Why Do I Stay, When It Doesn't Make Sense? | Dr. Doug Weiss

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I’m done living in fear, I want to grow, I’m Choosing to grow, I’m ready to be honest with myself, Thank you 🙏 ❤

Is there another way to get this information other than the dvd?

Pls pray for my marriage. That we both make the right choices
Thankyou ❤

I just found messages that he sent to other women wishing them happy birthday, buying them gifts, and telling them they made work enjoyable. Prior to that, I was willing to stay and work through the intimacy anorexia and sex/porn/masturbation addiction. What I am now struggling to get past is how I would beg him to reach out to me and give me love and attention, but he made time for those women. He wouldn't even wish me a happy birthday most years, let aline get a card or gift. This crushed my heart. I had always felt he put other women before me. I have some serious thinking to do. Thank you for the video, it has helped put some things in perspective for me.

Dr. Weiss, why and how do I stay? He has obviously had Intimacy Anorexia probably since before marriage. I had no idea until about a year or two after married. 25 years married, now 13 years of zero intimacy. I have cried and begged for us to get help/counseling for years. He refused! I recently and accidentally found out about the hours and years of his porn/cybersex chat rooms and more. We are currently active in therapy with one of your trained certified therapist for the past 11 weeks. I just can not get past the years of neglect with begging for help for us. He is devastated that I want a separation/divorce. But I feel so deceived for so many years. How can I trust him again? How can your therapy teach or counsel him without me feeling like it would only be teaching him how to be "in love" with me?

My marriage cripple me on several ways ..

This was the best video I have heard on this topic. I wish I could come to Colorado for your help 💔💔

How do you grow in an environment that isn’t dangerous but incredibly crippling

This was so helpful. I e been asking myself for yours why do I stay. And I don’t like my reflection in the mirror for staying and not growing and learning
The best way to decide. I need help. 20 years of abuse and infidelity:

This does not align with God’s word.

Its to expensive to divorce this man. If I felt better I would be outta here in a NY minute.
I put up with No LOVE, NO SEX, NO AFFECTION, NO RECOGNITION for 42 yrs.
I married a Passive Aggressive shell of a man. He punishes me denying me of affection and love.

I know I must change this but when I think about Attorney fee's I just can't.

I stood too long I didnt want my children to grow up in a broken home. But I feel broken inside as a women,
I stayed and I'm the one whose suffering for this man who treats me like dirt. the bait and switch at the alter is no joke.

WOMEN , TREAT HIM THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. KILL HIM WITH LOVE AND LOVING WORDS AND EXTRA MASH POTATOES WITH GRAVY.

Dr. Weiss. I struggle so much with this issue of why do I stay. Saw more stuff he shouldn't be looking at and when I showed him pics I took of the content he tells me that was from before but I know it's not because I've checked periodically. He says he doesn't believe that the pics are even off his phone and I'm setting him up. I guess this is gaslighting. I start to feel so confused and like I can't trust my instincts. He says I set him up, and my mind feels like this huge confusing mess like I'm crazy or something. He's been in recovery for about a year card a half. I'm just starting therapy. I just feel so lost and exhasted.. I feel like I'm in No Man's Land. I'm starting to wonder where God is and if He is safe and cares about me and my kids.

I’m not sure if I am a unique case or not but I think maybe I am. I am the one who had the porn addiction, and kept it a secret from my wife for 20+ years. She has stayed with me even after 3 more breaches of trust over the next 8 years while we were in marriage counselling. Then I finally did the work of recovery and got sober. But during that time my wife cut off all intimacy. She said (understandably) that she couldn’t trust me and didn’t want to be intimate with me anymore. At first she said it would be for 6 months. She even said the words that she wanted to just be roommates until she could figure things out.
I now find myself healed and sober but in a relationship with an intimacy anorexic (4 years and counting). I’m in so much pain and very conflicted. On one hand I completely understand why she cut me off and why she had to protect herself from me and my actions. On the other hand I desire so badly to connect with her from a healthy place but am rejected everywhere. I feel like if I ever want intimacy again it’ll have to be with someone other than my wife. I hate that I even think that thought!
So there it is. I feel both deserving and undeserving of love and a healthy relationship while simultaneously feeling responsible for causing this situation and for destroying my wife and our marriage.
I told her a week ago during MC that I couldn’t go on like this anymore. I gave her an ultimatum that she needed to decide whether she wanted to be my wife 100% again or not. She said she’d make a decision and I’d find out in the new year. I’m scared about both decisions she could make. Scared of more rejection and also scared of her half ass loving me and me potentially hurting her more if she decides to stay with me.
Help

✅ good video

I stayed because I didn't know the half of what he was doing behind my back.
I stayed because he had physical conditions that held him hostage to pain.
I stayed because I loved him but now I'm asking myself if he was capable of loving me, he married me, things were good for almost a year, he was loving love making, things I thought were normal but things changed.
He couldn't have been anymore disgusting if he tried.
People this is serious and it's a relationship killer! If he loved me like he said he did, he became very resentful. Me, I was only trying to love him but in reality he didn't love himself.
I'm left with PTSD, anxiety, triggers and as far as trust issues, my life is ruined 😢

We watched 1-3 clips about intimacy anorexic and My husband says it is me the one who is intimately Anorecxic and I say it is him and looks like it has brought us to another fight , wile I bag him to give me a divorce so I can possibly meet someone he refuses, what do we do now ?

I just want to say, it is so encouraging to hear these words... I didn't even know my situation had a name, it describes it exactly as it is... I thank God and you for publishing this material it is helping me to walk through this painful season... Thank you

1 Cor 5: 9. I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—
Vrs 11
But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality. Do not even eat or drink with them.
12b-13
Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside the church.
Therefore “Purge the evil person from among you.”

We are not even supposed to eat with the sexually immoral "brother." We are supposed to kick them out of the church until true repentance happens. Maybe if the church actually did what the Bible said we wouldn't have so many broken marriage, families, men, and women.

“Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.
Matt 7:6

Forgiving doesn't equal forgetting. Forgiving doesn't equal zero consequences. Jesus forgave the theif on the cross, but He didn't take him down.
Moses was not allowed to enter the promised land because of his disobedience.

The prodigal son was forgiven and accepted back by the Father- but he still wasted and squandered his inheritance on partying and women. The son who stayed with the Father was the one who still had his inheritance.
Forgiveness does not mean there are no consequences. Your husband may have squandered his inheritance (you, your marraige, you sex life, your family, ect) on other women.

My body/life was bought and paid for by the blood of the Lamb. And I should not just frivolously give it to someone who abuses it, or me.
( 1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

The Bible is cery clear that we are not to even eat with unrepentant adulterers, let alone sleep with them, be intimate, and freely give my body, which is the Temple of the Holy Spirit to someone who has defiled himself, me, our marraige bed ect.

1 Cor 5:1-13

1 Cor 6:13b. The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.


1 Corinthians 6:9-20.
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? (Pornography is basically prostitution on film. People being paid for sex. Just other people now watch the act of prostitution on film). Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, "The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? A are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Very thankful that I found this channel, you are truly making a change in peoples lives. You gave me a lot of hope to understand that I am not alone

I’ve grown. But right now I’m pregnant with our 6th child and I’m triggered and struggling so hard. The hormonal strain upon me makes me long for closeness and connection, and I don’t live with it there at all. My husband is so broken and has no desire to change. He doesn’t like my pregnant body and I desire sex strongly. I feel like I’m constantly being traumatized but I have 6 kids and homeschool and don’t believe marriage is something I can spiritually walk away from. But everything’s hurts. I do through roller coaster moments where I am strong and cope with it and other times when I can’t stand my life. I wish for the most basic of things in my marriage that don’t exist and not many people understand or even acknowledge this situation as real. 😭I’m so lonely it literally aches deep in my bones!

I have been married for 20 years my husband has left so many time, drugs alcohol living with the other women now. He have been gone for 6 years came back stayed 1 year and he is gone again. I am tired and i am over it..what do I do?

So grateful for all of your videos. Thank You Lord! God bless you.

We have been married 49 years. We have been having problems for over 30 years, he always wants sex to include taking about fantasies of me with other men. 25 years ago, while on a vacation, his cousin became flirty with me. This aroused my husband. His fantasy became inviting his cousin to come join us in bed. It did not happen, but since then, it is like the doesn't really want me anymore, not unless I play along. with fantasy games. We hardly have sex anymore. Our emotional intimacy has been damaged. We love each other, but I feel like this will never get better. Do we need deliverance from sexual demons?

After 23 years I want out but after all the damage I’ve became fearful I can’t make it on my own I have no family or friends to help me. So I’m alone. Plus I tried to leave twice and he just uses the kids and I lose again.

Bc no matter where you are. When the whole world is gaslighting you. Where can you go? Its same everywhere. Thats why I stayed. Its even worst with strangers

My husband porn addiction and lying for 23 years has left me in trauma, I don't know if I should stay. He has decided to get help and started a plan for healing from porn. It just feels like a lot of water under the bridge and I don't know if I can trust and love him ever again. Dr. Weiss should I give him a chance or leave?

my spouse is alote of depression and anxiety disorder he is a broke child from the start i try my best give him every thing but hedont want to trust anyone i dont want to losse him but i m in alot in pain

We completed 100 days with the dailies. Can we now start negative feelings about each other's behavior? Or this is wrong during the dailies?

Thank you for the love you give in helping women who are struggling. My husband has left me and I want to save our marriage. I found him arranging a meeting with another woman that was betrayal to me. I believe he is the man God made for me. I'm struggling with him leaving. He is a beautiful man and broken in many ways. I want faith based counseling for us. What information is there to help with coping if he doesn't answer the call of the Holy Spirit to save our marriage?

Thank you so much for your videos. I am joining a phone group this week for spouses of IA and am looking at doing weekly therapy with one of your therapists. I feel like I am living in insanity with a 13 year old boy who believes he isn’t responsible for anything does. I am finding myself asking him on a daily basis how he thinks that made me feel what he just said to either me or our child. I just feel I can’t do it anymore. After 4 therapists, 1 online program, and 2 12 step programs, none of which he would participate in, I just don’t think staying is an option any longer.

You got me with this video.
. “I like you” and being able to look at myself in the mirror. How to make the decision snd be more amazing in the process. Stay proud of yourself.
Seriously— you got me. I want to be me again. I lost my way. And sold my soul for a lie. Thank you

I’m looking for a qualified therapist. Tele Or in person. Can you provide resources

Your words are reassuring and kind. It's wonderful to be acknowledged and encouraged. Thank you.

Powerful

Can you do this counselling Online ? In another country and can't travel

How do I get your DVD ?

The Facebook group married and alone says it’s not available. Have tried several times to find but it says it’s closed.

How does one know if they even have the strength? How do you know it's not gonna be the same cycle all over again? At some point it's our fault for expecting a different result. 🥺

Trama bonding 🥺

Do you have any suggestions for a wife who's husband has finally admitted he has porn addictions and has a terrible habit of lusting after women he sees online, but does not want to get help for himself, he rather go to counseling for me and not himself.
He has a habit of hiding things and keeping things a secret to avoid any arguments or me finding out. He says he is weak when it comes to temptations.

I am in a desperate situation, where do I get help in Capetown South Africa?

Do you have any videos of healing for those who have chosen divorce?

I'm going to get the books and DVD's for Married and Alone. What do I say or do if anything with my husband while I'm getting the help I need?