How Praise Can Damage Your Child's Confidence

Has Carol Dweck's study been replicated by others in the field? The results are so dramatic they make me a little skeptical

Just don't over praise. If they acttualy do somthing in excellence praise and be kind but don't praise when they haven't done somthing extordinary. My son knows the difference between throwing a ball well and not well. And he strives to always throw best now and hes only 2 and everyday i can imagine him one day breaking a window and me laughing and going through that .

I see a lot of myself in this video

This is tough!! I watched the video about "be careful" and now I like cringe when I say it! Lol I like that these videos bring things to my attention that I had 0 clue about, so heloful!

Mean while in Asian communities parents almost I'll wish there children

I still vividly remember my embarrassment in my first year at a new school when I didn’t know the capital of Florida even though I was supposed to be “the smart kid”

Don’t dumb down language, just explain what words mean and strengthen their vocabulary

My baby is almost 15 months old but he doesn’t react to his name..though we have been calling him baby and other pet name for some time.. but am worried.. I tell everyone to call him by his name but he ignores..

I love videos like this! It's something I wouldn't have thought of but makes perfect sense! I always want to do better as a parent. We are not born knowing how to do this and research into stuff like this should be more normal ❤

My mum and dad always told me i was clever, and with my brother who struggled they gave him specific help and encouragement, praised hardwork and perseverance, this taught him the growth mindset, however if i couldnt do something being told i was clever and i could work it out it hindered me because as a child i learned that i could only do something if i was clever enough. Took me years into adulthood to learn about the growth mindset, as I had set myself limitations based on my intelligence (especially when I got to highschool and I learned I wasn't a 'genius'), rather than realising hardwork was valuable.

This then translated to expectations of 'intelligence' from my parents, and if I got lower grades than As I had been 'slacking off' because I had the 'intelligence' to get better ones, even when I had put in 100% effort and ability, whereas my brother who got C's and D's was praised for his effort because he wasn't as 'smart', putting pressure on me not to fail, but for my brother the slightest improvement was a success.

I have a two year old and will praise his processes and hardwork, hopefully teaching him there will be areas he excels at, and for him not be fearful to try, or fail, as it's an achievement in itself.

I had a yr 5/6 teacher tell my parents, during my (UK) SATs parents evening, that I had worked so hard to get my results and that I should be so proud. I got what I had strived for, but my anxiety had got the best of me and I wanted my parents to work out if I'd "only just passed", or if I'd actually properly passed...at 11yrs old!!!

I remember realising as a young teen how much being told I was smart when i was young really made it hard to deal with the times when I wasn't performing at that "smart" standard. Particularly with undiagnosed ADHD.

This definitely happened to me as a child and teenager. Any achievement was taken as granted because I was obviously smart enough for everything. Made me come home proud with my first bad mark ever, since it made me feel normal. Now I am a perfectionist shying away from challenging tasks, trying to build resilience from the ground up. Thank you for doing these videos so fewer parents make this mistake.

When I was a kid, the first grades my parents always looked at where participation and conscientiousness. They reenforced these two were the most important because they wanted a child who tried hard and was kind over a mean kid with a 4.0.

Speaking to myself this way is even helpful 😅 thank you ❤

I've been watching your channel religiously since I became a first time mom. Thank you for the terrific educational content. I truly rely on your professional advice to wade through so much other confusing opinions out there.

hello! do you know if emma has a book with all the contents of her videos? i find her truly inspiring and would love to have all the information in a same place

Now I think I understand where my anxiety, lack of confidence and Just general fear of doing any task, especially if its expected of me to do well.

ever since I've watched your video I'm very self aware of how I say these a lot. But it's really difficult for me not to say it because that's how I've been praise my whole life :/

I love this! I’m also a teacher and would have loved to have learned this in university

The Montessori way is such a great method to help grow kids. For the last 9 years, i praised my kids for every single accomplishment till i saw and read of the Montessori method of approach. Now i am woke and aware of my mistakes when i see my 7 year old daughter whine and give up when faced with certain challenges or tasks instead of giving it a try😅. Thanks for the effort put in this video!

I m trying to change my habit. Thanks for info

What about affirmations? I am Smart, I am strong, I am cute , I am happy?

Thank you for sharing this information.i have a 2 y.o. and have been watching your videos since before she was born. So much good you are doing! Please don't stop.

I am not receiving any of the charts 😢😢😢

I really enjoyed this video- probably also because it doesn’t have a title telling me what I’m doing wrong as a parent for once!

I came here to prepare for how to try and best raise my own expected little one, but this made me confront how I was raised, too.

what if you use both? e.g. "that test was so hard but you did it! You're so smart." - does the "you're so smart" comment affect their thought process even though you've praised their efforts? Just curious.

Thank you so much for all of the resources you so freely offer. You help and encourage this mom every day. Thank you, bless you!

I am not getting the milestone chart in my mailbox. What's the reason?

Is it applies on ADHD kids

Emma’s explanation is always easy for us as parents to understand ❤ thank you

Thank you for making this video. This is the kind of praise I was raised on (by parents who meant nothing but the best, of course!), and I've always had a hard time articulating the effect it had on me. You are spot-on.

Such a great and helpful video! I've been unsure on how to best praise my toddler so this is really helpful. Do you have any advice on how to best support toddlers with speech delay? My 19-month-old shows a great understanding of language spoken to her, but doesn't repeat words back. Her only word is 'Dada'.

I was just talking about this a few days ago! I have a 2 year old daughter who's behavior has changed so radically from bad to great and if I praise her these days she is even more cooperative. We live alone so I really want to have a good relationship and communication with my daughter.
Thanks for everything Emma!

i always say good job and i’m so T I R E D of it !! thank you sm for this video ♥️

Fantastic! Yes I agree 100%! I always say “
You are putting in a great effort, “

I’m really frustrated because I try to do this with my child however my husband thinks it doesn’t matter and when I showed him this video and what we should try to do with our child he just laughed at me. It sucks when both parents aren’t on the same page with parenting but I will be sure to do this with my daughter!

This is an eye opening video for most of the parents out there.

That's because those kids alreadyy know "Work smarter, not harder"😂😂!
Lol, im just joking around😅

Oh wow. This is the only video on how to praise children I’ve encountered that make sense, and fact based

Praising a child for being smart is essentially praising them for the LACK of effort they can put into things, which is the opposite of what we want.

I think something to consider about praising effort is that our society prioritizes effort and output to the detriment of individuals. It was indeed smarter for the kids to choose the easier task, as effective output for minimal effort is optimal in our capitalist society. That could be something taught when the kid is older, though.

For example, choose tbe college professor that is easy because graduate/law/med schools look at GPA and not the specific instruction yoy received. Again, a lesson tor an older child/teen.

My husband and I always praise the effort not the result.
E.g. if my toddler draws a picture i don't say "oh wow! You're an artist!" I say "you used the purple crayon to make your picture. I can see you worked really hard on that"
Or "you packed up all the toys, that was a lot of work. Well done!"

This is such incredible advice. It's taken a lot of unlearning, but my favorite things to praise my toddler now are, "Wow you've been working so hard on that. You did it, you knew you could. You should feel proud of how much effort you put into this. Look at how much you've improved since you started working on this." One of the best pieces of advice I got from this channel was that we don't have to praise everything all the time. I stopped saying "good job" every time he does something, and he doesn't look to me for validation. I was a "gifted" kid who craved validation and praise because I really did think I was loved for my intelligence. I did everything for praise. I don't want to make my kids feel the same way.

So much!!! Choosing easy tasks to prove I'm smart rather than something to challenge me to become smarter

Great video!!!

Oh, no, we say this. And our older one is already worried he will not achieve this status in the upcoming school year.

Communicating in a way kids understand is so important. I was trying to explain to my 5 year old niece how to use her inhaler and told her "inhale on 3" so she would do that when I hit the button. On 3, she exhaled. And at first I was kind of annoyed because I thought I gave clear instruction. It took me just a quick second to realize she wasn't being defiant, she didn't know what "inhale" meant. Of course she didn't, she was 5 at the time! So I told her we could try again, and explained that inhale means to breathe in, and then I demonstrated. After that everything was fine. But it was an eye opener to me who hadn't given much thought to the words I choose when speaking to Littles.