The Cursed Half-Life of the Pirates Franchise

i used to do a jack sparrow impression when i was a kid that was spot on for the direction the series was heading 15 years ago. i would act drunken and eccentric and would say "iM jAcK sPaRrOw ThE vAm-PiRaTe" and i had no idea that jack would have died and brought back to life years later in the series

Keith Richards was in the movie, because Jack sparrow was based off of his personality, that was the joke! It wasn’t that he was a rockstar. Jack sparrow is a parity of Keith Richards.

… who looked like Orlando Bloom … that certainly didn’t hurt his chances.

Love your videos! But it’s so funny how when jack sparrow is drunk all the time it’s okay but normal people is not funny…

If you want a good pirates story nowadays just play uncharted 4.

I saw Dead Men Tell No Tales in theater with some friends and I didn't even want to see the damn movie. I had seen the last movie with these same friends for the same reason that I just wanted to hang out with them but they wanted to see a movie and both times it was a Pirates movie. I barely remember 4 but I know it was a least slightly less stupid than 5. Pirates 5 was so terrible and for a lot of the reasons that Jenny mentioned. That fucking Horologist joke was so terrible and I also said "Oh my god I get it move on" when they kept repeating it. By the end of the movie the rest of the friend group were all like "That was pretty good!" to which I looked at them and said "What are you fucking talking about that was awful!". They informed me that I am too picky. I really don't think so because I enjoy the movie I, Robot. I think it was just a shitty movie.

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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Occasionally Tell A Few Tales

Jack just doesnt work as the protagonist
When will and elizabeth were in these movies, they were good, because they were normal people getting exposed to ALL THE PIRATE STUFF
now its jack, a weird pirate, interacting with other pirates, it lost the audience surrogate

Grr-arrgh.

Dead men tell no tales was a movie I worked on as a stereo compositor (if you ever went to the movies and wore 3D glasses, there’s a 33% chance I worked on it) and it was a miserable experience due to the way Disney built its contract. They had unrestricted revisions. Which mean they can reject any work delivered without pushback and we HAD to fix it, for free. And they did, constantly. That sorta nitpicking wears down the morale of the artists, and even though we delivered the work they wanted in the end, they’d made us work for a fraction of the actual cost of the labor. They consistently do this to every subcontractor they work with, so the VFX houses are always folding, laying off people to stay afloat, and further disenfranchising their workers. This is why the CG you see nowadays doesn’t look as good as it could. Everyone is overworked, with no creative collaboration or respect.

The only reason my family (and me) like that pirates movie is because of the missionary. His name is Phillip btw. My families’ head cannon is that he lives underwater with his mermaid wife and shares Jesus with all the underwater creatures.

Leave off on lazy stoners please. We're doing stuff: your videos won't watch themselves you know.

Can we get a review of the Aquaman franchise with constant references to Amber Heard angrily shitting the bed?

I personally loved the guillotine flipping gag. It was the most memorable scene in a movie that was otherwise not really remarkable.

the only way you could write a love interest for Captain Jack Sparrow is as a pirate dominatrix lady, kind of like a villain henchwoman, who is extremely horny for Jack Sparrow in particular but also always ending up on the opposite side as him every time so they can only banter and Jack can mug the camera with an 'uh-oh' sort of look as she describes what she'll do to him, but obviously he likes it really, then of course at the ending he can get dragged off by her mugging the camera for some gag about them having extremely vigorous sex , no?

You were on the right side of the heard depp case before it even dropped. Lets go jenny you rock

Gotta love Jenny for calling out Depp's sleaziness years before it became a household discussion

I think I saw that movie in the theater. I know I saw a Pirates movie with characters that felt like knockoffs of Will and Elizabeth. It was fun to watch it in the theater, but I immediately forgot everything about it until just now, six years later.

If Jack Sparrow ascended to godhood to fight Poseidon, that'd actually be pretty fun. I'd watch that movie.

Actually I would say Dead Men tell no tales was actually pretty good like a 6.5 or 7 outta 10, pretty fun. I would say through the series Black Pearl 9/10, Chest 7.5/10, Worlds End 7.5/10 and then Stranger Tides 3.5/10.

Your the best. I watch all of your videos

I gave up the franchise during the second one. But just watched a clip of the Sir Paul scene, and it was kinda funny.

Wow they were bringing people back to life in the *third movie *?! They reallyyyyy wanted to jump that shark huh

Id like to defend the third movie kind of. They didn’t actually establish that anyone could be brought back, because Tia Dalma was the only one who could raise the dead, and they could only sail to where Jack is because it’s someplace other than the land of the dead, a place like death but not quite. So there’s no consistent method through which they can raise the dead if they want to. It’s out of the hands of the heroes.

The first movie was a surprise huge hit; it managed to be well crafted, beautifully shot, it had good action scenes, and had a story you could follow. I remember in the theatre when Sparrow said "Drink up me hearties, yo ho!" and snapped the compass shut and the credits rolled, gasping that it was over.
Then it made fifty squintillion dollars. And the studio did the thing that kills franchises: they listened to the lines people quoted to each other on the way out of the theatre, and they made the next movie about that stuff. And they did that four more times.

The channel is a whole lot of complaining about nothing 😂

I love the mermaid and the missionary! It was either really sweet or really creepy

Id like to politely disagree, the love story in the third movie made absolutely no sense whatsoever. All Will did that entire movie and like half the movie before was abandon all other allegiances in order to save his father. Literally almost ever move he makes in the third goes directly against what Elizabeth was trying to do. Then they run into eachother in the final battle and decide its time to get married

The 5th film made most money of the whole franchise, globally. I'm not so sure it failed....

Oh no. She used the amber Heard filmed wine thing. That was after his mother died and his wife is abusive

Anyone else re-watching this with captions and feeling like they are in a fever dream?

This video is very interesting after the Depp/Heard trial, especially when footage also used in the trial is used

Jeffrey Rush (Barbosa) is such an amazing actor, I loved him in Mystery Men. MM is such an under-rated movie.
'It's now time to get up, get down, unt boogie' - Jeffrey Rush's line delivery is hilarious, for such a silly line; really subtle & nuanced, too.

Oof watching this video now after all the court cases proved he wasn’t the bad guy in his marriage compared to his wife really makes the video amber took of him drinking after a fight hit different

I’m confused by the captions and can’t tell if they’re accurate 😭

"the female character is either a love interest or a voodoo priestess". Except the voodoo priestess was also a love interest, so they're pretty much only love interests.
(5 years late to the party, but I thought I'd write this anyway)

Spoiler: It's very bad 😆

Jenny, wtf is on your head??

Well at least he didn’t shit on anyones bed.

the raw chaotic bi energy radiating off this video is insane

I liked 2 (Im a sucker for big monsters) and 3 (Bill Nighy is rad af). After that, it was a real shame to continue, though.

1 to 3 are OK. I get that it got weird and convoluted. But I remember being in the theater watching the scene where Jack is going bonkers stranded in the in-between or whatever--- it was fascinating because it was entertaining but we didn't know what was going on at times. The landscape of it was also so....different. It seemed like an opportunity for Johnny to really be funny on his own.

talk like a piraicy

rumgone?

I feel like there’s this basic mistake that Hollywood can’t stop itself doing in sequels: they don’t know the value of moderation. Every time people love a character or concept, they overdo that in the next one. People like Jack Sparrow’s weirdness? Let’s have him Jack Sparrow-ing all over the next movie. People like Legolas’ coolness? Let’s have him shield-skate down a staircase and then down an elephant. People have a soft spot for Mater? Let’s give him his own movie. 🤦🏼‍♀️