Narcissist Needs You to Fail Him, Let Go (with Azam Ali)

the final quote was profound! wow

Gawh the last part where he's talking to victims made me cry. I honestly needed to hear that as a narcissist survivor.

"A Good Morning is abuse" holy shit thats hilarious and tragic!

Gorgeous talk! Thank you both so much! ❤

Thank you for reminding us that although we may have been victimized, we shouldn't define ourselves as victims. It is very refreshing to hear.

Incredibly eye-opening 👀

Wonderful video. Thank you for explaining in such detail the pain the narcissist goes through. I feel bad for him (my ex) this is a sad cycle he cannot even see himself. I hope one day he is happy. Thank you also for your words on getting over this. The line “lights are on, it’s time to leave the cinema” beautifully explained it. You’re right.

And also god damn the religion angle , that is SPOT ON how it feels. Wish me luck in my excommunication from his church.

If I am a narcissist born of a narcissist and the abusive narcissistic mother dies?

Thank you. I was born into a psychopathic narcissistic family and have been a victim of other narcissists all my life and have never really learned to protect myself 100 percent from them. However, when I think about their suffering, how empty they are inside and how poor they actually are, I feel sorry for the narcissists.

you know who else is big on colonizing ...... muslims ....

What is the fate of a narcissist?

Tks 🙏 Dr Sam for allowing me to voice out in your comment

The 2 incompatible hungers 🤯

I’ve already failed him I did a good job, I also failed the enabling mother

Can you define fantasy more specifically?

where do a narcissist’s emotions come from if there is no core identity?

this was the most informative and useful explanation of what a narcissist is and how they're created. it joined so many dots and gave me so much insight. for that alone i cannot thank you enough. i can now understand the mechanasions beneath what I've been battling with these past 20 years.

I know I should have compassion for my ex but I'm beyond angry. I feel like I been lied to and deceive for no reason.

Amazing is the only word I have for this video/man. Yes, when I got rid of the narcissist after 23 years of an insufferable marriage I started understanding that I hadn't understood ME! And why I was always "chosen".

What an education. Thank you, Sam. Thank Adam. Namaste

I really like the focus on the fact that they cannot separate from their mother. I've noticed it in a literal sense.

Funnily enough, we watched Cyberpunk: Edgerunners together shortly after we met, and one of the themes early on in the show was the main character separating from his mother.

Sam, I thank you for sharing your experience, thoughts, and knowledge with the world. Your contributions are great!

I understood just by the video thumbnail what you were saying.

Excellent point!
Both are hungry
We need to ask ourselves why we become victims…

Thank you so much. 9 years hostaged, after separartion, with work/home, still trying to sort out the financial, purposeful mess.
Gave me 3 years of black liquid stool, healing ever so slowly for 3 more now, thankfully, because of no more direct communication.
Never could have known this invisible kind of cruelty existed. I was fun, engaged, confident, kind, smiling, highly capable and able once.
At meeting, I was 6 years single, widowed, with a happy business, and he made it sure look nice, alright.
I was disassembled over time, slowly, as required, over 17 years, in retrospect. Still isolated today, for bowel disability and no finances to become someone again maybe, all locked in Law, while he's accounting....for 2 years, under Lawyers and Accountants. Right. A disaster....forever driving the far edge, unfortunately forever over it, with my neck in chain.
Grateful for my clear comprehension now. It really helps in understanding the sad, pathetic total futility of everything and all. ty.
Run far, seems the only answer...just say yes, just agree, goodbye, goodnight, hopefully see you never ever....because even if a Judge could see, say any favourable amount, it would be doom. 'Losing', any actual ending is wiser. Wow. It's absolutely incredible, as this behaviour actually works, by threat, pre-emption and confusion. Persnickedy terrible, indeed. It's so hard to explain to anyone, or even understand it.
At now 61, no man will live with me again. Happy enough alone, lots of ideas, some action, just still strangled from my entire earned and personal money, I hope for daily.... now he wants Court, got offended and went Godzilla, for my first and only 'just-a-minute' moment.
So now he kills me a little longer still, maybe more years, dunno...insultingly wanting me to pay his inflated legal share to boot. It's unbelievable, outrageous stuff. Could make me die in the eternal stress, yes.
Hoping sane, educated folks are at the helm, to end it quickly now, please. Not enough money here...though all want some, taking plenty already.....for the nuts.
So many friends and family suffer along and though caring and sheltering, shouldn't/can't have to take this extended maltreatment either. I stay tiny in order to protect most from my misfortune. He likes it...yes, tragically irrepairably broken....of course, he didn't appear that way. I wasn't first, won't be the last...apparently unstoppable.
The lovin' was nice, oddly, until it was withheld, together with all contact, verbal or physical. A complete off suddenly....no neighbor for
3 k in north winter. Forever in the doghouse for nothing...I'd never been in the dog house before. Petrifying. 2014. Stone cruel since.

So how does one teach them reality? Is this chemistry in their brain?

My ex gf (certified covert narc) recently got a new bf and has been posting on her FB non stop about how incredibly happy she is and how she's madly in love like never before. The same exact stuff she posted when she first got with me and I didn't realize at the time it was all a big show to make her ex bf jealous and hurt. I believe most of the things shes posting is hoping I see it and get jealous/mentally wounded. It's crazy how I know it's all a big fake pathetic act just to continue the narcissistic abuse post discard yet I find myself bothered and upset when I do see her social media. She got sober (was a nasty alcoholic), got a job doing exactly what I do (she NEVER worked) and seems like she's actually trying to be a better person for the new bf but when she was with me she was lazy, sat at home all day, never cooked, made me clean the house after working all day and was just all around miserable after the love bomb phase ended and we moved in together. Like I wonder has she really changed for this guy and maybe just maybe actually being faithful to him also? She was a vicious cheater and was sleeping with any and everybody behind my back, while I was at work, sneaking men in the house while I was home, sleeping with my brother while I took her son to school, it goes on and on. But I got to realize I was the new supply at one point and she was getting her "drug counselor" certificate, paying half the dinner bill, telling me how she's never been in love until she met me and buying me gifts at first too etc. She's just love bombing and grooming him the same way, she hasn't changed inside she's still the same evil, jealous, depressed person hating herself and unable to feel positive emotions. She's just getting better at pretending to be a genuine human with good intentions but the new bf isn't lucky to have her now. He's in for a world of hurt and I pity him, he may not escape as quickly as I or without doing irreparable damage. I'm still absolutely tore up over the relationship and it's been 5 months. I 100% believe I suffer from BPD so I did my share of damage in the relationship too but after she discarded me I went self destructive BPD and completely turned into a different person. I sabotaged and ruined everything I worked for piece by piece these last 5 months while she has seemed to do the opposite and is doing better, going to meetings, working and thriving. It stings bad but I find consolation in knowing I feel actual love, emotions and my BPD can be cured with therapy. I still have a shot at having a legitimately happy future while the narcissist will never ever be cured of their condition. She will be full of hatred and misery for the rest of her days and karma will find her one day hopefully soon. I'm going on 2 months since the last time I broke no contact and I plan on never speaking to her again I haven't looked at her social media in 3 days which has taken everything in me not to but I know it's necessary to continue to heal and reach true indifference. I pray for all my fellow victims of narcissistic abuse, we all have a connection/bond of unfortunately going through the same traumatic experience and we WILL heal, recover and live our best lives. The narc never deserved us and we must not give them Access to our hearts/souls ever again.

This explained my husband and why things got violent. I was submissive and he wanted to discard me and couldn't find a way... I ended up leaving after being strangled for the last time.

Top! Thanks!

Thank you Prof!!!

This discussion just brought me down to earth...😮 WOW

I'm at a loss for words

So so true!

Brilliant conversation, very enlightening. Thank you for sharing your experiences and knowledge. Thank you to both 🙏

But how did a normal/real 2 yo develop skills to separate from its mother?

What is “safety” in the 4 S’s exactly? That the partner will not challenge or abandon the narcissist?

Fantastic interview. A must watch. I will never ever go back to my narc after watching this.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for such an eye opener❤

Depression

From my understanding, narcissistic individuals often result from experiences of significant suffering and abandonment. From a compassionate viewpoint, they are in dire need of assistance. How can we approach them to expedite their healing journey?my neighbor who is also my friend is the most narcissistic person I ever met and experience in the real life , horrible. It’s all about him

Narcicits can be cute and smiley and everything.

How are adopted and abused children affected

The narcissist will always think of you as guilty because the narcissist, ironically, can't conceive of a lack of relationship between people. My parents broke up about 25 years ago and they never talked since then. They still have an ongoing plot about each other in their heads.

If you're wondering "how is she surviving this", I'm not talking with them nor plan to in the future.

Eye opening!!! My Sister is going through much of what you described. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, stress, and trauma for her. My Sister is a lovingly and empathetic person. She has become exhausted and refuses to allow for her family step in and settle the issue. It’s heartbreaking- she has been living in misery and hidden abuse for the last couple of years.

Now i understand my narc husband! He's a 2 y.o.!👩🏻‍🦲

Thank you sir.

This interview has given me so much clarity. Thank you.

My pain is not Gone but my hatred is. Thank you. And if is just usure myself; exising in any way or form is better than not at all. I was. Feeling damned having been in the loop for 14 years but honestly I can't even daré to compare. Actually I can find at least find positivo in it all now. My 2 stepdaughters love and companionship is worth all the pain. Blessed and damned ?

There is no language to explain what just happened you to other people.

Married 32yrs husband narcissist and 6 yrs ago he started to slowly take my ALLOWANCE from me
Why wait so many yrs?
He started giving my money for allowance to the kids and nothing for me while degrading me in front of the kids and I have no friends I have no job

This interview has helped me a lot. Thank you

Wow. 😮🤯 I have been in this relationship for 8.5 years…. Ugh.🤦🏼‍♀️ Thank you for this excellent information.

This is so depressing. How can I leave somebody who is so broken and it's not her fault? What causes narcissism, I want to know how to avoid my child becoming this way.