Signs You Weren't Listened to As a Child

Getting names for my symptoms makes my symptoms normal. Yes! Like when you introduced the word "dysregulation" to me long before "most people" started talking about it. This whole video verbalizes my traits and symptoms in a way that makes me realize - I'm not the only one. THANK YOU!

I was 9 years old when I saw a neighbour collapse in the street. I tried to tell my mother but she said I was demanding attention, tried to tell my gran told I was lieing, no one would listen. When she died was punished for not telling anyone. Will never forget the betrayal

Sick days weren’t allowed. My mother had to work when sick, so I had to go to school sick. Sickness wasn’t allowed or believed.

I don't think my parents where well adjusted given the amount of abuse they did to us!
The mother was a coward with everyone, never challenged anyone outside of the household! Always sucked up to them but didn't care about us 1 bit,
Our anger isn't visible like you said isn't something we get to show at the time and no one knows as we don't show emotion at all, and I can come back home and i will do something like a complaint to the courts if it was discrimination, or what ever professional complaint boards that I feel I should go to never a problem so it's really up to them as I will not take anything in a bad way from a place I am good at finding CEO's for it to! My friends always ask me to find that information for them lol

This happened when my little 5 year old self was trying to attempt the act of telling my mom the man next door r*ped me (didn’t know that word of course, just knew he did something that hurt with his “thing”.)

Every single video you post is gold ...this is platinum!❤

The first one. When you feel like you can't say no to anyone or anything really. Sometimes it hits me so bad that if i even THINK about saying no, i start to panic and my heart races. My mother doing this to me, opened me up to sooooo much sexual abuse, in high school and onwards, because i was always terrified of saying "no".

What if I always told people around me when I was a kid or a teenager that "You know what? I don't really need that. " or "I am okay, I can handle it alone." I became very defensive, very defiant. I never ask for help and when I ask for it, most of the time I don't get it, because people assume, that I am so "strong" and "independent", that I don't really need it. I'm not bossy, I behave this way only toward myself. Can it be because I wasn't listened to as a kid?

Great Show!

My mother put toilet paper in my mouth when between the ages of 5 and 7 I very curiously needed answer for my curious mind.

<looks at the thumbnail>
<looks at channel name>
You got me lady.

When I ask my mother a question, even 'I'm making tea, do you want some?', she often starts a 'monologue', screaming at me. So I decided to not ask questions. But then she shouts at me for not asking her opinion on something, or whatever. It just feels like there is no safe option...

ding ding ding...hit the nail on the head.

"It's not about you" - My father when I voiced my feelings about something.

"I don't know what to tell you" - My mother when I voiced my feelings about something.

So many of your videos feel to me like they were made specifically for me. This one is no exception. Thank you for helping me to finally gain some understanding of why I am the way I am.

Anna, do a lot of these symptoms overlap with symptoms of adhd? Or maybe living with a parent with undiagnosed adhd?

I don't think I was ever listened to as a child. I was always punished for speaking up, kids, and even to this day, the only time I shown any emotion at work my boss lectured me on how easy I'd be to replace. Showing any emotion is bad form if you're a man.

Omg, I can relate to all of these. Its safe to say i was not listened to as a child.

A few years ago I was on a Zoom call with some artists and activists i had admired my whole life. I was so excited to be a part of their world and introduce myself. What can I say....I interrupted, over-talked, corrected, over-disclosed...needless to say I was not invited back. it took that massive failure to make me realize maybe I wasn't as easy to talk to as I thought. All of a sudden I discovered I have never been as well-liked and supported as I used to believe. Some people think I'm a jerk. It's excruciatingly embarrassing, also liberating.

It's like that song from Frozen, Let it go, when Elsa sings "Be the good girl you always have to be" and "Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know"

I have a hard time discussing negative things about childhood bc my single mother sacrificed everything for me and my family loved me a lot, but I was around a lot of adults all the time bc I didn't have family my age. This resulted in the adults talking and I was like bored and wanted attention. I distinctly remember thinking am I dead or alive right now? I feel like a ghost and no one can see me talking. I remember this thought very young maybe age 5. I used to really act up for attention and in school I would get very excited to be around kids that I was constantly scolded and teachers told my mom I probably needed ADHD medication but my Dr said I didn't apparently. I feel like in adulthood I have a lot of anxiety when I'm not heard and I am always so hurt to not be liked. For example I try like wayy too hard sometimes and talk people's ear off and I have a problem talking over people and not letting them finish which I feel bad about in the end. It's like communication brings me too much excitement but then depending on the time and place I get anxious. I'm still working on it haha

I can't speak how I feel, but I can write how I feel. I've been told my writing seems like it's written by a different person but that's because it's coming from a more healed place. I just wish people could understand that

Yep. When people say, "I'd really like to get to know you better" or "I really want to hear what your ideas and opinions are on this," it freaks me out.

I learned to talk fast to get my ideas out before being interrupted. I've had to work on this, but people in NYC love it. I've been told by order takers in NYC that I'm the only Southerner they've met that can keep up with them. I can also rapidly take customer orders and get them correct.

I'm 62 and the culmination of figuring out on my own how to deal with people. It's been hell.

Yes, I was my own psychologist. We know how that usually turns out.

I am a 26 year old guy and I felt so many things that you said that resonated with me! I always talked fast to the point of having to repeat myself even upto three times because people couldn't just get what I was saying, and even more things like my opinions and views didn't matter... Thank you so much for making this video that really let's me know that I am not the only one.

My childhood was crap, highly abusive. I was brought up not to speak. I openly resent my two younger siblings, they were constantly put ahead of me. I had to tolerate my younger sister at girl guides and youth group. I couldn't stick up for myself, I was told oh stop being stupid, it's a joke. Now I don't have a relationship with any of my siblings, its just easier.

My mother sent me to school when I was really sick the school nurse called a neighbor to tell my mother that I can’t be in school again until I get a drs note to return

That’s me! Group settings

Number 1 sign you weren't listened to as a child: No one listens to you as an adult. You end up carrying that energy and people pick up on it and the cycle continues.

This is COMPLETELY beside the point, I realize, but I seriously love that lipstick you're wearing, and feel that I need it in my life.
What is it?
Thank you!
Notice the fawning, the effusiveness? 😉 My parents, particularly my father, sort of pioneered the "art" of not listening to their children. When, as a very young child, I'd react to the breakage of a plaything by immediately starting to snivel, the standard reaction was, "We can fix it, *so SHUT UP!*" I realize that my "carrying on" had to be annoying, but, SHEESH, I was probably 6 years old, not 20.
The "we can fix it" line might have even been comforting, if delivered in a calm, reassuring tone, and not followed by "*SHUT UP!*"

This one hit home. I found out about life and biology on my own, adolescence, the woman stuff, bought my own supplies, no self-checkouts at stores then, embarrassing. I felt intense shame about growing up, baggy clothes to hide my new figure, ugh, plus it didn't help that I had a weird brother who resented women in general.

Our mother was a calm, nice woman but not interested; she didn't listen to us, would change the subject mid-sentence or get up and walk away and make coffee. Same reaction when bad things happened to me as a naive child involving adult men. I was flashed several times, one chased me home after school. It was a good area, very unexpected. I became terrified to be alone w/guys for five long years. Even today alarm bells will go off, the protective response never really goes away. I became very calm and stoic when these events continued into adulthood.

My mother said similar happened to her as a child, part of being female. During that era people did the stiff upper lip and so need to be careful when comparing to today's more sensitive environment. All this time I thought I'd deserved it for taking a shortcut home.

Siblings were mad at me, weird brother said it was a compliment.. smh. I didn't bring it up often, was ashamed; discovered that people really don't want to know and will blame you.. shouldn't hv been on that path, etc. I will add that I was a tomboy, not pretty in a womanly way, and was baffled by the attention. It taught me that unprotected kids can be easy prey to predators.

Not all parents are that smart

All of these? :/

i feel like all of these are me!!! i def was not listened to as a child.

i was never. ever. ever listened to.

We weren't listened to as kids because we were kids, and kids were just expected to do the listening and respect what the adults had to say.

i was the only daughter with 3 older brothers and my Dad often told me women are to be seen and not heard and for me to be more like my mother

This really resonates with me. I also find that I get EXTREMELY uncomfortable when I receive a compliment or praise from someone, like one part of me intensely desires it, but the other part of me feels afraid that I'm not actually deserving of the compliment, or that the person giving it to me will realize that they were wrong somehow. When someone compliments me at work I thank them & then leave as quickly as possible without actually running. All these strange symptoms that I thought was just me being a weirdo; it's very helpful to hear how these can be trauma responses.

I really appreciate this Anna. I believe these same symptoms in me have been mislabeled as part of my ADHD diagnosis. Clinicians get stuck on their own agenda when coming to diagnose.. They don't always get the info they need to arrive at a correct diagnosis. It's frustrating, to say the least.

Such a great video! Matching so many situations I know and the feelings in them, and how I communicate too. Have to work on some of this.

As a child from a dis-regulated and child-like mother herself...I wasn't just IGNORED; I was COMPLETELY INVISIBLE BOTH emotionally and psychologically!!
...I was given ONE meal a day consisting of cheap carbs, some greasy LOW-GRADE meat and a SAGGING COT to sleep on.

Later in adulthood, I paid a HEAVY price for what I was NEVER GIVEN!
I became HYPER-STARVED for attention, validation and praise; my way of getting that was to be a DOORMAT to ANYONE who offered even a smidgen of insincere praise!!
I was more often than not USED and ABUSED by ANYONE!

After many battle-scars, I went for HARD-CORE therapy and finally mitigated SOME OF THE HUNGER IN MY SOUL....

IT'S SAD that often we have to go thru such ABUSE as kids, and then as adults we continue to VOLUNTEER to FURTHER ABUSED!

Say Blessed, Everyone.

Robertfromdaytradingwiththelight

"Children are seen and not heard" how many times did I hear that growing up? 🙄🙄🙄 Any wonder I have ISSUES???? ☹️☹️☹️

With my mother, I wasn't allowed to ask questions about anything involving sex. When I was about 10 years old, riding in a car with my father, mother, and grandmother, I asked my mother, "Why is that woman dressed like that?" (I now know that the woman was a hooker dressed in thigh-high boots and revealing clothes.) My mother said, "YOU know why she's dressed like that! You're just trying to embarrass me". I was so confused.

I was also not allowed to have an opinion that differed from my father's opinion. If we were at home, he would hit me. If we were in public, I would be given a rageful stare, denied the next meal and given the silent treatment.

It was all a nice set-up for an abusive marriage.

THANK YOU!! My parents were good people but didn't have a clue about this. I always knew I was loved but didn't get this kind of guidance 😢😢😢

What if It does that made the child running the risk of being extremely independent in their adulthood to the point that they burning themselves in order to survive being around their parents who are extremely codependent, controlling and toxic and never had their children needs met in order to drag their children down with them. How to cope living with parents like that?

You have no idea how this is helpful. I'm 41 years old and never thought I'd still be learning new things about myself. But wow. I feel understood finally, thank you so much!

I'm a U professor, women's circle leader, career musician. I came upon you by accident. You are so cute and quirky and bright, and you bring these gifts into your teaching. How could anybody leave the conversation when you're speaking? Thank you for sharing your knowledge. It's so right on.