5 Thought Distortions That Keep You Codependent (And How To Heal Them)

i fail to see how any of these would go over with a narcissist

Not related; You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen

very articulate!

Lol I'm almost 62 and been trying to learn and have healthy relations for 30 plus yrs since in recovery ...lol hard to do in this toxic world we live in today

Thank you Heidi!

LOVE hearing these things from a new perspective. I definitely am susceptible to co-dependency in my romantic relationships but have always heard advice in the form of 'these actions and thoughts aren't healthy for you'. The way you explain these thought distortions is so refreshing because even though I eventually got the idea in my head that my actions are also bad for myself, if I had thought about how my actions harmed my partner in terms of their ability to face their own consequences and be independent, etc, it definitely would have clicked faster. Most people with insecure attachment styles come from a place of caring for the other person in whatever relationship it is, unfortunately sometimes caring for them more than they care for themselves.

Excellent explanation and articulation

My end goal is a healthy and secure relationship ❤❤❤

Thank you!! Hard hitting! :(

mic's too hot

I think this starts even younger. As a child, in order to keep myself safe, I learned to protect my parents from their bad choices. Co-dependency infects us at a very early age and affects us as adults.

some of these are even scary to think and hear about, let alone implement. wooof

Thank you honey. ❤

I feel much better hearing the part about allowing the other person to see where you are in a relationship and also about being feeling hurt even when it's about something you understand to not be about hurting you mattering

New subscriber here! 🎉 I've noticed all of these things both in myself and others and am working on them consistently. It's definitely been hard but I've noticed that the more uncomfortable honest conversations I have, the easier it becomes to navigate them. AND the more I actually get what I want and need. It's worth it! Also, #3 is such a big one! I've seen so many people do that!

I do all these. Thank you making this easily digestible!

This was super helpful, thank you!!

Ugh this work is so difficult necessary but difficult...sigh I get so emotional knowing she's right but apprehensive to put it into action...

i love you thanks for making a safe space to learn how to be more secure!!

These are necessarily messes but life lessons.

This content is so thought provoking and informative. I appreciate you so much!

Thanks!

thank you

You know, youre very beautiful, and your videos are actually super helpful to me. I was once in a very codependent relationship myself, and when she finally dumped my sorry ass, I was completely devastated. I thought about doing some things to myself that were very destructive. But now, watching your videos three months after all that nuclear relationship fallout, I see clearly. This really has been a huge part of my recovery journey, and I thank God for these videos. Im serious. I still cant get over your teeth, though. -C.A. Bisel

This video told me to be proud of myself! I’m moving in the right direction :)

Conflict is necessary in the presence of emotional and analytical intimacy.
Relationships are a venn diagram, not a circle. ❤️

I am saving this. To hear 100 times atleast. This martyrdoms has been my life forever. I thought I am being the more sensible one, stable one, resourceful, intelligent one, helper, saint all for others.

#4 is my trigger.

My therapist would always say I had “codependent behaviors” but I really didn’t understand because I didn’t fully get what codependent meant. I get it now!!! Thank you!!!

I had a friend who got upset and used silent treatment, put downs, and gaslighting when they didn't like my boundaries. Then they apologized and mentioned how they didn't understand why I have boundaries, and now they do, and will be respectful of my boundaries. A year later, she outright told me she would not respect my boundaries, and doesn't even have to have boundaries with her own dad (she is around age 50). I did try to compromise, but there was no way I was going to have no boundaries at all. When I suggested my compromise, she got even angrier and mentioned, "I am not respecting any of your boundaries, your being mean and toxic. Your just jealous because I don't have to take medication for the rest of my life....... Duuuuude..... Wrong answer. I ended the friendship, which she freaked out over, and started repeating over and over how she ended the friendship first. I then blocked her on my phone and social media because she continued to harass me via messaging.....
I am immunocompromised and have a painful genetic autoimmune disease, Ankylosing Spondylitis. I have boundaries in order to keep me healthy (mentally and physically), safe, and alive..... Especially since I am high risk of covid. Any virus, cold, flu, covid, can easily land me in the hospital, ICU, or death.
I discovered this person lied to me about being vaccinated, was using a forged covid card to travel and go to concerts, this person also lied to me when they had COVID and told me it was allergies. Nope. Not safe person for me to be around. She did push boundaries a little, but man.... When she came out with, "I am no longer respecting your boundaries", threw a fit, then I got silent treatment from shared friends because she started gossiping behind my back..... I have other things I can be doing, like taking care of my mental and physical health, and surround myself with respectful and compassionate people. Managing an autoimmune disease is enough, I don't need anything to add to my stress.

Your apathetic ENFP personality can shrink the beast of these sensitive topics.

Said the INFJ.

Another 🎉 well explained teaching.

You don't necessarily do double the work and anticipate the other's needs because you believe they lack the skills or emotional maturity. You do it because you believe you owe it to them. You see no flaw in them, you just believe that if you don't prove over and over again that you can provide for them and make everything in your shared life, as fluide and nice as you possibly can, they will see you as unworthy of love, as you have been trained to believe you are.

This is a great video for twin flames!!

Hit me like a STORM!!!

So wordy that I can no longer watch. Sorry to say just figured you should know

Ever shared you feelings with a toxic person? 😅

OMG Hello Fresh, stop tryin' to educate me about mindfulness, it's the most trite thing I've ever heard.
Meanwhile, thank you Heidi for another amazing video.

Heidi you're a lifesaver!! ❤‍🩹
Just fyi, your mike seems a bit busted lately, for the last few videos the sound has been quite harsh... shame of your wonderful warm voice bringing us all the wisdom ;)

What happens when you're secure or consciouslt working toward it and most of the people you interact with are not? It's frustrating out here. They just find someone who can tolerate or compliments their skewed attachment style and you're left growing alone. Lol. Still doing it, but it is frustrating.

Gosh your videos are what I’ve been looking for lately🫶🏼🕺☮️ thank you

Can you elaborate on the last thought distortion? Like an example?

Thank you for your videos, genuinely thank you

I am so happy that I have rediscovered your channel. Your voice is encouraging and uplifting...that makes this stuff easier for me to listen to! Grateful for you and your work! 🧡