How To Stop People Pleasing

Well as a people pleaser, i don't understand the point of this video. I know im a people pleaser because i can't say no, i tend to ignore my opinion and im becoming to have no believes at all, to not be a burden. I know that if i stopped doing those things i wouldn't be a people pleaser, but the question is how? How to say no if i dont care anymore about what i think?

Why is that so hard?

this video made me cry

thank you!

Somebody told me that i was a people pleaser, and than she goes to add that it’s a good trait because that just means that I emphasize for others.

I have no friends literally im okay with that when im at home but what about college how do i deal with that?

I doubt anyone will see this but if you do I’m about to talk a lot so you don’t have to read this

I’m currently 14 so take my opinion with a grain of salt I don’t know a lot about emotions/feelings and my brain isn’t fully developed so it is what it is anyway.

I’m not going to get in to everything of why I am a people pleaser I’m just going to say my opinion/feelings/thoughts.

I’m perfectly happy with who I am and I’m perfectly happy with my opinions/feelings, the thing is I don’t want to tell people my opinions/feelings because I feel that they’re mine and they’re mine to deal with, and i don’t want to put my feelings on anyone because i feel that they’re my feelings and i don’t want whoever to worry or feel bad for me.

if there’s a controversial topic or opinion I just end up agreeing with everyone else even if my opinion is different, because i don’t want to spark conflict or people to think differently of me.

That’s not all of it I could go on for hours if I was speaking but I’d rather not type everything out cuz it’s like 3:30am and I’m tired.

Idk it’s not any of anyone’s problem except mine so do what you will.🛰️🛰️🛰️

im boarding, and my roommate is a very, toxic, person. she is always like eating my food and saying "you bought these to share right?" and i cant even eat or use her stuff cuz she will say "no those are 'off limits'". I hate being like this, im a people pleaser, but i still want to be nice, and this video really helped me. thanks.

Basically there were moments of my life when I just wanted to be useful to someone so I can stop feeling worthless. I often think that I am stupid, ugly, friendless and most importantly- a bad person. Helping others helped me to feel a little bit better, but over time I became obsessed with helping people to the point where I didn't do anything for me at all...

There always comes the point where we don't take stand for what is right because of being people's pleasure.... Ahh one who worked and succeeded in it by being to the side of truth at the cost of losing majority's opinion... had actually cured his problem in a true sense

I've started to slowly accept the fact there is alwasy going to be one person that dislikes you for no reason. So why bother stress over it. Its taken me a really long time to accept that but I am learning a lot as I get older.

i have just recently noticed how i have a major people pleasing problem and that affects me hard even tho i dont see people often. but it affects me with major stress just from mentally thinking all the time i should "help the world" even tho there is this awful feeling that comes with those thoughts.

i think its from my dad who conditioned me hard to disregard feelings and put thinking and logic over it at all cost. ive even been meditating and tried to be conscious for about a decade now. and i just realized my ibs comes from this, the pain always flares up when im in this fear state that stems from putting other things above myself out of poor self value

I have been a people pleaser all of my life. It’s probably in my nature because I’m an only child and my whole life has been about satisfying my parents’s needs. I have always been hypersensitive to what other people think about how I present myself and the decisions I make. It has majorly damaged me socially. Even though a big part of me doesn’t really care, I feel very lonely. Thanks to videos like this, I can carry on my life understanding that I am not alone and I can’t satisfy everyone all the time. I know myself and no one else knows me like me.

I’ve been in a community for 6 years, but never was good enough for the majority of it.
Most people were rude and criticizing me for literally all my interests. I rejoined over 30 times to try to impress and gain their approval.

I do have friends there who support me, but I barely could be relevant in convos.

You can use "thank you", instead of "no". The same as you can use "please", instead of "yes". The "yes" and the "no" are implied.And I found it much much easier and polite to say "thank you" than saying "no".

lovely video. thank youuu

My goals and priorities make me feel alone. :( and it is getting used to. :( however, i know that it is worth navigating it alone.

Being late and not applogizing for it is wrong. Excessively applogizing after you expressed that you're running late and clearly described the unforseen circumstances to it is people pleasing. There is a fine line and one needs to practice to avoid people pleasing without being rude or unconsiderate.

Thankful

I’ve always been a people pleaser, it’s like embedded in my brain. For me saying no makes my heart drop, it makes me feel like I’m taking away from that person, so it’s really hard to say no. I’ll try to say no and with this channel I might get through it. Pray for me guys

I often shspect that having narcisstic larenys cluld cause people oleasing. Always worried about getting yelled at. Always trying to appease them. Having to say sorry for EVERY LITTLE THING!

Sorry to break it in front of you all

But I feel the word people pleaser is also a degoratory term told by the same kind of ones who bully you for your kindness to make a fool out of yourself or make you feel worse for being kind.

People Being called manipulative or being narcissistic for being kind is literally gaslighting. And perhaps some of them are in fact manipulative and narcissistic to you.

You can turn it 180 degrees on peoples intentions

But so I can turn it 180 degrees again. And so on , and so on..

The problem is Calling people names like people pleaser or narcissistic for “what you are” while people are able to change , isnt gonna make it solve problems and suck people into a self fulfilling prophecy. And it will all become insults to another used by other to bully you

The reason am a people pleaser is because I can’t stand people being disappointed/ angry in me. So I try and make everyone happy. And also when I do something for myself at anytime I feel shellfish. So I should really try to get out of this cycle

I’m in year 6 and my graduation is coming in 24 weeks which is 2 terms. I’m slowly learning that I have *My own thoughts,my own personality,my own strength,my own choices and decisions and NO ONE NOT ONE PERSON WILL CHANGE IT! In the name of Jesus amen❤❤❤

my people pleasing behaviour is because of child hood trauma , emotional neglect , comparing my self with others , people's criticism, and my sensitive nature 😓

I d9nt Even do it on purpose at this point… party’s are hard bc there’s so many people that I have to tweek my personality for each one.

I had a great childhood, I just had a rough teenage experience due to a series of poor decisions. I've struggled with people pleasing for 15+ years. My biggest desire is to end this terrible cycle for good. I'm working towards it each day, one day at a time.
🦋

Sometimes i even find myself pleasing the ones i love, in therms of suggesting things i dont even want to do....

Thankyou so much for this @psych2go , this has to be the most helpful vid i could have ever found on internet :)

I need to do these 6 things when setting boundaries with the narcissists in my life, especially number 5. "I rather be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone."-Marilyn Monroe

If the internet and videos like these were available back then... It would have saved me a lot of grief. Sadly the ppl who abused me for more than half my life are dead now. The damage is done and sometimes i just want to go and piss on their graves for ruining my life.

I have been a people pleaser all my life. And I started realising it now. Earlier I just to believe it was ok, it was necessary to keep others first because otherwise they will not accept me. But now are started realising that it wasn't like that. I think for others, they become happy, just one mistake or just once if I want to think about myself, they start calling me selfish. I have given away my self respect, confidence, mental health, to please other who are never satisfied. No matter what you do for others, they are still gonna talk behind your back. I don't know how to say no. If someone is harming me, and I know it, I still don't wanna hurt that person the same way and continue let them hurt me. I am so tired of all this now. I have given away my life and priorities to satisfy those people who'll never become happy. Maybe because I was taught this way from childhood that prioritising yourself is selfish. And now I have become a people pleaser and now my parents wonder why I never care about myself or speak for myself😔

Honestly, why all these incredible important videos are made with such disgusting voices. I can’t stand it

i love how soft and polite your voice is

But it's fun. LOL. Not really.

I have this toxic “friend” that disrespects me and I allow him to do it. I know that what he does is not okay but I can’t stand up for myself. I’m happy that I have only less than a month of school and I will finally unfriend him. It’s easier to tell him I don’t want to see him again by text. (Now I’m thinking that I’m the bitch but I should know that I have needs and choices too) When I will be out of this toxic friendship that’s when my healing can really start. I hope that in the summer break I will be able to valuate myself more and that in high school I will be able to make real friends, to create boundaries and to say “no”.

remove toxic people

I want to, but i can't cuz my mom is just manipulative, and just try to put others first

you are kinda whispering, open up the vocals.

I have always been a people pleaser… I had to quit my job as a waiter to get sober. I’ll be one year completely sober, April 10th, 2023. Best decisions I’ve made in my adult life. I now look within myself more often for validation. Although I still struggle with anxiety, relationships and other things, I now see myself as more than capable of being a responsible adult. I don’t stretch myself too thin, much anymore. I’m moved out of my parents house now and signing up for Hospitality Management at a college close to where I live. Gratitude is for everyone, but I deserve full credit, to and from myself.

Start pleasing Yourself to Stop people pleasing

Wow, excuse me instead of sorry

These make sense to me, I mean I would like to try to get a job selling my art online, if at all I tell my mom about a job she says NO. It doesn't make it any better to tell her about some job idea after I almost got scammed getting a job. Just proving I'd again be in the wrong for wanting a job I'd actually like

I have a friend I’ve hung out with at school for almost 4 years. So many times I’ve tried to make plans to hang out with them, but every time on the day we’re supposed to do it they back out. Other times they’ll try to change the plan to fit around their wants, is that a toxic friend? Ive started to wonder if i need to cut ties with them but I’m afraid to because they’re the only person i have to hang out with at school.

Daaaaayum...

I’m a poeple pleaser and let’s say two of my closest friends ask me which side im on, I’ll be really stressed out because I know I’ll be displeasing the other person, and if I don’t chose them I’ll be displeasing both of them, so those kinds of Situations put a lot of pressure on me

To reduce people pleasing I... find myself being alone pretty often. I am less likely to please people if I'm not with people.