How a Borderline Person is Created | PETER FONAGY

WOOOOW Hats off Peter.

Marvelous!!! To listen to this guy is a like having a spiritual experience!!! ❤🙌🏻👍🏻

this is likely why they view polygamy/polyandry as an answer then and leave their kids by not leaving their kids

Foster care here.. 😢

Do tell.

Parents are the real cause of borderline personality disorder, shame on you for not saying the truth as it is. Be careful you're a terrapist you can't say anything you watch just because you are not brave enough to tell the truth it seems like you're afraid that parents will tell you why you turn our children against us, so you prefer to put the blame on child

people with bpd are just oversensitive people with emotional PTSD, so their antennas are always alert. Unfortunately the fear of messing up interactions with others again, makes them even more nervous and even toxic what leads to the exact thing they panic to avoid.

Good stuff.

I realized quite early (childhood) that I evaded my parents emotionally. Looking back I'm amazed at how dysfunctional I was, and how impossible it is for me to explain myself.

It's a very complex matter.

Now at 43, I am errr... ahem yet again presented with the opportunity of a new life.

But joking aside, I'm heartbroken. But never down and out.

I've felt narcissists create BPD in their children. The constantly belittlement during formative years becomes the belief of self. Narcissists always dump responsibility onto others. Children are easy receptors of that. Garbage cans to throw up in and on.

Every person I’ve known with bpd has pretty severe, chronic attachment trauma or invalidation. It is the parents fault if we are fault finding, they are responsible for the emotional tone and family interactions.

Do we talk about blame in cancer or heart disease

My father hated us, he hates kids , he only got married and had kids cause everyone did it in the village, and also we were an investment , so he used us as slaves,physical,verbal,and emotional abuse on a daily basis, he often screams why did God gave me kids.if you father all the hate in the universe it want come close to the hate I have for this man for causing me to have this.

i was diagnosed at 37. 20 years ive been fighting through everything and didnt know what what happening. If you learn about yourself in your 20s you are blessed.

My sister has been killed by bpd. I will never forgive this. She is alive but no longer there. I will forever be bitter and resentful of this. I don’t think anyone will ever understand. I swear, she was the most innocent creature or this earth. But the household abuse took her away from me forever. I only wish to meet you again. Forever bitter I will be. I talk to you in my dreams in the secret language we had before we were born. My sister I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from the screams and psychological defects we were brutally exposed to. Forever bitter I will be.

It's the worse mental health illness to have your emotions and thoughts and despair it's a living hell and doctors don't help enough or give you right medication I have it and clinical depression and anxiety disorder and I don't get any help or anh medication it would be better to be dead than living in mental illness

That’s me. Thank you. I am 36 yo male.

I absolutely believe they are born that way, but the expression of it can vary depending on environment

Diagnosed at 27. I can barely function in life. I hate it all.

By not,looking at their hormones

And the comment section is as toxic as it gets :D

i strongly disagree with this fucking bull shit

I think I'm bpd. I know I shouldn't self diagnose but my life has been hell up to this point. First it was aspergers which I was diagnosed when in foster care. My dad died when I was 3 and my mother was abusive. She used to let us kids at home with our older siblings while she would go to the bar or be at her drunken boyfriends house.. I still remember me and my sisters had the local bars phone numbers memorized. Calling and asking for her and hearing her slurring "I'm not here" in the background. Being in and out of foster homes. I became super depressed around age 15 and repeated 9th grade 4 times before dropping out.. I dunno where I'm going with this but I just feel like I've been ripped off a life. I'm suffering and I looked everywhere for help. I'm 33 now and I really think I'm in hell at times. I tried so hard to repair my mom's family and was never able to grow into the man the world requires me to be. The only way I am in anybodys life is if I make an effort to be.. It's like I need validation. I constantly struggle with my weight and self image.. it's like I'm not a person. I'm just constantly pretending to be. All I do is stress out about finances and my loneliness. I've never had anybody in my life that I didn't eventually feel was preying on me or using me and I feel like life almost requires us to do that to each other to a degree but I cant.. I was in a strict religious foster home and was abused by them... told me my dad was most likely in hell.. that my mom and everyone I was in school with was worldly.. I was all but amish.. it has me fucked up.. I've been cheated on by every girl I was ever with... idk anymore. I'm getting older and I'm scared I'm gonna commit suicide.. I'm probably not going to but God hates me is a thought that goes goes through my head daily.. he stole everything from me and makes me blame myself for it. I feel guilty for shit other people do.. fuck this life and everyone in it..people keep dying and I don't have it in me to give a fuck anymore.. I don't care about anybody... most don't care about themselves.everyone around me are either drug addicts who will betray u for a fix or they're holier than thou prudes who don't judge anybody but yet judge everybody... maybe they're both. Maybe I'm both. idk anymore. My life lacks purpose. I've been diagnosed with aspergers, major depressive disorder, ptsd, schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, and most recently schizophrenia. The mental health field is a joke tho anymore and I'm afraid they're going to give me a medication that will make me do something I don't want to do like I almost did before.. I'm always left on my own in my broken mind. I feel like I'm a madman

I am 54. I was diagnosed by 1978 with "Severe Anxiety Neursis" a One page report from 1978 described me as it came from the BPD manual. Dysregulated, Stubborn, not wanting to live, etc. By 1980 I was diagnosed with ADHD and was put on Ritalin and Dexedrine. I was an only child. My parents were alcoholics. They divorced by 1978. My mother had become sober by the time I was 4ish.. My father never did. I know they did both love me and did their best, but struggled with their own issues. My mother was a successful anesthesiologist which was a very stressful job. I went to the best schools but struggled, was almost put into residential treatment. I have a master's degree but work in non profit barely above the poverty line actually. I have often wondered why I had this soo bad.. I lived most of my life understanding the anxiety and ADHD part.. but I never handled stress well, was always very dysregulated and it was the dysregulation part that had been "missing" from my understanding. My working theory of why I was so bad.. is partly epiginetic and partly environmental. My mother drank, smoked and took probably various stimulatns and sleeping pills (it was 1968 and she was a doctor)... THAT probably affected my system. PLUS she was a doctor in a very stressful profession. She worked up to the day or so before I was born (she admitted). She had worked late nights (on call) so all that most likly contributed to my cortisol dysregulation while in utero. When was born, she then got Pleurisy, could not breast feed and 1968 newborns were highly regulated and wierd about feeding times and things. I probably didn't bond as I should with her. THEN she probably had about a month? 6 weeks ? Of maternity leave (she still drank) and I was then left in the care of an elderly woman Rose, who who knows how I was cared for by her... THEN my father when I was 4? went overseas to Maylasia for a civil engineering traffic studies job and was gone for almost a year. My mother reported I was not responding well to him being gone and that I "didn't understand these things". He also had an affair while overseas, .. he comes home, there is domestic arguments etc.. I was never physically abused out of cruelty or neglect. BUT I witnessed bad fights (not really physical though) and then by 1978 my dad was gone. He was in Texas and did he best to be a father long distance but he struggled.. I know my parents loved me but those first 10 years somehow did a major number on me. YET because of my experiences that did not involved direct abuse, I always blew it all off and denied I should have a problem and that I was just a "spoilled bad kid"... and I lived most of my life with this stern, authortarian mindset that was filled with self loathing and disgust and very little pitty. I pushed myself hard, beating myself up all the time, all the while anxious and dysregulated. I started cutting sophmore year in College cause I saw a guy I was into did it and well.. there ya go. (he probably was bi polar actually or maybe even borderline himself). All this ruined my life. Prevented me from seeking better situations. better jobs.. being more actualized.. That is my story...

He is wrong. Giving false information

I'm pretty sure I suffer from bpd. My father was emotionally absent. He was at home, but just not there. Never received any congratulations for anything, never got a hug from him, never had any talks with him at all. Never attended any graduations and the list goes on. I feel like us men yearn for acceptance and recognition from a father figure in life. At least a good job, I'm proud of you or an I love you and i never got that. If he was compactly not in the picture it might have been better because i wouldn't have kept trying to get his attention. In my culture you're told to just man up and push through. I am 30 years old now and because of this I've never had a true sense of self and still don't. I feel empty everyday. Constantly changing who I am, what my interests are, what I want to do in life. I've damaged relationships with women in my life because of it and constantly feel guilt. Its exhausting.

So much BS. This guy is blowing hot air. The second you accept this or anything else you have basically lost your life. If you accept any diagnosis you have given up on yourself. And ask yourself WHY you think this guy or any therapist knows you more than you know yourself. As long as you stay under these peoples spell your life will always be the same. Stop giving your power away! I speak from experience. Years of this! And there are no personality disorders or any disorder for that matter. They use the DSM for that and it's nothing. I can make up a book too. They can't make one scientific claim to anything! The closest they can get is a study here and there. All you hear now is the term evidence base. This guy said, "Sure it's genetic." He said that without even knowing why. He's basically making the claim he has the same knowledge as God. Facts!

We all have to stop the psychobabble in our lives. The only way that we can manage the childhood abuse that happened to us is through controlling our bad reactions. I learned what my triggers are and trained myself to maneuver around them. One example is that I know that I do horribly in intimate relationships so I'm now practicing being single and working on developing friendships instead.

Maybe BPD are broken people .its just er don't share out pain the pharmaceuticals are making tons of money

..I read my own recorded RSS but the women I worked shot themselves... I dont see them anymore..yes it's kind of hard at,age 42_to tell daddy ypu don't want a new mother. He went over the rails always did

No such thing as bpd. Psychobabble.

This video should simply be taken down as it has no use. The truth is if you lock in that there are no good people in the world, then you are surviving and this survival force you to act negatively, to not explore, to keep to yourself, to stay with yourself, and every interactions only convince you more and more that the nature of people is to be an asshole, and this cannot be flipped, because you reinforce those behaviors on people, basically because you are closed, other people remain closed to you, so everybody you ever interact with, shows you their closed versions of themselves, so to you, the entire world reflects yourself back at you and this is what creates all personality disorders. The start of it all is where you must look at, basically, if your caregivers are closed as such, then they are going to force you closed, and create another one of them, we breed who we are. If you want a rational understanding of this phenomenon that is at the core of every single interactions that exists within the concept of intelligence, look no further than the prisoner's dilemma. The strategy against someone who says no all the time is to say no back at them, so if I see you say no, I say no, and we are in what is an impasse, where nothing gets done, because I spend my energy blocking you and you do the same. It's only pathological when one side makes an effort and the door still stays shut. Everyone works the same, it's animal programming, designed to interact with your environment. Fair environment creates strong people, unfair environment creates weak people, the society we have built for ourselves is extremely unfair, so it's no wonder everyone is using the survival setting which seek to protect one's self and one's assets. We are all assholes because we have to, not because we want to. Only way to break the cycle is to effectuate change at the system level, at the societal level, otherwise the storm will keep pouring and you shouldn't venture out as yourself, that's suicide. You should wait for the storm to lift, only the storm is man made and with technology it's only pouring harder. Good news is it can all also be used for good, we just have to actually want to change.
Anyway, take care and stay safe!

What I’m trying to say is what someone said below. It’s psychobabbly. . Not language of the heart, if you know what I mean. Distant

I couldn’t grasp much from this one. The others n this channel have been more understandable. But maybe it’s me

Yes, l can now clearly see that how my mother's abuse was partly my fault. Seven year olds are also to blame for the majority of interpersonal and societal ills.

What does this man know? Nothing. My self image was created by people around me.

So nurture, not nature. Having healthy parents is the first step towards a happy life. Life is a lottery.

So this dude was just walking down the street with his coffee and scored an interview

In my case abusive parents.

I was psychologically & emotionally abused by my parents, they always told me to get over it...like it was all my fault...& they minimized their abuse...they never stood up for me, with other authority figures...they made me apologize even when it wasn't all my fault

Too hard to understand what he's saying.

I was diagnosed with BPD at age 21 and I believe being a sensitive person plus childhood trauma is the cause.

This seems to assume that “others” are somehow benign or altruistic. I think BPs are conscious of the double binds that others force them into.

Very interesting accent this man has. It sounds like a mix of upper class brittish english, and new zealand perhaps?

Neglected children, CPTSD, a child scapegoated, autistic people with heightened sense... You're and your DSM are false the sociology departments need defunding

I think this guy is underplaying how a parent can create a very different relationship with different children, and how that can be internalised by the child (and then adult) about being who THEY are. By just focusing on the dynamic once it exists, he is missing a crucial part of what has caused it. For some reason many mental health professionals are wary of acknowledging this, but I think it’s crucial for the recovery of someone with these symptoms. If we look deeply at how parents felt about/ treated someone from birth/ early childhood, this can help to uncouple them from the shame that had nothing to do with who they were, and everything to do with how they were treated.

I'm sorry, this was an extremely psychobabbl-y way of simply saying that invalidation or lack of attunement is a major factor in people developing BPD. And I'm also sorry to say, a child can only bear so much responsibility for constant invalidation and lack of attunement.

🤯

I think borderline individuals are just people who are not allowed to be themselves. It's a tonne of invalidation and manipulation. And if you're not accepted and loved and seen as who you fundamentally are, there's got to be some place where that "person" is allowed to exist. Why would someone waste a lot of mental resources on a "hyperactive creation" that makes them less compatible socially, maybe they need it to survive psychologically.

And when that relationship turns it’s back and with no explanation stonewalls the borderline, it creates incredible pain and suffering. The borderline is created by inconsistent feedback, for one, starting very early in life. The child notices every inconsistency because they are bright and can’t be fooled but this is to a fault. The child somehow perceives abandonment as a cause of something they do not posses that others do and this is where the madness begins, they’re feeling left out , not equally loved by the parents when they see a sibling have intense connections that the borderline can somehow never quite have. It’s really not good to feel this way. There is recovery but like an addiction it is a serpent laying in wait. You must keep yourself in check.

in my opinion children cannot grow up healthy without being someone special to someone - Bessel van der Kolk says: Every child wants to be seen and special for somebody. Here in this videos it seems somtimes that People with BPD are too vulnerable because they want special relationships - I guess, if primary caregivers are not able to respond to the needs of there Baby and Toddler, those children will search for someone who is able their whole life. Maybe there is a underlying condition like ADHD which makes it more difficult for parents to adapt - but so much selfhatred in children must have a cause in how they were treated while growing up.
Please dont blame the victim! and of course the victim has to work to not stay in the position of a victim -it shifts as you grow up and you need to believe that people can change and be good to you if you are willing to trust. We need to adapt as grown ups even if we never had the cozy childhood with parents who were always reliable. And, we should be able to forgive our parents for not being perfect (as long as they tried to be a good parent).