How To STOP The Breakup Thought Cycle

I made a sign & put it on my Home screen.
Do you really want that way of life.
I gave her a letter, on her favorite colored paper, I use to write Love notes to her on. Betcha she thought it was a Love note.
I put it on my lock screen.
I don't want or need anyone who doesn't want or need me.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for restoring my dignity by acknowledging the pain and saying we deserve better. It helps those of us who are losing hope of restoration. Listening to you these last few months has certainly made me a better, and smarter person which will only serve as wisdom nuggets and relationship tools and smarts for a better next relationship. May you continue to be endowed with wisdom as you continue to help tens of thousands who are hurting .

"she can get her shit together and when she's ready, i maybe take her back" - thats a great thought! What helped me a lot was: "its just for now, this is only now, in a couple years itll all be good".

This was extremely informative thank you! I think I had my statement already. "I may have been flawed, but I'm going to work on myself. If she comes back. Okay maybe. But I will not wait around for things to change. I MUST BE BETTER"

I behaved inappropriate with him. Just now acknowledge this. I wish that in one year I'd answer something different than I feel pain still

I'm going through this at this very moment god it hurts so bad man I'm sick of the mixed signals I'm just done interacting with the person unless it's about the children. 2 days after telling me its over when we already been separated for 3.months, she acts all friendly and a little intimate. Then clarifys that she didnt mean it to be that way then a week later I tell her I'm separating physically and then same night she asks for a big hug then next morning comes in wake me up hugs and kisses me then next day shes like tryna avoid me. I'm sick of it and I'm done. Not bout to be playin on my feelings. I've been patient but I need to get away cuz she can see its killin me and that's not attractive. Tired of suffering from separation anxiety.

Avoidant ex of 3 years left me with no real explanation and cut me off cold. Blocked me and moved to multiple rebounds. Came back to apologize, just to bread crumb and leave again. My biggest repeating “thought cycle” is “who was he and how did I not see this coming?” It has changed my life. I developed an eating disorder and my family and friends thought I had lost my mind. That said, I am back in no contact and fully moving to a place of acceptance and self love. It’s a SLOW process. I’m rooting for myself, and anyone else watching this video. We deserve so much better.

Im struggling with no contact. Im doing my best to be busy but the routines and memories make it so difficult. I always find myself crying. I did not see this happening as she was avoidant and thought we were fine. I don’t know what to do anymore.

My ex and I had recorded some of our last argument that was the end all be all for him. I know he keeps looking at it anytime he gets sad or misses me to remind him why he left. 😔

Why my ex broke up then why he’s still contacting me through email and. I am doing my no contact rule I can’t focus on my Studying for my State and he’s messing up my Brain . Do I have to cut him off I’m still hurting I can’t concentrate.

As someone who dumped my ex, it was definitely not a loss of attraction. I love them very much but they didn’t want to do the work to make us work

Coach...my girlfriend told me to she wanted break off.

After the first week, she refused to answer my calls.

I went on NC,and the next week, this week,she removed our facebook status and coverphoto

Should I break NC?

New strategy, no emotional involvement. Brilliant. Like yourself first.

I was unfaithful during long distance, so not sure any of these videos are geared toward me unfortunately, but I still have hope to rekindle and rebuild the trust I broke. We kept talking daily after it came out, but after a few months more news came and it just all blew up.

Focus on yourself and real loved one's. Building your life back to stability. Build yourself up.

If it was your fault, learn from your mistakes. Don't make the same mistakes, in the next relationship.

We BU up sept 22 however was still speaking and seeing each other. Jan 23 we only spoke every 2 weeks (him making contact with me) now we have been on NC since March and it’s coming up to 30 days….feel a bit emotional today but I will not break NC and will continue to work on me. Time will tell

Thank you for the example on what to tell ourselves to break the cycle. I think I’ve been fawning and now I’m starting to get upset (a week after the breakup) and feel better staying a little mad at him instead of taking the blame. Breakup came out of nowhere and all I’ve gotten are excuses so it’s definitely not all my fault and need to remember that.

Coach Lee is really brilliant but he makes so much sense. I wish I knew all of this info earlier. Going on day 16 of NC. Thinks it’s good for me to figure out what I want. Videos are extremely helpful esp when I’m in my mind too much and thinking about my ex too much

You have no idea how much your videos have helped me process this hurt. Thank you.

I’m going through the same thing right now WHY you’re on point on how I am feelings

I started my no contact. I argued with my ex because of jealousy. He took me back toooo many times. This time I feel like it's the end and I'm really hurt by this. He said the respect between us isn't there and he doesn't feel how he did when we first met. The desire to pursue this isn't there anymore. I really want him back, I know where I went wrong he just doesn't want to hear it anymore. Any advise for my situation?

You are really terrific coach what u say helps so much. I am goingbto start saying that and start to beleive it . I will still do n c. But still live my life with freinds and Family. Ty coach Lee.

Stumbled across your videos- so assuring, relevant and kinda eye opening! I'll never understand the MO of some men though!

It's really hard to endure the pain,I don't know how to comfort mysefl for being dumped and unloved by the person I give my whole life inside 6yrs😭😭😭😭I'm having anxiety everytime I feel the pain I can't do nothing than to cry and cry and 😭😭😭😭

It’s been almost a month since my boyfriend left due to long distance which he felt lose his connection to me. The long distance was not an issue for the 2 and a half years that we were together. I feel like dying I feel so broken and wish he’d return. 😢

what happens if me (got broken up with) and my ex (the one who broke up) both go no contact and continuously wait for the other to text? we broke up 2 days ago after spending 2 years together and after we broke up and she left, i sent her a message saying “i’m sorry this happened to us. i really hope we keep in touch and see each other soon.” to which she replied “i’m sorry i let it get as rough as it did but i really hope for the same.” any help from coach lee or people in these comments? losing your first love is awful man

Cycle? I call that prisoner camp.

“he feels worse than me. at least im not him. he can never find better than me.”

My Breakup Statement, thanks to you, is "I am so blessed to be through with this mess". I was three weeks away from marriage after four years together. Thought I knew this person well, obviously. This person didn’t break it off with me when "it" found, met someone else last week, was caught cheating, sexualy. "It" wanted to explore feelings, asking me to wait. I couldn't talk or think. "It" told me two days later they were in love. Not at all the person I've known. I have dodged a projectile! Of course I'm devastated, crushed can't eat, all of it. But when I think of what I almost ended up with I must say, I am really blessed. Take it back? Back to the sewer it floated up from. Thank you so much for your help!

By the grace of God and coach Lee’s video this break up feels so much easier. I applied every advice of you and it works and feel so proud of myself, I thank God for you coach, God bless you

Coach Lee's been a blessing. It's been 2 months since our breakup, and from almost the beginning I've poured my time into Coach Lee's videos. I've gone from the guy that was chasing them and trying to convince them that we need to work on the relationship, to the best version of myself by the no contact cycle. I have not called or txt her first, and yes it has been very painful at times not to. And I have my days still that it feels like a punch to the gut and I cry it out. But funny thing is she started calling and texting me almost a week after the breakup. She hasn't talked about getting back together, but is trying to keep me in her life. I'm casual when we interact, friendly and I don't ignore her. Where is my relationship going? Not sure, but I'm learning to be a better me, and understanding that I have to love myself first before I can move forward with this relationship or one the may follow in the future. I do love her, but she's taken the risk of losing me in her life by putting me here in the first place.

I just started no contact yesterday wish me luck!

I can't

Some days hurt more than others, but being hurt by being dumped and cheated on have made me improve my life more over this past month than I have my entire life! It was the fuel I needed and I know there will be a day where I wouldn't even take her back if she begged. If you're out there, THANK YOU for not caring enough about what we had for years, it was what I needed to become a strong person! (but still sorry for the pain I caused, and I know you're sorry too. Eventually I will forgive, but never will I forget).

I am not trying to get my ex back, that man severely traumatized me....made me believe we would marry and have a kid, he end up being a fraud, lied deceived, and cheated on me...dumps me over the phone, goes off and marries the woman, he's not with her but now with another wife no 6.......me, I never get into another relationship after that....sure I went out on dates, but it never went further because they ended up being just like my ex....but maybe you can explain....my ex left me for another, marry, and then stalked me for 3 more years....constantly calling and just holding the line saying nothing, hearing me go hello?? And I hang up, he called me at work, at home all hours even 2,3 am in the morning, I changed my number 4 times (we both worked for the phone co)......so dunno, explain that behavior to me? I already told him at breakup there was no coming back to me, and I went no contact....so he knew there was no point in calling me so why did he since he had moved on and married?

Me and my ex talked everyday for 2 months after the break up. Today i started no contact, 4 hours in and I'm sweating bullets 🤦🏾‍♂️

❤ many people need to hear this! I’m so stuck… but will try to apply these tips.

How do you get over the fear of being single, especially newly single in your late 20’s when you’re preoccupied by thoughts about your biological clock.

Very good

I just want to say a huge thank you for this video. My male friend gave me the no contact rule. At first was hard to follow because my brain was in that loop just saying to myself “I miss my friend. I want my friend back.” For two months was hard to follow the no contact rule; however, now it’s not hard. I’m taking one day at a time telling myself I’ll be ok whatever the outcome turns out to be. If he reaches out to me, it will be nice. If he doesn’t, he’s a pig for reasons I’m not going to say in the comment. I’m not afraid to admit that I miss him more than anything.

Great song to listen to over and over again is Tom Petty’s ‘I Won’t Back Down’ 😂.

10 days into no contact now. I started to get nightmares of them with someone else.
But so far I have managed to massively reduce checking their social media by muting them and their friends, I no longer open any stories they post and I deleted the location app that we both had. Revisiting these videos is helping a lot.

get yourself out of the thought cycle ..soooo true

On day 2 of NC. Im gonna give this a try to get out of the thoughts of the breakup

I’m not using his tips to get an ex back. I’m using his tips to achieve my life goals and realize my ideals. In the core lies self discipline, knowing that there’s no control over anything other than your reaction to it. It’s empowering.

This is definitely a great and helpful video! Thank you!

any other mantras?

I can’t let go of my ex I feel like I have to feel like this depression pain in think. About her every day. I’d been 3 yrs I wake up with swirling gage go to bed thinking of her I can’t work clean my house I hate being alone please I lost everything my hour my business please I am. Begging you help me please 45 yrs of marriage gone please help Mel