The Easiest Way To Detect Covert Narcissism

Hi Dr Carter, your video is spot on. Thank you. I'm in the UK, can you recommend therapists for 1. recovery of the target of a CN, for my daughter and 2. A therapists who works with CNs to help them, I know you have said they cannot change and don't want to change but my daughter would like her dad to see someone if you have any recommendations please. Thank you.

The source of this seems
to be both nature and nurture.
They can't engage in reflective analysis of their own behavior.
Is their brain structured
differently?
Or are these psychological issues arising from childhood abuse?
Why do some people
develop an excess of
empathy as borderlines,
and some become no- empathy narcissists?
I'm struggling with how
narcissistic activity seems to be on the uptick in recent years.
Maybe its the anonymity
of cyberstalking and internet abuse that is
providing supply to these monsters.

Yep ❤

I think you use the same intro music as the American Trucker simulator game lol

I am not sure what I am dealing with. For over 2 years I am been suffering from extreme itching. I have also experienced extreme burning of my scalp. It was so bad it felt like boiling water on my scalp. I went to doctors and couldn't find an explanation. Then I began to notice a pattern - the itching and burning was worse when a man who I thought was my best friend was away. It took me two years to realise he had been putting itching compounds and chemicals on my clothes and bedding. What kind of a person would do such a thing? I am not sure if he was a sociopath or a covert narcissist. Since I cut him out of my life all the itching and pain has stopped. He always presented as a sweet person and very willing to help. Sometimes he seemed too kind. I have learnt if someone is too good to be true, it is too good to be true. In retrospect there was always something odd about him - i just wish he hadn't fooled me for so long.

Great video.

truth!

I would NEVER tell a child there is a Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc again. They are so devastated after being gaslight and it teaches them it is o.k. to be gaslight. I would tell them at Christmas that I will put exciting gifts under the tree. We will have a wonderful, happy time in the a.m.

The worst I think is that my ex turned everything around on me, no matter what she was the victim. She would always have some bad shit happening and I need to help or I’m a bad person and not there for her. I have don’t soo much to convince her I was there for her, but noticed it didn’t feel right and I overstepped boundaries and no balance in the relationship (she would never give back what she requested). I tried to talk it out, find middle ground, but there was none, I either do what she needs when she needs it or I’m a bad partner. Working it out was her telling how it hurt her that I did not give her what she needed.

The real trick was later on, turning it back on me. Telling me (even with a list) how much she did for me and I was never there for her, that she didn’t feel safe with me etc. Such a mindfuck since everything she accuses me off is exactly what is felt she did to me.

So much self doubt now, am I the bad one etc. Thing is I never had issues in other relations, and most people have told me I’m too nice in my life. Also all I want to do is give and be kind, so I can’t imagine it, but even so it’s still something I’m struggling with.

I hope she uses these tactics without knowing it, because the thought she did it on purpose is so evil I can’t believe that.

My soon to be ex was on the stand giving her testimony in our divorce trial.
She got caught lying, then she tried to gaslight my attorney by playing the victim, saying her questions are aggressive. When my attorney called her out and asked another question the ex started a word salad so amusing that everyone was just baffled by what she was saying, So much so the judge told her to just answer the question with a yes or no 😂.
Backstory: My Ex is a Dr so you can see that ego and entitlement just rolling off of her on the stand

One of the most insightful concise videos about CN. You articulate your words in such a straightforward clear manner. Pleasure to listen to. Thank you

Thank you. It’s my husband to a T.

When are all you demented parrots going to find a new mouth-fart to replace narcissist and narcissistic. If you don't know how completely and utterly worn out the word is you must be absolutely brain-dead.

There is a real inability for these people to have a deep romantic connection. They can play the part as long as you are being good boy or girl and meeting their demands, but they will demonstrate little to no regard for you as a partner. You cannot make any meaningful progress when discussing relationship issues and they will never hold themselves accountable for anything.

My ex girlfriend couldn’t give me a compliment , she was jealous, entitled. She wouldn’t even say Thank you after I took her to Dinner! I was never really happy I was in a Sunken Place! She told me” you are always so thoughtful and sweet to me” I told her “ you not to me especially thoughtful , you only think about yourself!

Exactly. My mother never celebrates any accomplishments I have had. It was SO hard to believe she was truly jealous of a child of hers, but I’ve come to realize she truly is, and celebrates any downfall .

The small smirk when something bad happens to you.

I am currently dealing with a covert narcissist and the way you described a CN is spot on. They display almost all if not all of the characteristics you talked about here. I have been in the no contact stage for about 5 months and finally received a text from them 2 days ago and I did not respond. Then today I received a phone call from them which I let go to my messages. I listened to the message and they pleaded with me to go to breakfast with them next week. I thought about it for a while and sent them a text stating simply that I would not be able to do that, and that was it. No explanation really just a simple statement, can't go. Now it will be interesting to see what they do next as I think they are getting the idea that I really have dropped them from my life. I think it could get ugly if what you said is true, and I think it is, about their reaction to being discarded. Things are about to get interesting I do believe. If it gets ugly on their part, name calling, smearing etc. I will know for certain I have been dealing with a CN and that I have been acting appropriately with going no contact. Thanks millions for posting your helpful videos on the subject of narcissism.

Thank you, this is the best video I have seen about understanding covert narcissism, it helps me a lot

They control you. It sucks to be them. They'll undermine you as much as possible.

I find it even more confusing than the public/private comparison because even in person, they play the supportive mother in some cases then turn into a defensive, "that didn't happen" monster in other situations. Intermittent reinforcement

Just look for a nurses uniform.

Thank you for your consistent wisdom 😊

Thanks for sharing these thoughts. As I shared in another post, I am researching "early warning identifiers" for the covert narcissists, finding reliable identifiers for them and one's that hopefully do not accidentally and wrongly mis-identify a person who is not one. Some of what is shared in this video is useful, however, some of the identifiers in the video seem to be later down the road, when you are already forming some kind of relationship with them. So far, what I have gotten is to look at the "presenting self" (external persona). In a covert narcissist, they tend to position themselves as an expert or an authority on something, and sometimes they will say something that shows that they are not an expert. Like someone who presented themselves as an expert of binaural beats in brainwave music, but lumped 432hz with a healing scale that had 417hz as the corresponding frequency (the tuning A note mentioned for each scale). Presenting themselves as an authority makes it easier for people to accept their lies later on and so it is part of a strategy. One person on a thread shared another one about how they handle "disagreement" or "conflict". A normal person can handle this without making it become a power struggle and without needing to make it an argument that they need to win. In any case, I am taking notes on several discussions about identifiers, like this video, and will sift through the notes to see which ones are the earliest identifiers for this type. Like this video shares, it seems that their "mask" that they hide behind has "leaks" where the more overt narcissist traits bleed through. In the early phase, the classic "love bombing" happens, where the positivity that they share has something aggressive and exaggerated to it, like they are trying to convince you that they are a great person, rather than letting you find out without any pressure from them.

Thank you again for this..exactly what I went thru and what I ended up doing with a close family relationship

"Two different persona of doing things." Your definition is spot on, Dr. Carter. The first one wants you to believe he is a composed outgoing friendly professional mature individual full of compassion and direction. The second one uncovers a downright opposite monster. When a person becomes aware of this polarity, they are jolted.

You have sais exactly everything.

This IS persecution is it

I didn’t notice anything until after I married him . 😮😢

Thank You For 🔯
Your Service 🌞🌈
Allah Hu AUM ❤️‍🔥

Yes sir, I was a prop until covert narc abuse changed my looks, body, and then DISCARD! Seven years and multi discards in between. I believed in the love bombing but, coming to realise it was all a lie. Was all about image and looks when I was more eye candy but when the inauthenticity and lack of intimacy (not sex) kept ripping my soul I lost myself. I started drinking and gained weight. When the crisis point I merged she bailed for the 13th time. Don’t judge. First woman after my spouse of 25 years passed and not a lot of relationship experience. Now, as hard as her continued discard is, it’s time to move on. Doing my best. And sure as hell not easy! They say the “love you” but is a lie to keep you trapped until they’re done with you. Gods speed!🙏🐇

Do narsastits get worse with age? So if I have a friend that I've helped but when somebody does me wrong ii call them out he does not like it tells me I don't like you when you do that in the mean time he's collaborating with those I called out

Am I really one of the few people who can detect a covert narcissist? When I meet them, initially, I find that while they are not as obvious as an extroverted narcissist, the covert narcissist has something ‘off’ about them right away

My wife.

I remember only one time in my entire life when my mother apologized to me.

Thanks again for the information ❤

I just realized yesterday that the man I’ve been seeing for 2 mo is likely a covert narcissist. He presents as being caring and dutiful, he’s affectionate… but he is all surface, he has addictions, he makes endless excuses, it’s always someone else’s fault, when he feels attacked he lies, gaslights, and word salad, and won’t listen to me at all when I try to share my feelings … he told me I’m psychopathic for not socializing with anyone at the party we went to and for leaving for 20 min to go for a walk. I told him I’m an introvert. He then said “introvert, extravert, narcissist, all the same thing.” And he said I’m a narcissist for trying to get him to read a book. I told him “this is over.” And had already packed up all my things from his place, I knew this might be happening. And then he offers to help me carry my stuff (that’s his view of himself, that he’s a nice, helpful guy), he walks me to the door, unlocks the door for me and asks if he should walk me out, I refuse.

I had texted him in real time 2 of the ridiculous statements he had made to me. And as I drove home, he responded to them saying I “misinterpreted” what he said. He also called me and left a voicemail saying “I do find your text messages and your conversation very disturbing.” He went on and blamed me basically but with a friendly tone.

I got home and I wrote all of it down so I don’t forget.

This is exactly the case. Covert narcisists are wolves in sheep’s clothing, poisonous snakes and chameleons, dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde. We must protect ourselves from these evil people.

As long as someone does not believe that puere evil exist..They will always be tricked and triggered to shower the other with love, kindness etc believ8ng that in the end the power of love will heal them and release their kind good nature,,,Trust me..the satan spirit / the pharao is not seeking love only WORSHIP... however it can.." for the evil one goes atound seek8ng whom he might devour however he can..it is written in the holy bible... I denied the thruth of the bible for years and decades i thought it was to bizar to be real not understanding that everything is created from energy/ light ..either we become co creators throught the power of Gods light that we have can receive by the grace of God through our faith in Gods word = Jesus Christ so that it become flesh/ power in us.Or we become slaves of satan through fear dispair amd a believe that we are unworthy unless we give ourselves away to be granted existance..we give a loaf of bread to get a crumble back....

So very accurate!!

The only way to get along with them, if this is even possible, is to just keep everything surface level, but there is so much more than surface level in a marriage

With covert narcissism you come to see it but, your other friends that you share don’t and this can become very painful when they cut you off.

Thank you.

After 50 years!

My current manager,

My mother is a Covert Narcissist. I always thought she just had a multiple personality disorder, but now, thanks to Dr. Carter's teachings, I understand that she is a true Narcissist and it's much deeper than just "multiple personalities" that my mother cannot control. The fact is that she CAN control what she shows people in public vs. private. They are in control of themselves, and it is great to know that there are ways to identify these issues. Thank you so much for your teachings, Dr. Carter!

I am so thankful you made this video. I only wish this had existed before my mom permanently lost herself and I lost her.

James Michael Lovell
Jonathan Robert Lovell
Joseph William Lovell

Beyond truth