Fight Smarter: Avoid the Most Common Argument Patterns - Esther Perel

I rarely comment, but I had to say she sumed up most of my arguments . So much truth in if

Esther is fearless in her forays into the human mind of relationships and arguing. A brilliant mind.

She has saved me much mental anguish in the relationship w my life partner and wife.

Esther is an incredibly communicator. Precise, concise, ordered, easy to understand for everyone.

All women are always late and you should come to expect that. It’s a gender trait!

"Most Difficult part is knowing needs and expectations of your partner". We were always too shy to openly talk about it. My husband eventually found a better way to deal with it. We started playing couple question games like "lovify". In this game you have to guess what your partner likes. And, with these games we got to know a lot about each other ❤

This advice is very triggering to me as a survivor or verbal/psychological abuse by many people. I am going to explain what happened and why. I am not going to just sit there and accept that I did something wrong if I didn't. They're entitled to their feelings, but I am also entitled to grace. I can empathize with their frustration of me being late, but I'm not gonna sit there and take all the blame or be berated or judged for something that I can't control.

Well, if I'm late and he punches me in the face or calls me a careless, selfish bitch, that's ABSOLUTELY blowing it out of proportion.

Brilliant!! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and expertise.

Wow wow wow

Honestly, I'm tired of relationships. A relationship between adults is like two never ending wells of neverending damage that we have to deal with... a crap that just doesn't seem to stop pouring in, no matter what we do: how much we learn, how much we change, how much we compromize. What do we get in the end? We dive so deep in the foundational dynamic of a relationship that we risk to become cheetas in our social and sentimental life: so specialized that we're on the brink of extinction. What is the benefit? Why do we have relationships, really? Why don't we fight modern society and our stressful jobs instead of fighting ourselves to adapt to external factors? Why don't we face that chasing the dream of being "important" may be the actual thing that kills our private life?

I don't know why but a hug and kiss first with somebody that you care about always seems to work when you walk in the door you give them a hug or kiss it will diffuse the argument right away. Tell them and reassure them that you care about them because they think that you don't at first but once you do that it always works. It seems to work very well for me. You could say you're sorry for being late and then proceed with a hug I'm so sorry I'm being late I had some problems with traffic or whatever and just want to give you a hug and say I'm sorry and that's it I didn't mean for that to happen.

Such great advice

Words like 'always' or 'never' are absolutes. Destructive words indeed.

Listen to end, some of this is simpel Logic in why fight, but worth to remember things Can get out of hand easy and a littel thing grow in to somthing super evil and fare from anything real, be the engel when the one you love loss the perspektive, and lift Them up. good lesson. Year listen take the time to understand the full pickture , confirmation bias good Word . Esther is sharp, like thanks🎉im not in a relation but feel im getting ready, for the one🎉❤

"Full package condemnation" Wow that really stuck with me.

I always love confirmation bias.

,,🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

But what if the other wont let up and keeps at us , lecturing, berating, etc? Saying "always " and "never" , irrational and hurtful with his words.