в жар, словно в раскаленную кухонную печь.
Бессонница заключила романтический союз с луной.
Мама предлагает: "Попробуй посчитать овец".
Однако мой разум умеет лишь считать причины,
Почему я не должна спать.
Когда иду гулять, мои коленки заикаются и дрожат,
Подобно серебреным ложкам в сильных руках
С ослабевшими запястьями.
Звон этих ложек раздается в голове,
Словно неуклюжие колокола в церкви,
Напоминая мне, что я- лунатик
В океане счастья, где нельзя креститься.
" Счастье- это решение"- утверждает мама.
Но мое счастье дырявое, как проколотое булавкой яйцо.
Мое счастье, как высокая температура при гриппе.
Болезнь уйдет, и градусы понизятся.
Мама замечает, что я очень ловко умею раздувать муху в слона
И вдруг резко спрашивает, боюсь ли я смерти?
Нет, мам, я боюсь жизни.
Мам, я одинока.
Когда ушел отец, я научилась превращать злость в одиночество,
А одиночество в занятость.
Когда говорю, что очень занята,
Это означает, я засыпаю на диване перед теликом,
Транслирующим спортканал.
Так не хочется столкнуться с пустотой в собственной кровати.
Там ждет только депрессия,
Что превращает кости моего скелета в окаменелости затонувшего города.
Мой рот- кладбище сломанных зубов, которые я стискиваю от отчаяния.
Пустая грудь отдает эхом сердцебиения.
Но я всего лишь беспечная туристка, которая не знает своего маршрута.
Мам, ты меня не понимаешь.
Мам, ты меня не видишь.
Не знаю, почему так.

😢😢😢

Explaining my depression to my mom: Her response "I go to work, come home and pay my bills, I don't have your problems or deal with your depression or whatever. At least there's nothing wrong with me. You're crazy."
Also in the same conversation
"Well at least your dad married me, even though he used to beat me. But you? Nobody wants to marry you, everyone leaves you. Maybe He did Love you, but probably not. You think you're so beautiful and pretty, but it doesn't mean anything. Because you lost your job and can't pay your bills. Oh well. Guess you're going to end up homeless again."
The reason at 30 years old, I have cut my mother off for good 💀
But as a mother I hope my daughter will NEVER have to explain her depression to me. Because I will make goddamn sure she NEVER HAS IT ❤

Wow I am speechless. That was amazing 😮❤

Fred Again’s performance sampling this at Glasto last week was so powerful. It was amazingly executed and he included the first minute of the poem. It’s a truly powerful poem and thanks to Fred Gibson it’s now a crazy powerful moment in music 😁👍