Love Addiction: Craving Infatuation, Limerence

Growing up in such a sea toxicity, we can work into transmuting these internal challenges and those we face reflected in the world.

What a complex psycho scape.

I am reclusive & have been reclusive over the last 45 years; therefore, I certainly do not consider myself to be a "love addict". I exert no effort whatsoever to seek out or acquire a love relationship. But over the years I have accidentally stumbled upon two totally different men that I find myself 'in limerence' with. One is now very old, the other, barely 25! But each has similar traits & characteristics that I admire & greatly respect. Sadly, I know I will never meet either of these men in person, in real life, in the real world & I'd probably be quite terrified if that happened! But my love for each of them is very deep, very geniune & very real simply because THEY are very real! My rich fantasy life, imagining all the wonders & experiences of love in the flesh, is all that I have in this chosen, albeit restricted, world. It is my only tiny glimpse of the satisfaction & pleasures of 'the real thing'. While I WOULD HAVE LOVED to be a normal person & experience NORMAL relationships, I know in my heart I am much too frightened & much too
cowardly to cope with it or seek it out. It saddens me because now I have passed 77 years & regrets are useless ... I am what I am. My only wish here is to advise others that 'my limerence' is just as profound, just as precious, just as sweet to me, as another's REAL love is to them. Please try to respect both worlds as they are the only worlds we live in.

after so many years of feeling incomplete and lonely i have finally realised that I indeed am a love addict too. I keep going in and out of relationships with toxic people and actually don't know what kind of person I would be compatible with. I often just have fantasies about them from the start and live in my own head. When I'm single i keep getting obsessed with celebrities or fictional characters and other times I develop irrational crushes on people I have never even talked to. I just know that I am empty as hell inside and want to feel that feeling just to feel like I'm alive and like I have a purpose. Quite sad, really. I do not know how to stop or feel complete within myself.

Ohh I will suffer this all my life 😢

😂😂😂 Ive no clue what it was about.. but damn, that intro made my morning 🤣🤣🤣

I wonder if their early childhood primes their brain for trauma bonding. And that's why they keep chasing the idealization high and expecting the devalue/discard low. Fascinating stuff.

You say that overcoming it ... through groups or CBT ..has limited effectiveness, it's a very bleak prognosis. If someone gains understanding of themselves can't they change?

How can you be so accurate ?😮😢

This describes me to a tee and I think I'm finally brave enough to face it instead of chase after a new relationship.

Again, i am horrified at this description of my behavior.

Dr vaknin, you're such a narcissist ❤😂

I will never unsubscribe! Im addicted to 😅 ❤

Emotional parasites.

This is where Aristotle and Plato come to play. The mean between lust/infatuation/codependence and a cold, fake marriage is the virtue. And the knowledge that, while we were made to love, we must have all three forms of love to have a whole happy life. Romance and happiness is not erotic experience alone.

CAN THIS BE TREATED?? I recognise this behaviour. I’m about to end a twenty year marriage because of it. Can it be treated successfully if I help her??

I love u

You're a genius, sir. Thank you so much for this.

This video is amazing, thank you so much. You made me realize I'm a love addict. I've been one for years. But for me it's quite a ride. I fall in love even with trees and a patch of nature. I can have orgasms on command more or less. I just need a memory, a good song, anything smart to add to my knowledge. I know I'm a maniac, also autistic and highly sensitive, agoraphobic at times, had weird jobs so far.
Under medication I felt numb indeed. I try to understand this libidinal energy and control it as much as I can. Life humbled me many times but I still love every moment.
I work around women and it's very difficult not to fall in love with most of the new memories we're making together. Their energy feels like home and I'm very lucky.
I had a few hook up's in a very short span of 7 months or something like that when I was 21. I ended up highly depressed, stayed in the dark for 2 weeks, fasted a lot, learned I need love before making any moves in the sex department. I always liked alone time so breaks from dating are always welcomed.
A few good years ago I realized the difference between being in love and actually loving someone, love can only prove itself over difficulties, love can be unconditional. Love takes work, even for an addict like me. I've done work over emotional literacy and the hand mnemonic for 3 months. I've put up boundaries and listening to you guys in the past years up to today helped me a lot. Getting out of my comfort zone with videos like this is cathartic and even enjoyable at times, self knowledge and introspection are up to another level thanks to watching your work and Richard's.
I'm trying to individuate and be aware and I'm hoping that carrying so much love around is not making everyone take advantage of me.
I feel I've been here for too long, I'm only 36 but I feel thousands over my shoulders.

Brilliant - as always x

I think most people these days has good sex as a condition of falling in love.

Lots of love addict women having sex after 1 hour (or less with drinks optional)

Wow! The BEST explanation! Sam does these deep dives and gives so much information.
I’m understanding much more after watching this. I’m getting that the addict in limerence is emotionally m@sturbating about the LO. It’s more about the one in limerence; it has very little to do with the LO ( but definitely sexual attraction as they all had that to it) and more about the feelings it gives the addict. Since it can be anyone; and they have had many in their minds over the years. I know someone who has done this since he was a teenager. Recently; was caught with evidence of an LO; he wasn’t even aware about why he did this and how it happened until he had some therapy. This was with someone he knew would never desire him; so he felt it was easier because it could be one he could use for as long as he needed because he knew they would never be together; she wasn’t interested in him in that way. He says it was a safe one; because it would never happen and it’s a steady on going infatuation; because they; as a couple; will never be. I think deep down he knows the fantasy he creates about all of the women ( LO’s) he knows gets ruined if he ends up romantically involved. They just don’t live up to that ideal. This ruined his relationship with a very beautiful; generous, loving woman. A type of love addict as well. She put him on a pedestal; ( not healthy) and Sam is so bang on; they don’t want the deep love. They want the superficial initial love to go on forever. Not being able to “ get” the LO; is perfect for the one in limerence who is in a relationship; because that infatuation is long gone as they were together for 8 years. Having the LO; keeps an infatuation alive because the relationship he was in was long past that infatuation stage. ( he claimed he was love sick with that one in the beginning of his relationship) so this is a pattern.
Understanding it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s fixed. Like Sam said it’s an addiction and it’s really hard to get rid of. Awareness is a start; but without continued therapy; I don’t think awareness is enough; as he tends to struggle with certain habits that start this kind of thing 🙁
Maybe digging deep into that serious childhood neglect would help but I think he’s too afraid of the pain. Always chasing; maybe looking for something he never got. I wonder could it be the opposite sex parent? 🤔

Hello sir,
you should collaborate with Eli Somer, expert on MDD and dissociation of trauma-survivors. He also talks and researches a lot about falling in love with and fantasizing about imaginary people.

Ah yes love addiction it is great when both know how to play the game usually when they have sex it is the end .Such a complex dangerous subject.

I'm confused. I'm a healing Codependent. I've had two incidents of Limerance in my life. I'm 54 years old, healing from childhood abuse, but now enjoy bring alone. I've had relationships with two of Narcissists but was avoidance attachment most of my life. I still don't know if I'm still a love addict. I may not be, cos I don't have sex with strangers now and enjoy being alone. On other hand, Codependent Love Addict, I could have been in my past. I can also identify as Ambivalent Avoidant LA in the past. I'm afraid of going into any relationship now cos I'm scared if I get obsessive and making a fool of myself again. I've been healing for last 20 years, love solitude, reading, enjoying friendships, petting my cat, working on myself.

Thank you for this Sam. The best video so far

Very interesting. Thank you for the insight on this.

Your intro is everything. "Farewell, honeys!"

i fall in love with the illusion to perpetuate the feeling of love

Sam..! How do I know if I am The Narc., in my relationship. and my wife is mirroring and or taking on my Narc-habits..?

100%

How do you get over love addiction

this world or the people on it are evolving to adhere to 'calmness' and domestication..
any display of intensity can be labeled as psychopathic or toxic..
our basic instinct which makes us alive and thrilled are diminishing.
we are getting boring each day..
we are under suppression and we consume substances such as alcohol just to lose the inhibition we barricade ourselves in on a daily basis..
we are becoming depressed because we lose sight of avenues to channel our energies with..
we are living in a world of total isolation and the stigma of weakness if our basic emotionality is being seen..
its a depressing, cramp and cold world

I relate to a lot of what you said Im still quite young but i have this unbelievable obsessive emotional attachment to unavailable people and i want to get noticed and get attention from them obsessively. i want to get over it but I'm stuck and i enjoy ironically that emotional attachment that i m afraid to no have someone to love if i get over that person . In this same time it annoys me that that person is unavailable even if it's me who always chooses unavailable partners , plus i always idealised those people so much that my idea of them has nothing to do with reality and even if i do interact with them i still believe in that weird perception .And it's killing me i just can't stop living like this nothing seems to work i always Fall in the same path of obsession and addiction to those feelings

Interesting lecture

This is the most accurate description I’ve ever heard. I prefer only fiction characters because I don’t face real life consequences, but it is very destructive still. Now that I can think of it as an addiction I feel some hope that I can treat it. Addiction is treatable right?

I do feel alive when I am falling in love. I never, ever thought of it as a form of self harm. Hmmmmm.

Well if I ever doubted your intellect you certainly dissipated it with this video!

They'll still look. They can't help it

I am the mother of an adult love addict. I am just now realizing this. I dont know what to do. I mean, how I can help her. She just shut me out of her life and it hurts to see her like this.

I believe that a state of limerance can be induced by and a reaction to the emotional manipulation of a narcissist: love bombing/shared fantasy, hot-cold behavior (intermittent reinforcement, lying, gaslighting, breadcrumbing and ghosting), trauma bonding, and cognitive dissonance.

This is the best video I've seen on the topic!

Less than 60 IQ? I bet you had 0 such subscribers to begin with.

A highly intelligent individual. Much respect sir.

This was amazing thank you for this video.
Really help me understand love addiction better.

Truest and most honest video I've ever seen. Ever.

Well said. Subscribed 🤣