What to say to COMPLETELY disarm a Narcissist

The bottom line is that all narcissists are dumb. They all have the brain of a 5 year old. A narcissist can not possibly think they are smarter than an intelligent smart person that is very mature.

We both have the right to our opinion is no use to me. My mother disguises her shortcomings by attributing flaws to me. eg, it's not that she has no empathy or patience, it's that I'm sensitive and emotional. Or, it's not that she has zero conflict resolution skills, it's that I'm ''aggressive'' having the expectation that she might listen. And, it's not that she has no capacity for reciprocal communication, it's that I'm hurting her trying to communicate. So how would ''we both have the right to our opinion'' help me when she's disguising her failings by attributing a million labels to me?? I await your suggestion with baited breath.

That's a good sentence, for sure. But my mother thinks she's perfect. She has no idea that she is hiding from her own self by projecting flaws on to me.

Thank you for bringing awareness to us I can't have contact with my siblings god knows what combination they are they never got diagnosed but it makes me understand them a bit more.and to be more understanding.your videos mean a lot.💜🤗

Funny how Narcasses tell us how we feel but they think we assume how they're thinking hence ass out u and me 😉

Oh and on line cheating I will not accept! So I'm working on leaving... Tried to make it work but house maid and human blow up doll ain't me!!!

I h8 these phrases!!

update: i said this to my ex who has NPD. why? bc I'm an idiot who cares about him still.. and ive been pretty brutal with my words to him bc i am hurt.
He ended up FTing me like 5 hours later randomly but he was with his friend who i know, and he never really gave any feedback..talked about random shit.
i texted him after and asked what he thought of what i said. and he said "i didn't like it... i loved it :)"
and since that day.. he still messages me here and there.. but.. never ever ever has he talked about how he really felt about what i said......

i wonder what he thought. I wonder if he forgot or if those words actually meant something to him....... ill never know.

"I know there are parts of you that hurt that you don't like to show. I still love you anyway."

The narc opens up and she says she loves that I know who she is deep down which is great but then she uses that as an excuse to use me as a punching bag. Sharing that with the narc only gave her fuel to use against me when it works in her favor

Christmas week he said he'd buy me tires I called my brother he said he's not buying you tires this is how he's going to play you on it and everything my brother told me that he would do happened just like my brother said it would.
My brother bought me the tires he was never going to buy me and came up with the perfect plan to confront him and call him out on his lie. It's good to have a brother that's a narcissist too!

See I feel like if I told my narcissistic ex this, he would insist that he's not hiding anything. I'm not sure that all narcissists would respond with letting their walls down. I think only narcissists who were formed from childhood trauma would be affected. I think the narcissist I know might genuinely have an underdeveloped part of the brain that processes shame and empathy. Which is another reason a person may be narcissistic. They were literally born that way due to genetics.

all i said from day one BEFORE i knew who i was dealing with was: i know you're in pain/i feel your pain. afterwards: i know you're in pain. i know you. i'm still here for you.
it's what i meant. it's what i mean.
i'm one of those empaths. felt his pain. he had no problem opening up.
i didn't think to say the above when he was going off on me for no reason. shock took over.

I think everyone in general hides information from others that they are ashamed of and secrets that may hurt their partner. Yes, you fear losing them if they know.

Idk if what i said was correct, but i told mine that i could see under all the garbage and dysfunction and i love the person he is under all that. He has hurt me more than i ever thought i could bear even though i understand its not intentional its still quite painful. His type of validation is as many women as he can sleep with so even though he considers me his gf , he wont stop getting his validation this way . I love him and could never harm him in any way but being with him is really difficult. I have tried to break things off despite still loving him and
Offered friendship instead but he doesnt want to let go and the thought of abandoning him tears me up because i have my own quiet bpd and relate to feeling abandoned. Its quite the relationship.

The real you IS NOT all bad things. That is the sad part of this pathology…. Thinking like that is a distortion of reality. Hope you heal!

I wonder what you think of this
For all the parts to you that
I never get to see
I never get to hear
I never get to know
I love you anyways

My ex was always dramatically disappointing me. That was his way of forcing me to see his dark side. I didn't have to verbalize this...we both knew. But I was so young and naive, and I loved him no matter what. I dealt with him for many years before I realized the games were permanent. At that point all hope died. The part of me that was part of him also died.

He didn't pick up on it at first. But wow did he discard me fast when he caught onto my change of attitude.

We both seem pretty normal and fun-loving on the surface so I never would have guessed that he would gradually swallow me up with his need to manipulate, control, and turn everything upside down.

When I die I'll ask God why I even had to go through that. It's hard learning to become jaded. I wince to think of my young self, giving it my all, thinking I had the fairy tale, not even noticing the darkness closing in around me.

You're cool because you try to understand yourself. We all have too.

I told him I could have accepted anything as long as I felt safe. Crazy that he was shocked I ghosted after his smear campaign.

I am sorry to burst your bubble, but NO ONE loves the parts of the narcissist that makes someone a narcissist, nobody loves the lies, the abuse, doesn't matter the form... ooooh the vulnerability, the hurt child, heel yeah, I love that about her, but how she lied to me, the complete shitty character... you can't love those parts and those parts alone.

Statements. Presented both gracefully Firm & Chill af. Don't cave into doing that Fundy baby voice, submissive shi*.
Some form of:

"I disagree" ( because I fkin can )

"We've reached a stalemate."

"Our realities are different. You're doing yours and Imma do mine"

"You've provided, nothing that I can work with here."
(personally, period, whatsoever, honestly. so this interaction is stalled, done. Can't compute. I simply speak a different operating language =healthy v toxic)

"We're good"
(meaning. It Is, unfortunately, what it is. But I'M good - internally. Solid. working to actually Earn personal Integrity. Repectful, patient, boundaried, no games, no pay-backs or grudge, but trust is annihilated and lol you do not get a cleared slate of your b.s)

Move on. Hang in there. BE your best & bas as* self. 🙏 🩷

i think the point of "disarming a narcissist" is code for "way to get under their skin". You're reacting as if this is not meant to annoy you.... it is.

I don't get it, that's a lie, how can you love something you don't even know... It's like loving somebody you don't know, it's impossible, delusional, or they're into "bad" people or narc themselves. They still don't know the flaws, and how deep they go. You can love what you see, but not what you don't. IDK... I'm not a narcissist & I'm very romantic but it would piss me off because it sounds fake, illogical and cheesy ahah But that's also bc I think unconditionnal love isn't healthy. And I would have thought it would piss off narc too because it implies they have big flaws. Interesting

Tried it on my not self aware partner and he just said what do you mean lol....

Vulnerability is not something to play with though. Say those words only if you 100% mean them. If you feel uncertain about it, or you feel part of you wants to get back at your partner, get the upper hand or have the last word in an argument, it is manipulation, nobody deserves it, pwNPD or not, and just don't do it.

Yessss!!!

Did someone tell you all of those words that you described yourself as , like when you were younger? I heard/ overheard negative things about alot , all growing up , didn't think I bought into it or accepted it but hearing you say those things toward your Self , seems so very strange and the tragic part is actually believing it to be valid . ..

Thanks for making this content.

Well I did it. I was your guinea pig. Granted, it was during an argument. Didn’t go well. But it made me feel better. So there’s that.

You are really awesome for sharing this stuff. Definitely gonna help a lot of people ❤

Being totally seen and loved is the most beautiffull thing that coult ever happen to someone.

Narcs don't want or care about your love acceptance or understanding they want ego stroking, consistent supply...
It's a waste of good time & energy trying to love a snake who is gonna bite anyway.

Ya so far number one and two childish. Narcissist or not we would all feel that way. No lie I was thinking that same thing other day.

id probably simply stare at them, confused about what they were talking about

Thank you

It's really sad and it sucks that the narcissist doesn't realize what actually makes. A person lovable is their vulnerable sucky parts because if everybody were perfect we would all be robots

The one thing I said to a narcissist that completely disarmed him in the moment was "Are you aware you are thinking out loud?".

So really there’s no way to win anything lol

Off topic. Ive never been into aviator nor think they suit many people, however…. Those suit you perfectly ❤ (being honest, not trying to appeal to you haha)

Ive found just looking at him with no emotion and saying, "WOW" works everytime. Nobody ever fully knows themselves so you're not on your own. I do think youre gaining some self awareness of why you are the way you are which most narcissists unfortunately will never do. Your last phrase to me didnt make sense because you said, "I know theres bad parts of you that you hide from me" 🤔 thats the only parts we see 😂 maybe a better line would be, "I know theres hurt parts of you that you hide from me" 🤔

I have a narc that I went no contact with but who I care about and that I see frequently. We haven’t spoken yet but I am anticipating some conversation eventually. I’m going to try a version of this because the truth is I DO hope he finds that love/care that he needs. I’m not the person to do it because of how he treated me, but I don’t believe he shouldn’t have it. I don’t love him, so obviously I won’t lie. But a variation of “you hide parts of yourself, but those parts deserve to be cared for too” I think I’ll say because that is a genuine thing I believe.

Thank you for this!

I have a narcissist to deal with and I have found that F-You works very well. It takes their power away while showing no fear of them.

Just do not engage them and they will not be able to manipulate you.

How do you not see the irony of this. How do we love what you hide. Why do you expect people to give what you won’t give. Npd just sounds childish.

Do you want us to see you or not though? I feel most narcissists don't actually want to be seen.

"only little boys steal from people they don't like or get violent, real men talk it out" - melted my ex frenemy.

My narcissist hoovering me bad after discard me 6 months ago, he hasn't get enough strength to come to me and talk yet but incase he comes and talk to me, I'm asking you give me advice what I can say to shatter him and hurt him without being rude. Plz I need the answer from another npd person.

It’s still tiptoeing around their anger. When they are emotionally dysregulated and acting out, narcissists are very much that hurt inner child in an adult body. If we can see them as kids having a temper tantrum, it would take the emotional sting out of their behaviour and allow us to respond with calmness and detachment, as difficult as that may be in the moment.

Your feelings aren't wrong but they're based on erroneous perception. You yourself have said that you disregard truth over authoritative dictat. You don't believe in what's real, you only believe in what you think other people think. That's a recipe to be slightly cuckoo for Cocoa puffs all the time.