Dr. Henry Cloud | How To Set Boundaries

Great analogy, that will help remembering this when needed! Thank you so much!

You can be phone friends with people and not feel guilty

A boundary without a consequence is useless. It's like saying "I'm not going to let you shout at me anymore." and the other person goes "Guess what? I'm shouting at you anyway". And so now you end up confused. You set a boundary, they refused to follow it, so now what? Do I give up? Of course not. Remember, boudnaries come in two parts: the setting, and the enforcing. You've set the boundary by telling them what it is you will not accept. Now you have to do the enforcing, and that means pairing the violation of a boundary with a corrresponding consequence.

The simplest consequence is non-participation. Once someone engages in a problematic behavior, do not participate. It doesn't mean you remove the person from your life automatically and permanently. It just means you stop participating in the problem behavior, and once they show you a different behavior, you participate again. So if someone starts shouting at you, you say "I'm not participating in a shouting at match. I will have to leave for now". If someone starts making fun of your religion or politics, you say "I'm not participating in this mockery, I will leave for now". Or when an unreputable relative tries borrowing money, you say "I will not lend it".

Thanks

I came to know you through the book 'boundaries'. I am so into it.

This is such a GREAT ANALOGY

make Russian translation

To set boundaries is to love yourself and others. Thank you so much, Dr. Cloud!!

"Your neighbor wants to come over & give you some cherry pie..." Okay
"...or love" O-kay
"Or hell" Uhhh... I'm good

The tree fell on my property, and they are irresponsible and not removing the tree. How do you make them take care of it ?

❤

Thank you SO much for this

Excellent illustration

So if I am married and 2 have become 1 where did my boundaries go? Thats where I am stuck. My wife "thinks" that as we are 1 I must have her boundaries and she can run ruff shot over mine because we are one. Doesn't seem right or fair to me. Lost here !!! The old saying what's yours is mine and what's mine is none of your business.

Set boundaries in a church setting as well & don't allow yourself to be fooled by false teaching & preaching that's full of Legalism, Control & Manipulation

Perfect explanation!!!

Compassion for others and wholesome relationships with boundaries

🙏❤amen, love, and take care of heart, mind , soul, spiritual parts too. Thank you Dr. Cloud

This was super helpful. Thank you

how could I get this book of boundaries please,I need it most

I love this

Thank you!

My therapist recommended your book but it’s on back order where I ordered it from so she suggested to me to check You tube and wow…. how grateful I am that she did because Its really helped listening to you as u teach on boundaries and I can’t wait to get my book too bc I knw it’s as amazing as ur teaching is on here.
Thank you sir Fr sharing your knowledge with us and helping people like me to protect my mind heart & sound by creating boundaries!
I will also be checkg Fr some of your other teachings on here too!
Again Thank you very much. ☺️

I can’t find anything that’s scientifically proven or natural dynamics, I’m not hating on religion but, I need to find facts based on generic dynamics not religious based

I ❤️ ur book on Boundaries bcos I hv had plenty of trouble w pple who hv NO boundaries. I was once falsely accused of “stealing” my best friend’s bf who actually wasn’t her bf at all… I actually found tt guy v sleazy & didn’t want to be in a relship w him at all. Despite my best fren bad-mouthing me to her frens which is PURE SLANDER, I forgave her. She went on decades later to hv an affair w a married man & expected me to be supportive of her. She wanted to tell me all the sordid details about their adulterous relship thru a whatsapp call & I told her point blank tt I had zero interest in listening to her love story for tt married man. The worst part of our frenship is how she made me look like the bad guy when I simply refused to indulge in her reminiscing of her adulterous love affair. I always drew my boundaries & she always make me out to b the bad guy. Tts a toxic relship for me & I am v glad tt I am no longer in contact w her. Drawing boundaries DO attract SAFER pple into ur life & one shd always trust God to eliminate e chaff fr the substance. I was there for her when she broke down over the breakdown of tt adulterous relship but to hv to listen to the nitty gritty of how tt relship developed n all e lovey dovey stuff they did together just brought nausea to my gut & I drew my boundaries right there n then. Now she makes me out to b the bad guy who is nvr a good listener to her frens. GREAT! Good riddance!!!👍🙏

Amazing video! So enlightening!

Two eye opening verses for me since discovering boundaries,
"Look well to yourself [to your own personality] and to [your] teaching; persevere in these things [hold to them], for by so doing you will save both yourself and those who hear you." 1 Timothy 4:16 (Amplified Bible)
"Now every athlete who goes into training conducts himself temperately and restricts himself in all things." 1 Corinthians 9:25 (Amplified Bible)
Bless you Dr. Cloud!! 🙌 👍 💪 👌

This is great. I need to listen to this over and over until I get it in my spirit and actually practice it.
Thank You Dr. Cloud for this
Illustration.

I'm glad to see someone teaching clearly about boundaries. I often feel that in school, and in society in general we lack good teaching of this topic, and often we are not taught how to set boundaries in our childhood by our parents. We are so often told to love and forgive, and be nice to people, without being told that we don't necessarily need to trust, be around people who take us for granted or abuse us, or set healthy boundaries in any other way as we feel is necessary. I like the picture of having a boundary around your home, it makes it very clear.

Boundaries are about taking care of our heart, mind and soul. Thank you for explaining it this way!

I read your boundaries and chose healing books. Your books helped me deal with my toxic self, family, and friends. I thank God I found your book through a friend she recommended. I cannot stop reading and listening to the audiobook as well. My trauma of going through the killing field of Cambodia and life as a teenager in the United States was not easy and now learning how to deal with 3rd world mindsets parents. So I needed all the help to stay in faith and align with God’s word. So thank you thank you thank you!

What if the "neighbor" is your wife of 42 years? How do you set boundaries in a godly marriage where two have become one?

Was trying to learn how to set boundaries (Psychologically) dk even why did I end up here

This is great!! Currently using it in our sober living facility through our church.

My counselor (many years ago) used the book 'Boundaries' in my counseling. Greatest book I've ever used except for the Bible!

This video was great 👍 thank you

I am trying to form boundaries with my husband that had an affair. I set boundaries before we got married. We both agreed no strip clubs or obviously affairs. He broke them all.
He had an 2 year affair with a women from a bar and I am trying to move past this and trying to rebuild trust. My boundaries are no bars it’s a major trigger for me. How can I set that as a boundary?

Why do you need a credit card to provide a free trial?

So true.

Dive dive dive

If any tree should bear bad fruit, how can anyone wake him up {back flip}.

Clickbait

Dear sir 🙏
Today I read your book "Boundaries" it's really amazing book. It's my experience with some pages.
Thank you sir it's video is very helpful for world who want to change our life.🙏🙏

Excellent. You’ve pointed out the necessary elements of successful relationships.

cheers neighbour

Found the videos easier to listen to then the audible boundries

Do u have a website for me to learn appropriate boundaries please? Or training

How to learn boundaries after being so boundaryless for so long? It’s tough how to tell a mother she is in fault of this

“Boundaries are taking care of your own heart, mind and soul.” ❤️❤️❤️ Perfection.