Things NO ONE says in Dungeons and Dragons

Fun fact: there is one of my OC Who give all his money to jus friend or to a leader of a clan beaucause the clan take care of a child We saved

I had my back to the bedroom door and my sister entered and tapped me on the shoulder at the end lmao

I actually have head a lot of these

The first one I did in my first campaign

“Yes! I made a great character with an awesome backstory. Time to be completely serious with the name.”

the ending made me guffaw like that drunk dwarf in the tavern where everyone meets each other

One time my friend ACTUALY ended up seducing the dragon. Let{s just say the campaign took shift in storyline...

Monks really are very easy to understand tho

Had a monster campaign where they adopted an amnesiac gnome.

Bard: "I don't want to seduce everything"

Artificer: "I don't use guns"

“You know what lets not bully each other this time

"Im going on this quest for friendship" is unironically the whole thing of my current character (gnome path of the beast barbarian)

“Why would we adopt a goblin?”
… I killed the foster goblins. Multiple times. In one adventure.

Hilariously, I DO use percentile dice all the time.

I once was happy for a nat-1 and I don't know how to explain the situation, you had to be there to understand, I don't know why am I even commenting at this point

I actually enjoy roleplaying natural ones.

I don't consent

Wtf

Okay, but when you said you were behind me, my little brother was standing there staring at me

"The orphanage!"

okay....i was genuinely afraid when the "because i am already behind you" showed up

I only have one set of dice 😢😭

Love the „but only if they consent“ disclaimer for the bard. That’s the only important part about seducing everything, the details of how or why can be hashed out on the way.

Btw, DMs: Asexuals are immune to seduction. Let your horny bards run into a wall occasionally.

Who else looked behind them😂😂😂

"Oh no! The orphanage! All of those baby edgelords are getting cooked."

Hilariously, my current wizard might not actually take Fireball right away, and I have, before, complained about succeeding on everything because I annoyingly roll high all the time. I don't remember the last time I failed a roll actually. But yeah my Wizard is probably gonna take Summon Undead immediately, maybe also Summon Lesser Demons, or Counterspell. I'm more confident in being able to find a scroll of fireball than I am a scroll of Summon Undead, even though I'm a Necromancer and a scroll for a necromancy spell would be better, I doubt they sell those anywhere.

You know what's funny? I've played two campaigns in my entire life. My first one started in a tavern, and it was... not the best. (It wasn't the DM's fault, they did their best, but it was an after school club with about 9 players and only two of them, myself included, were older than 14.) The second one, which is still going, is one where I'm DMing and they didn't meet in a tavern. Well, most of them. The group started with two players and there are now 5, so they all joined at different times. The first one ran into the other in a jewelry shop while hiding from the police for murder. The third was introduced to the party by her sister who supplies bread to the tavern they were rewarded for saving a rich man's friend. The fourth got tossed out of an orphanage while the party was on their way to go grave digging, and the last one got washed into the sewer system by a rogue wave while the party was chasing down a few orphans who stole a rock.

That bard is a spy!

You're behind me huh? JAIL!!!!! I'm a minor.

The therapist line has been said before

that one with the monk is so ironic, for me at least, since i chose that class because of how easy it is to play. no armor or spells, what could be easier?

Oh, no, I've done the "Yes! Natural 1!"

try to seduce an aroace gremlin, I dare you

I always say something along the lines of “yes! Nat 1” because everyone knows I’m pretty sarcastic

My players didn’t start in a tavern, they did in a prison

Wait... I'm lying on my back in bed, so if the bard is behind me, then... MY GOD he already susduced me!

Ok, so I actually paused to take a look behind me.

I actually didn't think it was the right time to rage against some mind goblins (psionic) as I thought we could take on easily. Turns out I took a beating. Also our warlock used to love splitting the party. Then he died to mindflayers. He's currently in my head BC of a ring and has made a wizard who steals all my kills and makes the warlock he did control tell me to kill the wizard haha. Luckily wizard stopped stealing my kills for now

Cleric: Nah, that’s only five hit points down. Just walk it off.

The Bard's diddy arc.

I made a goblin called noodle, he has an inteligence of six and speaks in the 3rd person. Party immediately adopted me 😂

I did have my "YES NAT 1!!" moment once, and it was when my modifier was -2

because I thought it would be hilarious if I rolled a -1 and I did :D

Why did I actually look behind me?

What's something you heard that you thought you would NEVER hear in a game of Dungeons and Dragons? 😂