Relationships Are Hard, But Why? | Stan Tatkin | TEDxKC

Well said..

Haha @5.10 made me laugh. He was like i hate this person next to me

Best ted talk ever.

LOVE Stan!!!! 💜💜💜

First of all with my experiences. Try to keep your cool and any relationship. Always try to understand the other person's point of view

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👏 ❤

Very true my partner and I never argue in person but over the phone or text it’s mayhem😂 lol

"Issues grow, when you stop learning about each other".
I am not good at keeping conversations exciting. To understand my partner more, i play couple questions game like "Lovify". In this game you have to guess what your partner expects or likes. My girlfriend loves it ❤

I come back to this video every now and then. For me it really helps and it is kind of eye openning.

I needed that much love.

Wish I watched this sooner

I was dumped, from what I can see as a very healthy, growing, and functioning relationships despite sometimes there are fights. One of the reasons she said is that because "relationships should be easy. why is ours hard? why do we need to work it out?"

It's what romanticism has told us, that the "right" person will always have things really easy. But it isnt. Because all of us are flawed and imperfect.

Living with another human being is always gonna be hard.

LOVE THIS💙❤️💘

This was nice. Thank you.

Relationships aren't hard. You simply can't expect to get 100% of what you want. Can you live with 90% of what you want and still give enough so that your significant other also gets 90% of their needs satisfied? If you can do that, then both of you will be OK for a very long time.

nice clear discussion

Be careful with a partner who doesn’t fight back or argue and just stay silent because you don’t know what they’re thinking.

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Semua hubungan cinta itu sulit. Bukan karena harus banting tulang cari uang, bukan karena pekerjaan, bukan karena anak-anak yang bikin kepala puyeng. Alasannya sangat sederhana: tidak ada satupun yang lebih rumit di planet ini selain semua orang.

Kau dan siapapun yang menjalin hubungan denganmu, adalah makhluk yang maharumit. Dan semua orang ingin hubungan yang baik-baik saja. Sayang sekali kita selalu memikirkan hal kedua tapi abai pada fakta yang pertama.

99 persen kehidupan kita dikendalikan otak primitif, otak emosional kita. Sisanya adalah otak rasional, atau prefontal cortex.

Jatuh cinta membuat seseorang menjadi obsesif, setiap hari kau ingin menggenggam tangannya, mendengar suaranya, mencium aroma tubuhnya, melihat wajahnya yang melihat wajahmu. Secara biokimiawi, jatuh cinta sama sekali sama dengan mabuk.

Ketika jatuh hati dopamine menuntut lebih banyak darimu, adrenalin mencari perhatian, dan testeoteron atau estrogen menuntut keinginannya dipenuhi terus-menerus. Secara neurokimiawi, kau sedang kecanduan sebagaimana pecandu sakau pada narkoba. Dalam jatuh cinta, ini adalah narkoba alamiah.

Setiap awal hubungan seperti bulan madu. Semua berjalan baik-baik saja di awal segala hal. Namun ketika hubunganmu makin serius, maka kesenangan mulai. Akan akan membuat pasanganmu memiliki kebiasaan baru, dan vice versa.

Kemudian muncul masalah-masalah besar. Kau tak lagi memberi perhatian dan tak lagi menyediakan kehadiran secara penuh di depannya. Kau mulai berantem untuk hal-hal sepele, intonasimu semakin tinggi, dan ini terjadi karena nervous system atau sistem saraf kau bekerja. Kabar baiknya ini sangatlah natural.

Sangat penting memahami bagaimana otak primitif kita bekerja.

Konflik dalam suatu hubungan adalah hal yang sangat lazim. Hubungan kau akan tetap bertahan kendati masih sering terjadi pertengkaran, tapi yang tidak bisa hubunganmu pertahankan adalah kehilangan rasa aman dan kenyamanan.

Masalah kita semua adalah sangat payah dalam komunikasi. Sebagian besar hidup yang kita jalani, adalah rentetan panjang kesalahpahaman, sebagian besar soal miskomunikasi. Ketika suasana hati sedang baik, kita akan mengabaikan mispersepsi dari komunikasi yang buruk. Sayangnya, ketika suasana hati sedang tidak baik, kita akan mempermasalahkan segala hal yang bahkan tidak pernah terjadi atau sudah lama kejadian.

Tatkala sedang dalam konflik, usahakan untuk selalu berhadapan wajah ke wajah. Karena kita makhluk visual, yang mampu meregulasi nervous system pasangan ketika saling berhadapan secara tatap muka. Hindari pertengkaran di mobil karena tidak bisa tatap muka secara utuh, dan hindari pertengkaran via teks ataupun telepon.

Kita mesti menjalin komitmen untuk selalu memberi cinta, menciptakan rasa aman, yang artinya menciptakan tempat perlindungan bersama. Tugas besar kita ialah melindungi satu sama lain dan memeberi rasa aman terhadap satu sama lain.

Dunia adalah tempat yang tengik dan buruk. Kalau kita tidak punya satu sama lain, apa artinya?

Loved how he explained everything. He is really talented. He got the points through my head and above all the way he explained and examplified this trivial yet Sooo crucial topic in simplest words is beyond amazing. Thankyouh

Even when you have somebody you feel worse than when you alone. Love is strange, it feel good in first place but also make me question everything when thing go wrong. i feel like everything i done not good enough, myself is not enough delicate to my partner. Sometime i wish never met her so i don't have going through all of this crazy feeling

I just want a wife and family but these women these days are something else :/

(. REHAB TIME! ). SUM WOMEN CHOOSES TO BEE IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH JERK'S SO THA THEY CAN FIX THEM R LOVE THEM ANYWAVE BECAUSE IT MAKES THEM THE SAINT AND THEREFORE FEEL GUD ABOUT THEMSELVES BY COMPARISON. IT OLL SO SERVES AZ AN EXTERNALIZED WAVE OF FIXING AND LOVIN THE PART OF THEMSELVES THA THEY FEEL IS UNLOVEABLE. FACTS OVA FEELINGS!

(. REHAB TIME! )

Brilliant 👏

It is only hard for the hard insincere and dishonest people.
Truthfullness is simple

I just keep messing up man

Free school

It's soo heartbreaking to know that many people can relate to abandonment and be the pleaser.
I hope you get better and may live a long happy life with the people you deserve 😊.
Peace 🕊️

always hard, everything, but nothing is impossible actually, am 15 years with my man . actually we have a crisis about having a baby . after week and week i'm not still pregnant . but my best friend eve has just told me something about natural drops so I'm really cosidering buying it bc we do really want to have a child or twins 🙂

Fabulous talk. Words to live by.
Protect each others backs. And, I can add, each others hearts.

Now you know - women are not vain; they have their priorities right when they select for safety and security!
'Love' is secondary, no amount of 'love' can buffer an eviction!

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Childhood trauma has a lot to do with it. A lot of us weren't raised how to be towards someone & reactions we have because of our trauma of not being loved.

Why were these people laughing so much. This was extremely insightful and deep. The laughing just leads me to understand why relationships are as weak nowadays.

Act accordingly to keep it that is what is needed to create a successful one

This has to be one of the greatest videos on relationship maturity i have ever seen 👍👍

thank you

never found a relationship to be hard generally speaking

This was great.. so much wisdom! God bless that man & he’s so funny

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Thank you. I need this. Blessed

good

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Thank you so much for sharing that🙏☺️

Brilliant explanation! Super helpful. Took me my whole life to figure this out. This is to be expected. This is why science matters. We humans are getting better at properly sorting out what and who we are as a species.